I can’t believe he did this.

How dare he? Knowing information about me then not sharing it. He’s no better than the void crazy bastards who did this to me in the first place.

I don’t know why I’m surprised. Everyone betrays you in the end. That’s the only constant in this universe. Emptiness wells up inside, threatening to consume me. Tears well up, and my throat constricts. I do my best to choke back the tears.

I know, in part, that it’s not true. I had friends, before I had to run. Good people who would do anything for me. I did have them, me, Cersei. The betrayals were Athena’s. Memories push out of the diminishing black void, the last remnants of the mind-wipe.

She was betrayed, more than once. I recall it clearly now, and this empty pain and lack of trust is amplified by those memories. It’s a throbbing ache, screaming at me not to trust anyone. They’ll all go against you in the end.

I’m not her.

Doesn’t mean this doesn’t hurt though. Damn it, Holden, why couldn’t you be honest with me? It’s all I ask: don’t lie to me.

I look out the window. The transport has emerged from the tunnels and is racing through an open area towards the next district. I push a heavy door open to emerge onto an enclosed observation deck. I look up at the dancing nebulas. They’re growing dim, the season almost over.

Fading, like her.

Some of the memories are still dim. I remember being wheeled into that room, strapped down, scared. They put something into me, then controlled me, using me like an automaton. Forcing me to do things I don’t know that I can ever set right. I owe the universe one huge debt, and there’s only one way I’ll ever balance the books.

I have to take them down.

The stars sparkle above, and for a moment the nebula lights seem to pulse brighter as if some heavenly hand is in agreement.

Good enough.

The enemy is clear. It’s not Holden. He’s misguided, yes, maybe a bit misogynistic, but that’s something that can be fixed. I’ll put him straight on that point.

The ache in my chest lessens. It’s not gone but isn’t nearly as sharp as it was. Sighing, I look out at the empty blackness that surrounds the nebula’s aurora of dancing colors. The lights from the district below shine brightly as if trying to compete, but it’s not a fair contest. The dancing lasers and neon can’t mimic the simple beauty of those swirling colors above.

Around the colors, though, is the black. Empty, simply nothing that stretches on forever. No one has ever found the end of it, or if they have, they didn’t survive to report it. A lot of sailors have gone mad looking into the black for too long, but I find it strangely comforting.

It’s simple. It is. That’s all there is to it. Out here, Zerix is the edge of the known galaxy. The last waystation before you jump off into the nothing. No inhabitable planets are known to be within reach of any ship currently sailing. That’s where I was going to go, out there where no one would find me. Settle on some asteroid mining colony or distant outpost in a biodome.

That was the plan. That was before. Before Holden. Before knowing Rega Corp was behind it all. Before everything changed. Before Holden and I slept together, and before he became a part of me.

Even now, I feel him. He’s confused, upset, and resolved.

Idiot. Why are you confused?

Shaking my head at his obtuseness, I sigh and turn around. The walk back to him is an emergence. Each step is a claiming of who I am. A woman of my creation, my choice. I’m not the creature Rega created; I am myself. It’s the first time in a very long time that I fully and completely own who and what I am.

And I’m going to make them pay.

“Cersei, I—” Holden rises as soon as I open the door, approaching.

One hand up I stop him in his tracks, shaking my head.

“No, you listen,” I say, my voice sharp and demanding. I have to suppress a smile at his look of shock. “Don’t you ever, and I mean ever, do that to me again. If this is going to work, we have to trust each other.”

“This?” he asks, staring blankly.

“Holden, don’t be dense,” I say.

“I’m sorry,” he says. “I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“Right,” I say. “Don’t ever do it again. Ever. Got it? You know something, you tell me.”

“Agreed,” he says. Then he shrugs, smiles, and holds his arms out.

Gazing at him, I take in his emotions, body language, and the impression of his thoughts. Satisfied I’ve made my point, I go into his open arms, laying my head on his chest.

“Idiot,” I mutter.

“I’m not good at this,” he says, embracing me tightly.

He plays with my hair with one hand, his other arm around my waist. A long moment passes, listening to his heart beat with my ear pressed against his chest.

“You’ll get better,” I tell him.

He will. I know it because he wants to. Our connection pulses with a life of its own, drawing us closer, binding us together. I’ve never felt anything like it. Athena used these abilities to manipulate others but never to get close to someone.

He kisses the top of my head and we step apart, but at the same time, we’re not apart at all. It’s a strange and wonderful sensation. My chest swells, and a smile forces its way onto my face despite my attempts to be serious.

“So I’m forgiven?” he asks, grinning.

“How about I let you make it up to me?” I ask.

“And what do I have to do for that?” he asks, his eyes dropping across my body.

My skin warms as his gaze passes over me and desire throbs between my thighs.

“That wasn’t what I had in mind,” I say, shaking my head, not wanting to admit the appeal. He’s still in trouble after all.

“Oh,” he responds, visibly disappointed.

“I noticed they have a holodeck,” I tell him. “You up for a spar while we wait to arrive?”

“Sure,” he nods. “Good idea, make sure we’re sharp.”

We leave the sleeping berth, and I lead him to the holodeck, letting him pay the nominal fee. We walk in, and I stop at the terminal to program it. Hands flying across it, I’m barely aware of what I’m doing. These are her skills, ones I have but I don’t know how. I assume that they were implanted into her, as I have no memory of learning them.

They did a lot of that. All part of the control process, as I recall. They started out so helpful, and that’s how they suckered me in. It hits me like a punch to the gut, causing me to gasp.

“You okay?” Holden asks, concern in his voice.

“Yeah,” I answer, shaking away the memory. “Memories, it’s nothing.”

He places a reassuring hand on my shoulder and says nothing. His touch steadies me, anchors me in the now. I resume the programming, hacking the safety protocols to make this a challenge for us. The memory of how it started coalesces as I work.

I was young, stupid and young. A lost girl looking for something more. More than what, I don’t know, but the drive for more was strong. Nothing was good enough for me. I was never satisfied, that I remember clearly.

I enrolled as a test subject in a new learning technique. It paid well and seemed easy enough. Take a few pills, watch a vid screen, then bam, you get paid, and, theoretically, learned a new skill. So damn simple.

How was I to know those pills put me in a suggestive state, and the vid screens were flashing a lot more than interesting new skills into me.

The terminal beeps and the room darkens, then the holo appears.

“Interesting,” Holden comments looking around.

We’re standing in a white room. Guards line the walls and at the far end from us sit three faceless humanoids. They appear male because they did to me when I first saw this. Looking at it, my stomach churns, bile rising in my throat. This is where it started. This is where I became Athena.

Holden turns in a slow circle, ending with his gaze fixed on me. His face is unreadable, his emotions washing across me, an unidentifiable mix, but he says nothing. One heartbeat, then two, we stare at each other, and at last he nods, remaining silent.

Swallowing hard, I tap the screen and the program activates.

Why did I do this? Am I torturing myself on some subconscious level? Am I an idiot? Or is this like that sore tooth you can’t quit pressing with your tongue?

The confusion of thoughts is a distraction. Muscle memory kicks in as the scene around us comes to life. The guards move, shifting, then a door slides open with a whoosh and a gurney is being wheeled in by four men dressed in surgical outfits, faces covered by paper masks, protective eyewear obscuring the little of their face that can be seen.

On the gurney is… me. Or what was me. My hair color is different, a mousy brown, my body isn’t as muscular. All of that will be done to me before they finish here. Except this time the story is going to go differently.

Resolve calms the queasiness of my stomach as I confront what was done to me. A man walks in from somewhere and leans over the gurney. The memory of his breath comes to me as I watch, he’d eaten something spicy and a bit foul.

Holden is watching me, waiting for my signal. Grimacing I nod. Holden bursts into action. Wings spread wide from his back as he leaps into the air. I shoulder roll towards the nearest guard, coming up from the ground with a closed fist to his jaw.

Bone crunches, blood spews, and it’s on. Having hacked the safety protocols of the holodeck, when the holo-guards make impact with us, or their bullets land, it feels real. The damage isn’t, but our minds process it as if we’re really shot or hit.

A bullet hits me in the shoulder, and I grunt.

“Cersei?” Holden yells, checking on me.

“Fine,” I grunt, gritting my teeth at the pain.

Stupid, moved too slow. The man who’d been leaning over the gurney is running for an exit. I’m not going to let him get away. He’s the one who did this. Revenge burns with a raging fire that colors my vision red.

Sliding across the floor on my knees, leaning back to avoid a spray of bullets, I come up short of reaching him. I flip up onto my feet behind him and drive the base of my palm into the meeting point of his head and spine. A loud crack, and he drops to the floor.

Everything freezes. The program has run its course.

I’m on my knees next to the dropped body of the man who started it. I turn him over. I have to see his face, have to know who did this to me. I want to face my maker.

The face of the holo is blank, nondescript. I didn’t have the memory of him for the program to pull and use. My hand trembles resting on the holo’s chest, and a tear slips down my cheek. I don’t know why I thought it would be any different.

Holden kneels and places an arm over my shoulders. I stiffen at his touch, but he doesn’t retreat. Gently he pulls me into an embrace, wrapping his arms around me and pressing me against his chest. Struggling internally, I hold myself back, then the emotions overwhelm me and tears are falling.

I sob hard against him while he holds me tight, silently supporting me. Protecting me.

Dimly I’m aware of darkness enclosing us, but I can’t stop. The floodgates have broken, the dam is gone, and it’s not going to end soon. Shudders wrack my body. I gasp for air over and over. It slows and finally ends. Exhaustion settles upon me. Every muscle feels weak, spent. I’ve got nothing left.

“You okay?” he asks, whispering.

“I… think so,” I answer.

I do. I am okay, mostly. Something changed, I don’t know what yet, but that sense of being different swells, and I feel cleaner, stronger.

Light seeps back in, and through my blurry, teary eyes, I notice he’d enclosed me within his wings. The protectiveness creates a warm ball in my core. It pulses heat out through my veins, pushing away the exhaustion.

“Good,” he says, rising and pulling me to my feet.

I keep staring at the floor, not wanting to meet his eyes. I can’t recall ever breaking down in front of someone before. Turning away and struggling with feeling awkward, I clear my throat and wipe the tears from my eyes.

My eyes are no doubt puffy and swollen, not a good look. I need a washroom and more than a few moments to compose myself.

“We should go back to the berth,” I say.

“Cersei,” he says my name.

It’s a simple thing. My name. How can it carry more than the word with it? My breath catches. My heart stops. I can’t answer. Can’t turn. Can’t look at him.

He’s behind me, arms enclosing me again, pulling me back against him. He doesn’t turn me, isn’t forcing me to look at him. No, he’s gentle. Surprisingly so. Understanding, giving me space while also inserting himself into mine. He’s not going to leave me alone.

I’ll never have to be alone again.

My heartbeat resumes but now its galloping in my chest. My breath is rapid and shallow.

Never again.

Turning into him, not looking up to his eyes, resting my head against his strong, muscular chest, the certainty of it shocks me.

Never alone again.

A singular thought that changes everything.

It feels like there should be fireworks, explosions. The world is shifting, yet we’re surrounded by silence. The universe apparently uncaring that this vital change has happened. Perhaps it expected it. Maybe this is what I’ve been on the path towards for a long time. All that I’ve been through, all the pain and the betrayals were preparing me for this moment.

I don’t respond, and I don’t have to. I know it. He knows it. We feel it together.

“We have to stop them,” I whisper into his muscles.

“We will,” he says.

“They won’t stop coming for me,” I say.

“I know,” he says. “Unless.”

His heart beating strong and steady in my ear, his breathing, deep and even, all the rhythms of his body create an anchor point that I cling to. He doesn’t say the rest. There’s only one way for this to end.

We have to destroy Rega.