“Julia, visitors!” The jerk of Susan’s head indicated the entrance of the club.
Julia clicked off the music and her dancers came to an abrupt halt. The newest one at the end of the row gave a sigh of relief and bolted for a water bottle.
“Sorry to interrupt,” Ryan said.
Julia grabbed a towel. “Take five,” she said to her dancers and wandered over to join Ryan and Caleb. Alex clung to Ryan’s hand, trying to hide behind his legs.
Ryan leaned in to kiss her cheek. “I rang Mum this morning to tell her about Alex. She wants to see him, so I’ve decided to take him down for a visit.”
She’d wanted time, she reminded herself, biting back her instinctive protest. “For how long?”
“A week. Maybe longer,” Ryan said.
She gulped at the maybe longer, and he must have seen some of her anxiety.
“Our deal still counts. We talk via phone instead of face-to-face. What’s the best time to ring you?”
“Around ten in the morning. Around ten at night would work too.”
“Okay. I’ll talk to you tonight,” Ryan said.
She should say something, but her brain had turned sluggish. Instead she stared at him, one of those stupid blocks in her throat. Caleb made a sound, a sort of growl, and Ryan shifted his weight, his expression hardening.
“Mum is expecting us for lunch, so we’d better head out.”
Julia nodded. Ryan gave her a quick kiss on the lips, and they were gone.
“The kid looks like Ryan,” Susan said.
“Alex. Yeah, he does.” She clapped her hands for them to resume, shoving aside her fears she’d made a huge mistake in letting Ryan leave. “Let’s get back to work on the new routine.”
The next morning Julia sat at the breakfast counter, nursing a mug of coffee. Her apartment echoed with emptiness, despite the background music and the cheerful prattle of the breakfast radio jock. She’d gone to bed early for her— around three in the morning—and tossed and turned, finally falling asleep cuddling the pillow Ryan had used. His scent had both comforted her and made her aware of his absence, of how her request for time and space loomed like a mistake.
What if he decided not to come back? What if he gave up on them?
The two questions twisted together in the small hours of the morning, tangling into a multitude of scenarios, none of them ending well.
The phone rang. A glance at her watch told her it was ten, and her heart raced.
“Hello.”
“Hi, Julia,” Susan said. “I have a question.”
Julia hunched her shoulders and lowered her head.
“Julia?”
“Hit me with your question,” she said, forcing herself to focus.
“Since the Farmer Seeks a Wife competition is coming up and I’m fed up with working at Barker and Johnson, I might hand in my notice. Could I work at Maxwell’s on a more permanent basis?”
“Of course you can,” Julia said, not even needing to think about it. A no-brainer since Susan was a natural. “I need help with the office work too. I’d be a fool to turn you down.”
“Really?”
“Yes, really. You can work for me for as long as you want. You’ll need time off during the contest, but I knew that already.”
“Thanks. What are you doing this morning? Christina and I are going to do some quick window shopping along Queen Street. We’re both looking for an outfit to wear to the initial interviews. Do you want to come?”
“I’d love to. Do you want to meet here?”
“See you in half an hour,” Susan said.
Julia raced into the bathroom and jumped into the shower. The cool water and citrus shower gel gave her a lift, and once dressed in jeans and a casual blouse, she functioned with more alertness. She glanced at her silent cell phone, hesitating before dropping it into her handbag. Ryan hadn’t rung.
There’s nothing to stop you ringing him. She reached for her phone and hit speed dial.
“Julia, I was just about to ring you,” Ryan said.
“Great minds think alike.” Stupid. Tell him you miss him. “How’s Alex?”
“He’s still quiet and withdrawn, but he’s taken to my parents. He’s in the kitchen helping my mother do some baking.”
“That’s good.”
“I told my parents about you.”
“You did?”
“I figured I’d get it out all at once. A wife. A kid.” Humor laced his voice this time, his husky tones curling through her.
She found herself smiling. “How did they take it?”
“Pretty well. I told them the mugging had made me lose some of my memories. They already knew that because they’ve had to remind me about a few things. Luckily, there aren’t as many gaps now.” He paused then whispered. “I got off lightly with my parents’ reaction considering. They want to meet you.”
“Did you tell them about the club?”
“Yes. I said that’s why you couldn’t make the trip with us.”
The doorbell buzzed. “Hold on a sec, Ryan. Christina and Susan have arrived. I’ll just let them in.” She buzzed in her friends and waved them toward the coffeepot before continuing with her phone conversation.
“Mum wants us to stay for longer. She said it will be good for Alex.”
“But you are coming back?”
“Of course we are.” His voice softened into the intimate tone he used when they were alone late at night. “I miss you.”
“I miss you too.”
“We’re going to the beach this afternoon.”
“Have fun.”
“Talk to you later, sweetheart.”
He hung up before she could reply, but just hearing his voice eased some of her fears. He’d sounded glad to hear from her.
“Ready to go?” Christina asked, her bracelets doing a musical tinkle when she picked up her brown handbag.
“All set,” Julia said. “Ryan told his parents about me.”
“They didn’t know?” Susan asked.
“We’d intended to tell them and perhaps go down for a visit together, but Alex happened.” Julia signaled a passing cab, and they piled inside.
“Queen Street, Downtown, please.” Christina sank back against the leather seats of the luxury taxi. “I guess you both had a lot to sort out first.”
“Yes.” If Ryan had told his parents about their marriage, he intended to stick around. He wasn’t playing games. No, that wasn’t fair. Ryan had never played her, which was why she’d liked him so much. His straightforward manner was the reason she’d agreed to marry him—that and her feelings for him. The distrust had come from her side.
Something to consider.
The cab slowed for a red light, and Julia glimpsed a poster advertising a women’s magazine. A photo of the members of French Letters decorated the cover. She turned away, not wanting to read the headline. “What did you have in mind for your outfits?”
“Something classy, yet not too sophisticated that it scares off our farmer,” Christina said. “We don’t want him to think we’d refuse to get our hands dirty.”
“Sexy without being too blatant. A fabric that won’t crease too much,” Susan added. “The last thing we need is to get off the bus looking as if we’ve slept in our clothes. And we want to divert his mind to sexy possibilities, not decide we’re a sure thing.”
Julia rubbed her hands together, forcing glee. “I’m looking forward to this.”
“An outfit that says feminine yet capable,” Christina said.
“A mission,” Julia said.
“We needed the full team on this one,” Susan said. “Maggie is meeting us there.”
Julia thought about all the things she needed to do at the club before pushing them to the back of her mind. “You have my full attention, at least until four. I want to pop in and see Mum.”
Maggie was waiting for them at the Downtown shopping center. She cocked her head, listened to their list of requirements and her lips quirked a fraction. “This sounds like serious shopping. Just as well I wore my comfortable shoes.”
Gradually, they made their way up Queen Street, stopping whenever a shop window snagged their attention or Christina’s insider knowledge told them the stock in a shop might work for them.
“This reminds me of the makeover you gave me,” Maggie said while they waited for Christina to try on a pale blue dress.
“So much has changed since then,” Susan said. “I handed in my notice at Barker and Johnson this morning and told them I wasn’t coming back after my holiday.”
“Good for you,” Maggie said. “Connor has decided to look for something more challenging too.”
Christina emerged from the dressing room to survey her reflection in the full length mirror. “It fits well, but it’s not quite the image I was going for. It’s too sweet.”
“What about this one?” the shop assistant asked, selecting a ruby-colored dress off the rack.
“Yes.” Christina gave an approving nod. “But not for me. Susan, this has your name written all over it.”
“But it’s red,” Susan said. “Isn’t it a bit eye-grabbing?”
“Go.” Maggie made shooing motions toward the dressing room.
Julia’s phone beeped, showing an incoming text. Photos. She scrolled through the attached photos of Ryan and Alex at the beach. Her heart twisted when she reached one of both of them together. Ryan bore a grin while Alex was more pensive, the beginnings of a smile lifting the corners of his lips.
“Ryan took Alex to the beach.” She handed her phone to Maggie to show her the photos.
“They look alike,” Maggie said.
After showing the shot to Christina and Susan, Julia took a last look before putting her phone away, smoothing her thumb across Ryan’s face. The apartment echoed without his presence.
Susan emerged from the dressing room.
“That’s the one,” Maggie said.
“It’s perfect,” Julia said.
“You look stunning,” Christina agreed. “The color works on you.”
“That was easy,” Susan said, sounding surprised. “It just goes to show you need to try the clothes on before rejecting them.”
“Where to next?” Julia asked. “The department store at the top of the street?”
“They have a sale on some of their designer labels,” Christina said.
Maggie flashed a grin. “Let’s move on out then. I might splash out on some lingerie and give Connor a surprise.”
“La, la, la,” Susan said while handing over her credit card to pay for the dress.
“Perhaps you should buy lingerie too, Julia,” Maggie said, her grin widening. “Ryan might appreciate it.”
Susan sent them a disgruntled glance, sharing it around before snapping the clip on her handbag shut. “I’m going to buy lingerie too.”
“Smart,” Julia said, winking at Maggie. “Always be prepared.”
They wandered past several shops, chattering and teasing Susan about lingerie. At the main doors to the department store, Julia glanced at one of the display windows and came to an abrupt halt. Maggie plowed into her back.
“What’s the problem—oh,” Maggie said.
The window display was full of children’s games and toys, bringing to mind the tiny gray rabbit she’d purchased for her baby. She’d ended up throwing it in the trash and regretted it ever since because the rabbit had represented hope and joy. Her gaze wandered the display to settle on a plush toy owl. It was mainly light brown and had big black eyes. Exquisite chocolate brown felt feathers covered its back. Her mind jumped to Alex and turned to Maggie.
“I’m going to buy a few things. You start looking at lingerie.”
“Are you sure?” Maggie seemed to look inside her, attempting to ferret out insecurities and crazy thoughts. For once Julia had none. She knew exactly what she wanted.
“I’m sure.”
Alone, Julia took the escalator to the children’s department. She paused at the clothes, her attention snared by a miniature T-shirt bearing a popular cartoon character. She chose one in navy blue. In the toy section, she picked up an owl, three storybooks she recalled from childhood and a box of building blocks. While waiting at the counter to pay, she stroked her forefinger over the owl’s rounded head and pressed her lips together to keep from beaming. She hoped Alex would like the toy.
Later that night, after arriving home from the club, Julia wandered through her apartment, turning on lights as she moved. In the spare bedroom she found one of Ryan’s T-shirts. She picked it up and pressed the fabric to her nose. His scent only reinforced her loneliness. A reminder of the solitary times after Ryan left to go on tour. Repeating the situation and the isolation… Her throat moved in a hard swallow. No, this was different. Ryan hadn’t left her. This was temporary—a break of her doing because she’d let fear get the better of her.
Her cell phone let out its musical summons, and she raced to answer it. “Ryan?”
“Julia.” His warm voice brought a rush of pleasure.
“I got the photos. Is Alex settling down? Is he talking to you?”
Ryan laughed, a low intimate sound that made her wish they were in the same room. “A little. It’s Mum he follows around like a baby duck.”
“I took time off and went shopping with the girls today.”
“Good for you. Did you buy something sexy?”
“I might have.” Julia slipped into flirtation. “That’s for you to find out.”
“Now that’s something to look forward to.”
A shiver worked through her, a fluttery, delicious sensation and something she’d mull over later. “Are you working on songs? Or rehearsing?”
“No, this is pure holiday for us. We’ll start rehearsals again once we get back to Auckland. I talked it over with Caleb. We’re going to stay for two weeks.”
Two weeks. Julia gripped her phone until her forearm hurt. She released the pressure and bit her lip to stop herself from blurting out her objections.
“I was looking through the papers the lawyer gave me relating to Alex. His birthday is in just over a week, and we’ve decided to have a party for him. Give him a chance to meet his cousins and look forward to something.”
“How old will he be?”
“Three.”
“He’ll love a party.”
“You could always come down.”
Julia sighed. “I’d love to, but I can’t leave the club, and I want to keep an eye on Mum.”
Excuses, her conscience taunted her.
“When will she come out of the hospital?”
“Any day now,” Julia said, a yawn escaping and slurring her words.
“You must be tired. I’ll let you go to bed. Dream of me, sweetheart.” The phone clicked, disconnecting the call before she could reply.
“They’re letting me out for good behavior. Next week.” Her mother’s first words on seeing Julia stride into her hospital room.
Julia dropped onto the seat beside her mother’s bed. “That’s great. Do you need me to come and pick you up?” Although her mother moved slowly, she looked so much better after the heart surgery. “You have roses in your cheeks again.”
“That’s what Janet said. Janet will pick me up. I will stay with her. It will be quieter and I won’t have to tackle stairs. How’s that young man of yours getting on? Have the newspapers stopped printing stories about him?”
“I try not to read them. I miss him.”
“Of course you do,” her mother said. “How is he getting on with the child?”
“Good.” Julia pulled out her phone and showed off the photos Ryan had sent her.
“I didn’t realize he looked so much like Ryan. You told me he did, but I thought you might have exaggerated.”
Julia frowned, accepting the phone back. “Why would I do that?”
“I’m not blind, Julia. You’re here and Ryan and Alex are in Tauranga. If you’d really wanted to go with them, you would have found a way, which leads me to believe the pair of you had a disagreement.”
“Quite the detective.” Julia didn’t bother hiding the bite in her reply. Her mother knew her well.
“It’s only natural the appearance of a child—another woman’s child—would upset a relationship.”
“I lost a baby after Ryan and I married. This…” She waved her hand when her mother started to speak. “Alex’s appearance in our lives rattled me, and I’m afraid I panicked a little.”
Elise’s forehead crinkled. “A baby. Oh, hon. You should have told me.”
“I was a mess. I told no one the details, not until recently.”
“But you and Ryan are still talking?”
“Every day. Sometimes more often. He sends me texts and photos.”
“Communication is an important thing in any marriage. Your father and I never talked. That should have clued me in,” her mother said ruefully.
“You never talk about him.”
“Maybe it’s time I did,” her mother said. “I’ve watched you with Ryan. That boy has feelings for you. You care for him too, otherwise you wouldn’t be so cut up about your current separation.”
“I miss him, and I want to get to know Alex.”
Her mother’s eyes sliced through her. “You’re worried about rejection, about Ryan leaving you.”
“My father didn’t exactly hang around, and he’s never wanted to see me.”
“Some men are arseholes.” Her mother was blunt, her attitude uncompromising. “We were both better off without him. He was a rich kid, playing at slumming it. When his family learned about my background, they did everything they could to split us up. Francis never put up a fight. All he wanted was wealth and the good times that came with plenty of money.”
“But you told him about me?”
“Of course I did.”
“And he still didn’t want me.” The rejection hurt, even though it occurred before she was born.
“No, but I wanted you.”
Julia reached for her mother’s hand and squeezed, tears welling in her eyes. “Sometimes I forget how much you gave up to keep me.”
“I’m proud of you, Julia, and everything you’ve achieved.”
“But I’ve pushed you away.”
“You came when I needed you. I’ve always known you love me, even if you don’t say it very often.”
“Oh, Mum.” She turned away to grab tissues from her handbag, one for her and another for her mother.
Her mother gave a shaky laugh and wiped her eyes. “I have a point here. From my observations you love Ryan. Do you want to take after your father and make the worst mistake of your life because you’re too afraid to take a step into the unknown?”