Nate

Three weeks went by and Nate spent every day with Camille. He went to her house after school, bringing her assignments and working on homework together. Nate loved entertaining Cami. He gave Poo new hairstyles daily just to hear her laugh. He played Ray’s guitars and ukuleles, serenading her whenever she asked him for music. He knew she wanted to hear the violin, but he didn’t have the heart to tell her he’d smashed his to pieces. Instead, Nate distracted her with flowers and collectable PEZ dispensers.

But weekends were Nate’s favorites. They watched old movies and played board games. Camille complained constantly that she was the lamest girlfriend ever, but secretly, Nate loved every minute he spent with her. He had her all to himself and he felt like he was part of a family again.

Camille’s mom still wasn’t Nate’s biggest fan, but her dad had warmed back up to him. He even let Nate help make dinner and pick out the Sunday night movies, which, according to Cami, was a big deal in the LaRue house. She told him Sundays had always been family days. Her mom wouldn’t work, they’d cook a big meal together, play Trivial Pursuit and watch a movie. Nate was honored to be a part of it.

On the first Sunday he’d been invited to join, he brought beignets and coffee from Café Beignet, which Camille and Ray decided had to be added to the Sunday tradition. At first Josie had objected, still wanting Camille to focus on a healthy diet. But Ray shoved a piece of beignet into her mouth to silence her. “I think we can all afford to live a little, Josie.”

“They are sort of delicious,” Josie admitted reaching for her own pastry.

Camille grinned and Nate queued up the movie, snuggling closer to Cami as the black and white images of Casablanca filled the screen.

After that night, Josie seemed to take a step back. Things were still tense between her and Camille, but Nate couldn’t help noticing that they were both making an effort to be more understanding of each other.

* * *

One day after school, Nate was lying on Camille’s bed while she sat at her desk taking a make up exam. He was staring at her Before I Die wall. The unfinished goals unsettled him. The empty boxes next to Beach and Graduation glared at him and it gave Nate an idea.

“Hey, Cami, what do you think about starting a new wall?”

She followed his eyes to the unchecked boxes he was staring at. “Nate . . . we’ve talked about this. At this rate, I’ll be lucky to check those two off.”

“I was thinking about more of a While I’m Alive wall.”

She scrunched up her face. “Isn’t that the same thing?”

“No. The Before I Die wall is all these massive goals and dreams that people come up with and most of the time they’re completely unattainable or they’re saved until it’s too late. But I was thinking we could make a new wall to celebrate all the awesome little things that we can do every day. We can call it your hello wall, since you already have a goodbye wall.”

“A hello wall?”

“Yeah. You fill it with things that you’re looking forward to each day. Reasons to get up and greet the day.”

“Like what?”

“I dunno.” Nate glanced around the room spotting Camille’s dog curled up at her feet. “ Like, play with Poo.”

Camille giggled. “And that is exactly why I named him that.”

“We can put other little things we want to do on there, too. Like, kiss my girlfriend.”

“Oh, how about, make my boyfriend paint my toenails.”

Nate jumped up and grabbed a pen, scribbling Paint Cami’s Toenails on the wall next to her bed. “What else?”

She tapped her chin in thought. “How ‘bout, eat beignets.”

Nate wrote it down.

“Smile more.”

He gave Camille a cheesy grin, then scribbled on he wall. “Give me another one.”

“Say I love you.”

Nate scribbled it onto the wall and when he turned around, Camille was standing next to the bed. “I love you,” she whispered.

Nate scooped her up and pulled her into bed, kissing her all over until she was giggling and Poo jumped up to see what all the commotion was about.

“I love you, too,” Nate whispered back.

Cami was lying on her back, smiling up at him, and it made Nate’s heart squeeze with sudden fear. He was normally good at holding back the terror that strangled him when he thought about losing Camille. He couldn’t let himself think about it, or he’d break his promise to her and drop to his knees, begging her not to leave him. Begging her to fight for every second they could have no matter what drugs or treatment it meant she’d have to endure.

He bent down and kissed her again, closing his eyes to shut out the selfish thoughts that were twisting around his heart. When Nate came up for air, he turned toward the wall scribbling something new on it. Make all of Cami’s dreams come true.

She stole the pen, drew a box next to it and placed a checkmark inside. Then she wrote her own sentence. Tell him how I feel.

Nate pulled Camille close to him again, kissing her though he was shaking. “I know,” he whispered.

“I don’t think you do,” she said running her slender fingers through his hair. It always made Nate shudder with longing for more. “These last few weeks with you have been amazing,” she admitted, her shy smile spreading into a real one.

That right there was what made Nate keep coming back for more. He would do anything for that smile—including tear his own heart to pieces.

Cami

Camille spent the rest of the day in bed with Nate, trading kisses and filling her Hello Wall with silly things they loved to do together. Nate had just written, Watch scary movies, on the wall and Camille crossed it off.

“Hey!” Nate objected, pouting in a way that made her want to kiss him.

“I hate scary movies. And since when do you like them?”

“Since we watched The Shining and you held onto me like I was a superhero.”

Camille laughed. “You know, there are other ways to get me to hold onto you.”

“Really?”

She smirked, letting Nate crawl over her and press his lips gently to hers. They hadn’t done more than kiss since she’d been home from the hospital. And at first it was enough, but now that Camille was feeling better, she couldn’t help wanting more of Nate. She remembered the feel of his skin against hers all too well, and something deep inside of her itched to get back to that place with him.

Camille slipped her hand under Nate’s shirt, tracing the long columns of muscle that ran down his back. He stilled, his breath warm against her neck.

“Cami,” he warned.

She ignored him, running her fingers down his sides.

Nate shivered, letting a low groan slip from his mouth. But when she reached for his belt, he sat up. “Cami, we can’t.”

“Why not?” She sat up, too. “I’m feeling much better.”

“I know. But we shouldn’t push it.”

“Nate, I know my body. I’m not pushing it.” Camille reached for him, stroking her fingers down his chest. She knew he loved when she did that. She spent the last three weeks with her hands on his chest, trying to memorize the feel of his heartbeat.

Nate’s hands caught hers, stopping them over his heart. “Cami. We can’t.”

Her face flushed red as a terrible realization gripped her. “Do you not want to?”

“No, that’s not it at all.”

“Then what?”

“Well, for one thing, your parents are downstairs. I’m not trying to lose my Cami privileges.”

She sighed but nodded. It made sense, but still didn’t completely quiet her nerves that she wasn’t as desirable to Nate now that he knew she had cancer. She wanted to connect with him physically again, if only to be reassured that sex with him the first time hadn’t been a fluke.

“And, I’ve sorta been planning something special for you,” Nate added. “But it kinda involves waiting.”

Camille’s interest outweighed her insecurity. “Waiting? You do know I’m sorta on a strict timeline here?”

Nate looked down and Camille instantly felt bad. She knew he hated when she joked about dying. But the alternative was even more depressing. She almost apologized, but Nate hated I’m sorrys just as much, so she took his hand instead and laced her fingers with his. “It’s just . . . isn’t the guy supposed to be the one trying to get in the girl’s pants?”

“Cami, believe me. Spending so much time in your bed without doing everything I want to you, has been a master class in self-restraint.”

Hearing him say that made her inner goddess glow. “Really?”

He made that low groaning sound in the back of his throat that she loved. “You have no idea. But I want the next time to be special.”

“Nate, it was special.”

“The back seat of a car?”

She nodded eagerly and Nate laughed.

“Woman, you need to set your standards much higher.”

“I don’t know what to say, Nate. You chose a girlfriend with extremely low standards and no moral compass.” Camille crawled into his lap and wrapped her arms around his neck. “The back of a car is practically paradise to me.”

Nate made his sexy groaning sound again. “You’re gonna be the death of me.”

She smiled sadly to herself, burying her face in Nate’s neck. She hoped it would be the other way around.