Chapter Seven

Malcolm lay as still as he could on the couch as Icelyn crept through the living room, not wanting her to know that he was awake. Though exhausted, he was still sleeping lightly out of fear of what might happen, and the sound of her climbing out of her bed and walking across her room had startled him awake. Now he listened as she eased her way out of the front door and locked it behind her. As soon as he heard the lock click into place, Malcolm climbed off of the couch and used the light from the window to guide him across the room so that he could look out. He watched her duck her head down and rush away from the house. Worry and suspicion rose up in his chest, making his heart pound. Where could she be going at this time of night? What was she doing rushing away from the house without letting him know where she was going, after avoiding him completely since he got back from training?

It was obvious that she wasn’t just going out for a walk to clear her mind. She was moving with intention and drive, telling Malcolm that she was going somewhere specific, likely to meet someone. Who could it be? Who could Icelyn need to talk to so urgently that she needed to leave so late at night and move with such hurry through the darkness? The thoughts were as sobering as they were worrisome. As much as Malcolm was feeling drawn and attracted to Icelyn, and as much as he wanted to feel as though he could simply give himself over to the feelings and trust her, he realized that he still didn’t know her. He didn’t know who this woman was or the history behind her that gave her the knowledge of the Order and its inner workings, and inspired Athan to select her to be the one who would take care of him until it was time to leave Uoria behind. Was it possible that she wasn’t who everyone thought she was?

The disturbing, stomach-turning idea that Icelyn might be working with the Order and was now heading toward them to offer him over to the Panel spinning through his mind, Malcolm dressed as quickly as he could. He didn’t let the thought of the danger that might be facing him right outside the house stop him as he ducked out of the house just as Icelyn did and started through the village. He tapped into the speed that was inborn in him and ran toward Athan’s house. Now was the time for him to know more about what he had put himself in the middle of with his decision. He needed to know more about the Order, the war, and the woman whose home he was sharing.

When he got to Athan’s house, he noticed there was a light burning inside. Athan was still awake. He knew that the man had been training with just as much intensity as he had and would have expected him to be asleep, which brought Malcolm to a stop. He approached the house cautiously, looking around himself to make sure that there was no one nearby. As he got closer, he heard voices coming from inside the house. He stepped up close to the window, pressing himself against the side of the house so that he could hear the voices better. Soon he realized that it was Athan speaking to Icelyn. While it was a relief to know that she hadn’t gone to the Order and was instead in the home of the person who he was meant to trust the most within the kingdom, this only brought up more questions. Malcolm turned his back to the rest of the village, hoping to disappear into the shadows so that even if someone did happen to walk by the house they wouldn’t notice him, Malcolm focused on the voices, trying to hear every word that they were saying.

“I don’t know what it is that you want me to say to you, Icelyn,” Athan said.

“I want you to explain what’s going on and why it has anything to do with me,” Icelyn replied. “I had nothing to do with any of this. I wasn’t involved. I didn’t even know that the problems with the Order were still going on or that anything needed to be done until the Denynso swarmed in here.”

“Of course, you did!” Athan shouted. He paused, and Malcolm could imagine him taking a breath to calm himself. “Of course, you knew,” he said in a softer, more controlled voice. “How can you say that you didn’t think that there was anything going on with the Order? You of all people?”

Malcolm’s interest increased, and he felt himself lean closer to the window so that he didn’t miss anything that was said. What could Athan have meant by that?

There was a long silence.

“Why does who I am matter?” Icelyn finally asked, her tone as cold as her name. “I didn’t ask to be a part of this. I didn’t ask to be dragged into all of this just because of my family.”

“You didn’t have to ask,” Athan said. “You were born into it and there is nothing that you can do about it, unless you are prepared to turn your back on your family, your kind, and your planet.”

“You know that I could never do that.”

“Then why are you asking these questions?” Athan asked.

“I just need to know,” Icelyn responded. “I don’t understand what’s going on. No one has told me anything. All you told me was that Malcolm had decided that he didn’t want to be involved in the Order anymore and wanted to be on your side of the rebellion, and that he was in danger and you needed me to give him a place to stay so that he would be protected until it was time for all of you to go to Penthos.”

“There wasn’t time for me to tell you more,” Athan said.

“I understand that,” Icelyn said. “I needed to get to him as soon as possible so that he could get into a safer location. He’s there now. I have him and he’s doing just fine. We have time now.”

“What is it that you want to know?”

“Everything.”

“You know that I can’t tell you everything.”

“Then tell me what you can.”

“You know what happened to your grandfather,” Athan said. “That wasn’t an accident.”

“I know that.”

“He knew what Aegeus did and he was going to act on it as well.”

“What did Aegeus know?” Icelyn asked.

“About the corruption,” Athan said.

“I’ve heard that so many times,” Icelyn said. “All I’ve heard is about this pervasive corruption that was in the Order and how Aegeus was going to resolve it and end the war. But no one has ever said what the corruption was or who was involved. What did he know? What did he tell my grandfather that was enough for him to die for?”

Malcolm was startled by the question and stepped back from the house involuntarily. He stumbled slightly, gasping as he tried to right himself. Inside the house he heard Athan making a hushing sound, quieting Icelyn. Malcolm didn’t know if he should stay where he was or attempt to leave. If they had heard him, that meant that it was likely others had heard as well, and heading back to the house might reveal his presence to those he didn’t want to know where he was. On the other hand, he didn’t want Athan and Icelyn to know that he had been standing there listening to them. He didn’t have much chance to make a decision. Moments later the window opened, and he saw Athan’s face staring out at him.

“Malcolm!” he hissed.

“Malcolm?” Icelyn asked, her voice sounding shocked from inside the house.

Her face appeared beside Athan’s and Malcolm saw her eyes widen and then her jaw set. She stepped back from the window and an instant later the front door to the house opened and she ran out. Malcolm took a step toward her and then looked back at Athan. The older man glared at him from the window, the fury obvious on his face. Malcolm felt as though the glare was holding him in place even though he was pulled to chase after Icelyn, wanting to talk to her, needing to try to explain himself and take away the anger that it was so obvious that she was feeling. Finally, Athan broke the tension by stepping back from the window and disappearing into the house, closing the curtains sharply behind him. Malcolm turned and ran back toward Icelyn’s house.

His tremendous speed caught him up with her quickly, allowing him to fall into step beside her.

“Icelyn,” he said.

“Stop,” she said, not looking at Malcolm. “I don’t want to hear anything that you have to say.”

“But you need to,” he said.

Icelyn stopped and whirled to face him.

“Don’t tell me what I need to do,” she hissed. “You have no place telling me anything.”

She started again, and Malcolm chased after her.

“I didn’t follow you there,” he said.

Icelyn gave a mirthless laugh and shook her head.

“So, you just happened to come for a midnight visit when I was there?” she asked.

“Yes,” Malcolm said. “I needed to talk to Athan.”

“About what?” Icelyn said.

Malcolm bristled at the question. He wasn’t accustomed to having to justify himself to anyone outside of the Order and getting accustomed to this shift in his existence was still difficult for him.

“I had questions that I needed to ask him.” He hesitated, then knew that he needed to be honest with her. If they were going to have any chance of forming whatever tenuous relationship was just beginning, he would need to put down his guards and try to reach out to her. “I heard you leaving,” he said.

“So, you did follow me,” Icelyn accused.

“No,” Malcolm said. “I heard you leave and then I decided that I needed to talk to Athan. I got dressed and I left the house. By the time that I got out, you were gone. There was no way that I could have followed you even if I had wanted to.”

“Unless you ran like you just did.”

Malcolm didn’t know how to respond to her. It was as though she were doing everything that she could to push him away, to keep herself from closing the distance between them at all. They had arrived back at her house and Malcolm stepped back to allow her to go into the house first. The handle moved freely beneath her hand and she turned to glare at him.

“I wasn’t able to lock it,” he said to explain the door opening without her need to unlock it.

“So, you are just going to leave my home totally vulnerable?” she said. “If you aren’t in there, you don’t care?”

“That’s not the case,” Malcolm argued.

“Well, let me tell you,” Icelyn said, slamming the door and stalking through the house toward the kitchen that seemed to be her anchor within her home. She reached the counter and slammed her hands down on it for a moment before turning to face him. “This might not be much. It might be small and modest and not seem like it’s very important to you, but it is extremely important to me. It’s all I have. I don’t have a family to rely on. I have myself and my home, and I would appreciate if you would treat it with some respect.”

“I didn’t mean to…”

“And whether you want to admit it or not, you are not safe. You are in danger every single second that you are not inside this house or out on the training field, and after you just galivanted off to Athan’s house in the middle of the night without thought, it’s entirely possible that you are in danger here, too. What would have happened if they found out that you were staying here and then you left the door unlocked and they were in here waiting for us? What would have happened when we got back inside? Do you just not care what’s happening?”

“Of course, I care,” Malcolm said. “But the problem is, I don’t know what’s happening. You seem to think that I am on the same level as Athan when I’ve been trying to tell you that one of the main reasons that I decided to leave the Order was because I realized that I was just a pawn. I was no one and nothing to them, disposable, ready to be used however they pleased and then tossed away without ever knowing what I was meant to be a part of to begin with. I couldn’t keep living like that.”

“So, you left for you?” Icelyn asked. “Totally for yourself? If that’s the case, why did you even bother going to Athan and saying that you wanted to be a part of the rebellion? Was it just that you were too afraid to try to get out of the kingdom by yourself, so you had to seek out the help of someone else? What was your plan, exactly? Were you going to tell Athan that you wanted to be a part of this, take advantage of the training, and then leave?”

“Stop,” Malcolm said sharply, taking a step toward her. “Stop and listen to me!”

Icelyn seemed stunned by his outburst and fell silent. A hint of color touched her cheeks and he saw her crystal eyes shimmering.

“Alright,” she finally said. “Go ahead.”

“I don’t know why you are so determined that I am a horrible person that is just set out to destroy this entire mission or to sacrifice the planet, but I can assure you that that is not the case. Just like you said, I could have just as easily left the kingdom when I decided not to cooperate with the Order anymore. In fact, that would have been easier and likely far safer for me than to go to Athan and ask for his help. Instead, I put myself in the gravest danger of my life so that I could try to make amends for what I have done in my time in the Order.”

“What have you done?” Icelyn asked, her voice now soft and slightly tremulous.

“It’s not necessarily what I have done myself,” Malcolm told her. “But what the Order has done. Every moment that I spent in the Order, I was consenting to what they were doing. Even when I didn’t know what they were doing or even who else was in the Order. Just by being in the hierarchy at all, I was a part of what they were doing, and I know now that I should feel horrible for that. When I was first inducted into the Order, I was honored. I had grown up knowing my father’s role in the hierarchy and the value that he placed on it. I was proud that I was finally a part of it and that I could make my contribution to this incredible effort.”

“You should be proud,” Icelyn said.

“No, I shouldn’t,” he said. “I believed the Order did good for the Universe, that it was designed to protect and to fight for those who needed it.”

“That is why the Order was created,” Icelyn contended. “Remember what I told you. The corruption is not the way of the Order. The true mission of the Order is so much more, so much more valuable and precious than anyone could ever imagine. I don’t know all of it. You know as well as I do that there are secrets within the hierarchy that are shared only with the chosen few. What I do know, though, is that there is a core to the Order that has integrity and strength, courage and power.”

“Unlike me, right?”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“You went to Athan because you wanted to know more about me.”

“And you didn’t do the exact same thing?”

“I only went to him because I saw you leave the house. You could have asked me anything that you wanted to know. But you didn’t. You went to him because you don’t trust me.”

“Trust you?” Icelyn demanded. “I caught you standing outside of the house listening to my conversation with Athan. How am I supposed to trust you? I don’t even know you.”

“I don’t know you, either. I got shoved into your life just as much as you were into mine. I don’t know anything about you besides the fact that your grandfather was in the Order. I’m the one whose life is in danger; don’t you think that I deserve to know more about the person who is supposed to be keeping me safe?”

“You’re the one whose life is in danger? You think that you are the only one who is at any risk in this? What do you think that they would do to me if they found out that I took you in here and was harboring you?”

Their voices had risen to shouts and Malcolm felt breathless. His head was pounding, and it felt like the exhaustion that had already settled into his muscles and bones after the long, stressful day of training had only increased since the argument with Icelyn had begun. They both took small steps back from one another, glancing away as if they were trying to put themselves back into their heads and slow the intensity of the conversation.

“I think that both of us need to calm down and talk,” Malcolm said. “There are obviously things that we need to know about each other if this is going to work.”

Icelyn nodded her agreement and walked reluctantly into the living room, grabbing a metal box and taking it from the counter as she went. She settled the box onto the table and curled up in her chair, watching as Malcolm took his place on the sofa again. He could feel the time slipping past, the night disappearing and the morning when he would need to report to the training field again getting closer, but he knew that he couldn’t stop. This was extremely important, and they needed to put as much time and energy into it as they could. They didn’t know exactly how long he would be in her home and it would be the strength of their alliance and the trust between them that would ensure the safety of both of them until he left for Penthos with the rest of the army.

“I already told you that my grandfather as called Casimir,” Icelyn said.

“Yes,” Malcolm said. “I know I’ve heard the name.”

Icelyn took a breath.

“He was a close friend and confidant of Aegeus.”

Malcolm felt a sudden burst of realization.

“That’s right,” he said. “I don’t remember him much because I was so young. He was executed for war crimes and heresy against the Order.”

Malcolm had felt uncomfortable saying the words, but Icelyn didn’t seem unnerved by it. Instead, her eyes sparkled slightly, and her face brightened with a touch of color high on her cheeks.

“No,” she said. “He wasn’t executed.”

“What do you mean?” Malcolm asked. “It’s in the records. His trial was one of the most dramatic and emotional that was ever held in the Order. He wasn’t even executed in the kingdom so that his family – your family – could claim him. I don’t remember the official story that was used to cover his death, but he is still used as a warning against betrayal and misleading thoughts within the Order.”

“The story was that he and several others ventured onto the lake near the Denynso compound and he was attacked by the creature that lives there. It was a convincing enough story because that was around the time that the water was just being explored.”

“But your family knew better,” Malcolm said.

“Yes,” Icelyn said. “I wasn’t born yet, but my parents knew what actually happened. I didn’t find out until I was older and found Casimir’s journals. He was charged with heresy and war crimes, but he didn’t die. According to the Order, he was killed. But he wasn’t.”

“I don’t understand.”

Icelyn slid closer to the edge of the chair so that she drew nearer to Malcolm and leaned conspiratorially toward him.

“My grandfather was charged with heinous crimes,” Icelyn said. “But he didn’t commit them. He didn’t actually do anything of the things that the Order said, and what he did do weren’t crimes. Not truly.”

“I was a child when all of this happened,” Malcolm said. “I don’t remember many details, but I do remember my father talking about the sentencing of a man who was once high in the Order. It was considered such a travesty that he had gone against the Order and threatened the entire existence of the hierarchy. He never really said it, but I had the feeling that what they believed Casimir did was a threat to far more than just the Order. It was almost like they thought that he was aiming to bring down the entire Universe.”

“That’s what they did believe,” Icelyn said. “But not in the way that you think. Do you remember anything else about his execution?”

Malcolm thought back, sifting through the years of memories and knowledge that he had within him to remember those tense days that he now realized surrounded Casimir’s trial, conviction, and sentencing.

“My father was angry that tradition wasn’t being followed when it came to carrying out his execution.”

“What do you mean?” Icelyn asked.

“Executions are generally carried out in the presence of other members of the Order. It is a spectacle, something that is intended to act as much as a deterrent and a warning as it is a punishment.”

“Have you witnessed any executions?”

“No,” Malcolm said, shaking his head as he felt a sense of relief come over him despite everything that he knew. “There haven’t been any in my time in the Order.”

“So, you don’t know that there are two different types of executions.”

It wasn’t a question, but a statement, as if Icelyn was leading him, trying to help him come to realization for himself.

“There is only one type,” he argued.

Icelyn shook her head.

“No,” she said. “That might be what you know, but it’s not the way it has always been. In my grandfather’s journals he talked extensively about the rules and structure of the Order. Much of it was done in code so I don’t fully understand it, but one thing that he talked about exhaustively was execution. I already told you that killing members was something that the Order didn’t take lightly before the corruption took over. It was used only in extreme circumstances, only when they believed that someone within their hierarchy had committed a trespass against the rest that was too egregious to be properly punished and forgiven, or if one of the rank could not be controlled and had become too dangerous. Execution was a means of protecting the integrity, sanctity, and secrecy of the Order. Most of the executions that were performed were just like your father said. They were done in the presence of most, if not all, of the fellow members of the Order to ensure that all knew the details of what had happened and could bear witness to the final completion of that man’s service. The only requirement was that the executioner be at or above the station of the condemned.”

“And the other type?” Malcolm asked.

“When a member of the Order was either too high in the hierarchy for his execution to be witnessed or his crimes against the Order were too severe to call the attention of the rest, the sentence was carried out in private. It was dictated that the man would be destroyed in the presence only of the member who was chosen to carry it out. That person was then to be sworn to secrecy and was not to discuss the execution or what happened to the body.”

“Aegeus,” Malcolm said, something that his father had muttered when he was just a child suddenly coming into his mind again. “Aegeus was supposed to carry out the execution.”

“That’s right,” Icelyn said. “This all happened just shortly after Aegeus had started to uncover the corruption within the Order.”

“Did your grandfather know the same things as Aegeus?” Malcolm asked.

Icelyn nodded.

“The journals said that the Order didn’t know that Aegeus was involved and didn’t suspect that he had any of the same leanings or beliefs. That’s why they didn’t hesitate when it was him who was chosen to be the one to carry out the execution. He left with Casimir and then came back to confirm that he was dead.”

“But he wasn’t?”

“No.”

“What happened to him?”