Chapter 9
When Marshall and Chloe finally made it down to the barn, he saw that Heather and Tyler were already there along with several other families. They were all gathered around the mare, close enough to see, but far enough away that they wouldn’t disturb her. He’d been tossing and turning in bed thinking about her when she’d knocked on the door, fighting an attraction to her that he didn’t want or need. Simone was the woman he was supposed to be thinking about, but every time he tried to bring her face into focus, Heather popped into his mind.
He pushed Chloe through the crowd of people so she could sit with the rest of the kids in the front, then backed away. Heather hadn’t noticed him yet, so he had a chance to watch her, to try and evaluate what it was that made it so hard to get her out of his mind. She’d put on a pair of jeans and a sweat shirt against the chill of the night and pulled her hair back from her face exposing her strong cheek bones and full lips, lips that were made to be kissed. Shocked at the path his thoughts had taken, he closed his eyes and tried to erase that mental picture from his mind.
He was trying so hard to banish the thought of kissing Heather, that he didn’t hear her come up behind him. “Nothing like being up in the middle of the night.” She said, then stepped back when Marshall jumped. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.”
Marshall smiled down at her and moved closer unable to stop himself, “It’s okay. I was lost in my thoughts.” He said, then leaned on the rail next to her, where they could still see the kids but were away from the rest of the people.
“You’ve been through a lot in the last week, I’m sorry that I caused some of that.” Heather said, still feeling guilty for deceiving Marshall.
“It has been a long week, but on the whole, I think it’s been a good one. I don’t know if I’ll be able to say that after two weeks on the trail though, I’ve never been one for the outdoors.” He said, moving closer to her.
“I wouldn’t worry too much, we’re going to take it easy for the kids.” Heather said, her heart hammering in her chest when she got a whiff of Marshall’s cologne or maybe it was just the way he smelled, like something wonderful that she couldn’t quite name.
Marshall stared at her profile for a long time, wanting to tell her how much he’d come to rely on her, but could only say, “As long as you’re there, I think we’ll be just fine.”
He must have shocked her with his words, because she turned and looked up at him, her brown eyes questioning. Without even thinking he bent his head down and kissed her, shocked when a rush of electricity spread through him when his lips touched hers. The kiss only lasted a minute before Heather pushed him away, but it had told him more than he’d ever imagined a simple kiss could.
“Marshall, that was a bad idea.” Heather said, looking around her to cover the fact that she could barely stand, the power of Marshall’s kiss still rushing through her. “I thought you were in love with Simone.”
Marshall backed away a few steps, confused by what he’d done. He was supposed to be in love with Simone, but when he’d kissed Heather it had felt so right, so wonderful. “I’m sorry Heather, I shouldn’t have done that.” He said, and walked away.
Heather watched him go, wondering if she’d just dreamed that kiss, it had been almost too wonderful to be real. But wonderful or not, Marshall was involved with someone else and she wasn’t about to get in the middle of it. The kiss had just been a product of all the emotional turmoil Marshall had been through in the last week. It had nothing to do with her, had only been filling a need for intimacy that Marshall had been feeling just then.
The best thing she could do was walk away and forget it. They had to spend two weeks together and letting that kiss mean something would only cause her pain and frustration. She didn’t need a man in her life, she was just fine on her own, and even if she wanted a man, Marshall Montgomery with his plans for stardom wasn’t the kind of man she wanted. But even those thoughts couldn’t erase the way his lips had felt on hers, or the way that kiss had made her tingle all over. Sighing with frustration she went back inside the barn, promising herself that she’d be on her guard around Marshall from now on, she was obviously much too vulnerable around him.
The sight of the village brought a cheer from the adults in the party. After an entire week of sleeping in tents and cooking out in the open, everyone was happy to see signs of civilization. The kids were as excited as the adults because they were going to have a sleepover with all of the young people of the village. Arranged by Seth to give the adults a night off, after dinner together, they’d be swept away to sleep in the women’s lodge and then spend the next day learning how the villagers lived.
Heather was relieved to have some time to herself and planned to go to bed early, but that plan was quickly derailed when several of the women invited her to join them for drinks after dinner. As much as she wanted to sleep, she decided that it would be fun to have some adult time with the women, many of whom she’d become good friends with over the last two years. But the fun didn’t last long when they all began discussing Marshall, twittering about how handsome he was and speculating about his love life.
When all eyes turned to her, she explained about Simone which made her feel strange, as if the woman was her competition. She didn’t tell them that both she and Seth were suspicious of the woman, but the women picked up on it and peppered her with questions about Simone and the play. When the conversation finally moved on she was relieved, talking about Marshall only confused her, made her wonder if there was any chance that he might return her feelings, he had kissed her after all.
But she knew how ridiculous that was, Marshall wasn’t interested in her, it had just been the night and the intimacy they’d shared on the beach was not a real attraction. It wasn’t long before she began to feel the two glasses of wine she’d drank, barely able to keep her eyes open, she said her goodbyes.
“I think I’ll go with you. The boys won’t be finished for a while but I can hardly keep my eyes open.” Lauren said, getting to her feet.
“What are they doing anyway?” Heather asked, when she’d discovered that the men and women had different places to get together it had bothered her a little bit.
“Drinking and telling stories, you know the usual man stuff.” Laruen said, laughing.
“It seems strange to me that the men and women separate themselves like that.” Heather said.
“It’s not like that all the time, in fact if you’d wanted to stay with them no one would have said a word, but I promise you that was the last place you’d want to be on a night like this.” Lauren explained. “Don’t think that the women play some kind of subservient role around here, in fact the chief of the village is a woman. You met her tonight, Marci was elected after her grandfather passed away last winter.”
Heather felt much better knowing that what she’d seen that night wasn’t the norm in the tribe. “That’s good to know, I was feeling a little like I’d stepped back in time.”
They walked on in silence for a little while, then Lauren said, “You and Marshall have gotten pretty close over the last few weeks. I don’t know him very well, but he seems to like you a lot.”
Heather wasn’t sure how to respond to that statement, wasn’t sure what Laruen meant by like, so she said, “I guess we have been spending a lot of time together, but he did need a lot of help on the trail and Chloe can still be a handful. We’ve become friends I guess.”
Lauren and Seth had both noticed the budding relationship between Marshall and Heather, had wondered if there was more to it than friendship. Marshall hadn’t mentioned Simone once on the entire trip, had in fact been silent about the play and buying the theatre as if it had suddenly become unimportant to him.
They’d reached the little one room cabin where she was staying and they stopped on the porch to look at the stars. “Hmm, it looked like more than friendship to me.” Lauren said, laughing when Heather blushed. “He’s a good-looking guy, I can’t blame you.”
“Nothing is going on between us except friendship. He’s got Simone don’t forget. Besides I’m not exactly the kind of woman a man like Marshall would go for.” Heather said, repeating what she’d been telling herself for days.
Marshall had gotten under her skin like no other man ever had, but she wasn’t going to admit that out loud. “I think you might be selling yourself short, Heather. I’m your best friend and I know what a great woman you are. Marshall would be lucky to have you.” Lauren said, giving her friend a hug.
“You’re my best friend, you have to say that.” Heather said, returning the hug. “I do have a crush on him, but that’s all it is. Nothing is happening or going to happen between us. His life and mine are so different it wouldn’t work anyway.”
“We’ll see.” Lauren said, then walked off before Heather could argue.
Marshall and Seth both stumbled a little as they walked out of the men’s lodge, “What the hell was that we were drinking?” Marshall asked, steadying himself against the building.
“It’s a ceremonial drink they’ve been making for hundreds of years. It really packs a punch.” Seth said, slurring his words.
“There’s no way I can go to sleep yet.” Marshall said, sitting down on a bench in front of the little store on the main street of the village.
“Well, it might not be the best time, but we do need to talk.” Seth said, sitting down next to him.
Marshall had known that this conversation was coming but didn’t really mind. The truth was that he hadn’t even thought of the play or Simone for days. What had been so important to him had suddenly seemed rather childish compared to what Seth was doing. In fact, for the first time in his life, he didn’t crave the lime light, he was perfectly happy to be just where he was, just a regular person.
Chloe had changed so much in only a few weeks, from the horrible spoiled little girl into just another kid, and he’d discovered that he like being her dad. For the last week, he’d been living in the moment, every since his last phone call with Simone, who had turned on him like a snake. Well, maybe it hadn’t been that bad, but it had shocked him when she’d exploded.
“Marshall, you promised that you’d talk to your brother before the trip so you wouldn’t have to go. What am I supposed to do now? You’re gone and I’m all alone.” She wailed.
Marshall had immediately felt guilty, between the changes in his new home and his conflicting emotions about Heather, he’d forgotten to talk to Seth, had in fact forgotten that he’d promised to talk to him before the trip.
“I’m sorry Simone, but it seems like Seth really wants to fix our relationship and I can’t walk away from that. I never had a family like everyone else and I feel like I missed out on something great.” Marshall had tried to explain.
“Stop being such an idiot, he’s just playing you. You know that theatre isn’t going to be there forever, someone else could step in anytime and buy it. Is that what you want? I thought you wanted to produce my play.”
Marshall had pulled the phone away from his ear, and looked at it, sure that he was talking to someone else. But when he put it back up to his ear and said, “I’m sorry, it can’t be helped.” Simone suddenly changed again.
“I’m sorry too. I guess it’s just hard for me to wait and I miss you terribly.” She said, the old Simone back.
Marshall was silent for a long time, then he said, “I won’t have cell service until we get to the village, I’ll call you then.”
“I’ll miss you and I love you.” Simone had purred into the phone, but Marshall’s eyes had been opened by her little fit earlier and he was suddenly able to detect how fake the words sounded.
“Me too.” He’d said, then hung up, his stomach a knot of disappointment.
Now sitting next to Seth, he wanted desperately to talk about his conflicting emotions and for the first time in his life his brother was the person he wanted to talk to. The high from the alcohol was beginning to fade with his somber thoughts. He’d been avoiding thinking about Simone and Anchorage since they’d gotten to the village and his phone had lit up with all the missed calls from her.
“I don’t know what I’m doing.” He finally said very quietly.
Seth looked at him surprised, “What do you mean?”
“I mean that I’m starting to doubt everything.” Marshall said, practically spitting the words out. Then he took a deep breath and said the words he’d been avoiding for days, “I don’t know about the play. I don’t know if I should buy that theatre. I don’t know if I’m really in love with Simone.”
Seth was silent for a long time, letting his brother collect himself. “It sounds to me like you’ve come to a cross roads in your life. Can I ask what caused this?”
Marshall thought about Seth’s question for a long time, then said, “I don’t know if it’s just one thing. For so long I’ve had one goal, to become a famous actor, but over the last few weeks that goal has become less important. Out on the trail I never even thought about it, it wasn’t until we got back here that I realized that we hadn’t talked.”
“I’ve been where you are. It’s not easy to turn away from what you’ve embraced your entire life.” Seth said, letting Marshall know that he understood.
“There’s more though, I thought Simone was the perfect woman. I thought I’d finally found the person who’d make me happy.”
“But something happened.” Seth prompted.
“When I called to tell her that I was going on the trip, she freaked out. It was weird, I mean it’s only two weeks and I told her that, then when she continued to push, I told her that I wanted a chance to get to know you better. She didn’t understand, all she could talk about was the theatre and the play. She even mentioned that someone else might buy the theatre, it was almost like she had more at stake than just getting her play produced.”
“I’m sorry to hear that, but what do you really know about her?” Seth asked, thinking that this was the perfect opportunity to share his suspicions about Simone, but before he could, Marshall continued.
“As if that wasn’t enough, I can’t get Heather out of my mind. I’ve even been dreaming about her. None of it makes sense. Suddenly I’m no longer the man I used to be.” Marshall said, running his hands through his hair. “I want to be a better father to Chloe, I want to do something that counts, like you. What you’ve done with the land and the business is amazing, I had no idea.”
“I appreciate you saying that. It has been a lot of work, but every second was worth it.” Seth said, shrugging his shoulders. “Does this mean that you’ve changed your mind about coming on as our spokesperson?”
“I don’t know maybe, but first I have to figure out what it is I really want.” Marshall said, leaning over and putting his face in his hands.
Seth patted him on the back, “Welcome to adulthood kid. Sit up and look at me, I’m going to give you some advice, and believe me if you’d told me we’d be having this conversation a few years ago I would have laughed, but I’ve learned a lot since dad died.”
Marshall sat up and looked at his brother, feeling exactly the same way. “I could use some good advice right now.”
“The biggest thing I’ve learned is that life has a way of giving you what you need, even if you think you don’t need it. I never wanted to be the head of Montgomery Mining, but suddenly that’s where I found myself, at the time it seemed like the worst thing that could have happened to me but it wasn’t.” Seth said, then paused wanting to get his words just right.
“But that’s different, you didn’t have to give up your dream.” Marshall said, shaking his head.
“Of course I did. Just because you couldn’t understand how I wanted to live my life doesn’t mean it wasn’t my dream. But Marshall, dreams can change, that’s what I need you to understand, sometimes life turns upside down on you and all you can do is go with it.”
“You mean give up my dreams of Broadway, settle for less.” Marshall asked.
“I mean that maybe it’s time to have some new dreams. You’ve been trying to live your life through the theatre, Marshall. Life isn’t like a play, sometimes crazy things happen and all you can do is adjust.” Seth had said all he wanted to for one night, they’d have to deal with the reality of Simone, but not until he knew who she was.
“Go to bed and get some sleep, this will all still be waiting for you tomorrow.” Seth said, getting to his feet then holding out his hand to help Marshall up. “I have one more thing I want to say, Heather is a wonderful woman who deserves a man who really cares for her, don’t screw it up.”
Heather woke to someone knocking on her door, it wasn’t an insistent knock, more like a gentle tapping, but was just loud enough to wake her. She stumbled to the door, and opened it to find Marshall standing on her porch unaware of the picture she presented dressed only in a long tee-shirt.
“Marshall what’s wrong?” She asked, instantly awake. “Is one of the kids sick?”
“No, the kids are fine. I just need to…” He couldn’t explain why he’d shown up at her door in the middle of the night, but one look at his face told her that something was wrong.
“You’d better come in.” She said, opening the door farther to let him in.
When he got inside, he looked around the little cabin for someplace to sit, but all there was in the room was the bed so he began to pace the room. Heather watched him silently for several minutes before crossing the room and grabbing him by the arm.
“You’re clearly upset.” She said, then led him over to the bed and made him sit down. “What’s wrong?”
Marshall took a deep breath, then asked, “Have you ever had your life turned upside down and you never saw it coming?”
Heather looked at him, not sure what had brought on this melancholy mood in Marshall, he’d never shown this side of himself to her. Switching on the bedside lamp, she looked at him, shocked to see his eyes rimmed in red, and his hair rumpled and messy, then she remembered where he’d been that night.
“Have you been drinking?” She asked, trying to assess the situation, wondering why her door was the one he’d knocked on.
“A little, but I lost my buzz a long time ago.” Marshall said, leaning forward and putting his hands over his face.
Heather went to the kitchen and switched on the coffee pot, “I think you need some coffee.”
Marshall waved his hand in the air, “I don’t need any coffee, what I need is to understand what’s happening to me.”
Heather crossed the room and sad down next to him, “Okay then let’s start over. How has your life been turned upside down?”
Marshall thought about that, trying to decide just when his life had begun to slip out of his control, then realized that it had all started the night Heather had yelled at him about Chloe. Before that, things had been going just as he’d planned, well maybe not exactly as he’d planned, but close enough.
“I think it might be your fault.” He finally said.
“My fault?” She asked, confused and beginning to get a little angry.
“I didn’t mean that in a bad way, at least I don’t think I did.” Marshall said, then shook his head and added. “I’m not making any sense.”
Heather waited, not sure what she could say to help Marshall through whatever was happening to him. “I was so sure that the path I was on was the right one, but ever since you came into my life I’ve been questioning what I need from life. I think I’ve been fighting for the wrong thing, striving for something that is beyond my reach because I’m afraid to do anything else.” He said, beginning to make sense for the first time since he’d shown up at her door.
“I’m tired of fighting, I just want to find a place in the world that fits me.” He said, feeling a huge weight lift when he said the words. “It’s not the theatre, at least not on the stage, but I don’t know where that leaves me and I’m scared.”