Kate
“Shhh! Quiet, I think I hear them,” I tell Allison and we both still, listening for sounds from the men.
“He’s right. I will fail. I’m a failure,” Allison says with resignation.
“Bullshit,” I tell her, holding Rennek’s lamp over the side, trying to get a glimpse of what’s going on below. The moon does a decent job of lighting the forest, but visibility doesn’t go very far.
“I’m sorry, I should have just let the guys do everything. I was so caught up in trying to find a place for myself, I put myself in danger and that puts the whole group at risk. I was being selfish.”
“That’s dumb. Don’t say that,” I tell her.
“You must have been a damn inspirational speaker back on Earth,” she says with anger filling her words rather than her usual dismissiveness.
“That’s funny, I was thinking the same thing about you,” I turn the light at her and smile, but I’m really checking for signs she’s dying from that nasty scorpion centipede thing that stung her. “How do are you feeling?”
“My leg hurts. It burns and itches and the skin is so tight it feels like it is going to split open, but other than that, not too bad. No dizziness, no fever. I’m not hallucinating or anything else,” she tells me, but I don’t hear a lot of confidence behind her words.
“You’re scared,” I say. It isn’t a question.
“Wouldn’t you be?” She asks.
I sit down next to her. “Yeah. I would be if it were me and I’m scared for you now.” I see tears stream down her face. This is a rare moment for sure: Allison exposing her vulnerability. I watch her and try to think about what she needs in this moment and how I might be able to be there for her.
She really is beautiful, even dirty in the forest. She has that long brown mermaid hair and the kind of looks that make you hate a girl for no good reason. The kind of looks that make you assume life just fits neatly in place for this person and they’ve never had to struggle before, or work hard a day in their life.
“Talk to me, Allison. Please? I want to be there for you, but I just really don’t know how to do that without you letting me in.” She wipes her eyes and looks away shaking her head.
“This is just who I am. Or who I was at least. I work hard, harder than anyone else, and I succeed. I climb ladders and I just keep going. There isn’t time left over for… for other things. Trivial things. This is just who I am,” she repeats.
At first, I don’t really get it, and then suddenly I do, because it actually sounds kind of familiar. “I thought if I could just keep going… shut out all the white noise, work hard… it’d be the same as Earth. I’d kick ass and climb that ladder. I’d have the sense of security that comes with success, but I don’t know if I can succeed here. This isn’t a marketing presentation for a large account, this is life or death survival shit and I’m afraid Da’vi is right: I will fail.”
“Am I white noise in this scenario then, me and the other girls,” I smile--trying to show Allison I take no offense. I just want to understand.
“No offense,” she says confirming my assumption.
“Tell me then, why is it so hard for you to admit you’re like the rest of us?” I don’t say the words though; the words Reagan and I used the first time we had this discussion with everyone. Allison saves me the trouble.
“Why is it so hard to admit that no one will miss me? That no one will be looking for me or even notice I’m gone? That If I miss a day at work there are ten people in line waiting to snake my job and bad mouth me the first chance they get.” She does something between a rueful laugh and a sob, “What bugs me the most is that they’ll all just assume I couldn’t handle the pressure. That’s the part that drives me crazy.”
“Why didn’t you just tell us that?”
“What I don’t get is how you guys can even say it out loud. Aren’t you embarrassed, isn’t it humiliating to know that no matter what you were doing in life, no matter how hard you were working or how much success you garnered, that no one really gave a shit about you? To know you were utterly replaceable at every level?”
“Hmm, well when you say it that way…” We both laugh lamely. “I don’t know what to tell you. Yes, it’s painful to know that no one will notice I’m gone. But I wouldn’t go so far as to say no one gave a shit about me. The people in my life… my family in particular. Well, they just cared for me in their own way. It wasn’t the best way and there were many times in my life I wished for more, but it was all they were capable of, you know.”
“Well fuck that and fuck them,” she says. “I don’t do anything in my life half ass and I certainly wouldn’t half ass my friendships or my family.”
“As far as I can tell, you ‘no ass’ friendships,” I remind her of the distance she continues to place between herself and the rest of the humans.
“Like I said, I don’t have time for white noise. This is a whole new world we are in Kate, if I don’t devote myself entirely, who knows what could happen.”
“So, you aren’t giving up then?”
“As long as this injury doesn’t kill me, then I guess not. I can’t. I don’t have it in me to give up.”
“Well, I’ll count that as a win and we can just work on being friends another day,” I tell her. She scoffs in response. “But I agree Allison, this is a whole new world. Don’t waste the opportunity to be more,” I tell her.
“I’m trying as hard as I can Kate, there isn’t room for more.”
Just then, Rennek climbs up onto the branch, startling the shit out of us both.
“Oh my god! Rennek, what the fuck was that all about? Allison’s here injured and you guys decide it’s a good time for a round of grab ass?” I say irritated.
“Grab ass?” He laughs heartily before turning his attention to the matters at hand. “I apologize for the delay Allison, the results from the scanner came in. The venom was mild, the effects should be localized to the wound and should dissipate within a day or so.”
“You couldn’t have told us that before you and Da’vi… did whatever it was you did down there?” I ask.
“If Allison had been in danger that would have been my first priority. Since she was not, I had to make it clear to Da’vi that he is not to raise his voice to my mate--no matter how loudly she howls at him,” he tells me frankly and without regret.
“That’s why you tackled him? I thought you were giving him the what for over the way he has been treating Allison!” I exclaim.
“That matter will have to remain between Da’vi and Allison,” he says, his expression serious and knowing. All I can do is grumble in response.
“Wait, if Da’vi refuses to continue to teach Allison--or…” she eyes her friend, “...if Allison no longer wants Da’vi as her teacher, will you help her learn to take care of herself?” I ask. I have to know this answer, I feel like Allison needs to know this answer before she decides what to do next. She needs to know if she has options.
“In the morning Allison and Da’vi can decide together how they would like to proceed. If their agreement comes to an end, know that I will always do everything in my power to aid your people, my Kate,” he nods to me and to Allison.
“Thank you,” Allison tells him.
“Now you both must rest. I will remain on watch until daylight,” he says firmly.
At first, I don’t think I will be able to sleep after all the adrenaline and worrying of the past hour or so, but sleep seizes me before I realize it and seemingly minutes later Rennek is waking me for the day.
I wipe the drool off my chin and blink my eyes a few times to adjust them to the daylight peeking through the branches above us.
“Are you hungry, my mate?” Rennek asks.
“Mmm, yeah. I just want to check in with Allison first,” I tell him, getting to my feet. But when I stand and look around Allison is nowhere to be seen. “Where’s Allison?” I ask alarmed.
“She and Da’vi left,” he tells me simply.
“Left? What the fuck do you mean, left? Left where? When will they be back?” I demand.
“They did not include me in their conversation, but it seemed they had reached a mutual agreement,” he shrugs and digs into his pack to get some space MRE’s out.
“When will they be back, Rennek?” I ask, starting to get angry.
Smart fellow that he is, he catches onto my angry tone and brings his focus onto me. He wraps his arms around me and nuzzles my hair. “They have their own journey to make, my sweet mate. They will not be back here. They will either join us later at the beacon or seek out the others on the ship.”
“So, they just left? Allison didn’t even wake me to say goodbye or let me know what her plans were,” I ask surprised… well, kind of surprised.
“You are upset at this?” He asks, his voice sweet and concerned.
I sigh and think about my response. “I don’t know. Maybe. Yes? I just wish she would have talked to me before she left. It’s okay she decided to go with Da’vi and all--I wouldn’t have judged her or tried to talk her out of it. I just wish she would have said something before leaving. At least a goodbye. I don’t know, I’m being stupid I guess,” I say rubbing my temples, trying to push away my feelings.
“You care. That is not stupid. It is generous,” he kisses me on my head and looks into my eyes for a long while. “Come, let us eat and then we will continue our journey.” I join him, but my heart is reluctant to let go of the disappointment over Allison not letting me in. I keep thinking I’m making progress and then we’re back to square one.
“So, how far is the beacon?” I ask, trying to steer the conversation to a brighter topic.
“Depends on how we travel. Two days, more if we would like to take our time and explore a bit. Would you still like me to teach you survival techniques?” he asks.
“Huh? Oh god no, I was only going to do that so Allison would have a buddy,” I tell him, causing his deep laughter to reverberate through the surrounding trees. “I mean, I’d like to pick up on stuff. Like, do point out important information so I can start becoming aware of things I should know. Like if you see poisonous bugs or a nest or something I shouldn’t touch, let me know. But as far as the hunting and gutting animals? I’m just going to let you do your thing. That is, if you don’t mind,” I tell him.
“Of course I do not mind, my mate. It is a singular joy to care for your needs,” he tells me with sincerity.
“Well, promise to let me know if you feel like I’m not pulling my own weight. That being said, it’s really nice to be taken care of. I’ve never had that and I just want to kind of revel in it for a bit.”
“You and I are on parallel journeys, Kate,” he says.
“Yeah? How so?” I ask.
“I have the sense that before we met, in a way, you and I were both lost. Since we have come together, our lives have been bound toward something profound. It is as if fate carries us along,” he tells me, sharing his attention with those MRE’s. He reads the labels and chooses one for each of us. “What we lacked in our lives before, we now have in abundance.” He squeezes the food pouch he has chosen for me, kneading it in his hands, then pops a stick-like utensil off the front… it’s like a lone chopstick. He opens the MRE--steam escaping the bag, and hands me my chopstick. He then does the same with his meal. We sit next to each other on the edge of the branch. His solid muscled arm rubs against mine. It is such a familiar and simple touch. We sit in silence and I turn his words over in my head for a bit. He’s right.
“This is nice,” I tell him.
“It is,” he smiles at me. I realize again just what a babe my alien gargoyle is. I’d have never snagged such a hot guy on Earth. I poke at the meat and veggies in my food pouch.
“This is the first chance we’ve had to really be alone,” I point out.
“Alone and not in imminent danger,” he nudges me with his shoulder. “It is nearly a cause for celebration.”
Silence falls and my mind immediately goes to the topic of conversation I have been sweeping under the rug for so long. I take a deep breath. I shouldn’t push it off any longer. This is our chance to figure things out. To figure us out.
“So… maybe we should talk about this mate thing?”