Chapter Fifteen
Sitting beside Chance on the couch, I’m giggly from too much wine. He’s had a few beers of his own. Like always, he cut himself off before he had too much. There’s a part of me that thinks he does that for me, knowing that having him drunk would freak me out.
“You gotta quit cooking like that,” he says, slinging an arm over my shoulders and pulling me closer. “I swear, I’ve already gained ten pounds since you moved to Paducah.”
“Tomorrow, I’m making grilled chicken breasts marinated in Italian dressing. It’s healthy, so you don’t have to worry about growing a gut,” I reply, reaching out and pinching his still flat stomach. “I’m also going to make a double layered coconut cake, but I’m not planning to share it with you.”
I’ve made dinner for him nearly every night for over two weeks. Ever since the day we went fishing, we have spent every night together. Most nights, like tonight, we have stayed at his house. Other nights, we stay at the trailer. Those are few and far between, only when he has to work late. In fact, we are here so much, most of my things are here.
“Yeah, right. The cake is mine,” he mumbles, burying his face in my hair. “You know you can’t deny me anything.”
He’s right, in ways that he doesn’t even know. I never thought I’d feel this way about a man, never thought I would want a man to touch me, to love me. He makes me want to do things that I never imagined I’d want before. He makes me feel things I’ve never felt before. Truthfully, I’m pretty sure I’m falling in love with him.
“Lucy and Hank are coming down to visit the last weekend of the month,” I tell him, trying not to think about my feelings at the moment. “If you don’t mind, I was thinking about inviting your mom and Adam over here for dinner while they’re here. I don’t have enough room for everyone in my trailer, and I really want them to meet all of you.”
“Sounds good to me. As long as you’re cooking, I’m up for anything,” he replies without a second’s hesitation.
Pulling my head back, I lean up and place my lips softly against his. In seconds, the kiss turns from tender to carnal. My hands run through his hair as his gently massages my breasts. As normal, Chance pulls back before it can go any further. I reach up and hold him where he is, not letting him go anywhere. Right now, I do not want this feeling to end. I’m not sure I ever want it to end.
Even though we sleep in the same bed, we have never done more than kiss and a few innocent touches. He has been patient like he said he would, never complaining about the pace our relationship is going. Still, I can tell he wants more. A part of me wants more, too; that part is growing every day.
He kisses me for a minute more before pulling back and asking, “Did you have a good day?”
“Uh huh,” I mumble, leaning against his shoulder. “The best day ever.”
After studying my butt off for the last couple of weeks, I finally went and took my GED test Friday and passed with flying colors. When I told Chance about it, he said it was a big accomplishment and something I should be proud of. We celebrated by spending the whole day together.
We started with breakfast at the local diner, which included amazing blueberry pancakes. After that, we came home and spent the day playing in the pool. We acted more like kids than the adults we are supposed to be. After lunch, Adam showed up. He ended up staying for dinner where we drained two bottles of wine. When we finally got done with dinner, he conked out in the guest room while Chance and I snuggled up together on the couch. Like I said, it has been the best day ever.
Smiling at me, he pulls away from me and stands up. A second later, he pulls a dark blue, velvet box from his pocket and hands it to me. For a split second, I think it could be an engagement ring, and my heart starts to pound ferociously. As much as I care about him, I am in no way ready to even think about marriage.
Before I can say a word to him, he sits back down and motions toward the box. “Open it, Gypsy Girl.”
“Chance, what in the world did you get me?” I look at the box, hoping that it is not a ring of any sort.
He shakes his head and smiles. “You have to open it if you want to find out.”
Doing as he says, I flip the box open and see a necklace with a small locket hanging from its chain. The locket is the shape of a heart, with swirls of both gold and silver running through it. As I take it out of the box, I give it a closer look. I see the words LIVE, LOVE, LAUGH etched on it. It isn’t overly fancy, no diamonds or other gems, but it is still the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.
“As soon as I saw it, I knew you had to have it,” he says as I continue to stare at the necklace. He takes it out of my hand, unclasps it, and puts it around my neck. Holding my hair out of his way, he fastens it, and I can’t help but pick it up and look at it again. “That’s exactly what I want for you, Gypsy Girl. I want you to live life to its fullest, love with all your heart, and laugh until your sides ache.”
I’m not sure what means more to me, the gift or the meaning behind it. I don’t have the words to say to him, not the right words to explain how much the gift means to me. Saying thank you wouldn’t be enough. Deciding not to even try to explain, I pull him close and place my lips against his.
He doesn’t fight me. Instead, he deepens the kiss even more. As our tongues continue to tangle against each other, my hands move down his back. Before I realize what I am doing, I’ve got his shirt over his head. Mine follows quickly; my bra comes off next, leaving us both completely naked from the waist up.
“You are so damn beautiful, the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen,” he growls, leaning down to pull my nipple into his mouth.
I pull back enough to look at him. I take in every inch of bare flesh, and it nearly takes my breath away. His arms, chest, and stomach are perfect, absolutely perfect. Granted, I have seen him without a shirt on before while he was working or as we were going to sleep at night. This time is different, though; he is shirtless because of me.
I want to tell him how handsome he is, but something else comes out instead. “I think I’m falling in love with you.”
“That’s good,” he says, his lips tipping up into a cocky smile. “I’ve known I was falling in love with you since the day I picked you up on the side of the road.”
I don’t even have time to think about his words before his lips come back to mine. He has one hand gripping my hair and the other caressing my lower back. I can feel his fingertips rubbing along my waist, occasionally dipping below the waistband. Excitement is building in me, until the moment his hand moves around to the button on my jeans.
Suddenly, my brain fills with images of my past. Sounds, smells, tastes, everything comes back to me in a flash. My heart speeds up, pounding against my chest as my stomach starts to roll. The feeling is so overwhelming I can barely take in a breath.
I freeze and wheeze out. “Please stop.”
“What’s wrong?” he asks, immediately pulling his hand away and moving back. “Did I hurt you?”
As much as I wanted this to happen a few seconds ago, as much as Chance means to me, I’m just not ready. Right now, my biggest fear is that I will never be ready. Even if I am falling in love with Chance, even if he feels the same way, there is no way we can stay together if I cannot get past what happened.
My eyes go to his, seeing the anguish written all over his face. “No, you didn’t hurt me. You would never hurt me.”
He lets out a deep breath, dropping his head to the back of the couch and closing his beautiful hazel eyes. “It’s getting late anyway, and we both have an early day tomorrow. Give me a second, and then we can head to bed.”
Watching him sit there, still breathing deeply, I realize I can’t keep doing this to him. Chance is a wonderful man, and he deserves a good woman. He needs someone that can give him a real life. He definitely doesn’t need a broken girl that turns from hot to cold in a blink of the eye.
“I need to go home, back to Macon,” I say, jumping off the couch. “I can’t stay here anymore. If I do, this will just keep happening.”
In a flash, he is standing in front of me and pulling me into his body. “What the hell are you talking about? You’re not leaving me.”
His words bring tears to my eyes because I want to take them to heart. I want to stay with him, not worry about what pain my past is causing him and could cause him in the future. That’s not fair though. It wouldn’t be right to make him put up with the mess that is my life. There is no way I can do it to him, not anymore.
“I have to!” I shout, letting my emotions get the better of me. “I can’t be with you. You deserve better than me. You deserve a woman that isn’t broken.”
“Tell me why you’re broken, and I promise to put you back together again,” he whispers, still holding me close.
It’s at that moment I know I have to tell him. I have to tell him everything, even about the rape. I’m just not sure if I can force the words past my lips. The memory has been locked inside of me so long that I don’t know how to get it out.
“Something happened to me, something really bad,” I say, not quite looking in his eyes. “I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to get over it.”
He puts his hand on my chin, lifting it to force me to look at him. “Tell me what happened. Whatever it is, I can help you get over it.”
“You can’t,” I mumble with a shake of my head. “No one can help me get over it, not even someone as special as you.”
I wish that was true, that he could just take it all away. I wish it was as simple as that, but it’s not. What happened to me will never go away, no matter what he does. The memory of what happened to me has been with me for years, and it will be with me until I die.
“I was raped, right before I left home,” I blurt, not softening my words at all. “Mom’s boyfriend raped me while she was passed out in her room. Others had tried, but Kilo was the only one that ever succeeded.”
The words no more than leave my mouth when Chance lets go of me and stomps across the room. Drawing back his fist, he sends it through the sheetrock then throws his head back and shouts. He hits the wall twice more, leaving his hand a bloody mess before turning around to look at me.
“I’ll make him pay for everything he done to you,” he states, not even blinking. “I’m going to find him. Then, I’m going to kill him.”
The sight of blood dripping from his hand to the floor makes me realize that I need to get this situation under control. My body starts to tremble as I watch the puddle grow bigger and bigger. Something has to be done, and something has to be done right now. I’m just not sure what to do. I consider going and waking up Adam, but if Chance keeps shouting and hitting things, he’ll wake up on his own.
I open my mouth, wanting to ask him if he needs to go to the hospital, but he shakes his head and says, “When I’m done with him, I’m gonna find your mother. She’s going to pay, too. That woman is going to pay for every damn time she didn’t protect you.”
My heart skips a beat, fear filling me at the thought of him being anywhere near Kilo or my mom. “You can’t do that. Please, just leave them alone. I don’t want you to ever lay eyes on them.”
Just the thought of him seeing where I grew up, or meeting my mother, makes me sick to my stomach. Knowing Hank has been to Cedar Springs is bad enough, but I don’t know if I could ever get past it if Chance went there. I do not want him to know what my life was like, what I’ve told him is more than enough.
He shakes his head, not looking me in the eye. “No, Gypsy. They have to pay for what they’ve done; both of them deserve to pay. I told you that you would always feel safe with me. Until they pay, you won’t ever feel safe.”
Chance walks back over and stands in front of me. I can see the anger and fear in his eyes. Fear of what, I’m not sure. I can guess, though, and it causes all my earlier plans to leave to vanish. He is afraid of losing me, so afraid he cannot even hide it.
“You’re right, I don’t feel safe most of the time. The only time I do is when you’re by my side.” Reaching up, I lay a hand on his cheek and look into his eyes. “If you promise not to go after them, I promise to stay in Paducah and let you fix what is broken inside of me.”
As soon as the words leave my mouth, I realize that he has already fixed it. With his love, his compassion, even his anger, Chance has fixed everything that my mother and Kilo broke. From this point on, my life is my own and my past is in the past. That is where it belongs and where it is going to stay.
“I don’t know if I can do that, Gypsy. I really don’t know if I can just let them get away with everything they did to you, let them go on living their lives like they didn’t destroy yours,” he says before turning and walking away from me while running his fingers through his hair. “When I hold you, I want to be the only one you’re thinking of. I want to be the only person you ever think of touching you. That’s not gonna happen until you know that asshole is dead and your mom is lying right beside him.”
My mind is screaming that I should be scared. He’s threatening to kill someone, threatening to kill my mother. Any sane woman would be frightened, but I’m not. If anything, his threats make me feel even safer. There is no longer any doubt in my mind that he would do anything for me, even attempt to deal with my past.
“I can get past what they did. I can move on with my life,” I whisper, hoping to get through his anger. “With you by my side, I’ll be able to be happy again.”
Walking across the room, I wrap my arms around him and plaster myself to his chest. “Earlier tonight, I was thinking I just might love you, but I was wrong. I’m pretty sure that I know exactly how I feel.”
After letting out a deep breath, he leans down and places a kiss on the top of my head. “I’m glad you’re finally catching up with me.”