Uncaged

I feel better now.  I pull the sides of my cape over my shoulders and close my eyes when I feel it tighten across my back.  Taking a deep breath, I open my eyes and wait for Daddy so we can take care of our girls.

We don’t get to see my girls right away.  Daddy comes out and hugs me for a really long time.  I see him every day, and every day he hugs me like this.  Sometimes he squeezes me so hard it hurts just a little, but I like it.  Daddy’s hugs always make my sad stop.

“Daddy, do I get to see my girls today?”

He smiles big, but he still looks sleepy.  If Mommy wasn’t sleeping she would make him take a nap so he didn’t turn into a grump.

“Yeah, C-Man. I bet we can make that happen today.  I’m going to go up and see them in a little while, so I’ll ask the doctor if we can work something out.  Do you think it would be okay for Maddox to sit with you while you visit with Mommy today?  Just while I run up to see your sisters?”

“Okay, Daddy.  I’ll take good care of Mommy while you go see Lila and Lyn.”  I really want to see my sisters, but I want to spend some time with Mommy.

“Lila and Lyn, huh?”  He smiles and for the first time in a lot of days, his smile doesn’t look sad.

“Yup!”

He hugs me again and then picks me up to take me to see my mommy.

Maddox Locke got really bored while I talked to Mommy, so I let him play Flappy Birds on my iPod.  I laughed really hard when he got so mad that he threw my iPod.  Especially when he called Aunt Dee and asked her to stop at the store to buy me a new one.  

“Sorry I broke your toy, Cohen, but Dee’s going to bring you a new one in just a little while… Hey, why don’t we keep this between us?”

“Maddox Locke, you’re lucky my mommy didn’t see you throw a fit or you would be in time out for a reallllly long time.”  I laugh when his face turns red like Mommy’s does when Daddy says stuff in her ear.

“Right.  Wouldn’t want to be in time out, little dude.  I’m going to step into the bathroom, remember not to touch any of the cords, okay?”

I wait until he steps into the bathroom before I look back at Mommy.  She looks so pretty when she sleeps, even if she still has some bumps and cuts.  She’s still the most beautiful mommy in the whole world.

“I love you, Mommy.  You’re going to wake up and be so proud of Daddy and me.  I’ve been eating all my vegetables and cleaning up my messes.  I stay with Aunt Chelcie some.  Just when Aunt Izzy has to work and stuff.  I don’t know why because Aunt Izzy just plays on her computer.  Aunt Chelcie doesn’t really know what to do with me all the time.  She cries a lot too, but says it’s horn moans.  I haven’t heard of those before, but I hope I never get them.  I wish you would wake up, Mommy.”

She doesn’t wake up.

I keep wishing she would though.

“I’m going to see my sisters soon.  Daddy said they are really small, but I’m still going to love them.”

I take a deep breath, scoot really close to Mommy without touching her cords, and start whispering the words I know will make her happy.

“What are you singing, Cohen?”

I heard Maddox Locke come back in from the bathroom when I was in the middle of my song, but I couldn’t stop.  Mommy needs to hear all the words to get better.

“Singing Daddy’s song.  He sings it to her every single day.  He told me that Mommy can hear him singing and she will know how much he loves her, so I’m singing Mommy his song so she knows how much I love her.  Did you know that our love is going to make her all better?”  I smile big at Maddox Locke, because I know I’m right.  Soon she’s going to wake up and it’s going to be because of our love.

“You know, I think you’re onto something, little dude.  Why don’t you teach me the words so I can help you out?”

I don’t know how long we sit here, but Maddox Locke helps me sing Daddy’s song to Mommy so many times I get so tired I fall asleep.

Chapter 13 – Greg

I have to stop at the door of Melissa’s room before entering when I hear Cohen’s words to Maddox.  It never fails to amaze me just how perfect my son is.  I can’t imagine how he is feeling through all of this.  Not only with Melissa’s situation, but with having to stay with Izzy and Axel, sometimes with Chelcie, for the last two weeks.  He hasn’t complained, not one damn word, but deep down I know he’s scared.  Hell, I’m scared out of my fucking mind.  If I could keep him here with me every second I would, but between Melissa and the girls, I’m stretched thin.  There are two floors between us, but it feels like an ocean.

This morning I got the best news I have received since this nightmare began.  The swelling on Melissa’s brain is completely gone.  The doctors keep telling me that we’re in the home stretch.  All her scans look great, her vitals are getting stronger and stronger daily, and her other injuries are healing well.  Now we’re just waiting for her to wake up.

I miss her more than I ever thought was possible.  I’ve only left her side to go see the girls.  It’s like having my chest split open each and every time I have to leave Melissa to go to the girls, and it’s just as bad when I leave the girls to come back to Melissa.  She wouldn’t want them up there alone, and as much as I want to stand by her bedside and guard her sleeping body, I know where I’m needed the most right now.

My girls need me, but I know they need their mother more.

Lillian is such a champ; she definitely takes after Melissa with her fighter’s spirit. She’s been the one I know, in my gut, I don’t have to be concerned about.  Even in this short time, I can see little differences in her.  She doesn’t look as tiny and breakable as she first did.  Don’t get me wrong though.  She’s still so little I’m afraid to breathe around her, but she’s a born fighter.

Lyndsie, on the other hand, worries me.  I can feel her pain, her struggles, and I crave the ability to take them from her, to heal her.  Like her sister, her lungs aren’t developed.  A few days after she was born, she had to be placed on a CPAP machine because one of her little lungs collapsed.  I didn’t sleep one wink that night.  She’s been able to come off of it now, but that still doesn’t stop my fears of something else going wrong. Luckily, she seems to be turning a corner.  Our most recent struggle is her reflux and her inability to gain weight.  This morning I had more good news from the doctors when they said that Lyndsie hadn’t had any episodes, and kept all her feedings down.