Chapter 2
Choosing Sides
The woman couldn’t seem to focus her thoughts on anything as images spun in her mind. Trying to get her eyes to focus, a burst of flame roared at her. A dark figure dove in front of her, pulling her down to the ground. Unable to resist the pull, she hit the ground and rolled away from the figure. The fire was gone, but the man appeared to be injured.
His dark eyes were intense as he stared at her. She knelt down beside him to see what she could do to help him when his hands reached out and grabbed her. Struggling to get away, she felt his large hand cover her face as he pulled her body against his. Unable to breathe, she tried to pull away as he held her nose and covered her mouth.
A cold voice in her ear murmured, “I should kill you.”
Sitting bolt upright, the woman found she was screaming as she woke. Her attention was drawn to a stranger who was sitting next to her. His expression was one of complete shock as she gasped for air. Her hands flew to her face as if to verify that she could breathe. The man leaned back and watched her with cold eyes and mistrust written all over his face.
She had no idea how long they stared at each other. Finally, she blinked and started to look around. “Where am I?”
The man said nothing as she tried to figure out where he had brought her. Placing a hand on her head, she tried to retrieve her last memories. She remembered pain and fear. Her eyes went to her legs, which were completely fine. Next she noticed a light blue dress covering her body. Confused, she looked at the man, who continued to say nothing.
“Are you deciding if you should kill me?”
His expression changed to one of pain for a moment before falling back into the cold mask he had had since she had awakened.
It was all she needed. Hanging her head, the woman tried to decide if that was the best course or if she should continue to search for the man who had begged her not to die. Something told her that he was not dead, and she didn’t want to die before getting a chance to see him. Until she understood who she had been and why she had been brought back, the woman was unwilling to just give up.
She was aware that even in this cramped little room, the light that had followed her through the city was still present. It was faint but there if she looked hard enough. Surely the man could see it. That was probably why he was contemplating killing her.
“I have no money for you to steal, nothing of value on my person worth killing me for.”
The man simply blinked in response. It was difficult to see much about him in the dim light, but his arms were folded, and he was incredibly muscular. If he wanted to kill her, it would be difficult to stop him.
Looking back at her dress, she tilted her head to the side and closed her eyes. “No, you have changed my clothes and healed me.” She held her hands up and looked at them. The nails were broken, but no longer ragged and torn. It looked more like she bit them than used them to pry open a crypt door.
“If not to harm me, what do you want?” She turned to face the black-eyed man.
His voice was as dark and cold as his appearance. “Peace, love, and joy.”
The words were so hollow that she couldn’t help but laugh. Pushing herself back against what was a headboard, the woman tried to get comfortable as she looked at him. “Spoken like a man of pure intentions.”
The man bristled, but did not respond.
Folding her arms across her chest, the woman decided to wait for the man to respond. It was obvious that he was assessing the situation to determine the best course of action. She didn’t feel that anything she could say or do would persuade him.
Whatever he wanted, there was no way to tell from his actions. The black-eyed man sat there for so long it was more like he was a statue than a living creature. Something about him was so entirely unnerving that several times she wondered if she should flee. Much of her mind told her to, but her instinct again won out as she stayed put. If he decided he was going to kill her there was no way for her to do anything; he emanated a power that was terrifying in its intensity. Narrowing her eyes, she looked at him and finally spoke. “You were one of the two men I stumbled into.”
The man merely blinked a couple of times.
“Where is the other one? Why did he leave me with you?”
She was only half expecting him to answer when the short response came. “Prior engagement.”
Feeling powerless and beaten, the woman tilted her head back against the headboard. Releasing a sigh that shook the bed, she stared at the ceiling. “Why?” She pounded her fists on the bed. “Why?”
Her words were forceful and startled the man sitting nearby. Ignoring his movements, she put a hand over her face. “This is all wrong. I died. I should still be dead. I would rather still be dead.”
The voice beside her was far more tempered. “Why?”
Ignoring the man, the woman lay down and rolled so that her back was to him. “Thank you for your assistance. I take it you can find the door.”
The cold in his voice had returned as he responded, “I'm staying.”
“If you are staying, then go ahead and kill me as you were considering.”
The chair scraped across the floor ominously. “Never wish for something you cannot take back.”
Frustrated with everything since waking, the woman sat up and spun around to look at him, half hoping to goad him into killing her. “Why not? I’ve already died once, do you think that I fear it now? You have no idea what has happened to me. I’m just some strange woman who wandered into your life and is such an inconvenience that you would consider killing me. The voices wanted nothing more than to use me. My payment for leaving them behind was to encounter a man who saw fit to leave me and a man who would prefer to end me than be burdened further. What’s not to love about living?” She glared at the man and his passive expression. “There is nothing to love about living!” For a moment an expression of pain passed over his handsome face and he took a step back. “Death was so much easier because at least no one was trying to use or control me. Was this what life was like before? Has it always been so miserable?” She picked up a pillow and threw it at him. “Just leave.” The pillow hit him in the side of the head and landed on the dresser, knocking a few items off. He did not move. “I said, just leave!” Her voice was rising. “I am nobody’s burden or responsibility.” Her hands shook as she balled them into fists. She slammed them against the bed again, her face turned in profile to the man. Her voice was almost pleading when she spoke. “If you can’t release me, then leave me.”
“What will you do?” The man’s voice was almost inaudible, nearly drowned out by the sound of her heart hammering in her chest.
“I don’t…” She stared at her legs. “I should be dead, and I remember almost nothing of my life before death. What is there for me here apart from torment?” The words were more to herself than the man.
The room fell silent, a silence that she no longer felt compelled to fill.
A sudden weight on the bed caused her to look up into the black eyes that had been judging her. A small smile graced his lips for a brief moment as he looked into her eyes. Then he looked to the window. “Surely you must have some goal. If you tell me what it is, I will make my decision.”
“I do not care what you want or about your decision. The only reason I wait for your decision is because you radiate a kind of power that I am certain I cannot match.”
He turned, a slight frown on his face. “What makes you say that?”
“I don’t even know who I am, let alone what I am. By the time I figure any of it out, you will have killed me. There is no point in fighting anyway. It is the lowest form of negotiation and only breeds more problems later.”
The man raised an eyebrow but said nothing for a moment. When he had time to think, he tilted his head to the side and his voice was almost playful as he asked, “Why are you here?”
The woman gave him a curious look. “You brought me here. You tell me.”
“No,” he shook his head, “that’s not what I mean. You said that you died, but clearly...” He held his hands out as a way of clarifying his meaning.
She wanted to throw his early indifference back in his face, but she didn’t want to lose the discourse. Maybe he would even be willing to help her find the only person in her memory. Clearing her throat, she looked around the room trying to find the right words. “I… was brought back by one of the lesser gods. I think he may have killed me, so after I died I watched him. For a while I was not able to see him, and I thought he had finally been vanquished. Then I suddenly woke up in a crypt into the silence you would expect. I managed to get out and was chased around the City of the Dead by voices. He only quieted them when I had escaped. I may not remember much from my life, but I remember him and what I learned in death.”
His eyes bore into hers. “Why?”
The question made no sense, so the woman simply stared back at him.
When she didn’t respond, he asked again, “Why did you watch a lesser god? You must have known there was nothing you could do. And he – if you think he killed you, why torment yourself?” His eyes were shining and for a moment she felt lost in them. There was a sense of comfort as she stared into them, and for a brief moment all she wanted was to hold him. Narrowing her eyes, the woman realized that for all of the pain she had experienced, the man in front of her had been through so much more. He looked like he needed someone even more than she did.
Her mind struggled to pull her back from the depth of the man’s eyes and her desire to comfort him. “I had to.” The response was honest and didn’t require any thought. “I had someone I needed to protect.”
The man turned away from her. “How could you protect anyone from the other side? You could have gone on and found peace elsewhere. You should have moved on. By staying and watching, he was able to manipulate you and drag you back to the existence that you have expressed a desire to leave behind.”
The woman shook her head. “It is never as simple as people think. Moving on means giving up, and I couldn’t do that. He never gave up on me, no matter what happened. How could I just leave him?”
The man stood up suddenly and walked away from her. He stopped in front of the window and looked out. From her place, the woman could see the struggle on his face and she wished she could get into his mind to see the struggle. Certain that it was about whether or not to kill her, she wanted to know if she had any hope going forward. As she watched him, she realized that his decision was tearing him apart. Shoving these feelings down, she tried to keep her focus on their situation. As he spoke, she was able to find some focus in the discussion.
“I thought you said you couldn’t remember anything.” The words were soft as he said them, but there was an accusation behind them. Instinctively she knew it was an attempt to find the holes in her story.
“I cannot recall anything on my own, but when I don’t try, I seem to be able to piece bits together.”
The man’s dark eyes turned back to her, and they seemed to be pleading with her for something. Whatever it was, he wasn’t going to speak the request.
Taking a deep breath, the woman tried to collect her thoughts while letting the ideas flow. “If you aren’t going to kill me and insist that you are not going to leave, then you are welcome to join me.”
“And what are you planning to do? If you don’t think you can challenge me, you must know that you cannot take on a lesser god. And if you have no desire to live, what purpose is there in trying to do anything else?”
Her brow furrowed as she looked at the man. “My purpose has not changed from the time when I first encountered you. If you choose to kill me, I will not resist and I will not regret it. However, my desire to die instead of being tormented does not mean there is no purpose to my actions. I told you that I was trying to protect someone, and that purpose is unaltered now that I am here. It is just more difficult as I no longer know where he is. And even more frustrating, I can’t even remember who he is.”
The man shook his head. “Again, what can you do?”
The woman scratched her head, trying to answer the cruel question. It was not something she had thought about, although now that seemed rather foolish. It was almost as if she had figured things would just work out when she found the man. “I don’t know how the future will play out, but he wants me back so that he can use me. Either I must die again so that he cannot use me, or I find a way to fight against him. It is the only thing that I know that I can do that will hinder the lesser god.”
The man opened his mouth and shut it. He began to pace around the room, his agitation creating a tension that was almost palpable.
Her head began to spin at the quick movements. Pressing the balls of her hands into her eyes, she muttered, “Please stop, you are giving me a headache.”
To her surprise there was a slight chuckle. When she looked up, the man was rubbing a hand over his mouth. “Apologies. That was rude. I did not mean to cause you further discomfort.” He strode up to the bed with obvious purpose in his eyes. He stopped and looked at her for another moment. Just as she was about to speak to ask about his decision, the man offered her a hand. “Dear gods, I wish I knew what I was doing, but let’s go.”
“What?” She looked at his hand, not quite sure what he was saying.
He looked at her hand for a moment, then moved his own. “Despite my better judgment, I am going to help you.”
She pulled away from his hand. “You owe me nothing. If anything, I already owe you a lot.” Her hand pulled her dress out as if to demonstrate what she meant. “And someone with as much power as you have should not be going against your instincts.”
The man opened his mouth to say something, then shook his head. Stretching his hand forward again, he said, “If I am going by instinct, everything in me says I should help you. It is only my judgment that is fiercely opposed. Considering the life I have lived since…” He bit his lip and started again. “Ignoring better judgment has become a way of life for me. Now, come on.”
She wanted to argue or say something to express her gratitude, but words seemed to fail her. The woman placed her hand in his, and a sudden flash went through her mind. It was over before she could fully see any of it, but what she did know was that there was overlap between the image and the man in front of her. She frowned as she tried to process the experience.
For his part, the man seemed oblivious to her internal struggles. He was pulling her forward toward the door when she stopped. “Wait, I don't even know who to thank.”
The man turned to look at her. “You want to do introductions now? After everything we’ve been through?” There was a levity to his voice and expression that surprised her. It really did not suit him at all.
“Well, if we get separated, I can’t exactly go around asking people for the tall, handsome man with the black eyes, can I?” A sincere smile spread across his face as she described him. “I mean, if you are from around here, it would be better to have a name to go with the description.”
He grabbed her hand and turned to drag her through the door. “I swear we will not get separated.”
“You can’t say that for sure. No one knows the future.”
He looked back at her, his expression deadly serious. “I am not about to let you out of my sight–” He swallowed and looked away. “I will not let you go, so don’t worry about anything else. Now, come on. We do not have much time before others will be looking for you.”
The woman let him pull her out of the small shack and into a starry night. Whatever she wanted to say was silenced as the beauty of the world overcame her. A tear rolled down her face as an old memory played through her mind. It was a night very much like this one when the man who begged her to live kissed her for the first time.