Chapter Twelve
Zoey
The room had cleared out for a break, but I still couldn’t bring myself to move away from Gordon as we stood on the chair. My palms grew slick the longer we stayed in silence. The room somehow seemed louder now than it had when it was packed with people screaming JFK and FDR.
His hands were still on my hips. His fingertips grazed my skin underneath my shirt that had dropped when I let my arms fall. It felt forbidden, and I flushed like I was on fire. He was the last person who should make me feel so…alive.
“This is nice.” I hated that it wasn’t a lie. That I didn’t have to fake how great I felt right here, in this spot, wrapped up in him. It would be easier if he was a straight-up asshole, someone I could hate. But he wasn’t. He never had been. And, yes, this morning had been awful, but this? Right here against him felt…safe and amazing and thrilling all at the same time.
Gordon chuckled, glancing down at me.
“What’s funny?” I asked, laughing because he’d at least broken the tortured awkwardness.
He shrugged. “Can’t help thinking that I wouldn’t have pictured myself here this morning.”
“No?”
“I hadn’t planned on coming.”
“Right,” I said. “I was the reason.” Because he needed to apologize for being an ass. “And yet, you’re still here.” Thankfully. Time was ticking, and we were so close. I hoped revenge would taste as sweet as it had planning it this morning. The doubt in my stomach told me it would be disappointing.
“Why not?” He grinned, oblivious in a way that almost made me feel sorry for him. “It’s grad night. I’ve missed most of these parties trying to stay smart enough to keep up with you.”
“What?”
“Don’t you get that?” He didn’t break my gaze. “It’s not easy, always fighting for the same things with someone as brilliant as you.”
He thinks I’m brilliant?
“Sacrifice,” he continued. “Not that I don’t love it. Didn’t love it. The challenge. The push…but damn, Zoey.”
“What?” I asked when he didn’t continue. Could he feel the boiling heat between us, too?
“I don’t know.” He shook his head and let go—NO!—of my hips. Then he shifted to hop down off the chair. He offered his hand to me.
Don’t do it.
Don’t!
But like an addict who’s discovered a new high, I took his hand and let him help me down.
“Sometimes I just wonder if you realize how easy you have it,” he said.
I jerked my hand out of his. “Excuse me?”
“Being you,” he said like he hadn’t picked up on the sharpness of my tone. “I wonder what it would be like to be you for a day. Beautiful, brilliant Zoey. Perfect life. Perfect family—”
“Easy there,” I said, cutting him off. “You’re dangerously close to sounding like you’re about to make a speech again.”
His eyes widened. He reached his hand out like he was going to cup my cheek, but he thought better of it—maybe finally seeing something in my expression—and dropped his hand. “No. No, I didn’t mean it like that.” His words were coming a little slower than they had at the beginning of the night. Looked like I’d reached one of my goals in plan A.
“I don’t have a perfect life,” I said, crossing my arms over my chest. “Everyone thinks so, but they’ve got no freaking clue.” Something sizzled in my blood, and I was unsure if I was angrier that he’d reminded me of all the reasons I’d hatched my plan, or the fact that he assumed so much about me like the rest of the school. “I don’t know why I expected you of all people to know better,” I said, letting some of my frustration bubble out of my lips. I huffed. “Maybe it’s because I thought all those times we chatted after competitions, or when we handed over custody of Branch that you understood me. Maybe it’s because I thought you were smart enough to see me.” I spun around, traipsing out of the room in a hurry. I couldn’t be in there with him a second longer. Everything was getting tangled. One minute I was on track with my revenge, the next I was regretting the plan altogether.
I hurried out the front door of Lennon’s house, desperate for fresh air.
“Jade, wait!” I heard Lennon call out from the right of me, toward his garage. I spotted him, rushing after Jade—the all-star Mathlete—who slowed when she heard his voice. When did rock star Lennon and number-cruncher Jade get together?
Looks like I’m not the only one trying to get some space.
“Lennon,” she said, turning around and sighing. The look she gave him stopped him in his tracks. I raised my eyebrows—there was something there. A combination of fire and ice, and I wasn’t sure if they’d been fighting or…well, something else entirely.
There’s a story there.
He reached his hand toward her, an almost pained look in his eyes, but his tense shoulders dropped when she leaned into his touch.
Grad night had everyone taking crazy pills.
Heat flushed over my own body, and I booked it in the opposite direction. Girl code had me waiting to see if Jade needed an out, but the pair looked like they’d been more than comfortable with each other, if not annoyed. Who knew what had happened between them tonight, but I’m sure Bray would fill me in later. She and Jade were almost as close as we were.
I walked to the edge of the lake.
Calm down.
The rumors had always bothered me, but never as much as when he brought them up.
Why did I care so much what he thought? Why did he have the power to get under my skin in a way no one else ever did?
Because we’d been on the same playing field our entire lives. Because we’d been at each other’s throats our entire lives.
You know that’s not why.
I ignored the voice churning in the back of my head that begged me to see clearly.
No. I wouldn’t listen to any emotionally twisted arguments tonight. I wouldn’t deviate from the plan. That’s what I excelled at—make a plan, execute it, win. That’s who I was.
And I hated Gordon more for making me feel like anything other than myself. Hated him for making me feel for him at all.