Chapter 19
It wasn’t until Trace had boarded the plane that Gretchen let down the gates and allowed the rest of her world to come crashing in. The girls had been great those last two days Trace was with them. He didn’t overplay it or make a fool of himself. He showed his genuine interest in them. If it was an act, it was a very good one.
Every once in a while, she’d catch him watching her from across the room, and when their eyes connected, she felt that same thrill she felt the first time she kissed him. But those were few and far between. Daytime was filled with activities involving the girls, and the nights, those breathless nights, were made for love. There was never a time they could sit down and just have a long talk. She knew he missed that as well. So his leaving left a lot of things undecided and unfinished.
A part of her wondered if the distance between them or lack of constant rubbing up against one another would make their fondness grow cold.
Does that happen when the girls go off to camp or go visit their grandparents? Then why am I worried about this?
She didn’t push for a commitment, still unsure she could trust herself, recalling that discussion they’d had when Mrs. Gray came to babysit. Though he acted casual and relaxed, she knew he was good at masking his emotions. It was way too soon for talk of a long term plan. They were still getting to know each other. And part of her worried they’d been thrown together with Clover’s kidnapping. If that hadn’t happened, they wouldn’t have connected as strongly as they did. Under stress and crises, people formed bonds they wouldn’t otherwise. She didn’t trust herself.
Instead of feeling sad that he was leaving, she was filled with uncertainty. He hadn’t volunteered a promise nor had she given him one. They didn’t even have a time they would get together again, and he’d stopped asking her for a visit down to Coronado.
Tony and Joanie were at the house with the kids when she returned from the Portland Airport. She expected Joanie, but with Tony in tow and the girls sitting in a row on the couch with their hands folded and their legs crossed in the same direction and Clover’s face looking like she’d been crying, Gretchen knew something was up.
Setting down her shoulder bag, jacket, and keys, she accepted Tony’s peck on the cheek after she walked over to them all. Tony sat back down and Joanie, who had also stood, had missed her chance to give her a hug or a handshake, which would have been weird.
Angie cast her glance down, but kept her chin up, trying to maintain a certain demeanor. Rebecca looked the same as normal.
“So, Gretchen, I understand your SEAL boyfriend left today. I would have liked to thank him for what he did for Clover,” Tony started. It was also unlike him to be so nice.
“He’s not my boyfriend, Tony. He’s a good friend.”
Angie inhaled and was about to say something, and Gretchen stopped her with that look she could give the girls. She knew the little one was going to say something about how he was a good kisser, since this delicious new piece of vocabulary crept into nearly every discussion these days.
Clover winced, her right eye in a fluttery spasm. She looked uncomfortable.
“Well, there’s time for that later, I suppose. I’m sure you’ll find someone really worthy some day.”
Again, Tony’s demeanor was off. Joanie grabbed his enormous hand and wove her fingers around his. It looked like an act of encouragement.
“You guys want anything to drink?” She had been looking at Tony and Joanie, but all three of the girls answered. “Yes, Mom.”
“You two stay put, and Clover come with me to help out. Tony? Joanie?”
Joanie said yes, but he said no.
“Just water, please, Gretchen. Don’t go to any trouble,” Joanie said sweetly.
Without asking, Gretchen filled two short glasses and four taller glasses with ice from the freezer door and cool water. She whispered to her oldest, “Give these to your dad and Joanie. I’ll take these for you and your sisters. And thank you, honey.”
“I don’t like being around her, Mom,” Clover whispered back. “Will I have to stay with them more, now that they’re—”
Clover stopped, suddenly aware of something she almost said and wasn’t supposed to. Gretchen was beginning to understand Tony’s reason for stopping by on a game day.
“Is that what this’s about?”
The small-talk background conversation in the living room had ended and was still. Too still.
Clover’s eyes drooped, and her forehead wrinkled. “Can they take me away from you?”
Panic sparked through Gretchen’s body. This had completely taken her out of her idyllic mood, with the taste and the memory of Trace still on her lips—the man who made her feel whole and safe. Now she would have to face this demon alone.
“We’ll discuss it later in private. Don’t worry. No one’s going to take you away, ever, without your approval, Clover.”
Her hands shook slightly, holding the four glasses including one for herself. She wanted to touch Clover’s cheek, but instead followed her into the living room.
Tony’s timing was pretty good, just like it always was. She was without her backup, and she’d not had time to prepare, mentally.
She handed the glasses to her girls, requesting they scoot aside so she could sit between Clover and Angie, and then carefully took a sip of water and waited.
Tony downed his in one gulp. “Gretchen, Joanie and I are planning a June wedding. We’d like the girls to be very involved.”
Gretchen knew there was more, but she vowed not to let a single crack in her granite exterior to show.
“That would be fun,” she said. As she looked at each of the girls, they all nodded. “You’d have a good time with that, wouldn’t you?” Rebecca and Angie were polite and nodded with wide smiles. Clover was sullen.
And then the other shoe dropped. “Gretchen, Joanie and I were talking, and we’d like the girls stay with us half the time at first. But perhaps it could be made into a permanent arrangement later on, if you wanted some freedom. You’ve worked so hard these past years, scraping together the money to keep the house, and I know you must be exhausted. I’m giving you the chance to go live your life. Travel. Have fun.”
Gretchen hadn’t realized she hated Tony as much as she did. Every ounce of respect and care she had for the man had been reduced to the size of a fly she was about to step on.
Tony was about to give another reason why his proposal was a good idea when Gretchen stopped him.
“Tony, shut up. The girls are my family. They are not a burden. They are my pride and joy. And even if it were true, how dare you say these things in front of them? I would never consider sharing custody with you.”
“Well, the law has changed, and fathers now have rights.” Tony was getting his hackles up, working into an angry phase she knew all too well. “Before, I was single. But now I’m getting married. And, let’s face it, I can more afford to take care of them than you can. I’m the right choice.”
“Except have you asked the girls what they want?” Gretchen asked.
“I just mentioned it today. They have a while to think about it.”
“Think about it? This isn’t a unilateral decision, Tony. You can’t just waltz in here and decide you want to do this. It’s not fair to me, and it’s certainly not fair to them.”
“Oh sure, poison them against me, like you always do.”
The argument continued for several minutes. Gretchen worked to stay calm, but Tony was near boiling point.
The girls looked very somber, heads bobbing between their mother and then following their father’s retorts. Joanie was caught in the middle. Gretchen was grateful she had her arms around the girls, because it reminded her that they were the most important people in the room. The argument wasn’t really about she and Tony. It was about the girls and the impact this would have on their lives.
Tony wasn’t considering them for a second.
“I’m calling a break here, Tony. No more. If we’re going to have this discussion, it’s going to be in private. And since we can’t seem to be civil to each other, perhaps we should have someone else do it,” she said.
“I’m fine with that,” he said, slamming down his glass on her coffee table. “I’ve got the best attorneys in the State of Oregon. And I happen to know you struggle to even pay your phone bill. Gretchen, who do you think’s going to come out ahead?”
She stood. “I want you and Joanie to leave. This is not happening in front of the girls.” She reached down and spoke to them in a whisper, “Please go upstairs, and I’ll be there when they leave.”
The girls filed by their company one at a time, and as they were climbing the bannister, Tony blurted out, “Not so much as a hug or goodbye?”
Little courageous Angie was the only one to stop, turn to him, and say, “Goodbye, Daddy.” Then she ran up the steps to catch up with her sisters and disappeared.
Gretchen studied the way Joanie tried to calm him down, like a butterfly flitting all over the place. Gretchen knew she’d have to learn to become much more adept at coping with his anger, or she’d get the back of his hand eventually, like Gretchen did twice. She’d been a fool to not leave then and there. But all that was in the past. And it had been hard for the family to understand how emotionally weak Tony really was. The whole world looked at him like a celebrity, a super hero who could do no wrong. And in that environment, he never had to come to grips with the pain he inflicted on everyone around him.
Tony was nearly out the door before Joanie realized he was leaving. “I’m sorry, Gretchen. I don’t know why he had to tell you about his plans for the girls. This was supposed to be a special day, asking for his girls to be in the wedding. I didn’t know he was going to behave this way.”
“Joanie, you’re in for a very long row to hoe. It will never get easier. In fact, I think he’s gotten worse.”
“Maybe if we have a baby, it will settle him down.”
Gretchen couldn’t believe her ears. The woman standing before her was actually considering having a baby with that man. She was going to say something to her when they both heard Tony’s car horn.
“Be careful, Joanie. Take good care of yourself and watch your back. I mean it.”
Gretchen noted her surprised expression as Joanie fumbled for her purse, turned around, and then headed out the front door onto the porch and the stairs down below.
She was so glad she was out of that snake pit as she watched them drive off. But the looming storm clouds on the horizon and possible attorney’s fees, which she could not afford, worried her.
She checked and locked the downstairs doors and windows, removed the glasses from the living room, and then ascended the wooden stairway. The air had been sucked out of her lungs. She couldn’t even remember what it felt like to laugh or to be held, protected by someone who cared for her. Even Trace’s face blurred. Linda Gray had been right. She was so starved for that kind of affection after having been denied it for so long, she’d do almost anything to get it back.
But tonight she had a job to do. There would be no crying herself to sleep or reading a good book to take her mind off her troubles. She had three little angels to protect from this monster called their father. If she wasn’t clear-headed, she’d make a mistake that could cost them all dearly. She had to be brave and tough for them.
Her happily ever after would have to come later.