‘SHOTGUN THE FRONT SEAT!’ yells Piper as we leave Lacey’s house.
‘You know nobody cares about the front seat any more,’ Lacey retorts to her sister.
‘Then you won’t mind if I have it then, will you?’
‘Obviously not.’
‘Hate to break it to you, but I actually like to sit in the back, so let’s go in Lacey’s car. Piper, you can sit in the front and I’ll sit in the back and listen to you bicker all the way there.’
‘We won’t be bickering. Karl’s car has inbuilt satnav,’ Lacey replies smoothly.
‘That doesn’t guarantee anything with you at the wheel,’ baits Piper.
‘Oh my God, stop it! This is supposed to be a nice day! I haven’t been shopping in fuck knows how long, Lyla’s with Kath for six solid hours and I want to treat myself. I’ve got no idea what to buy so I need you to not be like this!’
‘Like what?’ Piper and Lacey say in unison.
‘Like this! Like sisters! Focus on your sad, unfashionable, frumpy-mum friend who finally has a little bit of money thanks to her eBay endeavours, and wants to be SEXY!’
‘Sorry, Robsy.’
‘Yeah. Sorry Robin. I’m just glad you’ve come out. You’ve been so down. This’ll be a nice day, I promise.’
Sheepishly the girls get in the front of Karl’s swanky black BMW X5 and I climb in the back, ready for the perfect girlie shopping day. After selling all the junk under the stairs, I’d got the bug, decluttered the attic and made quite a bit of extra money on eBay. Putting a little bit into savings so I felt like a responsible adult, I’d decided to blow the rest on myself. It was about time I updated my wardrobe and felt good again, and stopped hiding away in T-shirts and leggings with holes in them and food on them.
Plus, spring is most definitely in the air. Pink blossoms are blooming, we’re not wearing our thick coats any more, and I need a bit of life and colour in my clothes!
Stepping into the shiny shopping centre, Piper snaps into leader mode. ‘OK, we need to attack this head-on. The first thing you need are some good jeans. You’ll need a casual pair and a dressy pair—’
‘Dressy jeans?’
‘You know, for dates, cocktails, going out …’
‘Right, right.’
‘Then you’re going to need some tops. Something sexy and off-the-shoulder to highlight your collarbones, something loose and easy for gentle afternoon dates and something practical but cute for work. Then some decent heels. I bet you have plenty of practical flats,’ she adds, looking at my very worn ballet pumps.
‘Flats are comfy.’
‘So? Heels are sexy.’ Piper seems confused by my desire to feel at ease in my clothes.
‘Once we’ve tackled those basics, we’ll move on to dresses and accessories. What bag are you taking out with you these days?’
‘I just shove everything in a tote usually.’
‘A tote?’ It’s as if I’ve used a language she’s never heard spoken.
‘Right, yeah, a new bag, fine.’
We spend the morning being marched around various shops and counters by Piper, swooning over soft leather, warm cashmere and all manner of silky things that would look revolting on me. As we meander around, Lacey makes a photo log of things she wants so she can prompt Karl for her next birthday. She’s so lucky to have someone who loves to treat her.
By 2 p.m. we’re all officially shopped out. I’m on a new-shiny-treats high, Piper is exhilarated at her new-found role as Chief Stylist and Lacey, who I’ve noticed eyeing up the baby clothes with a sad look on her face, has nearly used up all her data texting Karl pictures of the things she wants.
We decide to call it a day and head into one of Piper’s usual spots, Nola’s, for some celebratory cocktails.
‘To Robin and her Technicolor wardrobe!’ exclaims Piper as she raises a glass.
‘To Robin! Who is going to have to go on loads of fabulous dates now, to make the most of this!’ joins in Lacey.
‘Thanks, guys! You’ve been so good to me! I feel amazing! I know this sounds insane, but I feel like my whole life is going to change now. I have all the tools in my box to look and feel amazing. This really is going to be a big, big change for me.’
‘Yeah … a change,’ says Piper, looking out of the window at the shoppers mooching by, laden with bags or pushing buggies.
‘Erm, earth to Piper, what’s all that about, please?’ asks Lacey.
‘Nothing, nothing,’ Piper says, fondling the stem of her cocktail glass and looking over to the other tables, filled with couples and girl groups, all with luxury shopping bags at their feet too.
‘Don’t “nothing” me. I can see it’s not nothing.’
‘Well, I wasn’t going to say anything today because we’re shopping, and I was going to wait until we were with Mum and Dad, but—’
‘Oh my God, you’re pregnant!’ Lacey and I both interrupt at once, and then give a satisfied glance to each other for doing that best friend thing where you’re totally in tune with one another.
‘No! Jesus! No! But I do have a big change coming up, and like I said, I was going to wait to tell you with Mum and Dad there, I just—’
‘Spit it out. If you’re not pregnant, then what is it?’ There’s a sharp tone to the word pregnant from Lacey that I don’t think Piper has picked up on.
‘I’m moving.’
‘Well, that’s not that big a deal!’ Lacey says, clearly – if only to me – with a hint of relief that there isn’t a pregnancy for her to be painfully jealous of.
‘To New York,’ Piper says, taking her fingers off her glass and looking up at us.
Lacey’s stunned into silence.
Everyone’s eyes dart back and forth to each other, wondering who should speak first.
I bite the bullet and say, ‘Piper, that’s amazing. New York is amazing.’
‘Yes, thank you, yeah. I had a meet and greet in London in January, then a phone interview last month and I’ve been offered a work placement as an Assistant Contributing Curator for a gallery in the East Village. I figured it would be silly not to take it and see where it leads.’ Piper looks at Lacey, waiting for her to say something. ‘It’s not forever, it’s just a-try-it-and-see thing …’ She trails off, noticing Lacey’s shocked face and is clearly desperate for her to respond.
‘Robin’s right, Piper, this IS amazing! I’m so proud of you. My little sister! New York City! Fuck, yeah!’ Lacey gushes, her face snapping into action and lighting up with pride.
Piper and I both let out big laughs, relieved that Lacey is OK and shocked at her use of bad language.
Lacey raises her glass again and says, ‘Well, here’s to my little sister! Flying the nest all the way to the Big Apple!’
We spend the next two hours ordering more cocktails and discussing all the things she’ll do, the celebrities she’ll no doubt become best friends with and the visits we’ll make to her out there. We’re all on a bit of a high now, except somewhere very deeply at the back of my mind, a pang of jealousy is twinging. I hate it, but I can’t help it.
I’m happy for Piper, of course. I want her to have the best time ever, honestly, but I want to have the best time too. I’m never going to be sitting in a bar with my sister and best friend telling them I’m moving to the other side of the world to live out an exciting adventure. For a long time now when The Emptiness has hit, even the smallest of outings can feel like an ordeal. I need to take a day off just to gee myself up for a night out, let alone a move halfway across the world. Plus, even if I was brave and trendy like Piper, I still couldn’t go because of Lyla. I’m a mum and I can’t put myself first, ever.
Still, I reason, I might just be Robin the Single Mum, but now I’m Robin the Single Mum with dating apps on my phone, amazing jeans and red shoes that make me look and feel incredible.
So, no more dwelling on all the things that are simply out of my reach.