Torn

I put my phone away and grin at her. "This is what she does to me. She says hi, by the way."

"Tell her I said hi back when you talk to her."

"I will. I should get going, I'm supposed to be at work." I stand and push my chair under the table. "Thanks for the talk, Tess."

"I'm glad you came to me. I love you a lot, ya know."

"I love you, too."

"You and Kenzi can come here together anytime. I won't tell anyone. If you just want to hang out with another person someplace safe... you're both welcome here. Or if she needs someone to talk to, she can come to me. I haven't talked to her in a while, but I still think of her as a friend."

"Thanks. That might be good for her. Her friend Chloe is kind of spastic so neither one of us really trust her to not accidentally slip up if she knew." She walks with me to her door. "And don't leave that much cash laying around in the open anymore." I advise, still worried about that pile of money she's got. I've seen people get stabbed for less money than that.

"Don't worry, I'm taking it to the bank later."

"Good. I'll talk to you soon."

26

Kenzi

Kenzi ~ age two

Tor ~ age seventeen

Kenzi loves the park. sometimes on the weekends when Ash and Ember want to get some alone time, I grab one of the dogs from my mom’s shelter and I take them both to the park to get some air and exercise.

The autumn air is crisp as we walk through the park, and Kenzi and the dog are both enjoying kicking up the leaves and hearing them crunch under their feet. A pretty girl around my age with short blonde hair is walking towards us with a small dog along the path that winds around the lake. As we approach each other, her dog starts to get all excited and runs to us, dragging the girl with her on a long leash.

Laughing, I kneel down to pet the tan wiggling dog.

"I'm sorry," she says breathlessly. "She gets excited to see people and other dogs."

"That's okay, at least she's friendly."

"Your dog is much calmer. I think mine might need to go back to puppy class."

"He's not mine. He's a rescue from the shelter, and he's about ten years old. I volunteer there so I take one out every weekend to get some exercise."

She smiles at me. "That's really sweet of you to do. I just moved nearby, so I'll be here a lot on the weekends, too. Maybe I'll see you again sometime."

Kenzi giggles as the little dog moves to her next and starts licking her face.

"She's adorable," the blonde girl says. "Is she yours?"

Standing, I take Kenzi's hand. "Yeah, she is."

Kenzi

I've lost five pounds since Friday. Today is Monday. I don't weigh myself often, but Friday morning the digital scale in my bathroom was beeping, so I weighed myself just to make sure it was working after I put new batteries in it. And this morning I stepped on it again because I haven't been able to eat and was just curious. I wasn't expecting to see five pounds gone.

Ever since Tor and I slept together, I've been frazzled. Almost manic. My stomach feels like I'm stuck in an elevator that keeps going up and down randomly throughout the day and night. My heart suddenly palpitates and a wave of dizziness follows. Yesterday I sat at my desk to work on a request I received from a local poet who wants all her poems written in calligraphy to be framed for her office, and all I could do was draw pretty, ornate hearts of various sizes. And Tor's name.

Thankfully, the poet isn't in a rush. And thankfully, I have a lot of paper and ink, since I wasted a lot with my daydream-induced swoony scribbling.

Sleeping is now reduced to two hour increments, where I wake with a jolt several times throughout the night, covered in sweat, heart racing, my sex quivering and damp, and I'll reach for my cell phone and re-read all the text messages he's sent me recently.

I am hopelessly in love with Toren Grace.

Now that we've stepped over the line, I'm consumed with thinking about him, and us, and the past, and the present, and the future, and everything. So much everything. My emotions go from being excited and happy to nervous and scared with almost no in-between.

He said we should think, and that's all I've been doing. Thinking, thinking, and even more thinking. And worrying. What if he decides that this can't happen? That we can't happen? What if he decides it's too much stress? Or that I'm just too young? What if he can't face my father with the truth? What if my father has a major melt down?

I realized this morning that I've worried so much about what his decision will be, and the mental torment that he's going through, that I haven't really thought much about myself. This isn't just about Tor dating a younger woman, and him dealing with the possible wrath of his best friend. This is also about me dating a much older man, and causing anguish to my father and to my family.

Can I endure that?

With Tor's love and support...yes. I believe I can.

Blue reusable grocery bags are all over Toren's kitchen, and Kitten has taken up residency in an empty one that has fallen onto the floor. I may have bought too much food. I'm not sure why I feel like baking a yummy apple pie and broiling up a filet mignon for him, but I do. I'm on a mission. Perhaps sex and love changes what you want to give a person. Or at least put in their mouths.

In more ways than one.

I didn't get to see Tor over the weekend because he had to work on Saturday and I promised his mother I'd help at the shelter bathing a few of the dogs. Yesterday he went riding with my father, which is something they do almost every Sunday when my dad is home. I stayed upstairs in my room even though I knew Tor was outside in our garage because I didn't think I could see him without throwing my arms around him or making some kind of lust filled face at him that my father might notice. I watched them ride off together from the window seat in my bedroom, and seeing his long hair flying in the wind behind him and the tautness of the muscles in his arms as he gripped the handlebars brought back the delicious memories of those same arms enveloping me in his bed.

The dog and the kitten follow me around the house as I straighten things up, start his laundry, and run the vacuum over all the carpeted rooms, which will have tufts of white fur scattered about again in less than an hour. All the while my mind bounces like a ping pong ball with questions. Does he want to see me again? Does he regret sleeping with me now that he's had a few days to think about it? Was I painfully awkward and inexperienced?

Just as I'm about to start on the apple pie, my cell phone beeps.

Tor: How's my Angel?

That plunging elevator feeling overwhelms me once again just reading those three little words, typed by him. To me. And that one tiny word in the middle makes my heart soar like a wild bird.

My.

I'm his.

Me: Missing you xo

Tor: Are you at my house?

Me: Yes.

Tor: I'm on my way there. Taking my lunch break to come kiss you.

Me: OMG Really?! :-)

Five minutes later I hear his bike roaring into the driveway. I wait at the front door for him with a pounding heart, holding myself back from running to him just in case a neighbor might see me. His long jean-clad legs carry him down the walkway quickly and he shuts the door behind him, his eyes locking onto mine with the biggest smile I've ever seen on him as he immediately reaches for me, cupping his hand on the side of my throat and bending down to cover my mouth with his, slow and deep. Possessive. I wind my arms around his neck and hang on to him as my legs turn to jelly, threatening to let me melt into a puddle at his feet.

This is the best hello of my life.

His tongue sweeps against mine and a small growl sounds in his throat before he pulls away slightly. "I've been waiting three fuckin' days to kiss you again," he says with a soft, raspy voice. "I couldn't stand it for another minute." He rubs his thumb along my jawline and kisses me again, gently sucking my lower lip into his mouth.

"Ditto." I say when we part for air again. "I thought you wanted to think..."

"I have been. Nonstop. I've been thinking so much my brain hurts."

Moving my hands up from the back of his neck to cradle his head, I pull him down and plant a kiss on the center of his forehead. "There," I whisper. "I kissed it better for you."

"Yeah," he agrees huskily. "You did." His lips meet mine again and his hand grips my waist, pulling me closer to him. "You make everything better."

I swallow the lump of happy emotion in my throat as he takes my hand and leads me to the kitchen, where he inspects all the baking ingredients and supplies I've got laid out on the counter with keen interest.

"You're making me something special, aren't you?" He finally asks with a crooked grin.

I nod excitedly. "Yes. Filet mignon for dinner with mashed potatoes and sautéed fresh green beans...and I'm making you an apple pie."

His eyes go wide. "You're spoiling me. Please tell me you're staying for dinner. I'm not eating all that without you."

"If you want me to."

"Of course I want you to. I want to see you as much as I can."

I play nervously with the small canister of cinnamon on the counter, wondering if he'll make love to me again or if we'll just eat together and then I'll leave. The truth is I want to be in his bed again, with him on top of me all hard and sexy with our bodies connected while he whispers words that people don't say aloud. Words I can't wait to hear him say again.

"Then I'll still be here when you get home." I reply, turning back to him.

His eyes stay on mine for a few moments, his gaze filled with a longing that makes a warm tingle flow down my spine.

"I wish I didn't have to go back to work." He pulls me against his chest, where I fit perfectly. Different from how I used to, but perfect now. "I'm having a hard time focusing there knowing you're here in my house."

"I'm sorry. I don't want to distract you from your work, Tor."