CHAPTER FIVE

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A tall, dark-haired foreigner had invaded her dreams. Not that she’d slept well. Seeing visions of Luka was the only plus to the few hours of slumber she’d managed. She sat at the oversized kitchen table while a second pot of coffee brewed. The dark roast aroma filled the air. With her head buried in her hands, the low drum of a headache formed. She was not looking forward to dealing with her ex.

“Mom! I can’t find the strawberry jam,” her son yelled next to her ear. His young, high-pitched voice had the ability to carry from several rooms over. His proximity only added to the throbbing.

Without lifting her head, she pointed at the cupboard by the sink. “I bought a new one last week. It’s with the rest of the spreads.”

“But I want you to get it for me.” He wrapped his small fingers around her bicep. “Please.”

His manners earned him a smile. “Last week, you begged me to move everything to the lower shelves, so you could reach.” Her heart melted as his bright green eyes, so like her own, stared back. “Because you asked so nicely, I’ll help you find it.” She took his hand, and they walked around the island to the country style sink.

Her kitchen had undergone a complete renovation the year after Terry Junior was born. Terry had surprised her by getting a vasectomy. His consolation for a larger family had been a new kitchen. The bright, cheery colors had been his idea. It was her least favorite room in the house.

Her son pulled open the cream-colored door and found his prize. “Found it.” Wayne let go of her hand and grabbed his favorite jam. As the middle child, he tried to do everything by himself and assert his independence wherever he could.

“You’re welcome,” she said, patting the top of his head. He had a mop of blond waves the same light, ash color as his father’s and cut in the same style. Long on top and short on the sides.

Wayne set the jar next to his bread. “Dad should be here any minute. Right?” He’d opened two different loaves, trying to select the best pieces.

She nodded. Her throat dried like someone had scraped all the moisture from her tongue.

“Do you think Dad wants a snack too? I’m making one for me and TJ, and I could make it for him.” Jam dripped from his butter knife onto the butcher-block counters.

“I know you could. Only, he’s not eating bread right now,” she said, sounding like she’d swallowed half a dozen cotton balls. “But I bet once the season’s over, he’d love for you to make him one.” She leaned against the counter and crossed her arms over Luka’s red tank top.

The souvenir she’d taken to remember the most seductive night of her life. Wearing his shirt to bed had been the only way to stop herself from calling him. Numerous times, her fingers hovered over his name on her phone, but she’d resisted. There was no point. No last names and no future. They were from two different worlds destined to never collide again.

Jill inhaled and drew strength from the musk that lingered. She wondered what he was doing and if he was having fun. Whatever it was, it had to be better than handing over divorce papers.

Someone pinched her ass, and she spun around. Her ex stood there, wearing dark jeans and his typical plaid, button-down shirt. They were the same age, but he had more lines around his eyes and some white hairs along the sides. He was a good-looking man, but her attraction towards him had fizzled. Seeing him no longer set butterflies loose in her belly or dampened her panties.

“Hey, babe,” he said, eyeing the food sprawled across the countertop. “You guys shouldn’t eat carbs. It’s not healthy.”

“Hello,” she croaked then cleared her throat. “I didn’t hear the bell.”

Terry held up his keys. “It’s my house.” He gave her an incredulous look and then stepped past her towards their son. “Did you make all this mess Wayne or was it the baby?”

He beamed at his dad and smiled. “I did everything myself.”

Terry leaned down and hugged him. “So proud. You’ll be a big man in no time. Wish I got to see you more. I miss you, buddy.”

She didn’t miss the dig directed at her. As if she kept the kids from him. Nothing could be further from the truth. He had access anytime he wanted. His lack of contact was his decision not hers.

“Do you mind coming into the office with me? We need to talk.” The sooner she handed him the papers, and he signed the sooner she could breathe.

“Oooo… when mommies say they want to talk, that’s not a good thing,” he whispered into their son’s ear, but she overheard.

“When I’m bad, I say sorry and I won’t do it again. That always makes Mommy smile again. You should try that,” Wayne said.

Terry placed a kiss on top of the boy’s head. “Eat your food.”

Jill huffed. Terry never apologized for anything. Ever. That was their biggest problem. He did what he wanted regardless of the consequences. Maybe he’d always been like that, but her willingness to accept it had changed. Zero compromise wasn’t healthy for a marriage.

“Sweetie, why don’t you put your food on a plate and join your brother and sister in the living room.” She grabbed a Nymphenburg plate from the drying rack and placed Wayne and TJ’s snack onto it. “Dad and I will join you in a bit.”

“Why don’t you give him a plastic plate?”

“He’s a toddler, not a baby anymore.” Their son held onto the expensive dinnerware with both hands. “TJ won’t break it. You don’t have to worry.”

“Of course, he won’t,” she added. Jill smiled at her son as he held his head high and left the room. She hoped she could hold her head high after destroying their family.

Terry marched past her, heading towards her office. A year ago, it had been his office. The walls were covered with signed hockey jerseys, posters and other paraphernalia. The space was a mismatch of colors from the various teams he’d played for throughout his career. Missing was the ring and pictures of Terry with the Cup. In the hopes of one day putting her family back together, she hadn’t redecorated.

“What’s this about? Don’t be mad about the trip. I had some team stuff come up. You know how crazy it is.” Terry opened the curtains. Daylight streamed in through the window. He sat behind the desk as she closed the door. “You look good, babe.”

“It’s not the trip.” She kept her distance, walking to the opposite side of the room. Standing by the floor to ceiling bookshelf, she ran her fingers over the haphazardly positioned books.

“I’ll bet it was boring without me,” he said, and she didn’t correct him. “I’ll make it up to you after we win. We can take a family trip to the keys, like you’ve wanted to do for a while.”

She exhaled through her nose and clenched her fists. Comments like that weren’t helpful. “We won’t be taking any more trips together. You and me—”

“We belong together under the same roof… in the same bed.” He raised his eyebrows and smiled, and her eyes narrowed in response. “I can see you’re pissed about the other night, but you know I love you. If it wasn’t work related, I’d have been with you.” He kicked his feet onto the top of the desk and leaned back in the chair.

A framed picture of them dancing on their wedding night tipped over. He picked it up. They’d been so young, happy, and in love. She’d thought those feelings would never end, but those days were gone. No matter how much she wanted her family to work, the issues between them were too big to overcome; at least for her.

“You were the most beautiful girl I’d ever seen. Still are with your long legs and round ass.” He bit his lip and angled his head to get a glimpse at her behind.

“Terry stop,” she said, hoping he wouldn’t bring up the past. His ability to pull on her heart strings never failed to bring tears to her eyes.

“Everyone wanted you, but I put a ring on your finger first. We raced down that isle like a couple of foolish teens. I’m still crazy about you.” He flipped the picture around for her to see.

The couple in the white dress and black tux beamed at one another. Their smiles so big it swallowed their faces. Many people thought they’d married because they were expecting, but Rianne hadn’t come until eleven months later.

“A lot has happened since that night,” she added, taking the picture from him and placing it face down on the desk.

“Babies and the NHL. We’ve had a good life and more good times ahead. Don’t let one missed trip derail the progress we’ve been making.”

Her teeth gnashed. “There’s no progress. We’ve been separated over a year and we want different things.”

“Here we go again.” Terry tossed his hands in the air. “You need to let it go. We have three great kids. More wouldn’t make our lives any better.”

His decision to stop having kids meant she’d never be pregnant again. Never breastfeed or go through all the firsts again. It had taken them a long time to conceive after their daughter. Mostly because Terry’s career had taken off, and he’d picked hockey over growing their family. As much as it had pained her, they’d waited. It was always her sacrificing her dreams to make his come true. Had she known Terry Junior would be their last, she’d have prepared better. She’d always planned for a large family. An entire hockey team was what they’d agreed on. Then he’d changed the rules.

“I don’t want to fight anymore. It’s time…” she exhaled and rung out her hands. “This is hard.”

“Jill, I didn’t do it to hurt you. Babies cry a lot. TJ’s colic was unbearable. My worst season ever,” he proclaimed like it made all the difference.

“Babies cry.” Her voice quivered. “I never complained.” She shook her head and knotted her fingers.

Terry tugged on the ends of his hair. “We were miserable. It’s been almost two years; I keep waiting for you to move past it.”

“Like you did?”

It wasn’t a secret she’d pulled away following his betrayal. The sight of him made her cry for months, but she had tried to let it go because she’d loved him. He’d been her leading man since her first year at college. She’d stuck with him through the minors, and all the ups and downs. But when they discovered he had a son less than a year younger than TJ, she’d lost it. It was like pouring salt into her wounds.

“One time.” He held up his finger. “Fucking one lonely night shouldn’t follow me forever. Sure as shit, shouldn’t cost me my wife and my family.” Terry refused to admit the boy was his, but a paternity test had confirmed it.

The results had delivered the final blow, shattering any respect she had left for her husband. She’d kicked him out the same day. Not only because of the betrayal, but because he refused to accept that child. Blood and family meant nothing to him, but it meant everything to her.

After the initial storm had passed, he’d begged her to give him time and space to come to terms with the claims and her reaction. She wanted to believe he was a good man. A year had passed, but nothing changed. Terry still had no contact with that child. It broke her heart.

“Your complete lack of regard for anyone but yourself is what got you here. I want a divorce,” she spat.

His eyes widened and then darkened. “No.”

The word stung like a slap. Jill stepped to the desk, lifted the dissolution of marriage documents and tossed the papers in front of him. She flipped to the first signature and pointed at hers.

“We’ve been separated long enough. Our marriage is over.” The reality was hard to admit out loud, but it needed to be acknowledged. “Let’s make it legal.”

He dropped his feet to the floor with a loud thump as he glanced down at the blue ink. Shaking his head from side to side, he grimaced. “Not happening. We’re working this out. You’re my lucky charm.”

“And you are being unreasonable,” she snapped. Jill picked up a pen and stretched her arm towards him. “Sign it.”

His stubborn ways tugged on her last nerve. Her hands shook as she held out the pen he refused to take. It was pointless to argue with a mule, but she wanted this heaviness off her chest. Once he agreed to legally end their marriage, she’d finally be free. There would be no more what ifs.

“I’m not sure what’s gotten into you, but you need to calm down.” He took the pen and tossed it across the room. “This is not the time for rash decisions. I have enough on my plate. I need everything to stay the same. No interruptions or distractions. I can’t believe you.”

“Me?” Her voiced turned shrill.

“I’ve never known you to be this selfish. What would people say? The media and… no. I am going to leave this room because this conversation is over. I love you. Deep down, you love me too. Don’t destroy our family.”

The chair rolled and hit the wall. He stormed out of the room without looking back. The papers remained on the desk.

Her body pulsed with rage. She gripped the edge of the desk, trying to collect herself. Tears welled in her eyes, but she’d cried enough over Terry and his decisions. No more.

A few minutes later, her daughter rushed into the room. “We’re leaving.”

She straightened her posture and faced Rianne. “What are you talking about?”

“Dad wants us to watch the hockey game with him tonight. We will sleep there and then spend the entire next day with him at the condo.” The excitement translated loud and clear. “You should come too.”

“No, you all have fun. I have a headache and will probably skip the game and crawl into bed early.” She followed her daughter out of the office and ignored Terry. She helped her boys pack an overnight bag. Since she’d kicked him out, this was only the fourth sleepover. She wondered at his motivation, but the kids looked so happy. They were all that mattered.

When they left an hour later, she leaned against the door and clutched her chest. The weight hadn’t lifted fully, but she’d taken the first step to move on. A smile tugged at the corner of her lips. The papers were only a formality. They both knew it. Whether he signed today or next month, she was done. No more chances. No more excuses to stop living her life.

She hugged her midsection and wished her arms were around Luka. Rather than lick her wounds in an empty house, she went online and booked the next flight to Winnipeg. She didn’t need Luka to pay for her ticket. Her bank accounts were full, and it was about time she treated herself.

“I’m coming to see you. Tonight.” She sent the text message before she could chicken out.

His response never came as she selected the right outfit for seduction. Her phone remained silent as she filled her bag and watched the clock. She feared the discussion about seeing each other again had been pillow talk. Something he’d offered to placate her, but she’d been the one to say no promises for more.

Seconds before she canceled the ticket, her phone beeped. Luka’s name appeared, and her pulse soared. “I will count down the minutes till we’re together. What time?”

The flight wouldn’t arrive until late, but she wasn’t in the mood to be alone. “After midnight. Is it too late? I could reschedule.”

Her phone rang, and she answered with a huge smile. “Hi.”

“I knew I’d hear from you.” His accent surrounded her like a seductive embrace.

“Some unexpected free time opened on my calendar,” she admitted.

“And I was the first person you think of. I am flattered.” The background noise was so loud she struggled to hear him.

She sat on her bed next to the suitcase. “Are you busy? I mean, if it’s too short notice we can—”

“Jill, I will be offline for the rest of the night, but I want you with me. Come to Winnipeg. My flight home will be around the same time. You might have to wait a little, but I will make it worth your while.”

“Do you charm all the women like this or are you only this sweet for me?” She wanted it to be only her, but she wasn’t naïve. His young and sexy intensity probably brought a bevy of attractive women his way. Ones that were closer to his age. She chewed her lip.

His laughter masked all the other noise. “No charm; I speak the truth. Most find me abrasive.” More laughter followed. “I’ll meet you at the hotel.” He hung up.

The butterflies of anticipation fluttered into action. In less than ten hours they’d be together. One more time and then she’d end things.

Once at the airport, she caught snippets of the hockey game while she waited for her flight. She didn’t want to think about Terry, but it was impossible not to as players chased the puck. The names on the jerseys were different, but all those men were the same, chasing the same dream. Soon this wouldn’t be her world anymore. Her days of being a hockey wife were over. Almost.