Uncaged

Thank Christ.

I do what I can.  I stay strong when all I want to do is break down.  I visit all three of my girls.  I hold Melissa’s hand while I sing and talk to her. I reach through the girls’ incubators and run my finger across their silky skin, avoiding all the wires, singing softly to them and telling them how much we love them.

“Hey.”

I look up from where I was staring at my feet, and meet Maddox’s hard but sad eyes.  He’s never been one to show his emotions, but he would have to be completely heartless to be unaffected by this whole situation.

“Hey,” I breathe.

“How are you feeling?  And don’t give me any shit, Greg.  There isn’t any way in hell that you’re this calm on the inside.”  He props up against the wall next to Melissa’s door and just waits.

I could ignore him like I’ve ignored everyone else but Cohen.

“I’m falling apart, brother.  I’ve had to keep my shit locked so tight I feel like someone locked me in a cage and threw away the key.  Part of me wants to let loose, uncage the beast I can feel pacing inside me.  I want to run through the halls, demanding answers and quick fixes.  Goddamn, I just want my girls better and all of this to just be one big nightmare.”

He doesn’t say much for the longest time.  He just presses his lips into a thin line.  If it weren’t for the rapid drumming of the veins in his neck, I would think he’s the picture of calm and collected.  But I know better.  I know how much it costs him to just be inside a hospital. 

“You remember how it was after I got hurt?  You can’t rush these things, Greg. And as much as I wish you could… Well, she’ll wake up when her body is ready.  Doctors are telling you her brain is ready, scans are showing she’s ready, but mentally she’s locking herself up tight until she is ready.  I don’t talk about what it was like for me all those months in the hospital after the attack.  You know because you were on my team, but the only reason I pulled through was because I thought I had a reason to wake up.  Keep talking to her and remind her why she needs to come back.”

I haven’t heard Maddox speak about the bombing that essentially ended his military career for years.  Hell, it’s probably been close to ten now, but damn if it doesn’t give me a spark of hope.

“You know, I don’t know how you always know the right shit to say, but thank you. I’ve been struggling, Mad.  Struggling so hard I don’t even know how to get past this bump in the road.  I feel like I’m letting everyone down.  Even Cohen.  God, Maddox…he’s been so brave, and I can’t even offer him any kind of promise that his mother and sisters will be okay.  How the hell am I going to get past this shit?”

“That’s the easy part.  Hike your goddamn big boy panties up and you be the hero that little boy knows you are.”

“Daddy?”

I jump slightly when I hear Cohen’s voice, my brows creasing in concern when I hear his tone, but the second I see his eyes shining with hope, I push myself off the wall and drop down onto my knees in front of him.

“Hey, C-Man.  Are you okay?”

“Daddy,” he whispered so softly that I almost didn’t hear him.

“Cohen?”  I question, starting to panic slightly.

“Daddy!”  Tears begin to pile in his lids, causing my heart to beat at a pace so rapid I fear it might pop right out of my chest.

I feel Maddox move past me into Melissa’s room but keep my eyes focused on Cohen.

“It happened,” His body starts shaking with his gasping breath, and I wrap my arms around him, pulling him into my arms.

“Cohen, please talk to me.  I don’t—” I don’t get to finish my thought because I am interrupted when Maddox rushes back into the hallway.  One look at his face and I know something has happened.

I scoop Cohen up in my arms and rush past a stunned Maddox, my feet almost too heavy to pick up, but when I get to into the room, I stop dead in my tracks.

My chest burns; it burns so badly.  I don’t even attempt to stop the tears that are rapidly falling down my face.  I don’t even notice Cohen squirming to get down until Maddox pulls him out of my hold.  It isn’t until I feel his weight leave my body that I drop to the floor with a howl of relief so loud I swear the windows shake.

I quickly pick myself off the floor and keep my eyes locked on the hospital bed my wife is lying on still.  When I see Melissa’s beautiful blue eyes staring sleepily back at me, I rush to her side, pressing kisses all over her forehead and sobbing like a baby.

The next thirty minutes are a rush of activity.  Doctors and nurses run in and out of the room.  Her vitals are checked and rechecked.  They move cords, unhook machines, and give her more medication.  The whole time, her eyes never leave mine.  I can see the worry, fear, and confusion all rolling around behind her eyes.  I want to hurry to her side, but I keep my feet rooted to the floor where the doctor demanded I stand.

I nod my head when they explain to me what is going on, I grunted when answers are demanded, and the whole time I keep her gaze.  I never leave her line of sight; it is just the two of us in a room full of chaos.

“Greg,” she whispers, her voice low, gravely, and unused.

I can tell it caused her pain to even talk, so I move quickly to her side, grabbing her hand and dropping my head against the bed next to her hip.

“I’m here, Beauty.  God, I’m here.  I love you.  I love you so damn much.  Thank you for coming back to us.”  My body is shaking with the force of my emotion.  I can feel her fingertips lightly moving against my cheek.  Even though her body is drained of energy, she’s still trying to fight through the darkness to comfort me.

There is no way in hell I deserve this woman.

“Babies,” she rasps again.  “My… bab—”

“Shh, now.  The girls… God, the girls are perfect.  Just like I knew they would be.  They look just like you, Beauty.  Just like you.  Perfectly perfect.”

Tears leak from the corners of her eyes, sliding silently down her face.  She smiles weakly before she closes her eyes and her breathing deepens.

I frantically look around before my eyes settle on a young nurse standing at the foot of her bed.  Her eyes are wet, and she’s holding her hand against her chest like she’s in pain.