CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Ivy quickly dressed and checked on her son. She wanted to make sure he was asleep and not hiding in the helicopter. ZQ2 would be a mess to handle once he found out his dad was gone. She left his room and went into the kitchen. Junebug and Ashley were making pots of coffee, sandwiches, and gathering cases of bottled water for one of the guys to carry to the helicopter.
“Can I make Zane’s sandwiches?” Ivy rembled with an inner cold she hadn’t felt in years.
“You make whatever you want, my dear. Just make sure he gets a dozen or so washed apples. There’s a cooler over by the backdoor.” Junebug poured thermoses full of coffee. Ivy went to work, not knowing how many sandwiches to make or where they’d be eaten.
Distant voices outside drifted in the open backdoor. Ivy caught a few phrases: “You got enough ammo?” … “inflatable raft’s loaded” …”relentless terrorists.” Dear God, what were these men getting into? No use to ask. No one would tell her, especially the man she loved.
To help load the bird for a rapid takeoff, Ivy carried two cartons of bottled water. A bag filled with sandwiches was on top. The lights from the Black Hawk cast a glow, but not enough to illuminate a tree root sticking up. Her toes snagged on it and she tumbled face first to the ground. The bag of sandwiches was smashed and her boobs hurt with bottle tops jabbing them.
“IQ? You okay?” Titan picked her up and steadied her on her feet.
The damn broke and she started to cry. “I just smashed a bag of Zane’s favorite sandwiches. Dammit!”
“You gonna be okay with the boss gone?” Titan squeezed her shoulder.
“No. The family members left behind are never okay, are we? As the saying goes, ‘we lead lives of quiet desperation.’”
He hugged her. “That’s why I stay unattached. I’m not putting the pained look you’re wearing on another woman’s face.”
“Okay team, everyone onboard. Titan, quit fooling around. Load the rest of that water. Nance?” Zane whistled and she came running, carrying the bag of sandwiches Ivy had given her.” JJ and Ashley shared an embrace and a few secret words. Junebug hurried to give Zane a goodbye kiss. He picked up his mother and swung her around once.
Ivy limped closer. Her man never looked at her, said goodbye, or anything. He simply crawled into the pilot’s seat, looked at some papers, and flipped the switches or whatever to get the bird to rise. She might as well have been invisible.
She turned and stormed back inside the ranch house. I’ll be damned if I’ll be treated like this.
For five days, she waited. Nothing. Not one word from Zane. Her son was a handful, pushing her buttons at every opportunity. Of course she understood. He missed his daddy and couldn’t understand her repeated explanations that she didn’t know where he’d gone. Her little boy expected her to know everything.
“Why does it have to be a secwet, Mommy? Why didn’t he tell me ‘good-bye?’”
Ivy was in no better mood than ZQ2. Having him leave without so much as a wave when she was standing near the Black Hawk’s landing pad hurt like hell. For all the wonderful things he’d said to her, his actions told a different story. The mission—this one, the next, and the twenty after it—would always come first.
Could she put little Zane through his father’s secret absences over and over?
Furthermore, could she continually put herself through the warmth of Zane, the rancher, and the coldness of ZQ, the black ops leader?
On the sixth day of his absence, she went online and reserved flights back to Tampa.
The pain of living in this house without him was more than she could bear. Even though Junebug and Ashley were there, without Zane’s gigantic life-force, the place was too comatose. Much like her heart. She’d been a throwaway lover once. She and her son would not be a throwaway family. Her child couldn’t take it. Zane should have explained his covert ops job to his son. Talked about it with him. Maybe then, a four-year-old could understand it all.
Of course when she told Junebug, Ivy had to deal with more tears and begging. “Hon, he’ll be back. This often happens in his line of work. We women are used to it and go on about our lives.” Was there censure there? Her nerves were so bad, she was ready to snap at everyone—her sulking son, Junebug, and, for damn sure, Zane Austin Quinlin, the love of her life.
“But I don’t have a life without him, Junebug. I’ve turned into a needy woman and I hate that. I need my home, my job, and my son to eat and sleep through the nights. He and I can’t go on like this. I’m going to try to get him back into his regular routine. He’ll be coming for visits. Often. I promise.”
When they packed for their trip back to Tampa, Ivy told ZQ2 to leave some clothes in his drawers for when he came back. That seemed to settle him a little. He set his cowboy boots beside his bed and hung his little cowboy hat on the bedpost.
She, however, packed all her things. She wasn’t coming back; she’d pay her trusted babysitter to fly back and forth with her son. Her last night there, she couldn’t sleep in Zane’s bed. She paced and cried and swore to the heavens. Why had she fallen in love with a man more married to his country than her? How did all those wonderful military wives handle it? Maybe she wasn’t as strong as she’d always thought.
Back home in Tampa, she had to deal with a house the men from the cartel had vandalized. Little Zane walked through the place, his eyes wide. “Wow. This would neber happen in Texas. Daddy would pitch a shit-fit.”
“You watch your language, young man.” And for the first time in a week, she laughed. This little boy would always be his father’s son. As a nickname, ZQ2 fit him perfectly.”
Athena came over to help her clean and throw out what had been damaged. ZQ2 had gone to Jacob’s house to play and brag about his pony.
“This place gives me the creeps now that I know those filthy men ransacked their way through it. I’d put it on the market, but my son’s had enough upheaval in his life. Poor kid doesn’t know where he belongs and when one or both of his parents will leave him again. First I was abducted and then Zane flew off in the middle of the night. My son will have zero sense of security.”
Athena tossed another broken knickknack into the trash bag. “You both belong on the ranch.” She extended her hands in a stop gesture. “But we all have to live our lives the way we want. I saw how Quinn…good Lord, I’ll never get used to calling him a name that makes him sound like R2D2’s cousin.” She shook her head. “I saw how that child soaked up his daddy’s love and how happy ZQ was to give it.”
“Well, girlfriend, you’ll have to get used to calling him that. He won’t answer to anything else. He’s as stubborn as his dad.” A pang of sadness stabbed Ivy’s heart. When would she stop missing him? It was rough the first time he disappeared from her life. This time was worse.
Tying the trash bag shut, Athena shot her a look. “As if you didn’t pass down some stubborn genes yourself. I’d be damned if I’d have left ZQ’s ranch. I’d have stayed and made his life hellacious miserable. Grey is still in kiss-up mode over not telling me he planned on staying in Cartagena to help ZQ. Women have got to rule, Ivy.”
She hugged Athena. “God, I missed you. If I went back, I’d be lost without you.”
Her friend cupped her cheeks. “There’s a skill you need to learn. It’s called Skype.”
“You go with Grey on a lot of missions. Danger and survival helps keep you close.”
“Yes, and I understand all natures of the business. We’re partners, professionally and personally.”
“I can’t see Zane allowing me into his clandestine world.” The man was so close-mouthed about it.
Athena snapped open a new trash bag. “With the CIA running things? He wouldn’t be allowed. His security level is so damn high, he needs to protect that.”
Ivy flopped onto the sofa. “The CIA?”
“Didn’t you know?” Her friend’s brown eyes bored into hers.
“No.” More secrets he’s kept from me. He’s never been completely open, never revealed his true life even during her time on the ranch and all the long talks they’d had. “I thought his group was like your Omega Team.”
“Then I’m not saying anymore. ZQ needs to tell you the whole situation.”
“It’ll never happen. He may say he loves me, but he doesn’t. Not really. Not when there are always secrets.”
The next few days dragged by even with visits to the aquarium and an amusement park to help keep ZQ2 entertained. She had two more days before she had to return to work. Leaving her little boy when he was so distraught bothered her. She had some savings, but not enough to pay the mortgage and other bills for long. Work was a necessity.
Near midnight one night, someone banged on her door. Her heart pounded in her ears and she tensed. Was it a cartel member? No, they’d never knock. Maybe it was Athena needing some help. She ran down the steps and opened her door to a wild, manic, dark thunderstorm.
Zane was there, hands fisted and chest heaving. “Get your pretty ass in that taxi. Now!”
“What? No!”
He forked his fingers through her hair and jerked her head back. Her body softened in welcome and pure need. “How do you think I felt when I got home and you were gone? The only thing that kept me going through that damn mission was the thought of coming home to you.” He gently shook you. “Ivy, you’re mine and you belong with me on the ranch.” He glanced down her pajamas. “Get dressed while I gather ZQ2.”
“Hold on, buster. You left without so much as a word of explanation, a loving endearment, or a wave. I deserve, hell I demand, to be treated better than that. Even JJ hugged Ashley and whispered in her ear. I was told I was too needy, but you could kiss your mom. Well, my steer died and I don’t need your bull!”
“Point taken, city girl.” He flattened her against the wall and kissed her like a man possessed. She slapped his chest. “Your son thinks you abandoned him. He couldn’t understand why you’d take off in the helicopter without saying goodbye like you did when you went to rescue me. He barely eats. He’s irritable—”
“Well, that makes three of us. Now get dressed and get your sweet stubborn ass in the car. I won’t tell you again, baby. I’ll carry you out just like I’m carrying my son.” He pivoted and motioned to the cab driver who nodded.
A disheveled boy came down the steps, rubbing his eyes. “Do I heaw my daddy?”
“You sure do.” Zane dropped to his knees and opened his arms for a hug. “I’m back from the job I needed to do. I hear you were upset that I didn’t say goodbye.”
ZQ2 folded his arms and widened his stance, just like his father would do. “I’m youw son. I took cawe of you when you was sick. We wode howses togethew. Then you weft us. Me and mommy cwied.”
Zane’s face paled. His moisture glazed eyes gazed up to hers. Maybe his son’s words would reach his heart better than hers. A very contrite father cleared his throat and lowered his arms. “I see I need to do a better job with both of you. I’m sorry, son. Would you get dressed and come home to the ranch with me?”
“I don’t wike it when you go away wifout saying so fiwst.” He was holding his ground. He had a lot of pain inside he needed to voice.
Zane opened his arms again. “I’m sorry. I promise I won’t ever do that again.” One little boy ran into his daddy’s embrace. Zane pierced her with his gaze. “I meant that for you too, lioness. Please, get dressed and pack your things. Both of you. I want to take you home.”
Her son pulled back from their hug and wiped his eyes. “Help me do it, Daddy.”
Ivy was indecisive. “I don’t know if I can go through this again. The secrets—”
Zane stood, holding his son in one arm. “Secrets?”
“Athena left three initials slip.” She couldn’t repeat them in front of the boy. He had no sense of filter. He’d be telling everyone his daddy worked for the CIA. “If I’m to hold any importance in your life, I need to hear it all.”
“Done.”
She placed her hands on her hips. “Really? It’s going to be that easy for you to do? I don’t trust you to be completely honest. There’s always been secrets and they’ve destroyed us over and over.”
“The secrets end tonight between you and me.” He placed his empty hand over his heart. “I promise, love. Now would you please start packing? We have a flight to catch.”
The three of them huddled in first class on the flight to Austin. ZQ2 slept on Zane’s lap, his little hand clasped in his dad’s t-shirt. Zane wrapped Ivy in his other arm and whispered every secret in her ear. Or as much as he could. She suspected there would always be details he couldn’t or wouldn’t share. Even so, she learned more than she’d expected and her respect for him grew.
A U.S. Marshall met them at the airport and drove them to Black Eagle Ranch. He claimed he’d known Zane since he was a baby. To her surprise, Zane told her the elderly man was Special Forces in ‘Nam and from time-to-time went along on missions.
“Yeah, no one pays any attention to an old coot like me until I break his damn knee with a swift kick.” He snorted once with old Army pride.
“Will you teach me that move? I might need to use it on Zane when he gets too bossy.”
“Ivy, I’d be right proud.” Marshall Silver wheezed a laugh as he sped the straight highway into the Hill Country.
Zane kissed her over and over. She burrowed against him to return his many kisses. Could the ride go on forever with them snuggled and silently speaking of love, their son asleep beside his daddy.
The house was lit up when they pulled in the long driveway. Junebug opened the back door and stepped out on the porch. She crushed Ivy in a hug. You and Zane go on to bed. I’ll see to my grandson. She took him in her arms and cried as she left the kitchen. “I’ve got my little boy back.”
As soon as Ivy stepped into Zane’s bedroom, she undressed and crawled into bed. He dropped her luggage on the floor and shed his clothes, too. He lay next to her and pulled her close. “I love you, Ivy.”
“I love you, too.” She pinched his nipple and he groaned. “Make love to me. No excuses. I want you inside me now.” With her hand at the back of his head, she pulled his face to hers. “But first, did you use protection with those other women you dated? Were they ever in this bed?”
“Yes, I did and no they weren’t, love.” He kissed her again. This was more a kiss of branding, of possession, of forever. He nuzzled down her neck and gently nipped the spot where her neck met her shoulder. Wetness pooled between her thighs as he visited all her erogenous zones. After nearly five years, he still knew them by heart.
His hands held her head. “Baby, stay with me. Stay. “Ne Me Quitte Pas,” he moaned the lyrics to a French love song she adored. She’d always teased Zane about singing French tunes with a Texas twang, only he didn’t sing them to her, he growled in his delightfully, gravelly sexy voice. Lord, she nearly purred.
His hand wrapped around her breast as his tongue circled the areola until her nipple rose to a painful point. He sucked. “Zane!” she whispered as she bowed off the bed.
“Ne me quitte pas. Don’t leave me,” he moaned against her heart. “When I returned and found you gone, I didn’t know if I could draw my next breath. For I was one inhale away from insanity without you. My golden lioness, you are everything to me.”
His lips covered hers again as a finger slipped inside her. “Ne me quitte pas,” his lips feathered against hers. A second finger joined the first and his thumb circled her clit.
She moaned and begged and, finally, responded, “’Ne me quitte pas.’ I’ll stay. I’ll quit my job and start a small law practice. But I need some reassurances from you, too.” In a moment of lunacy, she was going to ask for a normal life. Gazing in his eyes and shuddering under his touch, she knew life with him would never be normal. And, really, would she want it that way?
“Oh, I’ll give you promises you can bank on, beautiful. In return, you’ll give me everything I want. You don’t leave me again. From this moment on, you’ll be mine. My woman. My submissive. My heartbeat.
“I’ll cut down on the trips I make with the team. Although I’ll have to go along from time-to-time. In general, I’ll work in a more advisory capacity. You and the kids will come first.” He sipped at her lips. “Always, love, always.”
Their kisses grew more powerful and sensual as they made slow, passionate love. At last, two compatible hearts reunited. Touches, tender and rough, healed their once wounded souls. Love and joy was palpable as it wove a spell of permanence around them.
Amid her whimpers of delight and growing desire, Zane’s thumb pressed on her clit and she flew apart in his arms, crying his name. His engorged cock pushed inside her. She wrapped her legs around his hips while she adjusted to having a man inside her again, especially one like Zane.
“You’re so wet and tight. I want to go slow so I enjoy every second inside you.” He shook with the strain of holding back. She knew what a powerful lover he could be. Soon his strokes lengthened and turned rougher. “Love is the most powerful thing in the world and you have every ounce of mine. You’ve always owned me. It’s always been you.” He bit her neck as he trembled when he emptied into her. “Mine. Forever mine,” he groaned.
Another climax hit her again with tremors that rocked her from the middle of her core to the fine hairs on her skin. “Yes,” she whispered, “Forever yours.”
They held each other close until their breathing became normal. Rolling to his side, he embraced her.
Moisture trickled down her inner thighs. “I’m wet. I thought you pulled a condom out of the nightstand drawer.”
“Well, you were mistaken. Tell me, are you baby girl wet or baby boy wet?” He smiled against her cheek. “Didn’t we just agree we were getting married?”
“I don’t remember.” She snuggled against him and sighed. “You had me nearly out of my mind with need. I’m not sure.” A sparkle snagged her attention—a large square diamond on her ring finger. Small diamonds surrounded the big stone. “When did you slip this on me?”
“Somewhere between ‘yes’ and ‘I’m yours.’”
“I didn’t agree to marry you. Not officially,” she teased, turning her bejeweled hand from side-to-side.
Zane nodded and smiled. “Oh, baby, I think you did. To quote our son, ‘I weally, weally think you did.’” He kissed her softly, his fingertips skimming over her, playing her like he’d done years before, making love to her again with fire and passion.
“I love you, Zane. I’ve always loved you. ZQ2 and you both hold my heart.”
Her fiancé chuckled. “Then it’s a good thing I’ve got big hands because I intend to hold you forever.”
THE END