“Is tradition important?” Julia waited anxiously for Ryan’s answer, not sure what she wanted him to say. Heck, she wasn’t even sure what she thought about traditions anymore. The talk with her mother had skewed her position on what should happen.
“It depends what the tradition is,” Ryan said without hesitation. “I like the tradition of marriage and everything involved in the institution. I like the family traditions we have at Christmas and the summer holidays. But sometimes change is good and making new rituals works better than sticking with the old. Why the question?”
Julia sighed down the phone. “Part of my weird mental processes, and I talked to my mother today about my father. What did you and Alex do today?”
“Ah, changing the subject. One day you’ll have to tell me about your father.”
“I’ve never met him,” she said. “He came from a wealthy family, and they didn’t approve of my mother.”
“His loss. My gain.”
The sincerity ringing down the phone line made her stomach gooey inside. “Thanks.”
“Caleb and I took Alex to Rotorua. We visited Rainbow Springs and fed the trout. We checked out the kiwis in the nocturnal house. Mum packed us a picnic lunch, and during the afternoon we visited Whakarewarewa Thermal village and peered down bubbling mud holes. I took plenty of photos.”
“Email me some?”
“I’ll do it tomorrow,” he promised. “How are things going at Maxwell’s?”
“Susan has started working full time, at least until she does the reality show thing. She’s a natural dancer and has the business side down. Best decision I ever made.”
“Seymour wants us to go out on tour.”
“Oh?”
“I told him we’d only consider short tours, no longer than three weeks. Caleb backed me up.”
“What did Seymour say?”
“He cursed a lot. I don’t think he’s given up. He’ll wait until we’ve completed the new album and ask again.”
A tap sounded at her office door and Susan stuck her head inside. “Carrie has rung in sick. Can you fill in for her?”
“Ryan, I’ve got to go. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”
“I love you, sweetheart.”
“Bye,” she whispered and hung up, a wide smile curving her lips. They never seemed to run out of things to say to each other, and they’d talked more in the last few days than they’d managed during their early marriage.
She made her way to the dressing room. As usual it was full of chatter and laughing with the women hurriedly removing and replacing costumes.
“Hey, boss,” several of the dancers called.
“Ladies,” she said, grabbing the roster to take a look. “I might trial the new feather dance routine,” she said to Susan.
“How are things going with Alex?” Susan asked.
“Good. Ryan said he’s coming out of his shell and interacting more.” And she was starting to wish she hadn’t told Ryan she needed time. Hearing about their daily adventures left her on the outside. Go figure. She was confusing even herself with her indecision.
“What are you going to do once Ryan returns to Auckland?” Susan asked.
“I’m not sure. Neither of our occupations are child friendly.”
“One of my cousins is a nanny,” Susan said. “She completed her training the year before last and is looking for a new job. The husband at her current position has wandering hands. Would you like me to set up an interview for you?”
“I’ll run it past Ryan.” Good grief. Call her stupid but she’d never contemplated a nanny. She whipped off her shirt and wriggled into a glittery purple jacket. “I’ll get back to you sometime tomorrow.”
“No problem. I told Karen I’d ring her back tomorrow night, so that will work in perfectly.”
The more Julia thought about a nanny, the better she liked the idea. It was as if the light bulb moment spurred other thoughts. Positive ones.
“Ryan,” Julia said the next day. “Susan’s cousin is a nanny, and she needs a new position. Susan asked if we’d be interested in interviewing her.”
“That’s not a bad idea,” Ryan said. “Why don’t you talk to her? Why does she want a new job?”
“The husband of her current employer has turned grabby.”
“The only one I’m interested in groping is you.”
She wished he was there to wander his hands over her right now. “You trust me to make the initial contact?”
“Why wouldn’t I? Besides, she’s Susan’s cousin. That’s a sort of a reference there. Susan wouldn’t recommend her if she didn’t believe she was trustworthy.”
Julia could think of at least five reasons why Ryan shouldn’t want her to interview a nanny. She hadn’t trusted him enough to embrace Alex straight away. No, trust wasn’t the right word. Everything happening so quickly had overwhelmed her, leaving her groping to keep her head above water when things were so new between them. Now that they’d talked every day, she was feeling more positive. Ryan didn’t intend to give up on her.
“I’ll ring you once I’ve talked to Karen.”
“Make sure she realizes she’d need to sign a confidentiality agreement if she takes the job,” Ryan said.
Karen came equipped with references and copies of her qualifications. With her long straight brown hair and serious face, she reminded Julia of the Susan she’d met about four years ago at Baker and Johnson. She radiated competence.
“My husband and I both work odd hours, often in the evenings. We have one child, a boy who is almost three.” Julia paused to consider her words. They sounded right, and suddenly she wanted to see Ryan and Alex so much a physical ache sprang to life in the middle of her chest. She gasped and realized with a flash of humor that she needed to breathe. “We hadn’t considered a nanny until Susan suggested it. What sort of hours are you willing to work?”
“My last position was live-in.” Her gaze was level and self-assured and she smiled in a pleasant manner. “I’d want to meet your husband before I agree to take the job.”
“Definitely,” Julia said, amused yet impressed by the girl’s straightforward style. “Ryan would want to meet you anyway. What sort of routine would you suggest for Alex?” She listened to Karen, her confidence, and decided employing her was the perfect solution.
They discussed wages and terms of employment, leaving Julia optimistic when Karen departed. She picked up the phone to call Ryan.
“Hey, sweetheart. How did the interview go?”
“She’s perfect. She wants to meet you before she agrees to take the job.”
Ryan’s chuckle made her grin. “Wants to assess me in case I have wandering hands?”
“I think that’s the main purpose.”
“You’re the only woman I want.”
Julia’s grin broadened. “I’m pleased to hear it. Karen will be too.” The ache of need she’d experienced earlier surfaced again—an intense yearning, now that her thinking was done. Decisions made. “Could I come down for Alex’s birthday party?”
“Yes! God, Julia. Yes. When can you come?”
“I need to check with Susan and Christina. Maggie and Connor too. Hopefully, one or all of them will look after the club for me. If they agree I could drive down on the Friday and come back on Sunday afternoon.”
“Julia, please make it happen. I can’t wait to see you.”
The longing in his voice matched the craving in her. “I’ll ring you back in an hour.”
“We’re off to the beach. Text me instead because I might miss your call.”
“Julia’s driving down for the weekend,” Ryan said, relief jumbling his thoughts and making him want to break into song.
“About time,” Caleb said. “I’d almost given up on her.”
“I hadn’t. She’s worth the wait.”
“How do you know she’s not gonna flip out on you again?”
“We’ve talked a lot,” Ryan said. “About all sorts of things. She doesn’t sound as fragile now. My leaving on tour was hard enough, but when she couldn’t contact me and losing the baby at the same time—it knocked her. Alex’s appearance in our lives was bound to bring back memories.”
“But she didn’t tell you,” Caleb said.
“She was scared. Don’t give her a hard time. I love her, Caleb.”
His friend gave a clipped nod. “What about Alex? Is she okay with him? If she fucks with his head—”
Ryan understood Caleb’s reservations, understood the loyalty that drove his friend to take this stance. “I doubt she’ll do that. She should be here later today. Judge for yourself this weekend.”
“I intend to,” his friend said. “Are we hitting the beach or what?”
“Alex, are you ready to go to the beach?” Ryan called.
The little boy jumped off his grandmother’s lap and bounced up and down. “Swim!”
“Let’s go,” Caleb said.
“Thanks, man,” Ryan said, their quick exchange of glances saying way more.
The beach at the Mount was crowded, but they found an empty patch and set up camp. An umbrella so Alex could play in the shade with the assortment of toys to shift the sand around—a bucket and spade, toy tractors and his favorite grader.
“What a cute little boy,” one of the women next to them said. She glanced from Alex to Caleb then to him. “Oh.”
“He’s my son,” Ryan said, manfully biting back his smirk on seeing Caleb’s scowl. They’d come across the gay parent thing a few times during the past week.
“Ready for a swim, Alex?” Caleb asked.
“Daddy, swim?” Alex asked, looking at him instead of answering Caleb.
“Sure thing,” Ryan said, holding out a hand to his son. The gesture of innocent acceptance when Alex curled tiny fingers around his hand never failed to twist his guts. And now Julia was on her way. Life didn’t get much better.
They wandered down the beach, Caleb holding onto Alex’s other hand. The Mount was a surf beach, and they entered the water between the flags, paddling in the shallow area patrolled by the life guards.
Alex splashed and cackled with glee.
“Here comes the wave,” Ryan warned. “Hold tight.”
The day seemed to crawl with Ryan checking his watch often. He hoped Caleb hadn’t noticed.
“Are you going to stay at your parents’ place tonight?”
Oh, yeah. He’d noticed. “I’ll ask Mum if she’ll babysit for us tonight to give us a few hours of privacy. We’ll go out for a drive and walk along the beach.”
“Are you gonna get a room?”
Ryan met Caleb’s grin with one of his own. “Possibly.”
When Alex faded, they headed for home, making one stop at the ice cream shop. A car pulled up in front of his parents’ house around ten minutes after four.
Caleb nudged Ryan. “She’s here.”
Ryan’s mother straightened from wiping Alex’s face. “About time. You’re acting if you have ants in your pants.”
“The fictional wife is really here?” his father asked in a gruff voice.
Ryan ignored his friend and his parents to stride outside. His heart raced, and he found himself running, skidding to a stop by the car. Julia opened the driver’s door, her mouth wreathed in a wide smile.
He grabbed her, lifting her to wrap her tight within his arms. He nuzzled her neck, breathing in her scent before lifting his head to kiss her. His lips collided with hers, their noses bumped and they laughed. It was perfect once they finally got it right. God, he’d missed her. He hadn’t realized until this moment how he’d feared this might never happen, that she’d decide she didn’t want to persevere with their marriage. He drank her down, savoring her taste and her lips against his.
“Ahem,” his father said.
“I could get the garden hose,” Caleb said.
Ryan lifted his head to glare at his friend. “Think about a possible payback.”
Laughing, Caleb lifted his hands in a surrender gesture.
“Mum, Dad, this is my wife Julia Maxwell. Julia, my parents Lillian and Patrick Callander.” A tremor shook her, and he realized she was nervous. After squeezing her upper arm, he slipped his arm around her waist, aligning himself firmly with his wife.
“Pleased to meet you,” she said.
“We’d decided Ryan and Caleb were making you up, but Alex said a lady found his bear. He said she was pretty,” Patrick Callander said. “He wasn’t exaggerating. Welcome to the family.”
“Thanks.”
“Who’s looking after the club?” Caleb asked.
“They’re all pitching in,” Julia said. “I owe them.”
“Come inside, dear,” Lillian said. “I was about to make afternoon tea. Ryan, you can grab Julia’s bag.”
Ryan picked up Julia’s two bags plus a parcel decorated with a red ribbon, struggling until Caleb took possession of one bag. He watched Julia interacting with his parents and smiled a little on seeing Alex trailing behind, his son’s attention on Julia.
“That went well,” Caleb whispered.
“I had no doubts,” Ryan replied. “She’ll charm them. You wait and see.” He’d finally recalled more about the first time they’d met and how she’d captivated him without even breaking a sweat. Real memories rather than the ones Caleb and Julia had supplied him with when he’d asked. His gaze strayed to her mouth, currently curved in a smile as she handed over the wrapped package to Alex. While everyone commented about Alex’s new owl, Ryan calculated how quickly he could get Julia in private, preferably naked.
Later that night, after dinner, Ryan said, “Mum, Julia and I are going for a drive. Would you listen out for Alex? I don’t expect him to wake, but just in case.”
“If it’s privacy you’re after, your mother and I are off to the church hall,” his father said. “They’re hosting a travel evening, and your mother has a hankering for a cruise.”
“But we haven’t done the dishes yet,” his mother said.
“That’s what we have kids for,” his father said in a cheerful tone. “Do your primping, Lillian. We’ll leave in fifteen minutes.”
“I’ll head home, or Mum will complain she never sees me,” Caleb said.
In minutes flat, the kitchen emptied.
Julia’s brows rose. “Something I said?”
Ryan took her hand, lacing their fingers together. “The result is that we have a few hours alone. Can’t complain about that.”
After clearing the kitchen, they went to check on Alex. He was sound asleep, his new owl clutched under one arm.
“He seems a good kid.” Julia thought he looked adorable, and she itched to cuddle him or at least stroke the lock of hair off his forehead. She restrained the urge, not wanting to wake him. “I’m glad he liked the owl.”
“Mum says he’s much better behaved than me.”
“Maybe he’s frightened he’ll get shunted to someone else.”
“Not gonna happen.” Even if the worst happened between him and Julia, Alex belonged with him.
“I used to have nightmares about my father,” Julia said. “Even though I’ve never met him, it didn’t stop me from building images in my mind.”
“His loss,” Ryan said.
“Exactly, and I’d prefer not to waste words on him. If Karen approves of you and Alex, we should buy a house. My apartment isn’t big enough and you share yours with Caleb.”
“We can start house hunting as soon as we get back to Auckland.” Ryan gripped her hand, not wanting to verbalize his thoughts but knowing he needed to for Alex’s sake. “Are you sure? You’re not his birth mother. If you have any doubts, tell me now. Later…I don’t want you to tell me you’re willing to accept Alex and come to regret it later.”
His words should have hurt, but she understood. He had the right to question her, and she’d be a hypocrite to object. She squeezed his fingers. Now that she was back with Ryan her heart seemed lighter. She met his gaze. “I’ll be honest. It would have been harder if he hadn’t taken after you in looks. It would have taken me a little longer to fall in love with him, but those big blue eyes of his. One look and I was toast. Do you know your eyes grabbed my attention first?”
He huffed out a sound that wandered close to humor. “Do you mean to say if I’d had brown eyes you might have picked Caleb instead of me?”
She grinned. “We’ll never know for sure.” She sobered. “I want you, and I want Alex. Together we’ll make a great family.”
“I’m glad because we both need you.”
Together they wandered back downstairs. Ryan poured her a glass of wine and grabbed a beer for himself before leading her into the lounge. Photos of Ryan and his siblings covered the walls and a grand piano stood in the far corner, signs of a musical family.
“Caleb and I are still determined to keep our tours short. We’ve talked about it a lot during the last week. We want to focus on song writing. That means I’ll be around more. Between the two of us and Karen, Alex will have everything he needs.”
He curled a hand around her neck, drawing her closer. Her wine splashed over the edge of the glass, and she set it aside to avoid a spill.
“Alex is great. Once he loses his shyness, he doesn’t stop talking. He was quieter tonight, but you wait until he’s with his cousins tomorrow at the party.” His grin faded. “Tell me about our baby,” he said, reaching for her hand.
“I’ve told you everything.”
“Tell me again. Please, Julia. The more we talk about our loss…” He trailed off and gave a helpless shrug. “You understand what I mean.”
Their fingers twined together, and she stared at them for an instant. She sucked in a deep breath and shifted her gaze to the vase of apricot roses atop the coffee table. After another inhalation, she started talking. “I discovered I was pregnant several weeks after you left. It was a shock, and I…um…dithered about telling you. We’d never talked about children.”
Ryan barked out a laugh. “You never dither.”
“I never thought I’d marry. You know about my father. He returned to his wealthy family, wiping us from his mind in the way other people delete computer files.” Bitterness coated her words, a twang of pain playing through her—a chord or two of a heartbreaking he-done-me-wrong song.
“You never talked about your parents.”
“The man who got my mother pregnant doesn’t qualify for the description.”
Ryan squeezed her hand in silent commiseration.
“Anyhow, the shock of my pregnancy lasted for a few weeks.”
“And when you rang me, you got some idiot woman instead.”
“Yeah.” She blinked to ease the sting at her eyes.
“What did you do then?”
“I was numb. I walked around in a daze for weeks.”
“What about your friends? They would have helped you.”
Julia hung her head, unwilling to admit her stupidity. Tell him everything. Connor’s instruction echoed through her mind. “I didn’t tell them. I’m not sure why. Shock.” She shrugged helplessly. “I woke up one morning feeling off. I had bad cramps and collapsed in my apartment, hitting my head when I fell. Susan and Christina found me and got me to the hospital.”
Ryan turned to her, and she saw the emotion glistening in his eyes. He stared at her, unashamed, as a single tear ran down his cheek. “I’m sorry you had to go through that alone.”
Julia ran her free hand over his cheek, brushing the dampness away. “The doctors said sometimes women suffer miscarriages for no obvious reason. I would have lost the baby, no matter what I’d tried to prevent it.” The truth of the words hit her—the actual meaning, and she realized she was coming to accept the reality.
It wasn’t her fault.
All these months, she’d blamed Ryan. She’d blamed herself. But it wasn’t Ryan’s fault either. No matter what she’d done, she would have lost her baby.
The acknowledgment seemed to lift a weight off her shoulders. She squeezed Ryan’s hand, sending him a misty smile. “I love you, Ryan, and I will do whatever it takes to make our marriage work. I missed you.” Her smile turned rueful. “I missed you so much I wore one of your T-shirts to bed every night just to feel closer to you.”
“Julia.” That was all he said. Just her name before he pushed against her until the distance between them was gone. They breathed together, clung to each other for comfort. “I love you,” he whispered against her hair.
They kissed and cuddled, and it was a long time before either of them moved.
“Let’s go to bed.” Ryan stood and held out his hand to her. It was warm and comforting as his fingers curled around hers.
Side-by-side, they ambled down the passage to his bedroom, pausing to peek at Alex. He was sprawled on his back, one arm clutching his owl. A charming little snore erupted as they watched, and Julia stifled a giggle.
In the darkness of Ryan’s bedroom, she stripped off her clothes and climbed into bed. Their naked bodies slid against each other. Their lips met and sweet urgency rose between them. He slipped into her body. Julia cradled him close, arching into him as he loved her tenderly. Her orgasm swelled within her until it became too big to contain, exploding through her in waves of pleasure. When she came back to herself, she smiled, still plastered against Ryan’s larger frame.
“Still love me?” he asked.
“Yeah.”
“You know you’ve put me to a lot of trouble,” he said, the caress of his fingers down her back counteracting the slight sting of his words.
“But I’m worth it,” she fired back.
He sighed, the warmth of his breath feathering across her neck. “Yeah. You are.”
“I mightn’t have said it much, but I do love you, Ryan.”
“Right back at you, sweetheart.”
And they set out to prove it all over again.
Would you like to read the prequel to Secret Lovers, book one in the Friendship Chronicles? Get a free copy of Turning Point (a short story featuring Connor’s mother and stepfather) by signing up for my . You’ll also learn about upcoming releases, receive free books and short stories tied to my some of my series plus contest and special promotion news.
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Please turn the page for a glimpse of Clandestine Lovers, the next book in my Friendship Chronicles series and One Night of Misbehavior, a standalone contemporary Cinderella romance.
Enjoy!
Shelley