Oh. My. God.
I can’t believe I let fuck-hot Drew Hamilton finger me.
And I came so hard I saw stars. He hurt me but then he was making me feel so good I was losing my mind. It seems surreal.
Maybe I dreamed it.
When the doorbell rings, unease skitters down my spine. I most certainly did not dream it. Drew is here to take me back to his house to do God knows what. I’m turned on and positively terrified. All at once.
It takes me a minute to rise from the couch and then hobble over to the door, my cane thwacking the floor along the way. Right before I reach the threshold, self-doubt creeps in. What am I doing? Drew is hot and successful and established. He could be with anyone he wanted. Why me?
With those thoughts lingering, I open the door. As soon as I see him, my mouth goes dry. He’s still wearing the crisp blue polo that brings out his eyes. His hair is no longer styled to perfection. It’s as though he’s been running his fingers through it all afternoon. I want to run my fingers through it.
His gaze flickers with apprehension. I make a mental note of what I’m wearing and frown. One of my old softball tees and a pair of comfy jeans. He works with nicely dressed women all day, like Johnna for instance with her smart slacks and button-up blouses.
And then there’s me.
“Hey,” he utters, his voice gritty. The way he says one simple word seems to scratch along my insides in a way that has me shivering with need.
“Hey.” I force a smile. Fake and so bright he might get burned by it.
His eyebrow lifts and he takes a step closer to me. My heart rate quickens at his nearness and my smile falls away. He reaches for my face and runs his thumb along my bottom lip.
“This lip is distracting,” he murmurs, his eyes fixated on it.
Now, my smile is genuine. Soft. Real. It belongs to him.
“Your hair is distracting,” I tease. “It’s so messy.”
He smirks and his hand falls away so that he can push his unruly locks out of his eyes. “I had a helluva afternoon.”
Emboldened, I lift my chin. “Is that so? What made it so difficult?”
His body moves impossibly closer to mine. We don’t touch but the heat of it scorches my front side. “I was too busy worrying over a patient.”
“How come?”
He licks his lips and heat surges through me. “I fixed her up right but it wasn’t enough. I wanted to do so much more to help her.”
I smile. Again, natural. It feels strange on my lips. “What else would you have done to help her?”
His hand cups my jaw before threading into my hair and I lean into his touch. I’ve spent nine months hardening my heart toward everyone. It’s refreshing to crave the touch of another.
“I would have,” he whispers, his lips hovering over mine. Hot. Needy. Desperate. “I would have claimed her perfect pouty mouth as I should have done first.” A deep sound rumbles in his chest, vibrating against me. “But I’m greedy. Fuck, am I greedy. Now that I’ve touched her, I want to devour every inch of her.”
“Maybe you can make up for lost time,” I breathe, my eyes fluttering so I can see his handsome face.
Darkness and lust and hunger flicker in his navy blue eyes. I want to get consumed by him. “Sophia,” he murmurs. The very way he says my name is domineering. Possessive. Starved. “I’m going to kiss you and then I’m going to take your sexy little body back to my house where I can ravish it. Do you want to be ravished?”
I’m not sure what all ravishing entails but I want it. Jesus, do I ever want it. “Yes.”
“Good. And I hope this tough girl persona isn’t an act. I need you to be strong and unbreakable. When it comes to sex, I’m not hearts and flowers. I’m raw, animalistic need. I’m a beast in human form. I can’t be gentle or sweet.” His lips press softly on my lips, a stark contrast to his harshly spoken words. “I am going to ruin you, baby. That is my only warning.”
Dirty images of him and I rolling around in the sheets have heat flooding to my core. I’ve been in a mental fog for the past nine months, mostly in part due to the pain pills, but also because of the depression. Everything was stolen from me in the blink of an eye.
Drew promises the delicious kind of pain and pleasure, a reprieve from the numbness. My body thrums with excitement. Hell, I don’t get excited about anything these days.
I feel alive.
“I’m already ruined,” I whisper.
He grits his teeth as if he disagrees and his other hand clutches around the front of my throat in a possessive way. Not as though he wants to hurt me but as though he wants to pin me in this very spot forever. “You are not ruined.”
My laugh is scornful and bitter. “I can hardly move my hips without screaming pain. My college future is gone. Friends and family walk around on eggshells because of my anger.” I choke on my words and beg the tears to go away. The stubborn shit rolls down my cheeks boldly. “You can’t ruin what’s already destroyed. Do your worst.”
He clutches my throat and kisses me hard—so hard I’m sure he’ll bruise me. His fingers dig into my flesh. Powerful and selfish. I love the sensation so much that I moan loudly. An embarrassing beg for more. A plea to do exactly what he warned.
Ruin me.
Destroy every piece of me.
Remind me that I have a living, beating heart inside my ribcage.
His tongue thrusts deep into my mouth as if he seeks to dominate my own. Ever the scrappy one, I duel with him. Taste and suck him. Show him I’m a worthy opponent. Not some little girl.
I was a soft girl who had to grow up quickly into a hardened woman.
A woman who wears pain like armor.
A woman who watches the world around her and wonders if she has purpose anymore yet somehow doesn’t give up when she can’t find that purpose.
His growl consumes me almost as deeply as his kiss does. The vibrations quake through me, awakening all my nerve endings along the way. Marking me instantly with his scent and presence and taste.
I clutch onto his polo and fist it with my hand but it’s not enough. My cane hits the floor with a clatter as I grab desperately onto him. His hand on my throat remains but he slips his other to the small of my back. I’m pulled into his embrace and am now able to feel his hard cock practically jumping between us. Another needy moan escapes me.
He’s consuming me with every second into our kiss. And just when I don’t think he can devour any more of me, out come his teeth.
He bites me—actually bites me.
My bottom lip suffers the abuse. It makes a shriek tear through me but he won’t give it up. His teeth back away and then his tongue is lapping away the burn of his bite. Sharp metallic blood floods through my mouth. I’m so confused that I’m turned on.
He bit me.
I’m still reeling when his hand squeezes against my throat, trapping air in the process. “I lost you there for a minute,” he breathes against my lips. “Too much? It’s not too late to give up. I’ll leave right now and you’ll be safe. Safe from me. My teeth. My bed. My cock. Say the words, crybaby. Beg me to leave you alone.”
I moan when he kisses me again. As though he doesn’t want me to say no. As if he can kiss the word away. His grip on my throat has loosened and his thumb caresses me in a simple yet possessive way that fills me with an emotion I’ve not felt before.
Wanted.
I feel wanted and desired and needed.
As if my purpose is to make someone else happy.
My heart rattles to life in its cage and bangs against its bars.
“Ruin me, Drew. Fucking ruin me.”
I’m seconds away from begging him to just take me upstairs and have his way with me when the garage door into the kitchen creaks open. Drew jerks away from me as if being burned by fire. He crouches to pick up my cane and hands it to me. Besides his messy hair and now wrinkled shirt, you’d never know he was trying to gobble me up. His features are cool and impassive. A hint of smugness.
But I see.
The fire raging in his dark blue eyes.
The hardly contained obsession to consume.
“Soph, I thought tonight we could…” Dad starts as he rounds the corner with Dorian not far behind. He trails off and frowns. “Drew. What are you doing here?”
Snapping into concerned therapist mode, Drew offers his hand to my father. The same hand that was inside me earlier today. “I think we’re finally making some progress in her therapy. I wanted to see how she fared after today’s intense session.” His gaze darts to mine and he winks. Dorian narrows her eyes at me but I can see the questions dancing in her eyes. I, of course, pretend to be annoyed at him so she’ll stop her mental probing.
Dad, happy for a good progress report, shakes his hand firmly. “Excellent news. Who’s the therapist now?” Meaning, how long will this last before my daughter runs them off?
“I’ve taken on the case as it’s a complicated one,” Drew tells him, his brows furrowing together. “I want her to see Dr. White again to have some new tests done. Sophia is still suffering and I want to get to the bottom of it.”
Dad nods before pulling me into one of his strong, warm hugs. I sag against his body and let him hold me for a moment. “I’m glad to see you’ve taken over. My daughter’s health and recovery is of utmost importance. I want to see her happy again.”
Guilt surges through me. It’s not that I have any control over the fact that I got hurt and how it destroyed my life. Dad probably hopes that if I get well again, I’ll go back to my old self. The bitterness and ice would melt away.
But my heart is different.
Shredded and raw and fucking bleeding all the time.
I don’t have the guts to tell him I’ll never be her again.
Drew clears his throat. “Well, I should be going. I have to get home. I’ll keep you posted on her progress.” He tips his head and flashes me a look that says, You’re still coming over. Find a way or else I’ll drag you out of here, consequences be damned.
“I should get going too. Dad, I’m headed out to Alicia’s. We’re working on a project for school. It might get late so I’ll just stay over.”
Dad nods, completely unaware of my devious intentions but Dorian rubs at her pregnant belly with furrowed brows. Of course they think they’re hiding that from me but I’m not stupid. “I’m glad to see you wanting to be around people again,” he says sadly before kissing my forehead. “You’re always so lonely, baby girl.”
My chest aches at his words and embarrassment floods through me because Drew had to hear them. When I sneak a glance at him, his brows are furrowed in a ferocious, manic way. The fisted hands at his sides indicate that it’s taking everything in him not to pluck me from my Dad’s doting attention and drag me out of the house by my hair.
He wants me.
Stingy and selfish and greedy.
His eyes rove over me in a way that screams, You’re mine.
I’ve always thought of Drew as the ass. Miles’s mouthy best friend who called me names. Hate from inception. I’m not sure when all that hate and fury evolved into passionate need. Like a flip of a switch.
“See you tomorrow,” Dad finally says, breaking the intense spell clouding the air around us. “Love you.”
Drew’s gaze lingers on me. For a moment, I see a softness in them for me. As if he sees parts of me that I keep trapped beneath the ice surrounding my heart. Vulnerable parts of myself seem to melt away and are freed in his presence. I’m not sure if I like that feeling at all.
I follow him outside and Dad follows me. Thankfully, despite my left hip being ruined, I use my right leg to drive and can still manage okay. It isn’t until I’m sitting in my car that my phone buzzes.
Ass: Get your ass home, crybaby. It’s going to be a long night.
His shiny silver Audi drives off with a slight squeal of the tires. A shudder ripples through me. I’m not sure if I’m apprehensive about what all this long night will entail or if I’m giddy over the fact that he told me to get home. As in his home.
Drew Hamilton is complicated.
And something tells me that very shortly I’m going to start learning about him piece by devastatingly handsome piece.
I smile—genuine as hell—as I put the car in reverse.