Most of the fury-induced shaking had subsided when Celia pulled up to her place, but she was still too wound up to settle. While she’d being moving her life bit by bit into Ry’s house, she’d still tended her garden every day. That was where she headed now, in the hope that she could find a hint of peace as her thoughts raced around in her head. By the time the sun had sunk below the horizon and she’d soaked the garden from one end to the other, the worst of the tears had passed, so she supposed the Zen-like tranquility that so often came with gardening had worked some of its magic.
Though it hadn’t, really. Because while the tears had come and gone, what hadn’t gone away was the agony of the knife stuck in her back.
That, she didn’t know how to get rid of.
Months, she silently raged, dropping her tools outside the door before heading inside. For months she’d been made to feel like she was no longer wanted because of one drunken mistake. She’d been embarrassed about her behavior, certainly, but when the eligible men in town began avoiding her like she was radioactive, she’d slowly begun to lose confidence in herself. As time marched on, it had taken every ounce of strength she’d had to make herself go out into the world every day with her head held high, while inside she’d withered a little more. The happy, self-confident person she’d been had gotten worn down to a nub.
And for what?
Because she’d been branded as someone’s property.
More tears silently leaked out as she snapped lights on throughout the converted barn to chase off the falling dark. What she’d thought all along—that she’d been shunned for behaving badly one stinking time—hadn’t been true at all.
Why?
Again and again her brain kept asking that question.
Why had she been made to go through this?
Maybe Ry hadn’t been aware his brothers had threatened Bitterthorn’s male population, she thought suddenly, and the ten-ton anvil crushing her heart lifted a fraction. His brothers loved him, after all. They may have done this just to look out for Ry’s interests.
That interest being her, of course.
But why had Ry left her alone for so long? A pained frown tensed her face as she scrubbed the dirt off her hands at the kitchen sink. If he’d wanted her back then, why had he waited months to make his move?
Why had she been made to suffer?
The roar of an engine and flash of headlights dancing across the windows didn’t come as a surprise. For a moment she didn’t move, torn between wanting to be left alone and getting to the truth. Then the pounding on her front door began, and with a sigh she snagged up a kitchen towel and headed for the door.
“Celia.” Pound, pound, pound. “Open this fucking door or I swear I’ll kick it in. Don’t think I won’t.”
“And they say women are dramatic,” she muttered, tossing the small towel on a side table before she reached for the lock. When she swung the door open she found Ry already had a hand on the screen door’s handle. “I was hoping to get some time alone, Ry.”
“Too bad.” He tugged on the screen door. “Let me in, Celia.”
Typical. “What are you doing here?”
“Are you fucking serious?” He scowled at her so hard it was a wonder the screen between them didn’t melt. “The question is, what are you doing here? And why the hell aren’t you answering your damn phone? The moment I got done talking with Lawrence I was on the phone trying to call you, but you refused to pick up. I’ll let a lot of things slide, but I sure as fuck won’t put up with you dodging me when we’ve got problems.”
Automatically she checked her back pockets. “I must have left my phone in the car. In my defense, I had a lot on my mind. I still do, and I need space to sort through it all.”
“I told you we’re not doing that again.”
“Ry—”
“We’re working this out.” He gave another tug on the screen door. “Open this now.”
“You need to get a handle on that bossy streak of yours.” She shook her head but otherwise didn’t move. “It doesn’t help your case.”
“Celia, I’m not fucking around about this. Open up.”
“Did you have your brothers tell every bachelor in Bitterthorn to avoid me like the plague?”
He went still. “No.”
The air went out of her as a wave of relief flowed through her like healing waters.
Thank God.
“But I did eventually find out about it.”
Like that, the relief turned to ice.
“Let me in and I’ll explain.” When she didn’t move—she was incapable, frozen from the inside out—he tightened his grip on the screen door’s handle and yanked. The hook ripped from its mooring, and she hopped back with a startled yelp as the hook and a chunk of wood from the doorframe went flying. But to her surprise he didn’t bulldoze his way in, instead holding the now-drunkenly listing door open but staying exactly where he was, his feet planted on her Welcome mat. “I’m not busting in on you like some asshole to scare the hell out of you, okay? I just want a chance to hash this out, and right now I cannot take any fucking barriers that keep me away from you. I just can’t.” She heard him swallow as his gaze bored into hers. “All I’m asking for is a chance to explain this shit show. Give that to me, Celia. Please.”
As she stared at him, she knew without a doubt that despite the broken door he would respect her wishes if she told him to leave her the hell alone.
The door was fixable.
The rest, she wasn’t so sure about.
Fighting to swallow the painful knot that rose in her throat, she gestured for him to come inside.
He kept his gaze pinned on her as he moved into the open living area. “You’ve been crying. I can see it.”
Shit. “I’m not crying now.”
“No, you’re not. You’re fighting it with everything you’ve got, and I hate knowing I’m the reason behind it.” He came to a stop in the middle of the room, his hands fisted at his sides. “If you want to yell at me, go ahead. I can take it.”
“I don’t want to yell at you.” Not anymore. Now she was just exhausted, in a way she’d never felt before, to the point where it took all her will to stand there without crumbling.
An unvarnished look of alarm crossed his face before he took a step toward her, then stopped when she took a corresponding step back. “Okay,” he said, his voice tight. “Okay. Where do you want me to begin?”
“I don’t care.” A weird flatness that barely sounded like her had taken over her voice, and she cleared her throat in an effort to get rid of it. “The beginning, I guess.”
“That’d be the night of your party, when you grabbed my ass and I very nearly dragged you into the nearest dark corner to fuck you senseless. I didn’t, of course,” he added even as her eyes widened. “You weren’t in control of yourself, but in that moment I very nearly wasn’t either. I’ve never been tempted to do something so completely wrong in my life, but I swear to God that night you could have tempted a saint. You were so beautiful, so goddamn willing...fuck, I didn’t know I could want someone so much that I would have done almost anything to have you.”
She thought about apologizing, again, before shaking her head. She was done apologizing for that night. “So...what? You decided to punish me for all these months because I made you want me?”
“No. Jesus.” He looked like he wanted to take another step her way, then stopped himself by dragging a hand through his hair. “I meant what I said about that whole Brody worship crap. Just like hero worship, it’s not a real attraction, and it sure as hell isn’t a real emotion. It’s bullshit—a total illusion. But when I looked at you that night, nothing else mattered. I had to have you. But first I had to destroy that Brody worship you had going on before I could do anything else, or nothing that came after would be real.”
“You’ve already told me this.”
“You’re not hearing me,” he said slowly. “I had to have you. But I wanted what we’d have together to be real, Cel. I wanted it to last. Standing in my way was all that Brody worship bullshit you had going on in your head, something I’d decided a long fucking time ago that I’d never have tainting my life. So after I did my best to kill your crush that night of your party, I waited for that lesson to sink into every part of you. Take deep root. I’d decided that the next time we crossed paths, I’d make damn sure you’d have absolutely no feeling for me except maybe being pissed off.”
God, she hated how he was right. “Yeah, well, you did it. For months you let that lesson—how did you put it?—sink in. But you also made sure that while I was marinating in the humiliating lesson you taught me, I did it alone. Guys I’d known my whole life practically ran the other way when they saw me coming. It happened so much I began to lose every ounce of self-confidence I had.”
“I warned my brothers off you,” he said, enunciating each word as if he thought she’d suddenly lost her ability to understand basic English. “Back then I was still worried you had a thing for any Brody, even though I’d done my best to destroy the case of Brody worship you had going on. I threatened to beat the shit out of them if they so much as said hello to you. By now you’ve heard the rules I set up for them, and I did that because I wanted you all to myself.”
“I know all this, Ry,” she said again, so tired of this, of him, that she just wanted all of it to go away and leave her in peace.
“What I didn’t know,” he went on darkly, ignoring her, “was that my brothers decided to make sure those rules applied to every eligible man they could get their hands on. They did that not to be cruel to you, I swear. They did it because they love me. If I wanted you the way I did—and I kid you not, I went off the damn deep end for you—they wanted to make sure I had a clear path.”
“I was made to feel like a pariah because of what I did. What I thought I did.” The words came out no louder than a breath. “This is my hometown, Ry, but I was ready to pull up stakes because I believed I had no chance at building a future here. Do you have any idea what that’s like? To think you might not ever have a shot at one day settling down with someone and having a normal life? That might not sound like a big deal, but something as simple as hoping for a normal life is everything when you think you can no longer have it.”
He winced. “I didn’t know what was going on until a couple months ago, when I asked Lucy’s husband to bring you to our Christmas party. He was cold as hell and asked me if I’d finally grown up enough to forgive you. I had no idea what the hell he was talking about, and that’s when he told me everything you’d been going through. From that point on, I did every damn thing I could think of to get close to you, but no matter what I did, you avoided me.”
“Of course I avoided you,” she said hollowly. “Considering what happened the last time I’d crossed your path, I figured just talking to you would make the rest of the town turn against me.”
Again he winced. “Nobody turned against you, Celia.”
“I’m getting that. But at the time, that’s sure as hell what it felt like.”
“If I could go back and undo all that hurt, I would. But I can’t. All I can do is tell you that it never should have happened, I’m sorry as hell that it did, and I’ll spend the rest of my life making it up to you. But you’ve got to give me that chance.”
She closed her eyes and tried to ignore how they burned. And how the feeling of being betrayed burned even brighter deep in her heart. “I’m having trouble absorbing this all in one go. I’m trying to get my mind around it, but I can’t just shrug it off like these past few months didn’t leave a mark. I need some time. Alone,” she added when he opened his mouth. “I need you to go, Ry.”
“Celia—” He looked like he wanted to debate the matter before he blew out a short breath. “I don’t want you going to bed being pissed at me. Bad shit happens when a man allows his woman to go to bed being pissed at him.”
It didn’t take a degree in psychology to know he was thinking of his parents. “I’m not angry anymore. Just overloaded and overwhelmed, and if I don’t get some space to sort through all this, that’s what’s going to piss me off.”
He stared at her for what felt like forever before he nodded once. “All right, darlin’, I get it. You need time alone. Know that I’ll give you whatever you want, and bring to you whatever you need to make you happy. That’s a promise.”
Happy. She’d had that only a few hours ago, yet it now seemed like another lifetime. “I appreciate that.”
“Fuck appreciation. It’s the truth—the only truth I’ve got to give you, you understand? I’ll do whatever it takes to make you happy, because that’s the only way I can be happy, too.”
The knot in her throat was back, larger than ever, so all she could do was nod.
“I’ll fix this screen door tomorrow,” he added gruffly, heading toward it. “Lock up behind me, yeah? And close your curtains. I want you safe.”
* * *
It came as no surprise to Celia that sleep was hard to come by. By the time the sun peeked over the horizon she was up and in the garden, harvesting a ton of spinach and the last of the broccoli. After putting away her tools, she headed for Pauline and Willard’s with a basket of garden goodies in hand. But she came to a halt at the foot of the driveway that led to the whitewashed gabled farmhouse, with its welcoming front porch complete with porch swing and rockers.
But she saw none of that. Her attention was on Ry’s truck parked out front.
What the hell...?
Before she could figure out if exhaustion was making her see things, the front screen door opened with a squeak and Pauline appeared, wrapped in a fuzzy pink robe and slippers. As Celia slowly approached, the older woman hobbled to the porch swing and settled in before turning patient eyes to her.
“Been watching for you,” Pauline said, her voice hushed. “Come on up and have a seat, sweetheart.”
The soothing aura her friend exuded was just the tonic she needed. With her first smile in what felt like forever, Celia climbed the porch steps, handing the basket over as she sat next to Pauline. “That’s the last of the broccoli, so enjoy.” Like Pauline, she kept her voice pitched low as her gaze wandered inexorably to Ry’s truck. “Why is Ry’s truck here?”
Setting the basket aside, Pauline gently nudged the swing in motion. “Ry’s truck is here because Ry is here.”
Pauline Padgett, mistress of the obvious. “Isn’t it a bit early for visiting?”
“He spent the night pacing between the front room and that last porch step, looking like all he wanted to do was march back down the lane to your place,” she added, a chuckle playing through her low murmur. “He fell asleep on the couch, poor boy. That’s where he is now.”
Something painful twisted in her chest. “Why didn’t he go home?”
“Silly girl, why would he do that? There’s no home to go to if you’re not there.”
Her breath caught. “He didn’t say that, did he?”
“He didn’t have to. That man clearly couldn’t bear to take himself that far away from you, and all the proof I need to back that statement up is sleeping on my couch. He told us what happened,” she added unsurprisingly, and she reached over to hold Celia’s hand. “It wasn’t fair what was done to you, Celia love. Not one tiny bit. But knowing how molehills can blow up into mountains in small-town life, I can see how it happened. Can you?”
With a tired sigh, Celia nodded. “Somewhere around four in the morning, when I woke up and couldn’t get back to sleep, I stopped feeling sorry for myself and started looking at it objectively. All the Brody brothers did was tell the datable guys in our tiny part of the world to stay away from me, and it just sort of snowballed from there.”
“That’s Bitterthorn in a nutshell.”
Tears of remembered loneliness burned her already gritty eyes. “I just wish Ry had told me about this from the beginning. He knew what his brothers had done. Maybe if he’d just told me about it that first night he took me out to dinner, it wouldn’t have hit me so hard or hurt so much, like it did yesterday.”
“Oh, honey.” At last the chuckle that had been lurking behind Pauline’s words came out, and she gave Celia’s hand a squeeze. “You just described life when you’re in love.”
Celia blinked. “What do you mean?”
“Love magnifies every emotion to the point of insanity. The truth is, if you didn’t care so much about that man, you wouldn’t be feeling so hurt now over something that really wasn’t his fault, or waking up like a crazy person at four in the morning. But no matter how much heartache the man you love can potentially bring you, you know all the way to your soul that he’s worth it. Unless I’m wrong,” she added, lifting a wry brow Celia’s way. “Maybe you’re not in love with Ry Brody. Maybe you’re still determined to cut your losses, get out of this hick town, live an exciting life in Houston or Dallas, and to hell with silly thoughts of love and whatnot.”
Ha. How she adored Pauline. “I can tell by your tone that you already know the answer to that one.”
“She might, but I don’t.”
Both Celia and Pauline glanced up as Ry pushed through the screen door, looking as haggard as Celia felt. Pauline chuckled again, squeezed her fingers once more before letting her go, only to hold her hand out to Ry.
“Ryland, be a dear and help me up off this swing, please. These old bones just ain’t what they used to be.”
“Yes, ma’am.” In a heartbeat he was guiding Pauline to her feet, though his eyes never left Celia.
“Thank you, son. Now, you go sit beside Celia and keep her company while I get some coffee going. Fair warning—I don’t move as fast as I used to, so this might take a while.”
Subtle, Celia thought as she handed Pauline the garden basket and watched the older woman disappear inside. But the moment she was alone with Ry, her humor vanished and some of the tension from the night before crept in.
“So?” Instead of sitting beside her, Ry reached down and pulled her to her feet, his hands curling around her upper arms as if he thought she might somehow pull a ninja move on him and disappear. “What’s the answer?”
Her heart nearly stopped. Sheesh. Leave it to Ry to demand a coherent answer right out of the damn gate about whether or not she loved him, when there she was, feeling like a freaking exposed nerve.
“Do you still want to leave Bitterthorn for that job up in Dallas?”
Oh.
That.
“I turned down that job with Velni and Associates.”
He took a moment to absorb this. “But there are other firms out there. Other job offers that have come your way?”
“A few.” Not that she’d given them any thought.
“Have you turned them down, too?”
She shook her head. “No, I—”
“Look, I get that the thought of staying probably turns your stomach after my idiot brothers fucked things up for you here,” he talked over her until she gave up. “And I know you think there’s nothing here that would make you want to stay.”
“Actually—”
“But you do have something here, darlin’, I swear you do.” His hands let go of her arms to cup around her neck, angling her jaw up even as he bent to rest his forehead against hers. “You have me. Utterly. Completely. You have me.”
The sweetness of his words nearly killed her. “Ry—”
“I would set the world on fire for you, Celia, you understand that? As long as I draw breath, you’ll never have a lonely day, a lonely second. I’ll be by your side every damn minute of your life if that’s what it takes to convince you that the one thing you’ll never have to worry about is a future where you’re forced to be alone.”
She almost smiled. That sounded good. Really good.
“And I don’t want to hear any bullshit about you moving back out here like you don’t need me, because that is fucking unacceptable, you hear me? I need you, and since I don’t want to be alone in that boat, you’re going to have to learn how to need me, too. I need you to need me, and I will not stop until you’re just as crazy about me as I am about you. So find a way to cope—this is how your life is going to be from here on in.”
“Ry, stop.” She went up on her toes and stilled his mouth with hers before backing far enough away to look into his stormy eyes. “I’m not going anywhere, okay? I’m staying.”
He went still. “You’re staying?”
“Yeah.”
His face was like granite as he took this in. “In Bitterthorn? Or with me, at home where you belong?”
She smiled even as her throat tightened with emotion. “Both, baby.”
For a moment he closed his eyes before he swept her up, turned and eased down on the swing with her draped across his lap. Her arms went around his neck, giddy from the sudden change of position while he all but crushed her to his chest.
“I’m serious this time, Celia,” he grated roughly against her ear, his voice ragged. “We are not going through this shit again, you hear me? I cannot take being away from you when I know you’re upset. Yell at me, throw things at me, tell me you hate my guts. Whatever you have to do, do it. But do not tell me to leave you when I know you’re hurting. I can’t fucking take it.”
“It’s a deal.” Her arms tightened, and she turned her head so her mouth was against his strong neck. “And I could never hate you, you know. I could sooner sprout wings and fly than hate you.”
“Yeah?” He pulled back just far enough to search her face. “You sure?”
“I’m sure.”
“That’s something, then.” He brought a hand up to cup her cheek. “When did you decide you were going to forget about moving away to a big city?”
She thought back. “Remember when you said a person can only be truly happy when they find that one place where they belong?”
“Yeah.”
She smiled into his eyes. “I’m at my happiest when I’m with you.”
The hand at her cheek tensed. “So does that mean Pauline was right? Are you in love with me, darlin’?” When she merely shrugged, his grip tightened. “Celia, damn it...”
“Okay, okay.” Struggling to remain calm, she looked into his eyes and hoped what she saw there wasn’t just wishful thinking. “You should know that I tried hard not to fall in love with you, the man who swatted my bottom in public and called me a naughty child, but it didn’t work. I’m in love with you, Ry. I must be. If I weren’t so hopelessly in love with you, I would have been out of this town a long, long time ago.”
“Then I’ll do my damnedest to make sure you keep on being in love with me, because I’m not anxious to go to jail for keeping you prisoner.” Like magic, the tension drained from his expression before he brought her mouth to his for a fierce, quick kiss. “You’re mine now, you know. You’ve been mine since you grabbed my ass, so there’s no point in you trying to say otherwise.”
She laughed softly. “There you go again, being bossy.”
“Hey, I’m yours too, woman, so it’s a fair swap.” His smile was the most beautiful thing she’d ever seen—relieved and happy and so much more it made her chest squeeze just looking at it. “I have loved every last little thing about you from the moment you told me you wanted me for your belated birthday present.”
Fireworks went off inside her at his words, words she’d remember even if she lived to be a thousand. “You love me?”
His brows went up. “You have to ask? ’Course I love you. Why do you think I came up with that scheme to hire you?”
“Because you’re a smart businessman who recognized an awesome PR asset when you saw one.”
“Hiring you turned out to be the best damn thing I could’ve done for the ranch, true. But keeping you here, with me, is the best move I’ve made in my whole damn life.” He kissed her again, shifting her in his lap so her hip nestled snugly against the increasing bulge behind his zipper. When he finally broke the kiss to nuzzle his face against hers, she was positive they’d raised the area temperature a good ten degrees. “You know you’re going to marry me, right? I need to get us living under the same roof as soon as possible.”
“Married?” Dizzy joy screamed through her, along with a healthy dose of surprise. “Wow, talk about acceleration. Isn’t that a little fast?”
“Hell, no. I’ve waited long enough for you, and I’m officially done with that. I can’t go another day without trying to tie you to me in every possible way that I can think of. I had to camp out on Willard and Pauline’s sofa like a damn idiot because I couldn’t stand to be any farther away from you. We’re getting married next week.”
Her head spun. “Next week? Are you serious?”
“Damn straight, I’m serious. Once we’re married, when we have another blowup—which is bound to happen, because that’s kind of what we do—you can go slamming into the next room instead of driving across town to hole up in that old barn. I’ll give you the space you need.”
That put her freak-out on pause long enough for her to lift a brow. “Really?”
“Yeah. I mean, for a while. Like maybe an hour or so. But after that, we’re working things out. Then we’re getting naked and working things out even better.”
She began to laugh, and she wasn’t at all surprised by how dazed she sounded. “God help me, what have I gotten myself into?’
“The best thing in your life—or at least that’s what I’ll try to be every damn day that we have together, if you’ll give me that chance.” He leaned in to kiss her once more, slow and deep, and the arms that held her contracted as if he had to fight not to crush her to him. “Say yes, darlin’. Say you’ll marry me.”
With a shaky breath she looked into his eyes, saw the center of her world, and slowly began to smile. “Yes.”