Torn

She falls into one of the chairs and crosses her legs. "He's not really awake. He opens his eyes for a few seconds but that's it. The doctor said he probably won't be coherent until tomorrow. And yeah he must be in pain, the road rash alone looks likes pizza. They've got him on an IV of pain meds."

"Oh my God. I hate this."

"You two are really in a mess, Kenzi. You have to lay low or someone is going to catch on. My brother has enough to deal with now. If anyone finds out he's screwing you it's going to cause a ruckus, and that's not going to be good for him."

I shoot her an angry look. "He's not screwing me, Tesla. We love each other."

She shakes her head at me, her silver hoop earrings swinging. "I just hope you two know what you're doing. I'm only two years older than you and I can't even wrap my head around the thought of loving someone and planning a future with someone at this stage in my life. I can't even brain being that kind of tied down."

"You and I are very different, Tessie. I love your brother, and I can honestly say the only thing I want is to spend my life with him. I don't think of it as being tied down at all."

"I hope you feel that way in five, ten years and beyond. Because if you do a U-turn at some point and leave him, it will break his heart. He's not nineteen years old, ya know?"

"Trust me I know that, and I would never do that to him. You don't think I worry that he'll want to be with someone his own age and leave me? We're both vulnerable."

"I think you're both playing with fire. Your father is going to freak the fuck out when he finds out. Even though Tor is a great guy and will probably treat you like a Queen, Asher isn't going to be able to see past the fact that his best friend is boning his daughter."

"You don't have to remind me, Tash. I know all of this. It's all I think about."

She pulls a pack of mints out of her purse and offers me one before putting a few into her mouth. I shake my head no. I have no appetite for anything, even a tiny mint.

"Look, Kenzi...I'm not trying to be a bitch. I love my brother, and I like you. I think you guys can be happy together. I'm just a little pissed off right now because my brother is lying in a hospital bed because some fucking asshole was probably texting while they were driving. I'm not trying to make you feel bad, I know you're upset."

"It's okay. I understand."

"Taran and Tris put his bike on a flatbed and took it to the shop. He's going to be so pissed when he finds out his bike is wrecked."

"How bad is it? Can it be fixed?" Tor has put so much time and money into rebuilding that motorcycle over the years, he'll be heartbroken to find out it's messed up.

"Taran thinks so, but Tor likes to do the work on his bike himself so they're not going to do much to it."

I nod in agreement. "I thought I'd stay with the pets at his house until he's able to come home unless you want to?"

"That would be great, actually. I work a lot of really late nights."

"Then I'm more than happy to stay."

I glance at my watch and realize it's late afternoon already. My heart feels sick with worry about Tor. Not being able to see him, hold him close and tell him I'm here is killing me inside. Is he wondering if I'm here? Is he upset that I'm not in there?

"You want to take a walk to his room with me and see how he's doing?" Tesla asks softly. "Hopefully Sydni will be gone."

I nod and wipe at my eyes with my fingers. "Yes."

When we get to his room I'm glad to see that Sydni has left. His mom and Tristan are there, and I hug both of them hello, trying to not fall apart as my eyes rivet on Tor sleeping in the bed. He looks smaller and younger in just the hospital gown and a thin white blanket thrown over his legs. The dark, dried blood on his forehead and the side of his face causes my chest to constrict, and I want to get a warm cloth and wipe it away.

But I can't. Because right now, I'm not Tor's girlfriend. I'm just his best friend’s kid.

"What did the doctor say?" Tesla asks as I move closer to the bed, taking an inventory of all the scrapes and bruises I'm going to kiss better as soon as we're alone together.

"He was in a little while ago and checked him over," Mrs. Grace replies. "They want to keep him for a day or two for observation, just as a precaution. He'll be sore and will need time to recover. His ribs and the road rash will probably cause him the most pain, and he could have some headaches for a few days since he hit his head. They've got him on pain killers and antibiotics right now."

"We're going to sue the asshole that hit him," Tristan says. "They could have fucking killed him. Not to mention wrecking a restored vintage motorcycle. That idiot is going to pay for this."

I sit gingerly on the edge of the bed and take his bandaged hand gently in mine, not caring that his family will see. They know we're close, so it shouldn't raise any questions that I would hold his hand. It's a perfectly normal thing to do with someone you're friends with.

Tesla keeps talking to her mom and brother in the background, asking a hundred questions and I'm pretty sure she's doing it on purpose to distract them from noticing me sitting on the bed with him fighting back tears. I rub my thumb gently over his and watch his chest move as he sleeps. The heart rate monitor and the intravenous lines he's hooked up to make my anxiety spike but I try to remind myself that this isn't like what happened to my mother. He's just sleeping from all the medication, and he's going to wake up.

His mom is saying that we all should leave so he can rest, and I can't bring myself to just stand nonchalantly and leave the room. Not caring anymore, I lean down and kiss his cheek.

"I love you the most," I whisper to him. "I'll be back tomorrow."

31

Tor

My love,

Come back to me.

My heart misses you.

My soul aches for you.

My body needs you.

My mind craves you.

You

Are

My

Forever

Tor

Three days ago I woke up in a hospital bed with the worst headache of my life and feeling like someone put me through a high-speed blender. And that may as well have happened, because parts of my flesh appear to be pureed. I don't remember getting hit at all, which is probably for the best because I'm feeling a rage towards the person who did this to me. When I first woke up, my mind felt empty. Blank. I couldn't think backwards, and it scared the shit out of me. I sat in the creaky bed in silence, waiting for my head to clear and for the incessant throbbing and nothingness to subside. Sydni was there, spouting her love for me, talking about coming home with me and our future together. My head swam with confusion and pain as my brain tried to fight through the curtain it was shrouded in.

I nodded dully at her as she went on and on about getting married and having a family. It's what I wanted. It sounded good.

But it felt wrong, and I couldn't put my finger on why. The more I thought about it, and tried to reverse back into my memory, the more pain shot through my head, and the nurses gave me more meds. And then the curtain would fall over my thoughts again.

On day two I saw Kenzi, hovering somberly in the doorway, her green eyes capturing mine from across the room, and it all came back in a monstrous wave.

She's my love. The one I'm going to spend my life with. Not Sydni, who has managed to position herself back in my life while I laid here beaten and in a fog.

I have a vague memory of my sister kissing me goodbye and whispering in my ear "I have your phone and everything else. That bitch went through the stuff you had on you when you got brought in, but I took it all. She didn't get to your phone, thank Fuck. Kenzi is staying at your house until you get home. She said to tell you she loves you."

Pain pierces through my head again as I realize what has sparked Sydni to suddenly try to become girlfriend of the year.

When we pull into my driveway, Kenzi's Jeep is there. Thank God. I can't wait to see her and have her in my arms. I could feel the worry and sadness coming off of her the few times she visited in the hospital. I wanted to scream at everyone to get the hell out of my room and give us a minute alone, but doing that would have made everyone suspicious of why I'd want to be alone in my hospital room with an eighteen-year-old girl.

Sure I could have called her from the phone in my room after visiting hours. If I knew her number. I've called her cell phone and house hundreds of times over the past years, but always from speed dial on my cell phone. I have no freakin' idea what those numbers are, and Asher's number is unlisted.

Technology, you are a sick fuck, thinking you're making our lives easier with your one touch buttons. Fuck you.

Sydni insisted on driving me home after I was discharged and I didn't want to cause a scene so I agreed, just to get out of there. But now I'm putting an end to this charade.

I grab Sydni's arm as she reaches to open her car door. I'm not letting her walk with me into my house. This is going to end right here in the car.

"What's wrong?" she asks. "Do you need help getting out of the car?"

"No. We need to talk."

"Okay, let's go inside and talk then. You can send Kenzi home now, she's just been pet sitting."

"No."

She turns in the seat with a confused look. "No what?"

"We're not together, Syd. Nothing has changed. I appreciate you coming to the hospital and driving me home, but now I want you to leave."

She frowns at me like I'm an unruly child. "What are you talking about? You said you wanted to give us another chance, Tor."

"I said I would think about it after your tour if you didn't sleep with anyone. But a lot has changed since then."

"I don't understand. I've been here for you. What could have changed?"

"A lot, actually, and I'm sorry, but we're not getting back together. Ever."