Chapter 4
Kennedy
“Get in the car, or I will get one of those ninja hotties to pick you up and put you in the car.”
I scoffed and ducked into Karlton’s car. “You know, that really wasn’t a threatening threat, right? By the time it would have taken you to run over to Powerhouse, I could have been in my own car back to my house.”
He shifted the car into drive and pulled out of the parking lot. “I see you drank an extra cup of sass this morning.”
“If you mean coffee, then yes.” Functioning before nine o’clock with no coffee was not physically possible for me. Especially during the weekends when I had sunrise classes. It was a miracle Friday through Sunday when I managed to stay awake during meditation.
“Since you ignored my summons to be to the laundromat at ten, you’re going to have to get the condensed version of what I’ve been up to the past eighteen hours.”
I rolled my eyes and snapped on my seat belt. One needed to be on their game when driving with Karlton and get buckled quickly. I was risking my life by not buckling before he pulled out of the parking lot. “I’m. So. Excited.” Driving with Karlton was a once in a lifetime experience. I say once in a lifetime because each time you drove with him, your life flashed before your eyes.
“So, I talked to Sage and Molly. It was only for like a minute, but they both agreed to be my wing women.”
“Did they know what they agreed to?”
He glanced at me and smirked. “Mostly. I mentioned I was tasked with finding you a man that your mom would approve of.”
“I have a question.”
“You may ask, but I don’t have to give you an answer.”
“Why are we going shopping?”
Karlton flipped on his blinker and took a right turn on two wheels. At least, it felt like it was on two wheels. “Because in order for your mother to get off your back, we also need to change how you look.”
“No.”
“What do you mean, no?” he squawked.
“I mean no. I’m not changing who I am, Karlton. I tried to fit into my mother’s mold my whole life, and it never worked. Focus on finding me a man to fool my mother with.”
“Then what in the hell are we going to do at the mall?”
I sighed and propped my feet up on the dash. “We can still go to the mall. I can check out the yoga pants and sneakers.”
“You said you just bought yoga pants the other day.”
I turned my head and gave him a stern look. “Are you trying to tell me that I have enough yoga pants?”
He held up his hands, and the car veered to the right. My hand shot out and grabbed the steering wheel, trying to save us from hitting the car in the other lane. Karlton turned in his seat to look at me. “I would never tell you that you have enough clothes,” he said sincerely. “Cross my heart.”
“Good, great,” I grimaced. “Now, do you think you can put your hands back on the wheel?” With me leaning across the center console trying to keep the car between the lines, I’m sure anyone behind us thought I was giving Karlton a blow job.
“Kennedy, I really think that we should at least try to get you a sensible pantsuit to wear the next time you go to your mom’s.” He completely ignored my request and put his arm over the back of my seat. “A good pantsuit can take you places.”
“What? Are you insane?” Pantsuits were not more important than having two hands on the wheel. Ever. “Yes, yes. I’ll buy two if it makes you put your damn hands back on the wheel.”
Karlton grinned smugly and put both hands firmly on the wheel, but his head was still turned toward me. “You are so easy,” he muttered.
I sat back in my seat and sighed. “If by easy you mean I value my life, then yes, I am easy.” He finally turned his eyes back to the road, and I breathed a sigh of relief.
My fingers gripped the armrest on the door, and I closed my eyes. He took another corner, and the car jumped as he hit the curb. “How do you still have a license?” I grimaced.
“How I persuade officers to see things my way is not what we need to concentrate on right now. I need to know what your type is. I’m assuming you have more requirements than standing and breathing.”
“I don’t have a type.” At least, I didn’t think that I did. In my small dating experience, I had always been with guys different from the last. Tall, short, muscular, a little round in the middle, and whatever in between. “Standing and breathing is a good place to start.”
Karlton sighed and veered into the mall parking lot. “Well, I guess I’m the one who is going to have standards in all of this.”
I had standards. I just didn’t think Karlton’s plan was really going to sprout out the man of my dreams. “I thought this was just supposed to be a decoy guy to get my mom off of my back? Now you are talking like we’re on a man hunt to drag one down the aisle.”
He pulled into a parking spot and slammed the car into park. It was really a miracle that his car even started after the way he drove it. “There ain’t no reason why we can’t kill two birds with one stone.”
I tilted my head and squinted. “Huh?”
Karlton shook his head and grabbed his man purse out of the back seat. “Why can’t he be a decoy to your mom and keep you warm at night? The best of both worlds, honey.”
I threw open my door and slammed it shut behind me. “Well, why don’t we focus on the decoy world and leave the happily ever after world in the rearview mirror, okay?”
He hitched his man purse over his shoulder and strutted around the front of the car over to me. “Honey, I think there is one thing you and I need to get straight.” He put his arm around my shoulders and propelled us toward the front entrance. “You need a man. And not some guy you can bowl over and step on.”
I glanced over my shoulder and saw that Karlton hadn’t closed his door. It was a miracle the man didn’t get his car stolen. At least a handful of times, I had discovered his car door open when I wandered over to the laundromat. “Fine by me, but you might want to close your door. We’re not at the strip mall anymore.”
He dropped his arm from my shoulders and jogged back to the car while mumbling under his breath about automatic doors and how he wasn’t made for the door-closing life. “I’ve just decided we are going to find you a rich decoy to be your happily ever after and then you can adopt me and I can live in the pool house in the back of your grand mansion in the Keys.” He threaded his arm through mine and resumed pulling me toward the mall. “We will need to stock up on sunscreen because I have a rather delicate disposition, in case you haven’t noticed. One can never put too much sunscreen on.”
I looked at him out of the corner of my eye. “Anyone ever tell you that you have a rather vivid imagination?” I had lived the rich life; I wasn’t interested in going back, even if it meant Karlton would live in my pool house. “I think you’ve watched way too many movies that made pool houses seem way cooler than they actually are.”
He scoffed. “Puh-leez. Everyone knows the friend of the richie always lives in the pool house until he finds his own money pony to ride off into the sunset with.”
“You are talking a language I don’t understand. Richie? Money pony?” Karlton either hit his head this morning or had gotten into some wacky shit.
He inhaled deeply as we walked through the front doors into the food court. “Lord have mercy, we are going to have to make a detour over to China King before we leave.” He cupped his hand to his ear and leaned towards the left. “I can hear those yummy little crab rangoons calling my name.”
Karlton had definitely gotten into some wacky shit. “Yoga pants, and then China King.”
“Oh no,” he sassed. “You promised me a pantsuit. If I remember correctly, I’m pretty sure you promised two.”
I rolled my eyes and let him lead me through the mall. If only my self-preservation instincts weren’t so strong, I could have let him kill me on the drive over and wouldn’t be on my way for pantsuit-related torture right now.
The large letters of Macy’s came into view, and I could feel Karlton’s excitement rolling off of him. “Lord have mercy, this is going to be so much fun.” He clapped his hands together like a happy seal and skipped ahead of me.
I didn’t want to be a Debbie Downer and burst his bubble, but he was going to have to wrestle me into that pantsuit.
Kennedy Kramer and pantsuits were not going to happen. Especially not to please my mother.
“Jeans and a nice shirt, Karlton,” I called. I was totally reneging on my promise. If it came down to it, I could always take the bus or call an Uber to take me home.
He spun around on his heel and pointed at me. Lord have mercy, this man was a drama queen. “Pantsuit and that’s it!” he demanded.
“I’m not eighty years old, Karlton. Who the hell wears a pantsuit anymore?”
“The outfit I’m picturing is something you would never catch your grandma wearing,” he smirked.
He waltzed into the store, and I meekly followed behind him.
Now, I was scared.
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