Troubles and Treats

“Holy f**k, Jenny! How does that shit even fit in your underwear?!” Liz yells as she laughs and points. “And the guy who gives you an epidural is an Anesthesiologist. I’m going to need a f**king anesthesiologist to numb my eyes after seeing this!”

I quickly turn away from her and wrap the towel around my waist so she can stop making fun of me. I reach for the hem of my shirt and begin pulling it up my stomach when Liz stops me.

“What the hell are you doing?”

“Uh, I’m stripping down like the girl told me to do,” I tell her with my hands still on the edge of my shirt and my stomach exposed.

“Do you have hairy tits or something? Why the hell would you need to take your shirt off?”

I huff at her in annoyance that she just expects me to know what hell I’m doing in this situation.

Pulling my shirt back down, I hop up on the table that’s covered in doctor’s office paper, careful to keep the towel firmly in place so Liz doesn’t come up with any more insults.

“Okay, so really, how long does this take? Is she just going to like, slop some wax right on the upper part and then rip it off?” I ask Liz.

“Uh, no. This is a Brazilian. She is going to get all up in your shit from your FUPA to your ass**le,” Liz informs me with a completely serious look on her face.

“What the hell is a 'FUPA' and what do you mean, ‘all up in my shit?'” I ask her nervously.

“FUPA equals fat, upper pu**y area. And all in your shit, like, you know, spread you open and get all in there, then flip you over on all fours and clean up your ass.”

Why is she so matter-of-fact about this crap?! And I do NOT have a fat, upper pu**y area!

“They’re going to spread open my folds and wax in there?!”

Liz lets out a sound of disgust and grimaces. “Please, God, never say the word folds again.”

This is beyond embarrassing. I really did not expect that the waxing of my bits included someone getting this intimate with me.

“What if I’m like, moist, down there? Will the wax even stick?”

Liz makes a gagging sound at this point and gives me a dirty look. “Seriously. Folds and now moist? Cut that shit out or I’m going to puke all over this floor.”

The door opens before I can ask any more questions and a short, cute, bubbly blonde walks in and introduces herself.

“Hi! My name is Stephanie and I’ll be taking care of your waxing needs today,” she says as she walks over to the waxing station next to the table and stirs the already melted wax in the warming pot and begins setting out all of the waxing strips and the wooden sticks she’ll use to torture me to death.

“Have you ever had a Brazilian before?” she asks as she turns around and helps me lay down on the table.

“No, I usually just shave, but it’s been a while” I tell her as she rolls the work station on wheels closer to the table so she can reach it better.

“Careful, you might poke an eye out or something when you get a look in there. Prepare yourself,” Liz jokes from her chair over against the wall.

“Don’t worry, I’m sure it’s not as bad as some of the women I’ve seen come in here,” she reassures me with a smile as she parts my towel to get a look at what she’s working with.

“Oh my,” she says softly and then quickly steps away. “Well, um. Wow. Okay, I think I’m going to need more waxing strips. And maybe more wax,” Stephanie says as she moves away from the table to grab extra supplies out of the cabinet against the wall.

Liz is full on laughing and snorting at this point, and I lift up my hand and give her the finger without raising my head from the table.

Stephanie comes back moments later and adds the extra supplies to the table. She dips one of the wooden sticks into the wax and holds her hand under it to catch any excess dripping, then she spreads it out all over my SUPA – skinny upper pu**y area.

It’s warm and soothing when she spreads it around and I kind of like it.

Who knew this would actually be enjoyab-

“AAAAAHHH MY VAGINA!” I scream suddenly at the top of my lungs, my hands flying down to cover myself and press down on the area that burns like it’s on fire to try and alleviate some of the pain.

“OH MY GOD DID YOU PULL MY CLIT OFF?!” I yell at Stephanie in horror as she stands there holding the cloth strip that’s full of hair and quite possibly my pleasure button.

“Sorry, I should have probably warned you I was going to do that but I find it’s best not to warn someone for the first one because they’ll just tense up and it will hurt worse,” Stephanie explains with a happy smile as she turns and picks up another wax strip and dips the wooden stick into the hot wax.

“The first one is always the worst. Suck it up, bitch,” Liz tells me from her chair.

The next half hour doesn’t go by quickly at all, and several times I have to stop myself from smacking Stephanie in her face. Liz must have sensed my desire to choke the poor woman and came up to the table to hold my arms down. Luckily, Stephanie redeemed herself by telling us horror stories about other women she’s waxed: women getting their monthly visitor right in the middle of waxing or women having orgasms during the event. That right there boogers my mind but then I remember how much Drew liked it when I had to rip the pieces of tree bark off of his ass during “The Great Honey Adventure”.

One thing I can say about this whole thing is my ass has never looked better. When she had me up on all fours so she could get down in that area, she got a mirror for me. Let me just say, it’s so smooth I kind of want to pet my own ass**le. Liz keeps asking me if I want some alone time so I can finger my ass, and I think she's joking so I give Stephanie’s mirror back to her before I get carried away.