“Did he mean it?” Matilda says through fits of laughter.

“No, he had a sore stomach. At the time, I was so disgusted. Suddenly, I just thought he was the most horrible person in the world. I mean, I was seventeen, and he was supposed to be, I don’t know, God. Anyway, now I look back, I feel so sorry for him. I can’t imagine how embarrassing that would have been.”

“That’s so good.” Jack chuckles. “So fucking good.”

“What about you?” I ask him. “What’s your most awkward date?”

He stops laughing and shakes his head. “No way. No freaking way.”

Diesel laughs. “Tell her dude, go on.”

“No. Fuck that. It’s terrible.”

“You have to tell me now.” I grin, nudging him with my shoulder.

“No way.”

“I’ll tell it if you don’t,” Molly giggles.

“Friendship code, Mol!” he says to her, pressing a hand to his heart in feigned upset.

“Come on, I told you mine!” I plead.

“Fuck,” Jack mutters. “Okay, fine. Dammit. So I was dating this girl. We were casual for a few months, when I finally took her out to dinner. She came over, and Dad was there. He opened the door for me, because I was still getting ready. I was only about eighteen, I was excited, she was hot, and I thought I’d scored big time.”

I roll my eyes and he grins at me.

“Anyway, I walk downstairs and this girl, this woman who is supposed to be so into me, is sitting on the couch talking to my dad. Doesn’t seem unnatural, right? Wrong. As I got around to his side, I could see his face was blank and he was just staring at her.”

He stops talking and looks to me.

“Come on!” I urge. “What happened?”

“Tell her.” Diesel chuckles. “Fuck, tell her!”

“She was sitting there, in a skirt, her underwear on display for my father to see. She was giggling like a school girl, flicking her hair around. But that wasn’t the worst part. No. The worst part was she was stroking her panties. Stroking her fucking panties.”

“Oh, my God!” I burst out laughing.

“Mack is such a stud.” Matilda giggles. “She just couldn’t help herself.”

“My own fucking father, and she’s there, stroking her fucking panties trying to get his attention. The look on his face, though. Priceless.”

“Tell her what he said when you walked in.” Mercy laughs, doubling over.

“He said, ‘It was very nice to meet you, Jessica. It would seem you have something wrong with your panties. I hear Wal-Mart is open all evening, perhaps you should get yourself some new ones.’”

I am laughing so hard now there are tears running down my cheeks. “God. Such class!”

“It was horrifying,” Jack mutters. “When she finally realised I was in the room, she slammed her legs closed and acted all innocent. Bitch didn’t even kiss me that night.”

“Aw, Jacky boy.” Diesel chuckles. “Now we know why you’re so messed up.”

Jack flips his older brother off.

I scoot closer and put a hand on his arm, still laughing. “Don’t worry, Jack, I think you’re just perfect.”

He looks to me, and his eyes soften. “You do?”

I stop laughing and hold his eyes. “Yeah,” I say softly.

“Want to go for a walk?”

My cheeks flush. “Yeah.”

“Oh, God!” Molly claps happily. “They’re goin’ to get it on!”

Jack rolls his eyes at her, stands, takes my hand, and we disappear down the beach.

So far, this night is perfection.

I wouldn’t change a single thing about it.

~*~*~*~

“If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go?” Jack asks me as we sit in the sand, the waves lapping over our feet.

His fingers are curled in mine, a gesture he did as soon as we sat down. I didn’t mind, because it’s so simple, and yet so incredibly sweet and touching. His big hand engulfs one of mine. It’s been a long time since I’ve felt that kind of comfort. That kind of safety.

“I’d go to Scotland.”

“Let me guess ...” He squeezes my hand. “In hopes of finding the one and only Jamie Fraser?”

I giggle. “Well, he did help me make my decision, I won’t lie, but no, I’ve always wanted to go. Those old castles. The scenery. That accent. I love it all. It fascinates me.”

“I agree, it would be an amazing place to visit.”

“What about you?” I ask him, loving the warm water that keeps rising up and splashing over my toes, sinking them further and further into the sand.

“I’d go somewhere like Egypt, or Rome. I have a fascination with all that old stuff.”

I giggle at his use of some of history’s greatest achievements. Old stuff.

“What?” he asks, grinning over at me.

“Old stuff.”

He chuckles. “You know what I mean.”

“Yeah, I do, and I agree. It would be amazing to see.”

“One day, when I get enough money saved up, I’ll do it. I’ll travel, and I’ll see the world.”

“Do you ever want to just settle down?” I ask him. “A family, kids?”

He studies my face, and then answers with an honest, “If you asked me six months ago, I would have said no. I was living the party life, girls, alcohol, no care in the world but, honestly, it was just that, a great big fuckin’ party. There was nothing serious. Nothing real. Nothing to hang onto. Until I met you, I didn’t think I wanted anything serious in my life.”

My heart flutters.

“And yet you’re the one girl I just can’t have.”

His voice, his words, they make my heart ache. I want to give Jack what he needs. I do. But right now, with Rae and my past, I just can’t be what he needs me to be. I’m too messed up. Aren’t I? I mean, do people ever truly recover from that kind of trauma? Would I always be afraid? Would I make him think he could do nothing right? What if we fought? Would I be afraid? So many terrifying questions run through my head, and I just don’t know how to explain any of them to him.

“I’m sorry,” I say softly.

It’s the only thing I can think of.