What the fuck am I doing?
I’m losing my mind.
I need something—someone—to ground me. Fuck. Quickly, as I drive to my house, I dial my best friend. He answers on the second ring.
“I’m in deep,” I blurt, my voice hoarse.
Music thumps in the background and I know he’s up at his club. Club Orj-E has become a sexual feast for a person like myself. I’ve been able to prowl around dabbling in anything remotely interesting. That club is where I discovered my kinks and sexual desires. Where I honed them and fine-tuned them into a custom made entity that represents me.
I’m not a sadist but I love to make them scream.
I’m not a dominant but I love making them bend to my will.
I’m not kinky but I sure as fuck love tying them up.
Them.
Women.
All ages, shapes, and backgrounds.
Mine for the tasting.
“Define deep,” Miles says, mild amusement in his tone.
“I’m going to fuck a teenager.”
The line is silent for a moment. “And not just any teenager, huh?”
I sigh in frustration. “No. Certainly not just any teenager. Her.”
I’m not sure how he knows, but he does. I’ve known Miles since we were kids. He knows things about me that I don’t even have to say.
“She’s young,” he throws back at me, a stab from a conversation we had a year ago. “Not only is she illegal, but teenagers are dramatic and come with baggage.”
“Like I give a fuck about baggage.”
He laughs. “You’re playing a dangerous game. Daddy is a judge…”
As if this motherfucker didn’t play the same goddamned dangerous game once before. “I’m perfectly aware.” I’m silent for a pause. “She’s so fucking broken, Miles. I want to…I want to…” I don’t know what the fuck I want to do. Normally, I like doing the breaking. I’m not sure what to do when they’re already that way.
“You want to put her back together again?” he supplies, his tone serious.
My eyes drift to the rearview mirror where her car tails mine. “And then some. Her hip…” I trail off and scrub at my face. “It’s not all a fucking act. She’s suffering.” The word tastes disgusting on my tongue. There’s something about Sophia. I don’t want her to suffer. I want her to feel good. Healed and happy.
“Then who better to fix her than the good doctor?”
“I told her I would ruin her,” I tell him, my voice gruff.
“You will.”
“But that isn’t all I want to do.”
“That’s a first.”
I frown as I grip the steering wheel. “Her smiles…they’re so goddamned beautiful.”
“I wouldn’t know,” he says dryly. “Not sure she’s ever smiled around me.”
“Well, that’s because you’re an ugly motherfucker who looks like he models for a lumberjack calendar. I think everyone grimaces when they see you,” I say with a laugh.
He snorts. “Fuck off, Ken.”
“Ken is plastic. I’m hard as a fucking rock.”
“I’m pretty sure your dicks are the same.”
“Maybe we should ask your mom.”
“Fuck off, prick,” he says with a chuckle. “If you’ve called looking for someone to talk you out of it, I’m not going to. If you’ve called looking for someone to talk you into it, I’ll sure as hell do that. Apparently, she gets under your skin. Soph is a big girl. Mean as fuck too. If she wants to sleep with you, it’ll be all her. Nobody forces that girl to do anything. Have some fun with the poor thing. She sure as hell needs a little fun in her life.”
His words hollow me out. I’m no longer interested in joking about her. With a blurted goodbye, I hang up on him. But he was right. She never has fun. Doesn’t do anything remotely pleasurable for herself. I know this because my best friend is married to her sister. A month doesn’t go by where I don’t see Sophia several times. I listen and from what I pick up from her family, she’s miserable as fuck.
Oh, crybaby, I’m about to change that.
Tonight, I’ll taste her ripe little body.
And then I’m going to show her what it means to live again.
“We’re seriously not doing water therapy,” she grits out from the sliding glass door that leads outside. “It’s cold.”
“Don’t be a baby. It’s fine.”
Beast yaps from my arms as he wiggles to get away to go see her. As soon as I set him down, he tears off over to her and begins hopping in front of her so she’ll pick him up. I don’t have the heart to call him off her. She can barely walk with a cane, much less carry my obnoxious dog too. But surprisingly, she scoops him into her arms and kisses him. In that moment with her lips pressed to my pup, she seems so young. Guilt gnaws at me for touching and kissing her. For proposing that we fuck. Shouldn’t a young woman like her be off fucking around with boys her own age?
Her gaze eventually leaves Beast and searches for me. I’m standing by the heated pool’s edge in a pair of swim trunks. Greedily, she devours my bare chest. Miles and I kill it at the gym every morning before I go into the clinic. I’m thankful she takes notice. Being almost forty, I have to work extra hard to keep my shit in shape.
She licks her lips and I’m done for. I stalk over to her with deadly intent rippling from me. Fuck guilt. I’m not going to feel guilty for wanting this girl who so desperately craves someone. She doesn’t just crave sex or touch or affection, she craves to feel alive. It’s written all over her face.
I’m no prince charming.
But this villainess doesn’t seem the type who likes hearts and flowers either.
Darkness blazes in her green eyes. She doesn’t know what she wants or how to even ask for it but the desire is there nonetheless. A stupid kid at her high school would clumsily grope at her, stick his dick in her, and knock her ass up just to get off. Meanwhile, he wouldn’t give her the orgasms she desperately deserves. And what if he hurt her? He doesn’t know how to hold her hips so that she isn’t caused pain.
A feral growl escapes me at the thought of this punk-ass imaginary kid. I want to bash his face in and he doesn’t exist.
She’s mine.
“I’m not sure if I want to know what has you glaring at me like that. Are you plotting all the horrible ways you’re going to make me suffer during therapy?” she asks, her tone playful and light despite the rage that is burning from me.
Suffer.
I fucking hate that word.
“Put Toto down, Dorothy, I’m about to take you to Oz.”
She starts giggling—dear fucking God that sound—and I stand there mesmerized. The sound is light and cheerful and so damn pretty. Her laughter is a gift straight from the heavens showered down upon the devil himself. It makes me want to tie her to my bed and tickle her for hours just to hear the sound—to have it fill me up indefinitely.
I pluck Beast from her grip and set him down. He barks at me angrily but then hears a squirrel that he must go try and murder. As soon as he takes off, I take her cane from her before tossing it away. Then, carefully, I scoop her into my arms. I carry this gorgeous girl like some pussy prince would carry his bride over the threshold.
“Drew,” she groans, embarrassment tainting my name. “I’m too heavy for you to do this.”
I glare down at her as if she’s lost her goddamned mind. “What?”
“I’m heavy,” she grits out. “Put me down. I’ll walk.”
“Like fuck you will,” I snap. “And this self-depreciating bullshit is boring.”
She hisses as if I’ve slapped her. “Excuse me but you’d be self-depreciating too if you fucked up your body and ruined your life! I can’t exercise and I’ve gained all this weight. I’m fat now and—”
Over her tantrum, I toss her in the water.
She barely makes a splash.
Heavy, my ass.
When she emerges from the water, a screech pierces the night. “You ass! That hurt!” But the look on her face tells me it hurt her pride more than anything. I was mindful of the way I threw her in so that her bad hip wouldn’t take the impact.
“You deserved it,” I bark as I stalk over to the diving board. “And if I hear you ever call yourself that stupid shit again, I’ll take you over my knee and spank that fat ass.” My dick thickens at that thought.
I hop onto the diving board and run to the end. With a heavy jump, I bounce up and then flip into the water. Under the surface, I open my eyes and pinpoint where she is. Her body is moving slowly. I’ll catch her. There’s no getting away from me. Ever.
I latch on to her waist with my hands and revel in the way she screams above the surface. She tries and fails to hit me, the water slowing her movements. I pop up from the water and fling my head back to knock the hair out of my eyes.
“Any other dumb things you want to say, crybaby?”
She glares at me but doesn’t move from my grip. My hands have locked onto her soft flesh and my aching dick presses against her stomach.
“Other than you’re a psycho fucktard, no,” she spits out.
I flash her a crooked grin. “You make me that way. I’ll have you know that this time last week, I was your regular every day fucktard.” I lift a hand to her wet cheek and caress her skin. “You bring the psycho out in me. What can I say?”
Her gaze softens as she melts against my touch. This. This gets her off. The attention, the touches, the tenderness. But this girl also likes to spar. Her words are her strength. Her tongue is her venom. With a broken body and a suffering spirit, it’s all she has left against the world.
“Drew,” she says sadly. “Why am I here?”
“Because I want your tight cunt wrapped around my massive ten-inch cock,” I deadpan.
She snorts and rolls her eyes. “Have you measured it?”
“I don’t need to. Some things you know.”
“I’ll be the judge,” she tells me, her chin lifting in a regal manner. As if she’s the knower of all dicks. The thought irritates me. I don’t want her knowing about any dicks but mine.
“My dick will impress you. It impresses even the harshest of judges.”
Her green eyes darken and she looks away. “Again, why am I here? You could be with any woman right now. Women who are slender and flawless. Women with perfect tits and smiles. Women who can fucking walk.” Her words come out hatefully as tears spring from her eyes.
My hand slides to her throat and I punish her with a grip that makes it a struggle to breathe. I like the raspy sounds of her air begging for escape. “You’re here,” I snarl, my mouth close to hers, “because you want to be. Because I want you to be. We’ve been dancing around each other for nearly a year and now that I’ve finally had a true moment with you, I’m not eager to let it slip away. To let you slip away. Apparently you don’t ever look in the goddamned mirror, crybaby. You’re fucking gorgeous. A siren with the most tempting lips. Soulful eyes and a heart that bleeds right in my fucking face. I’m so into you, it’s fucking with my head. I feel like you’re silently screaming at me to slide into your veins and fill you up with me. Like you want me to possess you.” I relax my grip on her throat and kiss her pouty lips. “Your body is curvy and fleshy. It makes my dick hard knowing I have actual meat to grip onto. To fucking bite and bruise.” My hand falls from her neck and she sucks in air. When my palm slides to her breast over her swimsuit, she lets out a mewl. “And these tits? They’re fucking divine. Stop being a goddamned crybaby and open your eyes. See what I and the world see. Someone of value. Someone gorgeous and brave and tough as shit.”
She swallows and her nostrils flare. “But I can’t walk well and—”
“I’ll just have to carry you then,” I snarl, my fingers clawing at her small tit. My thumb roughly pulls back the fabric before diving back in to rub against her erect nipple. “I’ll tell you once more. The self-depreciating bullshit ends tonight. You’re hell on wheels and I’ll be damned if I watch you go weak on me. So you can’t fucking play softball anymore. Boo fucking hoo.”
She growls. Like a goddamned kitten. “Fuck you.”
“Later, sweetness,” I say in a smug tone. “But softball is just a hobby. Very few go on to do something with that in life. You’ve got a brain rattling around in that pretty head. Those gears don’t ever stop turning. I watch them every time I look at you. Find your purpose and start making your way toward it. Even if it’s hobbling along with a fucking granny cane. You just keep going.”
Her tiny palms push at my chest to get away but my free hand bites into her tender hip. A subtle reminder that, for now, she has limitations. And if she wants to be a crybaby, I’ll give her something to cry about.
“You’re an ass.” Her tone has lost its venom and is now accusatory. You were supposed to be my friend, her green eyes say.
I reach to her neck and tug at the string. The top of her bikini falls forward baring her small mounds to me. She lets out a sharp breath that immediately gets sucked back in when I untie the other strings at her back. The suit flutters to the pool floor between us.
“You need me,” I murmur, my attention falling to her sweet tits. “You need me to show you who you are. Who you can be. You need someone to hold the fucking mirror and show you how damn fiery you are.”
She bounces on her toes and for a moment I think she’ll hit me. But then her arms are around my neck and her lips are latched to mine. She kisses me with more passion than I’ve ever experienced in a kiss before. Wild. Unruly. Confused. Furious. It’s all rolled into one mating of two mouths. I let her devour me, even though I want to bite holes in her tongue so she’ll have no option other than to remember who she belongs to for every painful second. But I don’t bite her.
She fucking bites me.
Hard and unforgiving.
As if she’s punishing me for her pain and heartache.
It takes everything in me not to maul her. Not to grab her by the ass, shove her suit to the side, and plunge deep inside her sweet cunt. The only thing holding me back is her. In this moment she is feral and free. I won’t cage her in.
“Drew,” she bites out as she kisses me. “I hate you. You’re mean. I hate that you force me to look at myself.”
Greedily, my palms find her ass and I gently lift her. Despite her desperate kiss, she moves slowly as she finds the strength to wrap her legs around my waist. I know it’s painful. The fact that she’s pushing through gets my dick so hard I fear for the fabric that contains it.
“Someone has to show you. Someone has to fucking show you,” I grind out and take the bite of her lip I so furiously crave. “Take me out of my trunks.” My order is firm and not to be negotiated.
“Whatever you say, ass,” she snips back as she pulls from our kiss. Her hands go between us and she makes quick work of pulling me from my shorts. A small gasp is the only indication of her reaction to my dick.
“Told you it was big.”
“I’ve seen bigger,” she lies, her devious eyes darting to mine in challenge. Her virgin cunt says otherwise.
“Stroke it,” I growl.
Her hands each latch around my thickness. Up and down she goes. Unsure but determined. The speed quickens and slows. Her inexperience is a tease.
“Fuck,” I hiss. “Are you on the pill?”
She nods, her eyes quickly widening with innocence that I want to tear apart with my teeth.
“Good,” I mutter, my voice raspy and uneven. “I’m going to put my cock in you right now, Soph. Right here in this pool. I’m going to stretch you right open and make you scream.”
She swallows but then gives me one of the haughty looks she’s mastered. “Your neighbors must hate you.”
I narrow my eyes at her as my fingers sneakily make their way into her bottoms and explore her sweetness. “This is the first time they’ve been bystanders for the Dirty Drew Show.”
Two of my fingers push deep inside her cunt and she cries out. My thumb rubs against her clit in a promising way. A way that says later it’ll be my tongue quickly followed by my teeth. As if she’s the one wielding all the power, she quickens her strokes on my dick.
“I’m going to hurt you,” I vow, my eyes seeking hers. Another warning. Another out. The naïve girl ignores me. Brave as fuck she is.
“I’m waiting.”
I jerk my hands from her and push hers away from my dick. Then, I grip my cock that throbs for her and tease her clit through her bathing suit with the tip. She moans and slightly rocks her body against mine in a way that begs for more. I push the fabric to the side and begin easing inside her. It hurts. I can tell by the way her voice is choked as she tries to form words. If she were fucking some teenager, she wouldn’t have this problem. But I am her problem. I’m a big fucking problem. And it’s one she can’t solve. Only I know the answers and I refuse to give those to her.
Only solution she gets is my cock deep inside her.
With a brutal thrust, I drive all the way into her. Her screams are loud and painful enough that I’m sure in the next half hour, I’ll have Sheriff McMahon or Deputy Adair beating down the door looking for a murder victim. But as soon as I have her rightfully on my cock, I massage her throbbing little button of pleasure in a way I know will turn her screams into moans. Almost immediately she relaxes but then her pussy begins contracting in pleasure.
Our mouths meet again and we kiss hard. I hold her fleshy ass in one hand so that I can stabilize her while I drive into her. She allows me to do all the work and simply rides out what I’m offering. It doesn’t take long before I’ve driven her to the brink of insanity. Each time I know she’ll come soon, I back off, slightly. Her groans of frustration and the claws digging into my neck are orders. Orders to pleasure her or else. Too bad she’s not the one running the goddamned show.
I tease her and tease her.
Her pussy is slick with her slippery arousal.
Everything about being inside of her is better than I could have imagined. She’s tight and perfect and holy fuck is she sexy.
“Oh God,” she cries out. “Oh!”
That’s my only warning before she comes apart in my arms. Her core strangles my cock until I’m coming with a feral roar. Teeth and fingernails tearing each other apart. I’ve always been intense but I’ve never been with someone equally so.
My cum spurts from me, hot and furious, and coats every part of her insides. An animalistic claim. An unspoken vow. A promise to her that she’s mine.
She relaxes but then a sob wracks her so suddenly I get whiplash.
I grab her jaw and tilt her face up so I can see her glimmering green eyes. “What’s wrong, crybaby?”
“I…I…”
I start to pull out and she claws the shit out of my neck. “Don’t move.” Her command is harsh and brittle and terrified.
I recognize the flash of pain in her eyes. Her hip. Of course it would hurt after the brutal fucking I just delivered.
“Calm down, baby,” I murmur as I ease my soft cock out of her. “Relax.”
I tuck myself back in my shorts and right her bottoms. Slowly, her legs ease down to the pool floor. As soon as she’s out of that position, I scoop her in my arms and carry her out of the pool. I stride back into the house, Beast hot on my heels, and to my master bathroom. She whimpers when I set her on the cold counter.
“I’m going to run you a hot bath,” I tell her, my brows furrowed in concern. “What else do you need?”
“My purse. My medicine is in there.”
As the tub fills, I run downstairs and rifle through her bag. I pull out three prescription bottles. One is an anti-inflammatory prescribed to her. Another is a mild painkiller. The third bottle has someone else’s name on it. Brody. In that bottle, I discover OxyContin.
I grab all three but only take two of them to her. The two that are hers. The other bottle gets stowed away for now until I can process what it means.
When I bring her the two bottles, she’s so desperate for them, she doesn’t notice I left one. For a brief moment, I hope it is a mistake. That she simply has them but doesn’t use them. But then she’s plucking out three pills—enough to knock a grown man out—and swallowing them dry.
Fire blazes in my gut.
Pain sucks, I know this, but I hate how it’s made her its victim. A motherfucking slave.
I shut off the water and dump in some bath salts. The salts have helped me when I’ve worked my legs too hard at the gym on many occasion. She doesn’t protest when I scoop her up again and ease her into the tub.
“Give me your bottoms,” I instruct.
As if it takes everything in her, she winces and groans, pulling them from her body. I drink in the full nakedness of her before stealing them away to hang to dry. I’m dying to join her but she’s hurting. Instead, I sit on the edge and take her hand in mine. She closes her eyes and allows me to kiss her knuckles. A thousand questions rattle around inside my head. I want to know everything there is to know about her pill routine because goddammit, I think she might have a problem. Looking back, I’ve seen her pop them like candy over the past several months. It was subtle but now that I think about it, too fucking often.
“What did Dr. White say?” I bark out, my voice cold.
“I have an appointment tomorrow after school. He’ll run the tests then.”
Anxiety clenches around my heart. The quicker we have answers, the quicker I’ll be able to help her get on the road to recovery. A road she’s going to motherfucking walk without that useless cane.
I wake with a start. A sweaty, quivering body is pressed against mine. Naked and curvy and supple. Mine.
“No,” she whimpers. “No.”
I run my fingers through her now dry hair and kiss her forehead. “Shhhh,” I murmur. “You’re having a bad dream.”
Her body relaxes but her soft breathing tells me she’s fully awake now. After her bath earlier tonight, she passed the fuck out. Three pills. Three goddamned pain pills. I’d watched over her for hours, panic threatening to choke me to death.
“What do you want to go to college for?” I ask, my voice a low whisper.
She stiffens. “I don’t know.”
“Well, figure it out,” I growl. “Right now.”
“Screw you,” she snaps and attempts to pull away.
I grip her throat and kiss her earlobe. “Maybe later, crybaby. Now tell me what the fuck you want to be when you grow up.”
Her laughter isn’t playful, it’s scornful and edgy. “Why does it matter to you?”
“Because it does, dammit.”
“Nothing. I want to be nothing.”
“Congratulations, crybaby, you already are,” I snap. “Fucking nothing.”
A sob catches in her throat and she starts beating the shit out of me in the darkness. One of her fists clocks me in the eye, making me see stars. I manage to pin her to the bed with my body covering hers and her wrists secure in my grip. I keep my weight off to her uninjured side.
“I hate you,” she screams, her body raging.
“Why? Because it’s too hard with me? Because I make you fucking work for it? Newsflash, princess, I’m not your prince charming. And unlike those pussies at the clinic, you can’t scare me away. I don’t get scared. I’m the motherfucker who does the scaring.”
She spits at me. “I’m not scared of you either, ass.”
“Good,” I snap. “Now tell me.”
Defeated, she sniffles and relaxes in my grip. “I’d figure out a way for others not to have to go through what I’m going through. There. Now magically find something for me to do with that information.”
I release her and kiss her sad mouth that I can’t see but could find in the darkest of night because it fucking beckons to me. A whimper crawls from her throat into my mouth and begs to be held. I kiss her and make promises that I don’t even understand myself. Silent vows. All for her. When I pull away, I stroke her sweaty hair from her face.
“You could do what I do. I try my damnedest to figure out ways for others to not live with constant pain,” I whisper.
“A handicapped cane-carrying gimp trying to show others how to be pain-free. Awesome. And totally unrealistic,” she seethes.
I grip her jaw, my fingers biting into her flesh, and kiss her mouth again. “Boo fucking hoo, crybaby. Maybe those people need to see someone who’s been there and done that. Maybe they need a little hope. How about you? I bet you could use a little of that hope. I saw the way your eyes lit up today. How you felt hopeful about the water therapy.”
She grumbles but doesn’t argue.
“But physical therapists can’t be drug addicts,” I tell her in a firm voice. “You can’t be a drug addict.”
“I’M IN PAIN!” she screams. “I am not an addict!”
Says every addict.
For now, she can use that as a crutch, just like her damn cane. But one day I’m going to take it all away from her. I’ll steal everything in her life that makes it simpler. I want her to fight for what she wants and goddammit I want it to be hard.
“I’m going to fix you,” I mutter, the fierce vow felt all the way down to my toes.
A sob escapes my beautiful broken girl. “I don’t think you can.”