“I’ll be right back, Miss Bexley. Let me run this card. By the way, the team is looking great. Idaho has always wanted a football team.”

“Thank you. They sure are. I love this town. I have a feeling my roots will eventually grow here.” I smile at the receptionist and watch as she starts processing my paperwork.

I inhale and exhale. I feel awful that I kept things yet again from my family, but I’m thankful for them being here, and I’m even more relieved they didn’t demand me to go into hiding. I couldn’t bear to be tucked away somewhere and not know what’s going on.

Besides that, I’d have to be away from Liam, and being away from him again is not an option for me. He was highly emotional the other night, rightfully upset, and yet we talked through it. We both kept our anger intact. I listened to his worry crack through every painful word he spoke.

There is so much about our lifestyle he will never understand, and I hope he never does. It’s far too soiled.

Tears prick my eyes. They always do when I reflect on my family life. The hardest part of all of this was talking with my mom and finding out things about her I never knew. I already heard most of the story about my parents being separated from each other after they were married. My mom was lied to about her true identity in the sense of being related to the mafia; it was hard at first for her to accept it. What I didn’t know was the horrible nightmare she endured at the hands of Roan’s dead brother. I mean, I knew she and Roan were kidnapped. I just didn’t know she lost a baby she never knew she was carrying. I cried until I had no more tears left when she told me this morning. Once I calmed down, I understood the importance about not keeping secrets from them so much more. Secrets are what eventually get people hurt or killed in the life of the mafia, and regardless if I’m a part of that life or not, I’m connected, and so is Liam.

I sigh and shift my thoughts to something happier. Like Alex being here. The dirty little shit is going to come in here and take over my job. Not that I mind; it will give me time to relax. To sit and enjoy the team practice and inhale the fresh fall air.

The way our families interacted with one another on Sunday during the game meant everything to me. Nothing compared to it. Not even the heart-to-heart talk I had on the phone this morning with my grandfather, John. My mom’s father compared to watching my brother and Alex toss a ball around with State before the teams came out to warm up. It’s the first of many memories I see waiting for us on the horizon.

My grandfather eased my mind, though. The man was a cold-blooded killer before he eventually took a step back due to a shaky tremor in his hands. He and my grandmother now live in a quiet town in Florida, not far from where several of my family members have vacation homes.

Despite him killing hundreds of people, I love him, and he loves his family with his entire heart. He assured me I wasn’t to worry, and I’m trying with everything in me not to. It’s all just so hard and mentally draining.

It’s only been a few days, and my family has already started trying to find out who sent me those gifts. They’ll work on it non-stop until they do. My dad has started checking out everyone I’ve dated. Even the creeper who stalked me. How they’ve ruled him or anyone else out, I’ll never know, and I don’t dare ask.

“Well, this is the last place I expected to find you. When you asked me last week at dinner if I had found a doctor or a dentist, I thought you wanted one for a referral. Are you okay?” I spin around, forget my troubled thoughts to see Baylor standing behind me.

“I’m fine. Just my yearly checkup. Everything okay with you? Is something wrong with Rowe?” I don’t bother glancing around for her; if she were here, she would have hollered my name the minute she noticed me.

“She’s fine. Home driving State crazy, I’m sure. I’m out running errands, needed to drop off the rest of her files. I was going to grab some lunch and enjoy a bit of quiet time; I can wait if you’d like to join me.”

“I’d love that. Mom is with me; we were going to have a bite to eat ourselves. We could meet you if you have other things to do.” My brother is with us, too; he chose to wait in the car. A chill runs up my spine imagining him trying to protect me if something were to happen.

I study her features to see if there’s any sign she’s worried or stressed out. I don’t spot one. Having to tell her and State about my current situation was hell. It was the salt in the wound. Baylor acted as any loving mother would. She teared up, trembled, but held it all together. State’s jaw was tense and worried as well. I swear the man doesn’t like me. I explained to them how there would be extra security on all of us. Nothing obvious, just always eyes watching over them. We have no idea what in the hell this psycho will do or who he will go after. It was awfully hard this morning not to share it with Sage. She thinks our extra security is because the press is still sniffing around waiting for anyone to balk and tell them more about Liam and me.

Baylor pulls me into a hug. She’ll never know how much comfort that hug offers up. We are all on edge yet still doing our best not to let my stalker control our life.

“I’ll wait. This was my last stop. Are you sure you're okay? You look tired.”  If she only knew how tired I really am.

I have so much running through my head that if one more crisis comes along, I might explode into tiny pieces.

“Honestly, I’m okay. It’s not easy running a football team and keeping up with your son.” I turn to take my insurance card back from the receptionist, thank her, and guide us around the corner to where my mom is sitting. I’m about to sit when they call my name.

“I shouldn’t be very long. You two catch up and figure out a place to eat. I’m starving,” I say, follow the nurse through the door, down the hall, and into a room that looks the same as all the other rooms I’ve been in. White walls with pictures that would normally cheer me up, but with everything that’s going on, the bright purple flowers in the vase look wilted and dead to me, and the cat in the other picture has fangs.

“Let’s get you on the scale to check your weight. We haven’t received your file from your doctors back in New York. Do you know how much you normally weigh?” she asks, while I slip out of my heels and toss my bag in the chair.

“Not really. I’m afraid I’ll be no help to you at all,” I answer politely. My eyes enlarge and bug out of my head when I see how much I weigh. My shitty diet and sparse runs are the culprits. I make a mental check to eat better and dedicate time to running on a regular basis again.

“Justice, did you hear me?”

“I’m sorry, what did you say?”

“I said you can step down and have a seat on the table. I have a few more things to do before the doctor comes in. I need to take your blood pressure and check your temperature. While I’m doing that, can you tell me when you had your last period?”

“Okay.” I do what she asks while my eyes remain glued to the scale and my brain runs on a wild goose chase. I’ve only gained a few pounds, I think, but that’s not really the problem. It’s thinking back to my period. It should have been last week. “Oh, my God,” I shout loud enough it startles her.

My tone and my thoughts collide in the middle of my chest. If I weren’t sitting down, they would knock me to the floor. My mouth opens and shuts like the little goldfish my dad won for me at a fair when I was four years old. I talked to that little fish all the time, praying and hoping he would talk to me, too. Only he never did; no sound ever came out of his mouth. And now I feel the same. Trapped in a tiny bowl with the world revolving around me while I swim until I drown.

“I think we should run a pregnancy test.” Did I really say that out loud?

* * *

“Sweetheart, Liam is here. Baylor and I are going to take off. Call me if you need me.” My mother wakes me from my nap. I stretch, sit up, and fear grabs hold of my heart and squeezes.

“I will.” I gather my strength, and the second I no longer see her, there’s the resounding, unnerving silence as I wait for the echo of his footsteps.

I remember everything in bright colors after the words slipped out of my mouth. The possibility of me being pregnant never occurred to me. I’m on the pill, for shit’s sake. But things happen, so after I peed in a cup and waited for the test to come back, I had the nurse get my mom and Baylor to sit with me. I’ve been scared of many things in my short life. This had my heart pounding its way out of my chest.

And then I laughed, a full-out, crazed laugh that had both women and the nurse staring at me from the doorway as if I’d lost my mind.

“Dad was right?” I stammered out.

Of course, they weren’t there when he teased Liam, so they had no clue what I was yammering on about. The minute the doctor walked in and confirmed what my intuition told me was true, Mom caught on, and Baylor’s body tipped sideways and smashed into the wall.

“You feeling okay? Not going to lie. You look like shit.” Liam’s low words feather across my face from where he’s standing; they draw a frown on my lips instead of a smile. He has no idea how shitty I feel or will feel soon. It has nothing to do with how his reaction will be. It has to do with bringing someone into this world of chaos.

My tattered breath escapes my lips when he strides in and sits next to me and lightly traces his finger along my lips. The man thinks I’ve come down with something. The dark, hollow places of what’s been happening to cease to exist as his smooth lips come down and kiss my forehead. The bed beneath me vanishes as he leaves me floating with his touch. I know he’s going to be happy, and yet this is way too soon.

“Liam,” I whisper.

“I fucking love you so damn much. Tell me what’s wrong? Do you have a cold, the flu? What do you need?” he questions. The man knows me all too well picking up on the situation. The only thing is, he is way off target.

“I love you, too. I’m not sick, Liam.” Not yet anyway.

The idea of morning sickness doesn’t sit well with me. If ever there will be a time when Liam calls me princess, it will be then. I’m a big baby when it comes to throwing up. Although, both Mom and Baylor told me it’s all worth it. I have no doubt it is. But still.

I’m silent for a moment while I listen to his steady breathing. I lift my hand to feel the beat of his heart beneath the palm as I place it on his chest. I have two hearts beating inside of me. Mine and the little one Liam and I created. I’m happy, sad, and excited, and yet I’m not quite capable of getting the words to come out of my mouth. I want to say them right. Everything is a jumbled-up mess with puzzle pieces scattered everywhere, but when I take in a deep, calming breath, the scene before me becomes crystal clear. Trust. Honesty. Love. I have it all in spades.