Her shoulders ached slightly but she was determined to put the finishing touches to her fall afternoon tea feature for Trudi. After quite a few false starts over the last few weeks (who knew that you couldn’t get black treacle in the US?) she’d finally produced a parkin that she was happy with.
The final recipe was a compromise on the traditional English one, but the universal verdict, bar one (Madison, of course), was that it tasted ‘mighty fine’.
Just as she was describing how she’d substituted molasses, the phone rang. She looked up and as usual Todd nodded, indicating he’d like her to pick it up. She rolled her eyes.
‘Sophie Bennings speaking.’
‘Hey Sophie, its Amy, how are you today?’
‘Hello Amy.’ Todd shook his head and mouthed not here. ‘I’m good, thank you. And you?’
‘I’m just great, Sophie. I just love your accent … it’s just so … English.’ She giggled. ‘Is Todd around?’
‘I’m sorry, Amy. He’s not at his desk. Can I take a message?’ Sophie shot a glare at him.
‘I just wanted to check up on him, I’ve not seen him since we went out for dinner a couple of weeks back.’
‘He’s fine,’ said Sophie, glowering across the desk at Todd pretending not to listen in. ‘Very busy.’ She gave the magazine he was flipping through a pointed look.
‘He works so hard. But he’s such a gentleman.’
‘That’s Todd,’ agreed Sophie, giving him a sickly smile across the desk. ‘Just perfect.’ She pulled a face at him that said he was anything but. He simply waved and went back to scanning his computer screen.
‘I’ll let him know you called.’
‘Thanks, Sophie.’
She put the phone down. ‘Poor deluded child. She thinks you’re a proper gentleman.’
‘Thanks, English.’
‘Are you going to ring her back?’
‘Of course I will.’
Sophie raised a sceptical eyebrow. ‘Treat ’em mean, keep ’em keen?’
He shot her a reproachful look and clasped his hands to his heart. ‘You wound me. It’s not my fault I’m irresistible.’ For a brief second he looked like a naughty pixie. ‘I will call her,’ he looked at his phone and pressed the calendar app, ‘in two days’ time.’
‘What, you have them all on a schedule?’ asked Sophie, horrified as she watched him tapping the details into his phone.
‘I’m being organised.’
‘So how many women are you seeing at the moment?’ demanded Sophie, pleased to see that he actually looked sheepish.
‘Just Amy.’ His eyes slid to a point above her head, just a bit too guileless, a bit too innocent and far too serious.
She quirked a disbelieving eyebrow. ‘Yes, and I’ve seen a herd of wildebeest sweep past the window, accompanied by six unicorns and a dragon. What happened to Charlene?’
‘Charlene … well, she won’t take no for an answer and keeps ringing. Honest, I went out for a drink with her. Once.’
‘What about Lacey and Cherie?’
Todd sat up straighter. ‘They called me.’
‘And you gave them no encouragement?’
He had the grace to look discomfited for a second. ‘I like women. Enjoy their company. I never make any promises or mislead anyone.’ He gave her a sharp look, which made Sophie feel guilty. What right had she to judge him?
‘And …’ he lifted his chin, his blue eyes boring into hers, semaphoring determined intent, ‘I never sleep with more than one woman at a time.’
For a second she blanched, thinking he was alluding to James. But of course, he wasn’t. He didn’t know about James. No one knew about James. She hadn’t told a soul, apart from Kate, who’d arrived in time to pick up the shattered pieces.
‘I don’t,’ said Todd, a flash of anger on his face as he mistook her sudden withdrawal. He’d stiffened and leaned forward towards her.
‘I-I never said you did,’ said Sophie, startled by his vehemence.
‘And I never would.’ With a sudden movement, he pushed himself away from his desk, stood up and walked away.
She watched him with dismay, realising she’d touched a raw nerve. Guilt nagged at her. Had she become so embittered that she’d lost her judgement?
Sophie closed her eyes, reliving the awful scene with Anna again.
Feeling the familiar heaviness that settled whenever she thought about James, she ducked her head and went back to her laptop screen. She’d been doing really well this last week. Ever since dinner with Paul, in fact. Not that she’d seen him since, although they’d spoken on the phone a couple of times and exchanged a few texts. The man worked hard and played squash a lot.
Her fingers hovered over the keys as she tried to concentrate on her article again. Parkin. Teacakes. Fall. She clutched at the words, drawing them into her, focusing back on the words she’d already written. The feature wasn’t bad and she was on the last leg.
The first two days of this week had been taken up with cooking the final recipes, decorating and preparing everything for the photo shoot yesterday. It had been a stressful couple of days, not helped when Madison dropped a tray of the cupcakes at the very last minute. Despite wanting to strangle the girl, Sophie set to, scraped clean the tops of her cakes and painstakingly redecorated them with swirls of orange frosting, topped with little black witches’ hats which had been individually hand fashioned from fondant icing. Of course that would be the very day that she needed to get away smartly to meet with Bella and the bride, Eleanor Doyle.
‘Do you know what Madison? I think this lot are better,’ said Sophie cheerfully, sliding the plate of cakes into the vacant slot in the autumn display that the photographer had set up. ‘I’ve had more practice. What do you think?’
Madison’s face tightened and she made no comment.
Despite her cheer offensive, Sophie had not yet managed to win the younger girl over, but she suspected a lot of that had to do with the location of her desk and the fact that Todd had casually mentioned their walk over Brooklyn Bridge in front of her.
She tweaked her copy again. This first feature was important and she really wanted to make a good impression. She was still playing around with a sentence when Todd came to stand behind her chair.
‘English, it’s twelve-thirty. You need some lunch.’
‘Right …’ She carried on typing.
‘Lunch-time.’
‘Yeah …’ Absorbed, Sophie moved a sentence. Did that sound better?
‘Lunch, English.’ He walked around, took the mouse out of her hands, saved her document and pulled out her chair.
‘Haven’t you got someone to go with?’ She was cross with him for not giving her the chance to explain to him earlier. ‘I’m kind of busy here. Couldn’t you call up one of your harem?’
‘Very funny.’ He gave her a serious look. ‘You haven’t taken a break since nine-thirty this morning.’
‘I’m on a roll.’ She lifted her shoulders. They felt really stiff and she didn’t like this uncomfortable feeling of being at odds with him, but she was still cross with him for jumping to the wrong conclusion. ‘I can’t stop now. I’m too busy for lunch.’
‘I disagree,’ said Todd firmly, clamping his hands on the tops of her shoulders, rubbing his thumbs into the muscles there. ‘Tight as a … a very tight thing. You need a proper break.’
‘Hey, Sophie. Todd.’ Paul’s voice came from beyond Todd and for some reason Sophie tensed, feeling guilty.
‘Paul! Hi.’ Her voiced squeaked unbecomingly.
‘Paul.’ Todd kept his hands on her shoulders, his touch gentling but still moving over the tense muscles which had just got a whole heap tenser.
‘Massage part of the Man About Town remit now?’ asked Paul pointedly.
‘Part of office wellbeing. This girl’s got knots you wouldn’t believe,’ said Todd cheerfully, gliding his touch into the knots and making Sophie wince.
Paul’s jaw firmed although he managed to smile at the same time. In yet another of his sharp-cut suits, with the sunshine slanting across his blond hair, he looked handsome and golden and the epitome of success already.
Sophie shook Todd off impatiently and turned to Paul, feeling a slight blush staining her cheeks. ‘How are you doing? How’s your week?
‘Busy. I’ve had a management meeting with Trudy on this floor, thought I’d swing by and say hi.’
‘Well, you came at the right time,’ she said in an over-bright voice, shooting a glare over her shoulder at Todd. ‘I’m finishing this article and about to take a break. Have you got time for lunch or a coffee?’
‘Oh babe, I’d love to, but I’ve got a stack of calls to make and a meeting to prepare for. I’d better not. I’ll text you later. Next week’s a bit quieter. Maybe we can grab a drink one night after work.’
‘OK,’ said Sophie, slightly surprised by being addressed as ‘babe’. ‘Let me know.’
After their dinner, Paul had taken her arm as they’d walked to the subway and pecked her on the cheek to say goodnight, but they certainly hadn’t taken any steps that might suggest ‘babe’.
‘So,’ said Todd as Paul disappeared. ‘Lunch then. You’ve just finished your article and you’re ready for a break. I tell you babe, those shoulders need a serious break.’ He winked at her. ‘Come on, English. I need to say I’m sorry properly. Come for lunch.’
Central Park in the sunshine. Sophie looked around her, marvelling at the greenery, looking up at the skyscrapers visible through the canopy of the trees. It was difficult to believe they were a ten-minute walk from the office.
‘I feel bad, now, that I’ve never ventured out before,’ she said, sighing, stretching her bare legs out in front of her and wiping crumbs from her mouth. Todd had insisted on buying them pastrami subs from one of the stands on the pavement outside the park. They were perched on a rock warmed by the sun and if it weren’t for the not-so-distant sounds of the city traffic, horses’ hooves and wailing sirens, you could almost imagine you were in the country. Almost. The country certainly didn’t have this many joggers, skateboarders or pushchair- perambulating parents, it was surprising to see so many trendy hipster dads out with their children on their own.
‘So you should. We’re lucky to be so close to the park. And I wanted to talk to you about next week.’
‘Next week?’
‘Remember you said you’d come with me to a restaurant opening?’
‘Yes, but I didn’t realise you were serious. What’s Amy doing? Isn’t she free?’ As soon as she said it, she wanted to take it back. ‘Look, I’m sorry about earlier.’
‘It’s OK,’ said Todd with a casual shrug. ‘She knows we’re not exclusive.’
‘I never really know what that means,’ she spread her hands in defeat.
‘It means I date other people, but I’m honest about it and I don’t sleep with more than one woman at a time.’ Todd’s tone was firm and almost fierce.
‘I guess I should congratulate you on that. Quite an achievement.’ As soon as the bitter comment left her mouth, she wanted to take it back.
Todd raised an enquiring eyebrow as she blushed bright scarlet, picking at the grass with one hand.
‘My ex …’ she couldn’t bring herself to admit the shame of him being married, ‘he was … unfaithful.’
Todd turned his head slowly and his blue eyes softened as they met hers. ‘Ah, and you found out.’
Sophie nodded, a lump in her throat as once again the enormity of James’s lies enveloped her like a black cloud and the familiar prickle of tears welled up in her eyes.
‘That is shit.’ He reached for her hand. ‘I’m so sorry, English, but it wasn’t your fault.’
Sophie clenched her jaw, determined not to cry as the familiar weight in her chest constricted her lungs. ‘Maybe not my fault but …’ she rubbed a hand over her face, the familiar guilt crowding in. ‘I think I closed my eyes. Didn’t see what I didn’t want to see.’ She bit her lip, suddenly wanting to make a clean breast of things, get out the poison she’d been harbouring. Apart from Kate, she hadn’t told a soul what had really happened with James.
She sat up. ‘It’s really not a pretty story.’
Todd frowned. ‘Are you worried it’ll change my view of you?’
‘No,’ she closed her eyes, turning to him. ‘More that I’ll hate myself when I tell you and I realise I should have known all along …
‘James, his name was James.’ Her mouth crumpled. ‘Probably about the only thing about himself that he told the truth about.’
Todd somehow snuck up next to her, his shoulder nudging hers as if to say, I’m right here with you.
‘It turned out he forgot to mention that he had a wife and,’ she swallowed, thinking of the gorgeous little girl in the café, ‘a baby.’
‘Baby?’ Todd was quick. The shock in his voice confirmed that.
‘Yeah, baby. Eleven months old.’
She watched as he did the calculation.
‘Shit. That’s got to hurt.’ Shock flared in his eyes. ‘Hang on. He lived with you? How does that work?’
‘Well, basically … because apparently I’m exceptionally stupid. Very gullible and downright dumb.’
‘Aside from all that.’
‘He told me his mother lived in Cornwall, that’s two hundred miles from London. She wasn’t well and he went home at weekends to look after her.’
‘And?’
‘In fact it turned out, she lived virtually around the corner from me. Luckily for him, his mother and wife disliked each other intensely, so he was able to keep up the story to his wife that he was staying with her during the week.’
‘Ouch. So how did you find out? He slipped up?’
‘No, even worse. His wife confronted me. She’d been following me at weekends for a few weeks. I always catch up with my friend Kate for a couple of hours on a Saturday while her boyfriend plays football. She was in the café. This woman. With her child, Emma.’ Sophie winced, back in the coffee bar. Feeling again the spreading ink leak of disbelief. ‘Poor woman, I felt awful … for her. Her poor baby. It was worse for them.’
Todd’s eyes widened in horror and he reached out to lay a hand on hers. ‘That’s shit. What an … a-hole. Two years.’
‘Yeah, how stupid am I?’ Tears threatened. She thought she’d stopped crying over James. ‘You’re the first person apart from Kate I’ve told. I feel so ashamed.’
‘But you didn’t do anything wrong.’ Todd rubbed her arm and took her hand in his, threading his fingers through hers. ‘He was the one that lied to you.’
‘Ha! You think so. I’m not so sure. I think I should have known. I keep wondering whether subliminally I did know.’ She’d been over it so many times in her head. ‘He was a bloody good liar. It never occurred to me … I loved him.’ With a disdainful sniff, she berated herself. ‘Thought he was a good guy because he took care of his mother.’ She let out a bitter laugh. ‘What a fool.
‘But how could I have not known? Even on a subconscious level, I should have done.’ She ducked her head, avoiding his gaze. ‘I’m so ashamed.’
‘You didn’t do this. And you haven’t told anyone?’ He enfolded her in a hug and held her tight, stroking her hair as she tried hard not to let the tears out. With a sniff she pulled back. ‘Don’t feel sorry for me. What about poor Anna?’
‘What did you do?’
She bit her lip and raised her eyes to his. ‘After she’d dropped her bombshell, I was so shocked. I basically ran. Chickened out of confronting him.’ Sophie blinked away more tears. ‘I should have been braver. Told him what a bastard he was, but I couldn’t face him. When you said that time in Café Luluc, that love turns to hate. It takes a while. I don’t hate James, I-I … shouldn’t love him any more. But after two years it’s hard. I went home, changed the locks, blocked him on my phone. Social media. And phoned my boss. She’d offered me the job swap a week before and I turned it down. She was delighted I’d changed my mind. I didn’t tell her why.’
‘I went to stay with my friends Connie and Kate, so that I could avoid James in case he came to my flat. And then went back at the weekend to pack everything up when I knew it would be safe.’
‘Did he go back to his wife? Did she want him back?’
‘I’ve no idea. Like I said, I ran away. Came here. And started over. I didn’t have any idea what I was going to do when I got here. I wanted to get as far away as possible.
‘And I struck lucky when I met you and Bella. If it weren’t for Bella I probably would have stayed holed up in the apartment watching reruns of Friends, The Big Bang Theory and Before I Met Your Mother and slowly going doolally.’
Todd looked thoughtful.
‘Do you think I should have confronted him?’
‘It might have given you, forgive the phrase, closure. Don’t you wonder why he did it? To keep that level of subterfuge up for so long.’ He shook his head. ‘Part of me wants to take my hat off to …’ He stopped as Sophie glared at him. ‘I mean seriously, that’s a lot of hard work. Why? Why would you do that? Constantly juggling the truth, remembering the lies you’ve told.’
Todd squeezed her hand gently. ‘Do you know what you need to do? Make sure you enjoy yourself while you’re here, instead of holing yourself up in your apartment. Live a little. Have a good time. You can do a lot better than Paul. There are plenty of guys in New York.’ He winked. ‘I could introduce you to a few. Good-looking babe like you.’
Sophie stood up and brushed the crumbs from her skirt. ‘Don’t call me a babe.’
‘Sorry, babe.’ He grinned.
‘And there’s nothing wrong with Paul.’
Todd pulled a face and Sophie pursed her lips.
‘He’s a decent enough guy, but seriously English – unless, of course, you want to play safe. He’s rather wedded to his career. I suppose there are worse people you could have a fling with. But I think you could do a lot better.’
‘I’m not planning to have a fling,’ said Sophie tartly. That suggested something a lot more involved. A fling sounded far too emotionally turbulent, exciting, unpredictable and finite.
‘Why not?’ Todd spread his hands. ‘Live a little.’
‘Sadly …’ She looked at his handsome, smiling face. He had no idea. He’d probably never had a serious, stable relationship in his life. ‘I’m not built for flings. I’m an all-or-nothing girl.’