Hattie Mae
I awake sometime late in the night after Zane has gone home. It was sweet of him to take care of me. I hope he doesn’t go blabbing to anyone about what a loser I am…about Justin. I don’t think that he would, but people here love to gossip. Zane is the first person I have told about Justin. Kiesha doesn’t even know about him. Gah, Justin. I get up and switch my phone on and the last message he sent me stops me dead in my tracks.
Justin: I am driving down to Texas. I need to see you.
Me: I don’t want to see you.
Justin: I miss you. I think about you all the time. I was so stupid.
Me: Justin please don’t say things like that to me. You lost the right to miss me the minute you chose him. I am going to bed. We can talk tomorrow.
I turn my phone off before he can say more. I don’t know what he wants. What does he expect from me? Does he think he can just show up here and say he was stupid and that makes his betrayal void? Life doesn’t work that way. I’m not wired that way. Once a cheater always a cheater in my book. My dad was a serial cheater. He couldn’t keep it in his pants according to my mom. And by the stories Bethel has told about him he wasn’t faithful to Mary either.
I toss and turn all night as Justin’s betrayal invades my sweet dreams of Zane.
We were back on the four-wheeler and he was grinning at me with mud streaking his face. His blue eyes were gazing into mine, sucking me under his spell. I wanted him to pull me under and consume my mouth with his tempting lips.
Holding my face in his palms, he leaned forward, being slow and gentle. His breath tickled my nose as he moved in, mere centimeters from claiming what I wanted to give him and then poof he vanished into thin air and I was face to face with Justin.
I woke up clutching my chest and drenched in sweat.
I’m not ready to see him.
I don’t know if I will ever want to see him.
I loved him truly, but maybe not as madly as I thought because when I am around Zane I feel so much passion. So much sexual tension.
Maybe it’s only lust.
That’s okay because I don’t need forever. I only need a good time.
I need to be wanted not loved.
Unable to lay around any longer, I climb out of bed and start searching for another job. Summer is almost over, and my job will be too.
Rowdy’s is looking for a waitress.
I wonder if it would be awkward if I did get a job there.
I circle the classified with my pen and add it to my maybe list.
*—*
It’s Sunday and I volunteered to bring the wieners for the neighborhood cookout. It’s mostly the older couples and young families that come to the gatherings, but I like it. It makes me feel like I belong here, that this is now my home.
Even though I didn’t know my dad, I feel a closeness to him here. It’s kinda nice to hear stories from people who have sweet things to say about him. Stories that don’t involve what a cheating scoundrel he was but stories about how he would lend a helping hand to anyone in need.
He may not have been able to be a dad to me but that doesn’t mean he was a bad person. Through his friends I have learned that he was giving. He was kind. He was funny, and he was one damn fine bull rider.
Bethel said she has video of one of his rides somewhere and when she finds it, it is all mine. I feel like I am finally beginning to understand who he was and the life he lived.
I’m sad that I didn’t know him personally and wish we could have met. I think I would have liked him and been proud to call him dad, but he did give me the gift of a fresh start. A new place to call home and a crazy group of people who though they get on my nerves at times for being all up in my business they care about me.
When Lucas comes over to help me serve the hot dogs, I know what I need to do with my father’s ashes. I want to spread them here at Wild Horse Acres.
“Will you take me out on the water? There is something I need to do.”
“Okay, we can use my paddle boat. But, Hattie after we do this thing…can we talk?”
“Sure.” I nod and give him the tongs I was using to cook the wieners on the grill. “I just need to run back home to get something.”
He gives me a tense smile. I don’t know what he wants to talk to me about, but I hope it isn’t because he knows I have been spending time with his brother.
A I am walking back from my trailer with the urn a woman I haven’t met yet stops me. She looks a bit cartoonish with her purple hair and big red lips dressed in a yellow Mumu. Thick beaded bracelets clang on her forearm as she grabs my wrist. “I hope you know what you are doing with the Rowdy brothers.”
I squint at her. “What are you talking about?”
“Them guys who work at the bar. Around here we call them the Rowdy brothers. You can’t love them both. Just one.”
“I don’t know what you mean.”
“My name is Zelda. I can see things. Could tell you who you are supposed to end up with, but fate doesn’t like me getting too involved in her affairs.”
“Right. Well, I’m gonna go now. You take care.” I got to walk away but she grips my arm tighter.
“Lucas is a nice guy, but he isn’t the one for you.”
“Okay. Thanks for the chat.” Her fingers release me, and I can see the indentions from where she held onto my arms so tightly. Crazy lady.
I shake my head but then I remember Zane telling me some nutty story about fate wanting us to be together. Whatever kooky punch they’ve been drinking I need to avoid it. He can’t possibly buy into that hocus pocus nonsense.
I find Lucas waiting on the edge of the beach with his paddle boat.
As I walk toward him. Zane calls out my name.
“Hattie Mae.” The way he says my name just does something to me. I’m addicted to the sound.
I turn to face him and can see the questioning look in his gorgeous eyes. “Lucas is gonna help me with something.”
“You don’t owe me any explanations. We’re friends, right?” he shoves a hand in his pocket and shuffles on his feet.
“Right. Friends.”
I give him a sad wave and walk back in the direction of his brother and somehow it feels wrong. Each step I take away from Zane has my feet feeling heavier.
I glance back over my shoulder and Zane is still watching me.
“Zane…” He looks up. “You want to come?”
His gaze shifts down the beach to his brother and I wonder what caused such a rift between them. It has to be more than me.
“Better not. You go ahead.”