I hear how I sound, begging Lodyn for his cock, but I can’t help myself. I’ve never wanted anything like I want him right now. My body is on fire for him.

His cock is in my hand and I’m squeezing him, feeling how hard he is for me. His size makes me think that he’ll split me in half but I’m not afraid. He makes me feel so safe, it’s scary.

“Okay, my mate. Whatever you desire.” Lodyn takes my hands and pushes them above my head, holding my wrists with one hand while he explores my body with the other. He uses one hand to massage one of my breasts while he uses his mouth to lick and suck on the other one.

“Lodyn!” I shout, unable to control myself with the bombardment of sensations he’s sending through my body.

“Scream as loud as you’d like, my beauty. It is only you and I and I want to hear how much I’m pleasing you.”

He slides his legs behind him and lets his hips rest on mine. His hard cock is resting between my swollen folds and it’s the most amazing thing I’ve ever felt. He moves very gently, sliding his cock up and down through my arousal, coating himself with my juices.

He releases my hands and I immediately run them over his broad chest and over his muscular arms. He supports his weight with his hands on the side of my body, bringing his mouth down to mine, capturing me with a sweet, slow kiss.

He keeps kissing me and the intensity of it starts to build until I’m moaning from the sensitivity that I’m feeling all over my body. I’m wound so tight and ready to come so badly that it’s almost painful. Our hips are still moving together, his cock sliding through my folds without going inside of me. It’s a wonderful feeling but I want more. I want the real deal.

“I’m ready,” I say. “I need you now, Lodyn.”

He pulls away from my cunt and the next thing I feel is the tip of his cock at my entrance. He pushes the head of his cock inside of me and stops. I’m already being stretched and I know that there’s a lot more that needs to fit. He pulls out and then pushes back in again, a little further this time. I’m gripping his biceps, feeling his body trembling to keep control while he tries to go slow.

“You’re so incredibly tight,” he says through a strained jaw. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

“You’re not hurting me. Keep going…please.”

His chest vibrates under my fingers as he pushes his cock inside me all of the way. He stills, looking intently into my eyes.

“How does that feel?” he asks.

“I feel…full.” It’s all I can think of to say.

Slowly, he slides out of me and pushes back in again, helping me get used to the sensation. After a few times of this slow in and out, the initial awkwardness that I was feeling melts away. I start to relax and let my hips move with him.

Now with every thrust he rubs against my pussy in a way that has me panting beneath him. Every inch of his cock pleasures me as he moves inside of me. I realize that I’m chasing something amazing with every rock of my hips.

“This feels so much better than I ever could have imagined,” I say, out of breath and overwhelmed with how I’m feeling.

“You have no idea,” he says. He’s thrusting harder now and all I can do is hold on for the ride and trust that he’s going to catch me when I fall. I’ve tuned out everything so I can concentrate on the orgasm that seems to be so close yet just out of reach. “Look at me,” Lodyn says, pulling me back to him. “Relax, and move with me.”

I do what he says.

I release the tension I’m inadvertently holding and let my body naturally move with him. His hand moves behind me and grips my ass, holding me to him so tightly. The friction is perfect and I start to moan as the orgasm that I’ve been seeking builds in my core.

My fingers grip his arms tightly as I continue to move my hips against his cock, savoring every intense sensation that’s pulsing through my body. His muscles tense under my hands and a masculine growl escapes his lips while I feel his cock pulse inside of me.

We’re both breathing heavily, our hearts pounding in our chests. Eventually he pulls out and I instantly miss feeling him inside of me. He lies next to me on the blanket, tucking me close to his body. The fire is softly crackling at my back and I’m finally warm in a way that I never thought possible while being on this planet. Lodyn’s hands gently caress my skin and I’m so relaxed I’m having a hard time staying awake. After the constant stress from the last few days, my mind is clear of worries, my body gently strumming from an amazing sexual encounter.

“How do you feel?” Lodyn’s words pull me back to consciousness. I was already floating off, ready to give in to the sleep on which I so desperately need to catch up.

“Amazing.” I tuck myself closer into Lodyn’s body and let his warmth wash over me. “I want to do that again…as soon as I close my eyes for just a little bit.”

There’s a rumble in his chest again, his slow laughter bubbling up from deep inside of him. I’m pretty sure I hear him say, “Okay.”

And I think I reply but I can’t be certain.

* * *

When I wake up I can instantly tell that I slept well. My mind is clearer, my body rejuvenated. Lodyn isn’t holding me anymore, but he wrapped me in the blanket and the fire is still blazing in front of me. It smells delicious in the cave and as if on cue, my stomach growls loudly.

“I knew you’d be awake soon with your stomach so angry,” Lodyn says, walking toward the fire from the back of the cave. “The meat is ready to eat and I have more water for you.” He hands me the water before walking over to the fire to get the meat that is warming next to it. My mouth starts watering. I’m completely ravenous. “Are you well-rested today?”

“Yes,” I say enthusiastically through a bite of the meat. “I can’t remember the last time I slept so well, actually.” I look at Lodyn. He’s sitting by the fire watching me. “Why don’t you come and sit closer to me? Give me more of your enticing body heat.” I pat the ground next to me and smile.

“If I come too close I’ll have you on your back with my cock deep in your cunt again.” His look is smoldering and somehow his words make me tingle between my legs. “It has been a lifetime since I’ve felt such pleasures. Though I can’t say I’m not conflicted about it.”

Oh God. Suddenly there’s a wave of guilt that washes over me for not being conflicted about it at all. I can’t help myself. It was hands down the most amazing experience that I’ve had so far in my life. The sex was amazing, but it’s Lodyn that made it so much more. I am happy to admit to myself that I have fallen for him—hook, line and sinker.

The lines have been blurred for me. I understand what my mission is and I still have every intention of completing it. I just don’t understand why it has to be one or the other. Why I can’t do my job and find an amazing life mate in the process. For that’s what I am. That’s what he calls me. His mate. And now that we’ve consummated our relationship, there’s a connection that we’ve established that won’t be so easily broken.

But now I look at Lodyn and I can see the conflict on his face. He took an oath to abstain from sex and I encouraged him to break it. I guess I was selfish in thinking he’d feel the same way as I did afterward.

“Like I said, Lodyn, no one else needs to know what happened.”

“I’ll know.” His smile is sad and the meat that I’ve been devouring in my happiness turns dry in my mouth. I take a drink of water to try to wash it down, pushing the rest of it away. My heart suddenly feels heavy as the realization of what’s happening hits me. Giving myself to him has made me want him more than I ever thought possible. But it seems to have had the opposite affect on him. He’s awash with guilt for breaking his oath, for letting his brothers down, even if they never know what happened between us in this cave. “I was weak,” he continues, “I gave in to my feelings but our situation is impossible. You can’t stay and I can’t go with you.”

“Why can’t you go with me?” He looks up and finally meets my eyes for the first time since he started spiraling down his path of guilt.

“I can go with you. I’ll help you find your team. Help you complete your mission. But then you’ll leave for Earth and I can’t follow you.”

“Why can’t you?” There’s a bit of desperation behind my words as he continues to shove the bleakness of our situation in my face. I sit up on my knees, pulling the blanket tightly around me and leaning forward, making Lodyn look at my face. “You can help me finish my mission. You can come with us when we return to deliver it. We can be together Lodyn. We are mates, like you said.”

“I can’t just leave my planet, Margo,” he says, dismissing my thought with a wave of his hand.

“But if you stay, you’ll die if someone finds out about what happened between us.”

“No one will find out. It’s better for both of us if we can keep things professional while we finish our mission.”

“Now you think we should keep things professional? Once you’ve fucked me? You got what you wanted and now I should go on about my business?”

“That isn’t what this is, Margo. You know this is an impossible situation for us. What choices do we really have?”

Now I know that Lodyn has made me feel something that I’ve never felt with a man before. A broken heart. The thought of having to leave him now? Now that I’m closer to him than anyone else in my life? We shared a connection through this crazy experience and now I don’t want to have to leave him behind. There’s a pain in my chest and I have an uncontrollable desire to lie down on the blanket and cry.

“Margo,” Lodyn says, repeating my name, trying to get my attention. He stands up like he’s going to come to me but I put up my hand to stop him.

“No, you’re right.” He stops and sits back down by the fire. I can’t look at him without fear that I’ll crawl in his lap and beg him to change his mind. But then the other part of me wants to memorize every feature about his face so I can remember exactly what he looks like when I dream about him at night. “You’re right,” I repeat, “We don’t have a choice. Through everything that has happened, we both still have jobs to do.”

I’m staring into the fire, trying to accept the decisions we’ve made and own the way I feel about it. I’m trying to figure out how to numb myself to keep me from feeling like I’m dying inside.

“Can I get you anything?” he asks.

“No. But I should get dressed, I’m sure we need to leave soon and make our way back.”

This time he doesn’t say anything but I can feel the storm of emotions taking hold inside of him. I still can’t look at him, even when he gets up and walks off into the back of the cave. The thing that sucks about having sex with your fated mate? Even when he’s not physically here next to me, I’ve never felt his presence more. I was a fool to think I could play this game and not get burned.