Chapter Fourteen

Smith

IT DOESN’T FEEL LIKE I thought it would. It feels better. Carina tastes like victory, solace, and truth. I can’t stop staring at her, devouring every nuance of perfection. The high-pitched squeals of the children are drowned out by the sound of my heartbeat. They told me it stopped before I arrived at the hospital after my accident. Literally, I was dead—flat lined—sleeping with the angels. Scanning the planes of her face, rose-colored lips, and her soulful eyes, I realize why I came back. Her.

“A penny for your thoughts?” I ask, utterly lost in my own.

Tucking her hair behind her ears, she leans in to kiss me. “My thoughts are worth more than a penny,” she replies, her wet mouth against mine. “But I’ll tell you anyways.” Carina pulls back, but keeps her body entwined with mine. I’d take her right here and now if I weren’t a stronger man. With one kiss, I’m convinced this woman is the reason I was born.

She strokes my lips with one finger. I feel that one small touch in every nerve ending in my body. “I’m thinking that you’re an excellent kisser. You didn’t forget how to do that.” Her grin is intoxicating. I clench my teeth together to control the animal urges coiling every muscle in my body. If I felt even an ounce of this with Megan perhaps I would have tried harder for her and our dismantled relationship. As it stands, the emotions coursing through me are enough to bring a grown man to his knees—commit felonies.

I shake my head. “I’ve practiced this in my mind dozens of times,” I explain. Thousands. She doesn’t need to know that creepy statistic. It’s the first time she’s mentioned my amnesia outside of interview questions. Her mouth drops open, her white teeth peeking out, and I take advantage. I let my lips find hers and close my eyes with a relieved groan. “And not even in my well-practiced dreams did it feel this good. Tell me you feel this.” Holding her chin, I run my tongue along her bottom lip.

Goosebumps rise on her skin. “I feel it,” she whispers. “The magnetic pull that surrounds us at any given moment didn’t lie.” She swallows loudly. “It’s terrifying.”

“What you mean to say is it’s amazing. Maybe fantastic?” I ask.

“But still terrifying,” she replies, smiling. Her eyes dance and she bites her lip. “To have so much to lose. To have so much. I’ve never had that before. I thought I did, but you’ve made me realize I was sorely mistaken. Also...” Carina says, trailing off.

My breathing pace speeds even further. “Also what?” I say. I lead her from our hidden spot behind the trees, but never let my gaze flicker from her face. Megan was always easy to read, her emotions plainly on display. Carina, as a result of a hard life, hides much.

She keeps her hand in mine and her large brown eyes tilt down a touch. “The also being what’s it going to be like when we have sex?” A small grin pulls the corner of her mouth as she whispers the words.

“That’s why you’re terrified,” I say. “Sex.” When I say it out loud I realize I’m the one who should be terrified of sex. Not because I’m concerned it won’t be earth shaking, but because I’ve only been with one woman. Megan instructed me on how I used to perform, on what she liked. “I can assure you I have nothing that will terrify you.” When she laughs, I wink.

“From what I’ve felt, it could be scary,” Carina says, raising one brow. She tries and fails to hold a straight face. My dick responds to her sentiments immediately.

I clear my throat. “Don’t tempt me. I’ll take you upstairs to the bedroom I jacked off in at least a million times and scare the ever loving shit out of you,” I say. “I mean that in the most sexual way possible,” I add on. Legitimately scaring her is a true fear of mine. “Then taking it slow will be out of the question and I’ll be upset with my willpower.”

She squeezes my arm. “Your willpower is stronger than it should be. I’m taking your clothes off as soon as we get home, Smith. Will you teach me about willpower then?”

A million scenarios of Carina naked come to mind. Her state of dress is unimportant. It’s her eyes. The way her eyes scorch as she returns my gaze is the biggest turn on. “Yeah. Yeah, I’ll teach you all about willpower,” I groan.

After she nods, a promising response, Carina’s eyes land on the commotion in front of us. It forces a break in the tension boiling around our bodies. Never has a kiss ruined me in such a way. Even if I remembered my past, I’m confident that this is a fire that has never burned inside of me before.

Her voice draws me from my lust hazed stupor. “I just wanted to drop by quickly and wish you a happy birthday,” Megan says. She strokes my nephew, Will’s hair the way she always does when she sees him. He smiles up at her. The contents of my stomach turn to battery acid. Carina’s grip tightens and for that small gesture, I’m glad. I’m able to be the person who protects her always. Even in this uncomfortable moment I will do my best. Next, Megan’s eyes seek me out.

She won’t be rude. I don’t think. Megan approaches, her lithe gait swaying as she sizes us up—formulates the right thing to say. Now her phone call to my mother makes sense. “I wanted to bring Will a gift. That’s all. I didn’t know you’d be here, Smith. I’m sorry about that,” Megan says. She stands closer than is comfortable, and I’m not sure why. “I was already on my way when I called your momma.”

The tension on my arm eases a touch. “Megan. Good to see you again,” Carina says.

“Loud, isn’t it?” Megan asks, making small talk. Will’s laughter rings out, followed by several more shrieks. “It looks like they’re having a blast.” Megan looks over her shoulder at the kids.

“They are,” I reply. “We were just getting out of here.”

Will runs up behind Megan and hugs her with one arm. “They were kissing by the tree, not hiding,” Will says, a toothless grin wide on his face.

Megan’s smile fades. “I see. Kissing behind trees was always Uncle Smith’s thing.”

Will wrinkles his nose then he’s gone, pounding away from us toward his friends.

Carina laughs uncomfortably while shifting her weight from one foot to the other. Megan folds her arms across her chest, eyes sad and angry. “Can I talk to you quickly, Smith?” Her gaze fixes on Carina. “Alone if you don’t mind?” she says to the scared woman clutching my arm. “It will just take a sec, darlin’.”

“Of course. I’ll go,” Carina says. I don’t let her pull away. I use my hand to keep her entwined with me. “Smith, really. It’s fine. I’ll head inside to grab my purse.” I understand avoiding conflict, but Carina’s backbone bends at the subtlest hint of an argument. It’s my job to make her feel secure in her place.

“No. You’re exactly where you should be,” I say, looking down at Carina.

She gives a small smile and bites her lower lip.

“You stay.”

She nods. It’s not an order. It’s a strong request—me letting her know how secure she is in her place next to me.

Megan scowls. I aim a pointed look right back. “If you have something to say, you can say it in front of Carina.” I take my free hand out of my pocket to send a wave in Fiona’s direction. She’s staring daggers at the three of us with bulged eyes and a mouth so wide it’s catching flies. She waves back, folding her hand in half briefly, and retreats into the house.

Carina tightens her grip on my forearm. I don’t have the heart to tell her she’s hurting my scars. Megan sees and she smiles like she’s in on some inside joke. “I guess it’s easier this way anyways. I wanted to see if you’d be against Carina and I getting together to talk. I wanted to get to know her better. Moose has so many wonderful things to say, and I think it’s only fair if I get a small taste of what or better yet, who is so utterly irresistible to the super human man who stole so many of my years,” Megan drawls. Her blue eyes dart down to my forearm once again. “And maybe I can give her a few pointers on the care and keeping of Smith Eppington while I’m at it.”

Ambivalence is key in moments such as this. I’m also not in practice. “Pointers in keeping me, huh?” I ask, smiling.

“That was rude, Smith,” Carina whispers.

Megan clears her throat. “It’s an expression. The lady is right. You mind your manners, sir,” she says. “I mean no harm, Carina. I truly want to get to know you a little better. Call it curiosity. Nothing more and nothing less.”

“That would be fine, I think,” Carina says. Her voice is small like that of a disobedient child. “If Smith is okay with it,” she corrects.

I lean down and kiss the top of her head. Even the briefest moment spent that close to her has me inhaling the sweet scent of her shampoo. “You don’t need my permission,” I reply.

“Good. It’s settled. Lunch and shopping next weekend? Fashion Valley?” Megan says.

Carina’s vice grip finally relents. The assault is almost over. To be continued next weekend. “That sounds great. I look forward to it,” Carina says. The women exchange numbers while I watch enrapt at this odd occurrence. I’m not sure if I can trust Megan, but I have to trust that Carina can hold her own. She mentioned talking to Megan on multiple occasions, so I know she’ll be prepared. If there’s one thing I know she’s good at it’s spinning the conversation to make sure she’s not the one divulging too much information.

Megan’s voice breaks me from my worries. “You seem really happy. Really happy,” Megan says. Her eyes tilt down in the corners, and her mouth turns down as she lets her eyes wander over my face, neck, and arms. “I’m glad,” she finishes. She’s not. My God, she’s not glad. This is a show for Carina and Megan knows I’m well aware of what she’s doing.

Carina thanks her, but Megan only has eyes for me. I try at tactful, yet biting. “It’s the happiest I’ve been in a long time,” I say. Megan swallows audibly and bids us a hasty farewell. She ruffles Will’s hair one more time and heads back into the house. We don’t go back inside until I see her car driving away.

“Try as I might, I can’t blame her. If I were in her shoes I’d be curious, too,” Carina says. She twists her dress in her free hand. “I come in like a ninja and take what’s always been hers.” A sigh escapes her pretty mouth.

Turning to face her, I grab her wrist to halt the nervous twitch. A few years ago I wouldn’t have noticed something this small and seemingly insignificant. I’m bothered terribly by the stupid gesture now. It’s Carina’s discomfort present with me. My stomach hurts. “You can blame her. When she broke up with me she said she wanted a clean break. This isn’t that. This is meddling with the one thing I care about. I won’t lose you because of her, Carina. I can’t.” I lift my shoulders then lower them again. Carina stops her hand and runs it through her pretty hair. “Also, it hurts my arms when you vice grip me,” I say.

Her mouth pops open and she covers it with her delicate hand. “I’m so sorry. I should have known better. How will that affect you when you deploy and you’re wearing mountains of heavy gear?”

I explain that all over pressure is different from tiny fingers digging into my skin pressure. I try to comfort her by telling her a joke because she feels bad, but I’m the one who ends up feeling uneasy at the prospect of leaving her. Soon. The time we have together is precious. The countdown is on.

Fiona is waiting for us when we make our way to the living room. “No one lost any teeth or hair,” she says. “I tried telling Mom it was a bad idea to send her out there without warning, but she wanted to let the chips fall where they may.”

I pull Carina into the seat next to me on the white, linen sofa. “Were you taking bets?” I ask. “I’m joking.” I turn to make sure Carina is aware. “She’s been a part of the family for as long as I can remember. Which, uh, isn’t much, kind of, but I understand. So does Carina. There’s no bad blood between us.”

“Just memories you don’t remember,” Fiona says.

I shrug. “Inconsequential at this point, don’t you think?”

She shrugs back. Typical sister move. “I guess so. I’m sorry you had to endure that, for what it’s worth, Carina,” Fiona replies. “Once Megan has her mind made up, that’s that.”

Carina shrugs. “Can’t say I blame her.” With that, the conversation blessedly ends and worry pangs my heart.

We talk for several more minutes when my parents join us. Mostly everyone ignores the Megan interruption in favor of my looming deployment and what exactly I’ll be doing: which I can’t say. Where I’ll be: I’m not sure of an exact location yet. It has been changing daily. What I’ll be doing: I make something up, because moms and sisters don’t want the truth. They want a thinly veiled concept of safety and my comfort. I give them that. Everyone’s concern is the attacks that have been increasing in frequency on American soil.

And with damn good reason.