Instead I sat, thinking I could ignore it, and then thinking I could fix it.
Is this my fault?
“I’m sorry,” I whisper, and my nose stings as tears burn the back of my throat. “I’m so sorry, I promise you I’ll get us out of this. I’ll never leave you alone, Rae. I won’t.”
“I hate you,” she spits, and I want to pray it’s the lack of drugs talking.
But in reality, I’d hate me too.
“Maybe you do, but you need to trust me, okay? Stop winding him up. Until I can figure something out, I need you to just stop. Can you please do that for me?”
“I need a fix,” she says, her bloodshot eyes hitting mine. “Will you get me that, and then I’ll do whatever you ask?”
I might be weak, but I’m not stupid.
I won’t, will not, give her drugs.
“No, no I won’t do that. I’m sorry, Rae. You need to stop. You’re young, you have your whole life ahead of you.”
“You bitch,” she seethes. “You said you’d do anything for me.”
“I won’t give a young girl drugs. I’m sorry.”
“Then I won’t stop. I know what it does to you when he hurts me. If you want to see that.”
“Don’t,” I say, my voice a little firmer than it has been in a long while. “Don’t threaten me. I live through this hell every day, too. I’m doing my best to protect you. If you want to throw yourself in his fire pit, then you can go right ahead, but I won’t be coerced into giving you want you want.”
She glares at me, but I know, I know she won’t put herself in his way. Because beneath the anger the drugs have created, she’s as scared of him as I am. And that fear controls her, just as it controls me, even if she doesn’t see it, or refuses to admit it.
“Leave me be. I’d rather be alone than have you here, pretending like you care about me.”
I won’t play into this. I won’t. I know what she’s trying to do, she’s playing on the weakest parts of me, the parts she knows are fragile, because she wants me to give her what she wants, but I can never do that. I may not have the strength to do a lot of things right, but I will not give anyone drugs. I will not turn anyone into the monsters I see before me daily.
“You need to drink some water,” I say, ignoring her spiteful words.
I place a plastic bottle beside her bed.
“Get the fuck out, Maddie. I hate you.”
“Make sure you drink that,” I continue, ignoring her. “And keep putting this cool cloth on your head.”
“Don’t pretend you know how to help me, or that you even want to. Get the fuck out.”
“There are two painkillers by the water. I’m not giving you anymore. That’s all you’ll be receiving for the night. I’ll put more in later.”
“Get out,” she spits again.
“I have to lock the door. If I don’t, he’ll know I came in here.”
“I don’t fucking care,” she groans, rolling to her side. She’s pale as a ghost. “I hope he beats some sense into you.”
It’s the drugs talking.
It is.
“Okay,” I murmur, turning and walking out of the room.
I glance back at her one more time before I go, and my heart aches. Such a young girl, wasting away. What happened to the older brother that would do anything for her? The man that would protect her from anything? Where did he go? Because really, that’s the only thing that could ever fix her now. Deep inside, I know it feels like her heart has been ripped out.
The only family she knows has turned on her.
She has nobody left in the world.
And she knows it.
CHAPTER 20
NOW – BAYLEE
“Oh. Jack.”
Big arms glide up mine, helping me with the ropes as the sail boat glides across the water effortlessly, like it was made just for this purpose, like nothing Mother Nature could throw at it would stop it from doing its job. It’s the most incredible feeling in the whole world, to feel so free, to be somewhere where nobody can find you, where nobody can touch you.
It’s just the ocean, the boat, and you.
“It’s pretty incredible, isn’t it,” Jack says, tugging my left arm to lead us in a different direction.
“How long did it take you to learn this?” I ask, letting my body go slack as he uses his body to show mine how to work the boat.
The boat itself is quite large, more than able to fit all of us on it comfortably. It has a small cabin below, where we stored some food, and enough room on the deck for everyone to lounge around. I’m not sure I’d even call it just a sailboat, because it seems so much larger than the ones I’ve seen in pictures.
“My dad taught me when I was a kid, and every year I’d get better and better until eventually I’d be the one operating while they all kicked back with a beer.”
I laugh. “Typical.”
“Yeah.” He chuckles. “But I didn’t mind. I was happy to do it. I love it. It’s definitely a passion of mine.”
“How come you live so far away from the ocean then? You could do it, you know?”
“Yeah.” He nods. “I want to, but all my family is there, and, well, I don’t like the idea of being out here on my own.”
“Aw.” I nudge him a little. “Anyone would think you have a soft side.”
He grunts. “Don’t tell anyone, or I’d have to throw you overboard, and that would be a damned shame because you look so fucking beautiful in that dress.”
My cheeks heat as I glance down at the white halter dress I’m wearing over my swimmers. It flows in the breeze, occasionally blowing up a little high, but it’s a dress I’ve wanted to wear for so long and never really had an occasion to.
“You look pretty nice yourself,” I say softly. “Although, those white shorts ...”
He pinches me lightly. “Hey now. Leave the shorts alone. They’re pretty incredible.”
I giggle.
I won’t tell him, but he does look good in them. Jack would look good in anything.
“Look at you two up there,” Molly sighs from her position lying in front of Roman with her head on his lap. “Like angels, wearing all that white. You’re a photographer’s dream right now.”