Torn

"Kenzi, you have to do some soul searching and stand on your own for awhile without your father on one side of you and Tor on the other. And your father needs to accept the fact that he created this monster he now hates. You can't shove two people together practically 24/7 and expect that nothing may grow from it. And I think in some ways, your dad is holding onto you because of what happened to your mother. You're not her," she says softly. "He needs to stand on his own, too, and so does Tor. I mean seriously, the guy has spent almost his entire life with you. He took that role of guardian and freakin' ran with it. I'm not saying he's not really in love with you, because I think he is, but I think you guys all need some major separation to get your shit together. And after you all do some thinking and settling down, then figure out where you want to go from there," she pauses, giving me time to absorb. "I know you won't come here to New York, so why don't you go to Katherine's for a few months? You love it there and she doesn't suffocate you."

"I'm afraid to leave them." I’m afraid they’ll kill each other. I’m afraid I’ll lose them both. I’m afraid of missing them.

"I know you are. But I think you have to, for all of you. Give them time to work this out between them. Maybe they will, maybe they won't. Give Tor time to think, and give yourself some time to get out from under them and then follow your heart. I think in the end, it will be what's best for all of you."

"What you're saying all makes so much sense. I'm just scared. I don't want to hurt them. And I'm afraid if I leave Tor I might lose him forever."

"If that happens, Kenzi, then it just wasn't meant to be. But I honestly think the guy will wait a hundred years for you."

I lean back against my bed, mulling this all over in my mind. Everything Chloe said rings true.

As frightening as it feels, it also seems like it might be what needs to be done for all of us to find our way to the other side of this.

I stand in the doorway for a few moments before I cross the room with slow, light steps, and lower myself into the blue vinyl chair next to the bed.

Taking her hand in mine, I'm comforted by how warm it is. I run my finger over her wedding band. Never taken off.

There is life here. There is hope here. There is so much love here.

"Mom...I'm so sorry I haven't been here," Her eyes are closed and her breathing is soft and even. Her blonde hair cascades around her on the white pillow like a golden halo, and she looks as beautiful to me as she did the day this happened to her. She still looks so young and vibrant.

"I miss you so much. I'm eighteen now and so much has happened. I wish we could talk. I know you could help me and would have the right words to say. I'm in love with Toren, Mom. I know you would understand. I want what you wanted. I want to get married and have a baby and just have a nice, simple, happy life with Tor. He wants that, too. Daddy is so mad. He can't see that what we have is so special and so right. I don't want to lose either one of them, but they’re tearing each other apart and I'm stuck in the middle," I swallow hard. "I'm going to go stay with Aunt Katherine for a while. I'm going to have to leave Dad alone, Mom, and I'm sorry. I've tried to take care of him for you. He misses you and loves you so much. He's still committed to you in every single way. But we need you. Especially Dad, he's so lost without you. You always had a way to calm us all down and make everything better. So if you're in there somewhere and you can hear me, try to come back. We're all here for you and we love you."

My heart jumps when her fingers move ever so slightly in mine.

She moved. Dad was right.

"Mom..." My voice wavers as a tear tracks down my cheek. "Can you hear me? If you can, just move your finger again. Please..."

I wait, unmoving, barely breathing until her ring finger moves a teeny bit, giving me goose bumps.

"I felt that," I say softly. "You have to try to wake up, Mom. I know it’s hard and maybe it hurts. But we'll take care of you. No matter what. You're okay. You're still beautiful. Are you afraid that you're hurt? You're not. You're perfect. You just hit your head and you drowned for a few minutes. I don't really know what happened, but I know that you're okay other than you can't wake up. You're breathing by yourself," I can't help but wonder if maybe she thinks she's broken, or disfigured, or other horrible things like that. Maybe it's scaring her into staying suspended where she is. "And you can understand me. I think you're just tired and weak. That's all. But we can fix that." More tears stream down my cheeks.

"Are you okay, Miss Valentine?" The older, gray-haired nurse places her hand gently on my shoulder. "What a nice surprise to see you here today."

I blink back my tears and look up at her. "She moved her hand. I felt it. Then I asked her to do it again and she did."

She nods and smiles, the corners of her eyes creasing. "Yes, I'm sure she hears you, honey."

"Then she should wake up, right?"

The nurse shifts her eyes over to my mom then back to me. "She will when her mind and body are ready."

"But what if that just never happens?" I ask desperately.

She squeezes my shoulder. "You just have to have faith, Miss Valentine. It's all in God’s hands. But I think your mother is very happy you came here today. Sometimes all we need is a little time to get things right in our heads. I hope you come back."

As she walks away, I turn back to my mom.

"I have faith in you, Mom. And I love you. I promise I'll come back soon."

35

Kenzi

Kenzi ~ age eighteen

Tor ~ age thirty-two

A tiny package came in the mail for me today, and I've been afraid to open it. Even though it has no return address, I recognize his handwriting on the address label. I put it off to the side to open when I’m alone.

Later that night as I'm sitting in bed at the Inn, I tear open the padded envelope, and inside is a small black velvet pouch. Taking a deep breath, I reach inside and pull out two tufts of fur, which I immediately recognize as Diogee fur and Kitten fur.

There's a tiny note inside:

"I know how much you must miss their fur, so here's a tiny bit for you. Be impressed - I vacuum every day. :) They miss you. I know you love my hair, too, but sending you that seemed creepy. Don't forget me, Angel. I love you forever and longer."

Tor

"Oh my God," she covers her mouth with her hand and starts to cry as soon as she sees me. "I can't believe he did this to you."

I pull her into my arms, ignoring the pain in my ribs and chest. All I care about right now is being close to her. "It's okay. I'm okay."

"It's not okay, Tor. This is awful. He broke your ribs." Her voice cracks as she holds onto me.

"They'll heal. I'm way more worried about what this is doing to you." I swipe my thumbs across her damp cheeks. "You're so beautiful, Angel. Please don't cry."

"I can't help it. I hate what's happening to all of us."

"I do, too." We cross the room to sit on the couch together. "He's too mad to talk to, Kenzi. Maybe in a few days I can try again to explain to him how I feel about you and make him see that I never hurt you or did anything unethical with you."

"I told him you didn't. It makes me sick that he could even think that about you."

"I think he just needs time."

She chews her bottom lip and grabs both of my hands into hers, squeezing them tightly as she peeks up at me from beneath her long bangs.

"Tor...I've been doing a lot of thinking. I even went to see my mother this morning."

I'm shocked, but in a good way. Kenzi hasn't seen her mother in over a year. "Wow. I would have gone with you, so you wouldn't have to go through that alone."

She shakes her head. "No. I needed to do it alone. And that’s kind of what I want to talk to you about."

I wouldn't be surprised if a black cloud just settled over my house, because I can feel it, like a dark shadow, stealing away all my light.

Stealing away her.

She swallows hard. "I think we all need some time apart. I need some time away from you and my father. And I think you need some time away from me and him, and him away from you and I."

I knew this was coming.

"Kenzi..." I want to get on my knees and beg. Or propose. Anything to make her stay, because I know she's leaving. I can't stop her, and I may never get her back.

Her hands squeeze mine even tighter like she's afraid to let go, and I don’t want her to. "I don't want to lose you, Tor,” she says tearfully. “I love you so much and I still want everything we talked about. But I think we all need some time to really be apart and just think. I'm going to move in with Aunt Katherine for a while."

A lone tear slides down her pink cheek as her eyes search mine frantically, the same green eyes that have looked to me for help, love, and guidance for eighteen years. The same eyes I fell in love with and want to be looking into for the rest of my life.

She promised me forever.

She made me believe I could have it.

I'll never let her go...but I have to set her free.

Please come back to me, I beg silently.

Please always love me the most.

I force myself to nod and agree and it’s one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. "Maybe you're right," I cough into my hand, and swallow back the pain shredding my heart. How am I supposed to live without her now that I’ve had a glimpse of what life with her could be like? How am I supposed to come home to just Diogee and Kitten at the door without her standing there waiting to throw her arms around me? "I want you to have time to think, and really know what, and who, you want. I'll be here," I grab the back of her neck and pull her to my lips for a long, slow kiss, then lean my forehead against hers and stare into her eyes. "I'll always be here."