I’m Not a Masochist!
Brie whimpered softly, trying to keep up a brave face when the doctor walked into the room. “Let’s see how much you’ve progressed, shall we?”
He slipped on a pair of gloves and slipped his fingers inside. Brie felt a sense of hope when she saw him smile this time.
“I don’t know what you did, but you are fully dilated, lass. Are you ready to push the wee one out?”
Brie nodded vigorously. She had no idea how painful it would be, but no matter what happened, she knew she could do this and make both men proud.
The nurse instructed Sir to lift her leg and cup her heel, holding it up and out to help with delivery. When she took the position on the other side to support Brie’s other leg, Rytsar stood up.
“Nyet, that is my job.”
“You can’t. Please sit,” Brie protested.
“Radost moya, it is important that I be the one.”
Brie looked to Sir.
Sir answered her silent question, “It is his decision.”
She looked at Rytsar with concern, but nodded in understanding.
The nurse stepped back and explained to her, “They are here to support you. Don’t push against them, but allow the angle to aid you when you push.”
“Okay,” Brie answered, looking to Dr. Glas for further guidance.
“Now, Mrs. Davis, we are going to be working with your contractions, not against them. When you feel one coming, I want you to push as hard as you can down here.” He put pressure on the area he wanted her to concentrate on when she pushed.
There was an excitement in knowing the time had finally come. In a couple of minutes, if she pushed hard enough, not only would the pain end, but her little girl would be in her arms.
Brie looked at Sir and Rytsar, fortified by their strength and love.
When the next contraction hit, Dr. Glas encouraged her, “Push, push, push.”
Brie closed her eyes, holding her breath as the pain invaded her every thought. She tried her best to push through it.
When the contraction finally ended, Dr. Glas ordered her to rest.
They followed the same routine for the next several contractions, but Brie could tell that, despite her best efforts, her pushing was ineffective. She laid her head back, exhausted and disappointed with herself.
“This is your first time, lass. It takes a bit of practice,” Dr. Glas assured her.
Brie nodded, ready to give it another try. When the next powerful contraction hit, she closed her eyes and imagined her entire body pushing the baby out, but this pain was on a different level than before, and she screamed at the top of her lungs, “I’m not a masochist. I’m not a masochist!”
Afterward, she lay back, feeling discouraged.
“I think the entire hospital now knows your limit,” Rytsar teased.
She covered her eyes with her arm, completely embarrassed.
“Think nothing of it, babygirl,” Sir told her. “With this next contraction, I want you to transform the pain into action. Harness it.”
Brie took a deep breath, wanting to have control over the pain. When the gut-ripping contraction started up again, she focused on it, inviting it to hurt her. The progress was slow, but at least there was progress.
“That’s it, lass. Now we’re getting somewhere.”
That small success gave her courage, and she readied herself for the next one.
“Push,” the doctor commanded.
Her body shook from the effort, but she felt something give and pushed even harder. Suddenly, the room filled with the sound of an alarm.
“What’s wrong?” Sir yelled.
“The baby isn’t getting oxygen. I’m going to reach inside and try to relieve the pressure around her neck.”
Brie cried out in pain as he tried to manipulate the baby from the inside, but the alarm kept sounding. She felt a cold chill run through her when she saw the look of fear on Rytsar’s face.
“Mrs. Davis,” Dr. Glas stated calmly, breaking through her growing panic. “We’re going to rush you to the operating room. We need to do an emergency C-section.”
Both Sir and Rytsar let go of her and stood back as nurses rushed around them, disconnecting tubes and wires, before releasing the brakes on the bed. They pushed her out of the room with Brie crying in fear, “My baby…”
“She’s going to be fine, Brie,” Sir shouted from behind her.
“Moye solntse is strong like her mother!”
Brie closed her eyes as she was pushed down the hallway, shutting everything out, including her fear, as she tried to connect with her baby.
I’m here, little girl…
To keep her mind focused and calm for her child, Brie replayed a memory that brought her hope now.
“Sir,” she giggled, “I don’t know if it’s the whole nesting instinct kicking in or not, but I’m seriously feeling the urge to get the baby’s room ready.”
“I suppose now is as good a time as any.”
“There are just so many things to get.”
“Such as?”
“Oh, you know…decorations for the baby’s room, all the tons of equipment and cute little baby doodads.”
Sir smiled, pulling out his wallet and handing her cash. “Shop to your heart’s content, my dear. Have fun with it.”
Brie hesitated before taking the money from him. “But…”
“Yes?”
“I was hoping to do it with you. I’d like everything to reflect both of us—as a couple. From the way her room is decorated and the type of baby carriage we buy to the music she’ll fall asleep to.”
He sounded amused when he told her, “Actually, I’d planned on leaving that up to you. Wouldn’t you have more fun calling one of your friends, or even your mother, to help with that?”
Brie shook her head, feeling it was too important. “I want her to have the kind of environment that will encourage her growth and happiness. Your input will help to ensure that.”
He smiled but did not seem convinced.
“Sir, it weighs on me knowing our baby has been through so much stress during the pregnancy. I really want her first months to be peaceful and calm, yet stimulating for her growing brain.”
It was obvious by the look on Sir’s face that he felt responsible for the stress the baby had endured. She heard the sorrow in his voice when he said, “You both have suffered far too much.”
Brie looked at him with compassion. “This isn’t about what’s happened, but her future will be. One that I want us to create together.”
He nodded thoughtfully. “Then understand I will not have an opinion about everything but, if I do, I will express it.”
“Great! Let’s start with the baby’s room first.”
Sir chuckled as Brie ran down the hallway to get her tablet. When she returned, she showed him the different rooms she’d already picked out. “The baby’s room is a place we both need to feel comfortable in since we’ll be visiting it so much. So, I have three examples here to kind of guide us along. What strikes your fancy?”
He looked them over with a critical eye.
Brie had never forgotten how Sir had felt about having a Christmas tree cluttering the aesthetics of his apartment, so her money was on the stylish brown one she’d chosen. She pointed to the screen and said, “What do you think of this first one with the chocolate brown theme? The stripes on the walls and brown rug give it a more adult feel…”
He surprised her by saying, “Much too formal. Looks like a dining room, not a baby’s room.”
Curious, she immediately cued up the next one. “Okay, how about this? The fun, playful animal theme?”
“I don’t care for anything cartoonish.”
“Are you leaning more toward the whole ‘You Are My Sunshine’ theme then?”
Sir’s tone became serious. “While the moye solntse theme makes sense, the song itself has a negative connotation, considering Lilly is now associated with it.”
Since she had shown him her top three choices, she asked, “Do you have any suggestions, Sir?”
“Yes. I think melding the animal theme with the sunshine might work. More of a nature-themed decor. More realistic than what you showed me, but still colorful to stimulate her senses.”
“It’s perfect, Sir.”
Brie adored the idea and was grateful she’d asked for his input.
“As far as larger items such as the crib, car seat, stroller, etc., I can research those, if you would like, while you take care of the smaller things. But it would help me to know if you are more concerned with quality and functionality or general aesthetics.”
“Hmmm…actually all three,” she answered with a giggle. “I want something that will last, is easy to use, but still looks good.”
“Like you, babygirl.”
She smiled at his unexpected compliment and gave him a peck on the lips.
He let out a low, seductive growl that sent shivers down her spine as he grabbed the back of her neck and planted a long, drawn-out kiss on her lips.
“Had I known planning for the baby could be romantic and sexy, I would have started this long ago.”
Sir laughed, looking back over her long list of baby items. “As far as the other incidentals, make a day of it with your friends. Personally, I don’t care what diaper pail you get as long as it keeps the odor sufficiently contained.”
Brie was suddenly struck by the oddness of their conversation. She stared at him with a wistful expression. “You and I are in for some major changes—a life full of dirty diapers and burp rags.”
“It will be interesting to see how it all plays out.”
“In some ways, I can’t wait, but I’m also terrified,” she confessed. “I have no idea what I am doing. I really wish there was a six-week training course on being the best parent.”
Sir chuckled. “We’re no different than any other couple starting a family. Luckily, you have your mother to turn to for advice when needed. Her wisdom will prove invaluable to us.” Sir placed her tablet on the table and opened his arms to her.
Brie settled into them, sighing with contentment. Nothing felt better than being here in Sir’s arms.
“It’s important we enjoy the journey ahead,” he told her.
Pulling away to gaze into his soulful eyes, she said, “It’s also important that we don’t lose ourselves as a couple…”
“I won’t let that happen, babygirl.”
“But how can I serve you as a submissive without involving her, especially as she gets older and begins to notice things?”
“It will simply take thoughtful planning. We’ll make it a point not to pressure our daughter into living and participating in the lifestyle until she is old enough to make that decision herself.”
“I agree with you completely, but on a practical level, how will that work in our apartment? Even if I wear a ball gag, our little girl will hear everything.”
“I’ve actually been thinking about that. As much as I enjoy our place, I feel a move is in order. One that allows us the space to grow as a family, but also gives you and me the privacy we require.”
“I should have guessed you’d be planning ahead.”
He kissed her forehead. “While it’s true we have numerous changes ahead of us, I’m confident we can meet them.”
She settled back in his arms, a feeling of serenity washing over her.
Whenever she scened, she trusted Sir completely, and that was true in their vanilla lives as well. He was a good partner, always looking ahead, anticipating obstacles and planning for ways around them.
“I feel confidence because I have you with me,” she stated.
“So…” he began, pausing for a moment. “Have you given any thought to having another child?”
Brie laughed, assuming he was joking. “No, I’m not even done cooking the first one yet.”
“I realize that,” he replied, chuckling. “However, once she’s born, we will need to make that decision fairly quickly. As I mentioned before we started this endeavor, I’m not getting any younger, Brie. It’s important my offspring have an active, involved father.”
Brie imagined Sir on the floor, playing with his children, and her heart about melted.
Children…
Without really needing to think about it, Brie felt they were meant to have more than one. Being an only child had given Brie the advantage of receiving one hundred percent of her parents’ devotion and attention, but it had also left her alone. There had been many times she’d felt jealous of her friends when they talked about their siblings. That kind of bond was something she would never know.
“If I am honest, Sir, I do want our daughter to have a brother or sister. How do you feel?”
“I’m in agreement. I would like our daughter to have the intimate connection only siblings can experience.”
She stared at him in shock. “And, just like that, we’re planning for another.” Brie shook her head, giddy at the thought. “Our children…”
The baby pushed against Brie’s stomach, making herself known. “Come now, little girl, don’t go abusing your mama so,” Brie chided.
Sir placed his hand on the protruding area and smiled when the baby kicked again. “She seems eager to join us.”
“I do find it amazing that my body is giving her everything she needs right now but, soon, I will be responsible for feeding her, burping her, changing her diaper, making sure she’s warm enough…”
“You’re not the only one responsible for her.”
“Really?”
Sir stroked her cheek. “While I obviously can’t breastfeed the baby, I will be happy to burp her and change my fair share of diapers.”
She couldn’t hide her stunned expression. “You’ll change dirty diapers?”
He seemed surprised by the question. “Naturally.”
“I just assumed….”
“Assumed what?”
Brie shrugged, blushing. “You’re my Master.”
“So you thought, as your Master, I would shy away from taking care of my child? Did I not tell you that I would never expect you to do anything that I wasn’t willing to do myself?”
“I didn’t think you meant in all aspects of our lives, Sir.” She threw her arms around him, leaving trails of kisses down his manly jaw. “How amazing to think our little girl will know the love and care of both parents. That’s more than my dad ever did. My mom said he stayed at least ten feet from any diaper and never once burped me.”
“His loss, then. I remember my dad sharing some of the humorous situations he found himself in while caring for me as an infant. He wanted that extra time with his boy because of his constant traveling, and I am forever grateful for it.”
“Our daughter is a lucky girl.”
“I’m not entirely convinced of that. You’ve felt the wrath of my demons before. How can a child, who knows no better, handle such a thing if it should happen again?”
Brie smiled tenderly. “We’ve become different people since that day you first collared me. You’re working through those demons and are not the same man you were then.”
“True, I am not.”
“And I’m totally convinced every parent struggles. My parents are good examples of that. Sure, bad things happened while I was growing up, but I knew I was loved and cherished even when my dad had to leave us behind. It’s not what happened to you as a kid that defines your childhood, but how our parents handled it. That’s what stays with you and shapes you as an adult.”
Sir looked at Brie, his gazed still haunted with lingering doubt. “I fear my good intentions will not be enough.”
“It will be, Sir.”
Brie laid her head on his chest, watching her stomach jump because of their active child. “In just a few more months, we won’t be talking about how to care for her. We’ll be living it day by day.”
Sir’s voice suddenly became more somber. “There was a time when I didn’t think I would have that chance. So, long nights awake with the baby seems like a small price to pay for such a miracle.”
Tilting her head up, Brie was overwhelmed with love for him.
“I couldn’t agree more, Sir.”