Me Too
Lea came to visit a few days later, wanting just to hang out. She was playing a mindless game on her phone while Brie put the baby down for a nap.
Shadow jumped onto the dresser beside the crib. It had become his favorite place since Hope had come home. The cat would sit there for hours watching the baby as she slept. Brie thought of him as Hope’s guardian angel. Initially, Sir had been worried about how the old tomcat would act around the baby, but it was clear he understood that she was a part of Brie.
Brie petted his head, after tucking Hope in. “You’re a good friend, Shadow.”
He brushed his cheek against her hand, a look of contentment in those yellow eyes.
As Brie headed out of the baby’s room, she thought about how lucky she was to have her best friend, Lea, back in her life after years of separation and turmoil. They were close again, as if no time had passed between them at all.
“Can you imagine if your life consisted of sleeping as much as a baby?” Brie asked Lea.
“Why do babies sleep so much?”
Brie shrugged. “Guess all that growing makes them exhausted.”
“And all that warm milk,” Lea added, staring at Brie’s boobs. “I had no clue how much those suckers eat.”
Brie clutched her breasts. “Sucker is right. My nipples are getting quite the workout these days.”
“Hey, what did the baby say to its mother after breastfeeding?” Lea beamed a smile. “Thanks for the mammaries.”
Brie giggled…man, she loved this girl and all her bad jokes.
Lea winked at her as she began scrolling through the newsfeed on her phone. Brie took the opportunity to sit down and close her eyes to chill for a bit. She liked the ease of their friendship. It didn’t require needless energy because they knew each other so well.
When Brie opened her eyes again, she noticed Lea staring hard at her screen. She glanced up and asked Brie, “Girlfriend, is this Darius? I didn’t realize he was hot.”
Just the sound of Darius’s name gave Brie chills down her spine. She took the phone from Lea and stared at the photo of him in shock. Seeing those familiar brown eyes literally made Brie sick to the stomach. It felt as if he was reaching through the screen to torment her again. She quickly handed the phone back to Lea, shuddering. “Yeah, that’s him.”
Lea frowned. “I’m so sorry, Brie. I was just scrolling through and found this article about some new local talent. I didn’t realize he was connected to you until I read the name. He’s the guy who bullied you as a kid, right?”
“What did he have to say in the article?”
Lea looked back at her phone, reading it over. “The article is just a brief introduction. Says he’s a model and actor, and mentions that he knew you in elementary school.”
Brie felt queasy. She hadn’t thought about Darius since the birth of Hope, but now the old fears associated with him came rushing back. “That asshole tormented me in elementary school. Why in the hell would he say anything about it now?”
“I don’t know, Brie.” Lea reached out to comfort her.
“He was so cruel, Lea,” Brie said with tears in her eyes. “I can’t tell you the number of times he beat me up after school. Hell, he was the reason my mom and I were homeless while my dad looked for a new job. They were determined to get me far from that place. It’s how we ended up in Nebraska.”
“I remember you telling me about being homeless for a while…”
Brie shuddered again. “I have tried to push every memory I have of him from my life, and I almost had. Why would he dredge it all up now?”
Lea squeezed Brie. “I don’t know, my friend. Maybe he wants to make amends?”
“I don’t believe that for a second.” Brie pulled away, wrapping her arms around herself, feeling shaky and out of control.
Seeing how upset she was, Lea asked her, “Do you want to cancel going to lunch?”
Brie took a deep breath and held her head up in defiance. “No. I’m not the scared little girl he tormented all those years ago, and that bastard is not going to ruin my life now.”
She moved through the day, having lunch with Lea and window shopping afterward just as they had planned, but those memories of Darius kept replaying in her head. It pissed her off that he had reentered her life by simply stating that he knew her.
That night, when she had a moment alone with Sir, Brie crawled into his lap. She rested her head against his strong shoulder, needing the connection. He began stroking her hair.
“What’s wrong, babygirl?”
Brie buried her face against his chest, taking in his masculine scent as he continued to hold her. She felt safe and protected. It gave her the courage to tell him, “Darius was in the news.”
Sir stiffen beneath her. “In what capacity?”
“Lea saw a short article that had a picture of him. He mentioned knowing me growing up.”
“Nothing else?”
“I guess he’s a model and actor now.” She laid her head back on his shoulder. “My memories of him won’t stop. Every time I think about him, I get all anxious inside and feel like I need to run.”
Sir held her tighter and continued to stroke her hair. “I will have someone look into it. I find it odd that he would mention knowing you.”
Brie pulled away and frowned. “I do, too. Lea thinks he wants to make amends.”
Sir pressed her head back against him. “Whatever his motives, he has no power over you now.”
Brie nodded, wanting that to be true even though her memories said differently.
“Until we know more, I don’t want you to dwell on it. Concentrate on constructive things.”
“I will try, Sir.” As soon as those words left her lips, Brie expected a correction. “Trying” was not enough in their household.
But he didn’t. Instead, Sir continued to stroke her hair in silence. She took comfort in his quiet support and was able to fall asleep later that night, in his safe embrace.
In the middle of the night, she woke up with a start, her heart pounding in her chest. She thrashed violently trying to scramble out of the bed and ran to the bathroom.
“What’s wrong, Brie?” Sir called out to her.
Brie retched in the toilet, her whole body numb with fear.
Sir got out of bed and went to reach out to her, but Brie flinched at his touch and instinctively pushed him away.
“What’s going on, Brie?” he demanded gently, cutting through the fear that surrounded her.
Brie looked up at him, her voice trembling when she answered. “I don’t know…”
He held out his arms and she moved into his embrace. She was crying but didn’t understand why.
Once Sir had her cleaned up and settled back in bed, he asked, “Were you dreaming?”
“Yes, I…I think so,” she answered hesitantly.
“What about?”
She looked at him with concern, shaking her head. “I don’t remember, but I woke up feeling like I was choking to death.”
Sir squeezed her tighter.
Brie looked at him sadly. “I’m sorry I pushed you away.”
“No need to apologize,” he assured her.
Brie settled back against him and closed her eyes, trying to fall back asleep, but knowing there was no hope. The unsettling feeling of choking had released a flood of memories centering on Darius and, in the darkness of the night, she was unable to keep them at bay.
There had been one incident in particular that she had never shared with a soul—not her parents, not her friends, and not even Sir. Reliving it now, even with the passage of time, filled her with a deep sense of shame and humiliation.
That secret had held her captive and tortured her for years. It wasn’t until the Submissive Training Center and her encounter with Baron that she’d been able to move beyond it.
Darius had been the sole reason she’d been so afraid of the kind-hearted Dom on that first day of training, and why she had to look into his eyes every time they scened together, even though Ms. Clark had punished her severely for it.
Baron’s gentle hazel eyes had been the anchor she needed when their scenes triggered old memories. Eventually, she stopped thinking about Darius when she was with the Dom, and eventually came to believe she’d overcome the trauma of the past.
However, today had sparked those memories she had kept hidden.
Darius had not only bullied her relentlessly—which her parents found out about the day he stabbed her with the needle—but just days after the incident, his actions managed to infiltrate the very core of her soul.
She had suffered in silence with the terrible secret ever since, and she knew it was the reason he still held power over her now. Her parents were not aware that their decision to move had saved her life back then.
At the tender age of twelve, Darius stole a piece of her innocence she could never get back, and it had almost destroyed her.
Getting out from under his brutal influence had allowed Brie to bury all memories of it. The small town in Nebraska proved to be what her spirit needed because nothing happened there. Bored to distraction, Brie often visited the theater house that played the classics in the afternoon. It was in that small, run-down theater that Brie discovered her love of film. She devoured the best of the best, never tiring of watching films like Dances with Wolves, Braveheart, Titanic, and Avatar. Luckily, the owner of the theater was a true lover of film and he introduced her to the classics, including Gone with the Wind—which became one of her favorites.
The small theater became her safe haven. There, she could completely lose herself in the worlds created on the big screen. What started out as a source of entertainment eventually became her inspiration.
On her fourteenth birthday, she asked for her first movie camera. Her parents, encouraged by her newfound confidence, indulged her in whatever used equipment they could find. Her father soon became a regular in the pawnshops in the surrounding towns.
To their credit, her parents never complained about her filming them on a daily basis. They put up with their privacy being invaded because every Sunday night, they would gather in the living room to watch the week’s events documented in film.
Her father would close the curtains while Brie got the projector ready and her mother made a bowl of popcorn. Brie called her clips “My Hilarious Life” as a joke, since living in Nebraska was anything but hilarious—being the snooze-fest that it was.
However, each week, along with the clips of her parents moving through their daily routines, she captured something simple and unique that other people often missed: a lone dandelion blowing in the wind in the middle of an abandoned parking lot; an adorable colony of prairie dogs popping their heads in and out of their holes; a hawk circling in the sky making its lonely call; or a determined ant on the ground dragging its impossibly large piece of food back to its colony.
Brie found that hidden beauty existed all around her whenever she looked through the lens of her camera. That was the magic of film for her—the ability to expose rare beauty in the ordinary.
By making weekly films, Brie caught those silly moments when her parents’ guards were down. There were even times when she caught raw emotion like the time she filmed her father answering the phone. The look on his face when he got the news that his grandmother had died in a car accident was something she would never forget. It was horrible, but that moment showed a side of her father that Brie had never seen. She replayed it in private, mourning along with the devastated little boy revealed in his face.
Brie believed there were times her movies made reality even more real. It was a gift, this ability to show a different perspective of the world and be able to share it with others.
On her sixteenth birthday, she wrote in her diary in the style of Scarlett O’Hara:
As God is my witness, I will become a filmmaker…
She had kept that promise to herself, knowing her father would consider it an impractical profession with an uncertain future. To prove that she had a true gift that needed his financial support, she continued to make her weekly films well into high school, even recruiting friends to play out her first attempts at movies. It was her hope that her father would agree this was what she was meant to do and allow her go to college to follow that dream.
Yes, Nebraska turned out to be a huge blessing to her…
Brie sighed in contentment remembering those days and finally drifted back to sleep again beside Sir.
“Where are you going?”
Brie pretended not to hear Darius as she picked up her pace, her fear making it hard for her to breathe. She’d hoped after the needle incident he would leave her alone, but the tone in his voice let her know that it had only made things worse.
Head down, keep walking, she told herself.
She heard his shoes on the gravel as he ran up behind her. Brie had learned in the past not to run from Darius. It only made things worse for her when she did. Fighting that natural instinct, she continued to walk, knowing he was catching up.
Brie was surprised he did not have his usual entourage with him. Was it possible they had abandoned him after they were sent to the principal’s office a few days ago?
She desperately hoped so. Maybe she could take him on in a one-on-one fight.
Brie cried out when he grabbed her by the shoulder, spinning her around to face him. “I asked you a question, girl.”
She slowly dragged her gaze up to look him in the eyes, taking note of the position of his crotch. She planned to kick hard and run fast, but she knew she only had one chance, and she would pay dearly if she missed.
Darius grabbed her chin and forced her to look up at him. “Well…?” His eyes held a dangerous look, one she hadn’t seen before, and her stomach twisted in fear.
His smile was cruel, his white teeth gleaming against the darkness of his skin. Brie suddenly realized that his entourage had actually been a blessing for her. Even though they held her down, at least they were witnesses. Without an audience acting as a deterrent, who knew what he was capable of?
Brie glanced around, realizing they were alone here. Anything could happen here…
Darius grabbed her wrist and twisted it, forcing her to her knees.
“No…” she cried out piteously.
He frowned. “No?” Twisting a little harder, he made her cry out again. It was obvious he was enjoying his power over her, so she clamped her mouth shut, not wanting to give it to him.
Glancing around desperately, Brie prayed for rescue.
Darius’s eyes became dark with rage. “You snitch. You got me in trouble with my old man.”
He twisted her arm again, bringing tears to her eyes, but she remained silent.
“And I hate my old man,” he growled, spitting in her face.
Brie looked down at the ground, wiping her face with her free hand.
Without warning, he slammed his fist into her chest, causing her to fall violently onto her back.
Her chest exploded in pain and she gasped, struggling to catch her breath. He straddled her, holding her wrists down.
“You know the only thing that got me through the beating?”
Brie stared at him, saying nothing.
His smile spread as his eyes flashed with dangerous excitement. “I imagined how I would make you pay.”
Brie felt a cold chill, wondering what terrible thing he had in mind as punishment.
He released one of her wrists and wrapped his hand around her throat, squeezing slowly. Brie struggled under him, the blood pounding in her head as her body fought for oxygen.
He let go and laughed when she coughed, desperately gasping for air.
Before she could regain her breath, he wrapped his hand around her neck again, choking her harder. Her eyes grew wide and she saw flashes of light in her peripheral vision. Her body instinctually thrashed, trying to break his hold.
Darius released her before the darkness closed in.
Brie sucked in the air she needed and began coughing violently. Darius only stared at her, no sympathy in his eyes.
Was he planning to kill her?
A force she never knew existed boiled up inside her and suddenly erupted. With an angry howl, she bucked her hips, and he was momentarily thrown off balance. She struggled to get out from under him, growling like a demonic animal.
But Darius was far stronger and wrestled her back down, both hands around her neck this time. The smirk on his face as the darkness closed in around her terrified her. Brie gave a strangled cry, the blood pounding in her skull.
Darius laughed when he finally loosened his grip. “I like seeing your eyes bug out like that.”
He looked her over with a cold gaze when she grabbed her throat, coughing uncontrollably. His eyes landed on her open shirt, several buttons having broken off in the life-and-death struggle.
She felt a new level of terror when his expression changed.
Darius took hold of her wrists against, pushing them painfully to the ground as he got uncomfortably close to her face. “I want you to do something for me.”
Brie shook her head.
His cruel smile returned. “Show me your titties.”
She shook her head more violently.
“Yes…” He released her arms again, resting his full weight on her pelvis as he stared at her chest. “Unbutton your shirt and show them to me.”
Again, she shook her head, her bottom lip trembling.
“Show me,” he demanded.
Brie was only twelve, her chest still flat like a boy’s. There was nothing for him to see, but she couldn’t bear being exposed to him like that.
His eyes flashed with malicious anger. “Do it.”
Brie looked around, hoping against hope that someone would walk by and save her.
Darius only chuckled. “It’s just you and me…Brianna Bennett.”
Brie couldn’t bring herself to do it even though she knew he would hurt her if she did not. After several moments of waiting, he smiled strangely at her.
She hoped he was having a change of heart, but those hopes died when he wrapped his hands around her throat again.
Brie whimpered as he squeezed even tighter. Her body, having experienced it before, went straight into panic mode. No matter how desperately she clawed at his hands, she could not break his hold. This time, he did not stop—he squeezed until the twinkling lights in her head faded to black and she lost consciousness.
The return was frightening and confusing. She first became aware of a lone dog barking somewhere far off. Her vision seemed blurred—seeing but not seeing—and she found every breath painful. It took several minutes before her brain could process as she slowly came back to reality.
The dark form in front of her slowly crystallized into Darius. He was still straddling her with that smirk on his lips. “Welcome back.”
Brie swallowed hard, the pain in her throat causing her to wince.
“You know what I want.”
Rescue wasn’t coming. She was completely on her own, and she wanted to live. With shaking hands, she fumbled at the remaining buttons, but her fingers refused to cooperate. Darius appeared to take pleasure in watching her struggle and made no move to help her.
Brie closed her eyes, tears falling, the humiliation she felt threatened to swallow her whole as the first button finally gave and she went to unbutton the next…
She dropped her hands in shame and defeat when she was done.
A cold breeze swirled around her skin when he pulled the material of her shirt away, and a sob escaped her lips.
“Don’t make a sound,” he warned her. A chill like ice coursed through her veins when he touched her. He said nothing as his hands ran over her flat breasts and the tiny buds of her nipples.
Brie kept swallowing hard, her eyes closed tightly, trying to keep herself from sobbing. She was completely unprepared when she felt his lips on hers.
Brie shook her head violently, breaking the kiss.
He grabbed her chin, holding her still as he did it again. It felt so wrong, like eating poison, and she suddenly felt sick.
Her body froze when she felt one of his hands move lower.
“No,” she begged.
His hand did not hesitate as it slipped under the material of her jeans. Her whole body became cold as a terrifying numbness took over.
No…
Bile rose up her tender throat and she started thrashing as she began making retching noises, Darius jumped off her just in time to avoid being covered in her vomit. She rolled over, getting on her hands and knees as she threw up violently, her body expelling the contents of her stomach.
When it was over, she looked up and saw that Darius had fled. Wiping her mouth, she sat on her heels and tried to button up her shirt, but her hands wouldn’t stop shaking. She closed up her shirt, hugging herself as she sat there.
The dog continued to bark in the distance.
Daddy…
Why had no one come?
Brie closed her eyes and the tears fell as she began sobbing uncontrollably. She sat there in the dirt for what felt like hours.
Alone.
It felt surreal when she finally buttoned her shirt back up, stood up on shaking legs, and began the long walk home, avoiding people at all costs. Everything around her was the same. Same streets, same houses, nothing had changed—but everything had changed for her.
Brie stumbled into the house. Her mother was singing to the song “Don’t Worry, Be Happy,” a Bobby McFerrin favorite, as she prepared the night’s dinner in the kitchen.
“Brie, is that you?” she called out.
Not wanting to face her, Brie answered in a hoarse voice. “I’m going upstairs to study.”
Her mother popped her head out of the kitchen. “You’re late. I was starting to get worried.”
Brie was barely holding on by a thread emotionally. She couldn’t face her mom—not now. Holding out her backpack to hide behind it, she said, “Gotta head upstairs…” Brie bolted up the stairs, but her mother called from the bottom step.
“Brie, what happened to you? You’re cover in dirt from head to toe.”
“It’s nothing, Mom,” she insisted, trying to move up the stairs faster.
“Stop right there, young lady.”
Brie stopped on the last step, her heart beating out of her chest, wishing the earth would open up and swallow her.
Knowing her shirt was missing several buttons, and uncertain what her face looked like, Brie couldn’t chance turning around to face her. There would be no getting out of this if she did.
“Walk back down here this instant, young lady…”
The terror she felt in the dream woke Brie straight out of her nightmare, and she screamed in the dark. Sir reached out to her, his touch in her current state causing her to scream even louder.
Sir enveloped Brie in his arms, holding her tightly and refusing to let go until she quieted against him. “Darius,” he stated rather than asked.
Oh God…how did he know with such certainty? There was no way he would let this go.
“Talk to me, Brie,” Sir insisted in a low, comforting tone.
She had no choice. They had promised to be open with each other about everything. But this…this memory was a long-buried secret she had never wanted to share.
He rolled her over to face him. “Brie.”
She couldn’t look at him when she finally found the courage to speak. “Hearing about Darius today sparked a memory.”
“Of his bullying?”
“Yes…”
“And something more?”
She cuddled against him, needing his physical reassurance.
“You’re shaking, Brie.” Sir pressed her against him, tucking the blanket around her.
Even though the memory filled her with a deep sense of shame, she finally voiced the secret only she and Darius knew. “He was mad at me for tattling about him stabbing me with the needle…”
“What did he do?” Sir asked, a hint of anger coloring his voice.
Brie found it difficult to speak. “Darius cornered me alone and…choked me.”
Sir waited, brushing his hand against her cheek.
“He made me take off my shirt…” she said, a sob escaping her lips. “He did it to humiliate me, but then he touched and kissed me.”
“And you were how old?” he asked, his voice strained.
“Twelve.”
Brie could feel the heat of his rage building. The anger in his voice was barely contained. “Did he do anything else?”
“He tried to force his hand between my legs, but I threw up.”
“Thank God for that,” Sir said, gathering her into his arms. He buried his face in her hair and shook his head, saying nothing.
Sir’s response surprised Brie. She felt no condemnation, no shame in his arms.
Needing him to know the whole story, she continued. “I headed home afterward because I knew my mom would be worried. Before she was out of the kitchen, I ran up the stairs to hide in my room. Mom tried to stop me, but I was too ashamed and afraid to face her. Thank goodness, too. I ended up having to wear a scarf for weeks to cover up the marks he left on my throat. It was embarrassing because my mom told everyone that I was going through a fashion phase, and she was so proud of my new look. She never knew what happened.”
Sir growled under his breath.
“Looking back now, I realize I should have told her. By saying nothing, it’s almost as if I was protecting Darius. My silence made it seem like what happened was okay, but I was just a little kid, and it was so weird what he did. I couldn’t really understand what had happened, and I was deathly afraid of him.”
Sir squeezed her tighter. “No fault lies with you, babygirl.”
Brie braved a look up, gazing into his eyes. “Do you know what eats at my heart?”
“What?”
“I left. We moved out a short time later. Without me there, he moved on to someone else. Because I said nothing…” Her throat closed up, and she had to force the words out. “…some other little girl became my replacement.”
Brie buried her head against him and cried.
Sir let her release her pent-up tears but, when she began to quiet again, he lifted her chin, looking at her in the darkness. “Stop holding that little girl hostage for something that should not have been expected of her.”
“But—”
“It really is no different than the guilt I carried because I decided not to tell my father about my mother’s infidelity when I was a kid. We were young and innocent—the consequences do not lie on our shoulders.”
Brie was struck by how sad it was that Sir had blamed himself for his father’s death. It made her weepy to think of that young man grieving the loss of his father, believing he was partly to blame for it.
Brie caressed his jaw, speaking to the little boy he once was. “It was not your fault.”
“And it was not yours,” he replied.
Brie nodded. Although she would still worry about those Darius had hurt after she’d left, the little girl Brie had once been deserved her empathy.
“You might find it helpful if you told your parents what really happened.”
“No,” Brie said resolutely. “My dad never forgave himself for Darius stabbing me with the dirty needle even though he sacrificed everything to get me out of there. He would feel responsible for this, and he shouldn’t have to. My parents saved my life, getting me far away from there. I honestly don’t know how long I would have lasted.” She smiled sadly at Sir. “It’s the reason I never complained about living in a shelter with my mom. I knew I was much better off.”
“It’s a testament to your strength—the fact he wasn’t able to crush your sweet spirit,” Sir told her, his voice tinged with pain.
Brie thought back to that first day of submissive training. “If Baron hadn’t been so gentle and understanding during the practicum, I would never have made it through the first night.”
“I was confident he was the right man to guide you through the scene, but I had no idea of the severity of your past.”
“No one knew…until now.”
He took her face in both hands, pressing his forehead against hers. “May the voicing of it bring you much deserved peace, my love.”
Tears came to her eyes. “Thank you, Sir.”
They stayed in that embrace, Brie soaking in the relief of not having to bear that terrible secret in silence any longer. “Sir, I don’t know what to do about Darius now.”
“You don’t have to do a thing, babygirl. It’s unfortunate that there is no legal recourse for what he’s done because he was a child at the time he assaulted you. However, I plan to check his background to determine the motivation behind this public comment. I suspect he was looking for free publicity, hoping to ride on the coattails of your success. But…” Sir growled harshly, “…if he becomes a threat, I will show him no mercy.”
“Lea thought he might be looking for absolution, but even if that is his intention, I’m unsure if I’m capable of forgiving him.”
“And you don’t have to. It must be a need of yours, not his, before I would encourage it.”
It was remarkable how Sir had a way of making her feel empowered. She told him with regret, “All these years I’ve carried that secret inside like a festering wound. What a fool I was.”
“You’re not a fool. You were waiting for the right person and situation. That kind of information in the wrong hands had the potential to hurt you.”
“What about you, Sir? Was Rytsar the person you turned to?”
Sir nodded. “In part, but I still held on to the guilt. I was not truly free until after I survived the crash. It became clear to me how unfair I’d been to the child I was at thirteen. To expect the wisdom and maturity of an adult is unreasonable and pointless. I was a child then, and what happened had nothing to do with me.”
“It did not.”
“So I ask that you be kind to the little Brianna you carry inside you.”
Hope let out a cry from the other room.
“I’ll take care of her,” he said, immediately getting out of bed. “You lie still and try falling back to sleep for me.”
As he was leaving the room, he turned around and added tenderly, “That’s a command.”