Deke
The smell of percolating coffee filled the kitchen as I scanned the contents of the fridge and the meager supplies I’d purchased when I’d arrived Thursday night.
A loaf of bread, cheese, milk, coffee and beer. Not exactly a buffet to offer Sophie, who was still sound asleep upstairs.
Damn, she had looked cute as hell, cuddled up under the covers, her face soft in sleep and her hair spilled out over the pillow.
Waking up next to Sophie had been like living a fantasy. The girl of my dreams, the one who had always had my heart and soul, was right there in my arms. A precious gift. One I didn’t deserve. How many times had I imagined defying the odds and having that moment with her?
But as sunlight streamed through the blinds, I was reminded my time with Sophie had an end date. One I’d imposed to protect us both from giving in to any urge to take this beyond what it was—one night. I’d never lied that I was moving on. If anything, my leaving reinforced my stance that Sophie was better off staying away from me.
I’d always been an early riser, and the military had strengthened that trait. Not wanting to wake Sophie, I’d used the bathroom to dress in jeans, black t-shirt, sweater, and my favorite pair of boots.
Now in the kitchen, I closed the fridge. There was no way I was serving Sophie dry toast and a slice of cheese for breakfast.
Searching through what I remembered was the kitchen’s junk drawer, I found a pen and grabbed an old envelope laying near the stack of outdated phone books on one of the counters. After writing Sophie a note, saying I’d gone out to get us some breakfast, I left the message on the table and headed to the door, grabbing my leather jacket on the way.
Careful not to make too much noise, I closed the front door and went to walk down the porch steps.
“What the hell are you doing, Deke?”
I turned to see Rob, dressed in jeans and a flannel checked shirt under his jacket, sitting on one of the old wooden outdoor chairs.
The tight expression on his face told me his question wasn’t referring to where I was headed this morning.
Fuck.
“Rob—”
“She’s my little sister.” Rob stood, his tone pissed as he sprang from the chair. “You’re home one day and you’re fucking her?”
I stiffened at the insult to Sophie. “Watch your mouth,” I warned in a harsh voice.
Rob’s snort of disgust didn’t bode well. “Christ, Deke.” He shook his head. “Last night you told Andy and me you were moving on, planning on renting out the house here, and making a new life, working for some private security firm based in Denver. Time for a clear break from the past. I get it, what with all the shit that went down here when you were growing up. Then today, I swing by my parents’ house for a coffee before I start work and find out from Mom Sophie’s here with you.”
“That’s none of your business, man.”
Stepping forward, Rob got in my face. “She’s. My. Little. Sister.” He punctuated each word with a hard push with his hand against my chest. The gesture wasn’t Rob letting off steam; it was a challenge.
I could have disabled him, had the man on the ground, but he was the guy I’d grown up with. Sophie’s brother.
More than that, I hated the look of betrayal in his eyes. I’d broken a bond of trust between us, crossed a line by sleeping with Sophie.
I’d taken something pure and corrupted her with my touch.
Hadn’t I used that same argument to keep my distance from her all these years?
“What were you going to do? Give her a kiss and send her on her way?” Rob shook his head, his voice dripping with scorn. “You know she’s hero worshipped you since we were kids. No matter what she says, you leaving is going to break her heart, you son of a bitch.”
Rob threw a punch. I ducked, his swing catching nothing but air.
Rising, I grabbed him by the front of his jacket and forced him back against the wall near the front door.
Gone was any trace of our childhood bond. This was a protective brother facing down the man who’d slept with his sister.
Rob gripped my arms and tried to push back with all his might. But I was stronger, a trained fighter.
“I’d never purposely hurt, Sophie.” Pulling Rob away from the wall, I slammed him back with a bone jarring shove. He answered with an ‘oooff’ sound and glared back at me, knowing he was caught. I pressed my advantage. “You don’t know me at all if you think I’d be so fucking callous.”
“Jesus, man,” Rob shouted. “You’ve got one fucked up version of your self-worth. You think she’d sleep with you and then shrug it off like she’d given you a one-time special goodbye?”
I stared back, not wanting to hear his words, but knowing they were the truth. At least the part about Sophie not being so carefree with her emotions.
Fuck.
Yes, Sophie had told me she was fine with one night. Hell, she had initiated the idea. And I’d been clear I was moving on to Denver. But…this was Soph.
I fucking should have known better.
Our heads turned toward the sound of the front door opening.
“What’s going on?” Sophie stepped through the doorway, dressed in her top and jeans she had worn last night, her hair mussed and her eyes wide at the scene that greeted her.
Letting go of Rob’s jacket, I moved back. “That’s between Rob and me.”
“Bullshit,” she snapped. Her brown gaze, bright with anger, flashed between Rob and me. “This is about me being here, so I’d say I’m fully invested in this conversation.”
“Sophie,” Rob said in a calm voice as he reached out to take her arm. “You don’t even have a coat on. It’s freezing out here.”
The woman we both adored snatched her arm away from her brother, grabbed her coat from the stand in the hallway and focused her anger on me. “Did you tell him staying here was my choice? That I’m the one who pushed for what happened last night?”
I wanted to take her in my arms, kiss her anger away and never let her go, but Rob was right. Sophie’s heart was invested in what had happened between us. How much I had no idea. But it made no difference. I had one option. That was for me to make her passage of moving on from last night as easy as possible.
Using all my training on shutting down my emotions, I focused on achieving my goal.
“It doesn’t matter who instigated what happened.” I ignored the way she blinked at my flat tone. Keeping my expression blank, I continued. “Last night was great. We had fun. Now I need the house to myself so I can make plans to have the place cleared out after I leave.”
Thus removing any trace of anyone who had lived here.
I watched the way she struggled to swallow. “You don’t have to do this, Deke,” she said, her voice soft, full of reproach. “You’re not this man. You’re not a bastard.”
My gut twisted. Of course she’d assumed I was doing some noble act of pushing her away. Partially true, but the fact was I was no good for her.
I moved toward the front door, using my bulk to force her to step aside. “Not sure what you’re talking about, but nobody makes me do something I don’t want, Sophie.” I crushed the urge to kiss her one last time and moved to enter the house.
I felt a hand on my arm and stilled under her touch. “Goodbye, Deke.” She whispered as she rose on tip toe and left a feather-light kiss on my jaw, before turning away and heading down the stairs.
A gut-churning ache consumed me, burning into my soul and leaving me barely able to speak. “Goodbye, Soph.”
No matter where I’d been in the world or how long since our last contact, I’d always had the luxury of knowing in some small way Sophie was still in my life, tied to me with this house and our shared memories as kids growing up.
As I walked down the hallway I refused to look back. The sound of Sophie’s retreating footsteps on the porch heralded not only her leaving, but me losing the one precious thing in my life.