Prologue
Sydney
It’s been years since I’ve been anywhere near any of the Wayward Saints. Growing up, I wasn’t allowed near the clubhouse, so I didn’t really get to know any of them unless they were friends with my brother Ryder.
The twins, Brantley and Jase, and Gunner pretty much went everywhere with Ryder, and they all protected each other. Sometimes it was more like they were in their own little world most days.
You never saw one without the others, and the rumors about them flew around the school. All the girls wished they could be on their arms, while the guys tried to be like them. They were what you would call royalty around this place. I was just Ryder’s little sister.
I got to know them, but it’s been a while since I’ve talked to any of them. Even after seeing Ryder for the first time in a while, I was so happy, yet so scared. I was afraid that he would still be pissed at me after what I said to him about Danni being better off without him. I know I hit a nerve, but I couldn’t help the words as they fell from my lips.
He was a dick and needed to be put in his place for the first time ever by a woman. I know how much he loved her and I saw how much it killed him when she walked away from him. He didn’t say anything about it though; instead, he just threw himself into the club full throttle and never looked back.
He became someone different, and we stopped talking altogether after that. I didn’t agree with his lifestyle, and he didn’t care what I thought.
Growing up, Ryder used to love to tease me about my crush on the twins. I was head over heels in love with them, and I swore that no one would ever compare. I was young and naïve back then, but even now, I’ve heard that they have really grown up. I thought that I would marry one of them until I met Hendrix. A barbecue brought us together, and my secret tore us apart.
It took me weeks to convince our mom and dad that I needed to move back here. They didn’t like knowing that I would be pretty much by myself while I was here. They knew that Ryder would be around, but they knew that he’d be busy with his MC and thought that it wasn’t safe for me to be there alone.
I had to remind them that I went to college all by myself and that turned out fine. I am fine, for the most part. I didn’t tell them what happened either. I didn’t tell them how I was about to disgrace my family and everyone that ever really mattered to me.
One drunken night was all it took for my life to change – one stupid frat party. Why the fuck would a biker be at a frat party anyway… Thinking back now, it all made sense. They were targeting me. I was the sister of Ryder Stark, the Wayward Saints’ best-kept secret.
I should have told Ryder why I was really back, but I couldn’t. I didn’t want to disappoint him, and I knew once he found out my secret that he would probably disown me. The disappointment I feel in myself already is enough to make me want to end everything.
One ruthless bastard was all it took for me to run home and pray that no one else found out. I ran away because once I knew who he was, I knew that nothing was going to save me. I was a fool. Hell, I still am one. No one would ever trust me again. I lied. I had to. I had no other choice. Keeping Hendrix was the only way I’d survive.
I loved him so much that it killed me to lie to him. I felt like part of my soul was gone when he walked away. He never even looked back as he walked away from me with tears falling down my cheeks.
Everything was gone in the blink of an eye, and I was left with nothing. They left me holding the gun with my finger still on the trigger in a way.
Hendrix was told to stay away from me. My brother is banned from seeing me. Everything is a mess, and I don’t know what to do.
I want to go back in time and change everything. Go back to being the girl who was afraid of being more than just a bookworm. I want to go back to the days when everything was easy, and no one wanted me dead.
I need him to survive, and I can’t turn to him without getting him in trouble with the club. He lives for them and breathes for them. I would never make him choose. He doesn’t deserve that. Hendrix deserves everything, and if I had just told him the truth, he would have never been in this situation. He wouldn’t be the one that they blame.
This wouldn’t be his problem, and he would live just like he did before I showed up. Wild. Crazy. Fearless.
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Hendrix
My heart was pounding. I knew that she was too damn good to be true. I should have listened to my gut when I knew there was something off about her story. She made me feel like I could fucking do anything and I knew she was the one. One look was all it took for me to fall so damn hard for her that I didn’t see anyone else.
Nothing else mattered.
I knew the mark, I knew the tell. But none of that mattered. Not when I possessed every inch of her body. I knew it like the back of my hand. She was ingrained into me whether I wanted her to be or not.
I thought that the only thing I wanted was to be a Wayward Saint. Now, I’m not so sure.
She’s a part of me. No matter what I do to try and rid myself of her, I can’t. I need her like I need the air that I breathe, but I can’t. I can’t go back to her. I would lose everything that I’ve worked so damn hard for.
I’ve been banned from seeing her again. Ryder has been going fucking insane because he can’t even see his little sister to find out why she even did it in the first place. She wouldn’t have turned her back on him like that. She wouldn’t sell him out. I know that for sure. It looks bad, fuck, does it look bad.
She was with the enemy. Fuck. I run my hand over the side of my head and stare at the bottle of gin that I’m about to down. Drinking her memory away won’t help. I’ll still wake with thoughts of her and the way her body felt against mine as she straddled me. The way it felt when I was inside of her. I feel my dick strain against my jeans and I hate that she still gets me going just with one thought. I need to feel her body pressed against mine one more time. I know that she isn’t a traitor, but I can’t fucking prove it. I wish like hell that I could change what happened so that I could have her in my arms right now. I would give anything…
I’m so damn screwed. Nothing will ever wipe the memory of her from my brain. I want her so damn bad that I’d risk everything for her. I’d protect her until my dying breath. I just need to know the truth, the whole damn truth.
Grabbing my phone, I dial the number that I’d called so many times that it was burned into my brain like second nature. I need to hear her voice and to make sure she’s okay. I have to, or it will eat away at me.
“Hello?” I can hear the tears in her voice. I know she’s fucking scared and I want to take away the pain. I want her to feel safe again.
“Syd,” I murmur, closing my eyes to keep from letting my emotions show. I’ve always been good at keeping neutral, not letting anyone know what I’m thinking. It was my best defense, and I won’t be letting anyone see what she does to me.
When Prez demanded that I stay the fuck away from her, I remained passive. Like I didn’t give a shit if I saw her again, while inside I was dying. It was like the breath was being stolen right from my lungs.
“Is it really you?” she chokes out.
I’m sure she knows the rules. No contact. None at all. We leave her to fend for herself because she betrayed her family. A family that she never really knew until the day we met. That damn family barbeque where I first saw her beautiful face and long tan legs.
“Yeah, it’s me. I can’t stay away. I love you, Syd.”
I know that it’s going to be the end of me, but I can’t bring myself to care right now. I would do anything for her, including losing the only family I’ve ever really known. She needs me more than they do.
If he finds her again, he will kill her. Every one of us knows that her life hangs in the balance and I can’t watch something happen to her. No, I won’t allow anything to happen to her. She’s mine, and I’ll go to hell and back just to ensure her safety.
She’s the beat of my heart and losing her isn’t an option.