Chapter 9
Maddy is super nice to me all week, clearly feeling sorry for me. It helps, a little bit. I even agree to go with her to The Bright Spot on Friday. Not because I’ll meet anyone who could even begin to compare to Knox Lockwood; I don’t think I’ll meet anyone like him again. But sitting at home on a Friday night with my PJs and my ice cream feels doubly sad when I know he’s going out. Right now, I feel like I am going to be a virgin until I die. The worst thing I can do is save it for Knox Lockwood.
He’s forgotten all about me, and I just need to do whatever I can to get past that. I feel like a fool mooning around like a teenager with her first heartbreak. It’s not like we had anything real in the first place.
By Wednesday, I figure he’s forgotten all about me. It’s probably for the best. Maddy takes me out for some retail therapy, and I buy a new dress and some cute high heels that I can’t afford. I also get some new lacy underwear.
I thought about putting the golden dress on Ebay. I bet it would pick up a huge chunk of cash, even worn. But it’s also the only thing I have left to remind me that night was real now that the tender skin from the duct tape has recovered. Definitely need to never ever let Maddy be in charge of my beauty regime again.
Knox keeps showing up in the paper and in the celeb magazines, generally with some pretty girl on his arm. Maddy points out that they all run a month behind, so stuff I’m seeing isn’t what he’s doing now; it’s what he was doing before he met me. But I don’t think next month will be any different. There’s no more articles about his secret waitress, either. It seems personal, like I never even existed at all.
I guess for Knox, I probably didn’t.
“Oh my God, girlfriend, stop moping,” says Maddy, throwing a fresh rag at me to clean the windows with.
“I’m just tired.”
“You are suffering from a broken heart, and the best cure is to get up and out and doing things!”
Suffering from a broken heart sounds a lot more romantic than it is, like I’m some gothic heroine who will slowly wither away with consumption-like symptoms. I could stand to lose a few pounds, anyway.
But I’m not telling Maddy that. I get to cleaning the window while I try to frame a scathing response to Maddy when my heart stops and my blood freezes. Outside, in the traffic, that’s Knox’s car. And worse, he’s got his turn signal on to turn onto Galway Avenue, the best place for parking for the diner. He’s coming here? He’s coming here!
I make a strangled sound, and Maddy looks over.
“Are you all right?” She follows my gaze and gasps. “Oh my God, it’s him. It’s Knox Lockwood. It’s totally him. He’s coming to see you! Oh my God, I bet he’s still hoping for a slice of that cherry pie!”
“Maddy, cover for me. I have to get out of here now.”
“You have to talk to him!”
I already feel a lump in my throat. This is impossible. I can’t talk to him. “No, I don’t. I have to get out of here. You…” My eyes are huge and pleading. “You find out what he wants and tell me. He probably just wants his dress back, and if I have to talk to him…” I can’t look into those eyes, I know I can’t, not without crying or shouting or both. I know I’m the one who’s being an idiot, but I also desperately don’t want him to know what an idiot I’m being. I can’t bear it.
“But what if he’s come to whisk you away?”
“Get serious, Maddy. This isn’t some Harlequin romance and, you know, he just wasn’t that into me. You’ve seen what he’s like.” My voice is cracking, and Maddy looks at me with eyes full of sympathy. Right now, the only thing I’ve got left is my pride. “Just talk to him, tell him I’ve moved to Costa Rica, or something. Anything.” And I dash out through the kitchen, calling over my shoulder to tell Pete I’ll be right back, anything to make sure Knox doesn’t see me there, falling to pieces just at the thought of talking to him.
I stop in the alleyway, wondering if I could just hide in the kitchen and listen in. But no, even the glimpse of him through the car window has my heart pounding. I won’t survive hearing his voice. Or maybe he isn’t even coming here. How stupid of me to think that just because he’s got his turn signal on, he must be coming to the restaurant. At least it’s Maddy on shift with me today. Imagine if it was Daphne or Cindy. At least Maddy can cover for me. He just wants the dress, if he’s even walked into Lido’s at all.
My brain is a mess of mixed signals: hope, fear, lust, disgust. I head left to ensure that if he’s parked somewhere else on the road, he won’t see me. I don’t stop running until I’m at the park, trying to outrun my thoughts. I’ll just do some deep breathing here for five minutes and then head back. Maybe ten minutes. By then, he’ll be long gone, and Maddy will help me through the rest of the day.
I wonder if he’ll be disappointed that I’m not there.