Gabriella
What started out as a normal day quickly became unfamiliar and a little scary. All three kids were dressed in crisp white shirts, the girls in navy skirts and Vander in pleated pants, the same dark color as Rowan and Ophelia. Cute was an understatement. They were a-freaking-dorable. They ate their pancakes, busily talking about the first day of school.
I’m not exactly sure what started it. One second I was in front of the sink, cold water running down the drain while I stared through it, and the next, I was somewhere else. Somewhere I didn’t want to be.
“Jesus, babe. What the hell?”
I hadn’t even heard him walk up behind me. My thumb covered a tiny scar on my index finger while a vision of someone holding my hand under the cold water filled my mind. I don’t know why I jumped or why I covered my face with my arm, but I did. Paxton interrupted the image when he tried to kiss my neck from behind. That’s when I jumped clean out of my skin, heart pounding in my chest. The only thing I saw was someone holding my hand below the cold water and blood. Lots of blood, mixing with the water in a swirl. It was so strange. I felt adrenaline rush my body, my hands were suddenly clammy, and the nauseous feeling in the pit of my stomach came out of nowhere.
I tried like hell to recover from the silent, awkward moment. The one where I stood there dumbfounded, looking at Paxton like he’d just slapped me. It wasn’t until he reached around me and turned off the water that I snapped out of it. Still in an unfamiliar daze.
“What, Gabriella?”
I shook my head back and forth, and sidestepped him, turning the water back on to rinse a cup that didn’t need to be rinsed. “Come on guys. First few days are going to be crazy. Eat up.”
“My teacher has a guitar,” Rowan said with a smarty-pants chant.
Of course, that fired Ophelia right up. “Well, my teacher is Miss Christmas. Your teacher has a dumb name.”
“No, he doesn’t. He has a hard name. That’s why we have to call him Mr. J. Because the d is silent, but some people get confused.”
“Cause it’s stupid,” Phi said, head and shoulders swaying with five-year-old attitude.
I tried to ignore the somber look on Paxton’s face, using the kids for a bait and switch. Focus off of me and on to them. “Stop, you two. You fight over the dumbest stuff. Vander wipe the milk off your lip, bud. You look like uncle Paxton with a white mustache.” I said with a smile over my shoulder, trying to bounce back from, I wasn’t sure what. Something.
Paxton wasn’t amused. “Come here.”
Gah, I didn’t want to come here. I didn’t want to face any of this. I wanted it to go away, keep moving in a forward direction, not backwards. Nonetheless, I followed him to the living room while Rowan and Phi continued with their debate on whose teacher had the coolest name.
“What, Paxton? I have to keep them moving. The first day of school is a nightmare.”
“What was that, Gabriella? Why did you block your face like that?”
My shoulders dropped and I shook my head back and forth. “Why do you always have to make something out of nothing?”
“You just freaked the fuck out on me. What the fuck?”
“I didn’t freak out. You scared me.”
“You jerked away from me and covered your face. Why?”
“Oh, my God, Pax. I don’t know. It was a quick image, that’s it.”
“Of me hitting you?”
“No, of someone holding my hand under cold water with blood running down the drain. I didn’t see you.”
“Are you remembering that, Gabriella? That happened. You cut your finger, slicing carrots.”
I felt the scar with my thumb again while I tried to read him and his tone. He was serious, and the tone was off, or maybe I was just being paranoid for no reason. “I only saw blood running down the drain.”
“You tried like hell to get out of going to the hospital, but I wouldn’t let you. That war wound cost you four stitches,” Paxton explained, but I wasn’t sure whether or not he held a serious smile, or a smirk. I was sure it wasn’t as simple as that, but that was it. That’s all I had to go on, and I didn’t want anymore. “Can we go now?”
Paxton lifted my chin with his finger and kissed my lips. “Yes, I’ve got to get to work.”
“You can go to work. I can handle the first day of school.”
“I want to make sure they get there safe. Just appease me and let me tag along.”
“You’re going to do what you want anyway. Go get them moving. We need to go. I’m going to get ready.”
I felt his warm hand slide down the elastic in my shorts and cover my ass at the same time his tongue slipped between my lips. The emotions and apprehension I’d felt earlier were gone in an instant, a new sensation, taking its place.
“Holy shit. Stop it,” I said with two hands, flat on his chest.
“I’ll be over this way this afternoon. Maybe I’ll stop in for a quick lunch.”
“I’m meeting Mi for lunch, remember?”
“Yeah, and I still don’t like it.”
“Mom, Phi spilled milk. Mom, Mom, Mom.”
“That girl of yours,” Paxton teased, a soft kiss to my nose as I darted off, back to the kitchen and the mess.
“Phi spilled her milk and now it’s all over my pants,” Vander whined from the door with his hand holding the wet material away from his leg.
Paxton scolded Phi and rushed Vander to change. “Ophelia, I don’t have time for this. We needed to load up, five minutes ago.”
“Go to work, Pax. I’ve got it.”
“You’re sure?”
“Yes, there’s no sense in you rushing around. Go to work. I don’t need you tagging along just so you can be grouchy when you’re stuck in line.” One more kiss to his soft lips and I was off, rushing Vander to change his pants while I scolded Ophelia and cleaned up her mess.
I never saw the vision again, but the scar on my finger kept me from forgetting. I couldn’t explain it if I tried. I mean, I knew Paxton and I didn’t have the best past. I knew the things that he did, and I knew the way he treated me. This was different. This was a feeling that I didn’t want. The thought of Paxton being mean to me caused a sickness in the pit of my stomach, shook my foundation a little. I felt the way that Gabriella felt, not this one. That scared me, and so did Paxton. Again!
“Oh, my God! Stop doing that,” I scolded when he reached around me to keep me from getting in the car. “Buckle up guys,” I coaxed while trying like hell to read the look on Paxton’s face. I failed.
“You said the first day of school is always crazy. How do you know that?”
My eyes looked up to his and I tilted my head, contemplating how myself. “Hmm. I don’t know.”
“Don’t do this, Gabriella. If your brain injury is all better and you remember everything, just tell me. Don’t fucking keep me guessing.”
“Seriously, Paxton? That’s where we are? Do you really think I wouldn’t tell you if I remembered who the hell I was? I’d probably research, killing your husband 101 or something. You don’t do this. I’ve never lied to you.”
“Is that so? You never lied about what you heard on your private listening with Nick?”
I shook my head and stopped the fight before it started. This was about to become an issue. Paxton couldn’t let it go. Every time he got upset with me, he threw it in my face, and I was sick of it.
“I’ll see you tonight. Rowan has ballet at five. If you get done early enough, you should swing by and pick up Vander and Phi. I love you.”
My quick escape with a kiss to the corner of his lips was stopped by both his hands, holding the door. I was trapped by his arms, the car, and his control. Sometimes being married to Paxton Pierce was more trouble than it was worth. Exhausting.
“I’ll meet you there at five and take them.”
I smiled and kissed his lips. “Good, they’re so bad.”
That made him laugh and he opened my door. “Put your shoulder strap on, Van-Man. You girls behave. No fighting, and I expect full reports on how smart you all got today. Okay?”
Although it was unnecessary, all three kids agreed to the informal presentation. They would all talk nonstop about it, for days and days.
Wherever the idea came from about the first day of school being a nightmare was spot on. Jesus, were people really that dumb? It wasn’t physics. Five on the right, five on the left. How hard was that? Rowan’s new teacher was the worst director ever. The two rows of traffic trying to get off the main drag was ridiculous. Never mind the red light everyone sat under. Lucky for us, we left just in time. At least we weren’t catching the bird for holding up traffic in the middle of the street. The other second-grade teacher stood at the other end with her arms swaying to the left with—hmm? The letter C, maybe? Even with the window down, I couldn’t understand what she yelled to the newbie. Her hands went from cupping her mouth, back to the C, and I couldn’t help but laugh.
I turned to the kids, all watching the commotion. “Who thinks I should help?”
Rowan and Vander both raised their hands and yelled, me. Ophelia didn’t. My eyes locked with hers while I tried to read her the same way I tried with her dad. Once again, I failed. I wasn’t expecting that, not at all.
“Daddy won’t like it,” she softly spoke with worry in her tone.
The horn to the left of me pulled my puzzled attention from apprehension that I didn’t understand, back to the mess. I shoved my car into park, and got out. “Don’t move,” I ordered with a finger, and then made my way between the cars like I was superman or something.
“Get back into your car,” Mr. J ordered as I made my way to him.
Of course, I didn’t listen. The guy was scared out of his wits. “You go get into my car,” I countered with two fingers between my lips. I whistled loud, pointing to the third car on the left with a flat hand. That hand stayed up while the other one came down on the hood of a Cadillac Escalade, loud enough to get his attention.
“I was here first, I’m not moving,” the ignorant guy yelled out his window.
I planted my feet right in front of the sparkling emblem and glared at him, waving the car on the right to move. It was so silly, but I felt brave like I had just accomplished something huge. Within five minutes, Rowan’s teacher had my car in front of me. We traded places, and I coached him.
“You have to be the boss. You’re lucky you’re getting Rowan and not Phi. Weave in and out. Every five cars.”
“But they don’t listen,” he whined.
I may have giggled a little. This guy was never going to make it as a second-grade teacher. He was so out of his element it wasn’t even funny. Made me wonder how the hell he ended up at St. Augustine. “Stand right in front of them, be stern, and raise your stop hand like you mean it.”
My car inched ahead with that, stopping at the more organized end, doing the same thing to let the cars out of the mess. Whoever decided to put a school in the middle of a busy four-way was crazy.
“I owe you my first born. How are you?” she asked sincerely like she knew me.
I only nodded with a smile, assuming she knew about my accident
“Thank you so much, you have no idea how much time you just saved. Thank you, thank you, thank you,” she praised, boosting my sense of accomplishment even more.
I forced three quick kisses from my cubs before they rushed out. “Have fun guys, I’ll be here at three-thirty. You’re welcome,” I said with a nod, moving forward, and feeling poised. Until I entered our neighborhood, that is.
Tricia and Brant had a new lawn crew, taking care of their yard. Although that wasn’t the part that caught my attention. Paxton was plenty busy without worrying about losing Tricia and Brant. It was the new realtor sign right by the mailbox that made me ponder, and extremely happy. Now if Shayla and Mark would move along, but if any of them stayed, I would have rather it been them. They were never home, and we rarely even passed each other. Unlike Candace and Lane, Mark and Shayla had a boy. The girls didn’t whine over playing with him the way they had Chance.
My morning was spent, first catching up on a book that Paxton wouldn’t let me read the night before. He couldn’t have waited for one more chapter before he got a blow job, he had to have it right that second.
Cool morning air filled my lungs as I waited for my tablet to power on, taking in the beautiful Sun, glowing off the dark water. I sipped hot tea, feeling rejuvenated, charged by the aspiring warm day. Heat touched my legs as I lifted them to the lounge chair, trying to remember where I’d left off. Oh yea, Drew was just about to take her away from her home.
“Take your pants off, Morgan,” Drew said with dark eyes that scared the hell out of me.
I didn’t know what to do. This was going to happen whether I wanted it to or not.
After not moving and staring at the two of them in shock, Drew finally squatted to my face, placing both of his hands on my knees. “We have a plane waiting on us, Morgan.” He smiled.
“I don’t want to go with you,” I claimed.
He grabbed both my ankles and pulled me flat on my back. I could only stare in total shock. He unbuttoned my jeans and slid them off with my panties in one swift move. I crossed my ankles and covered myself with my hands.
“Spread your legs, Morgan.” Drew spoke while the doctor or whatever he was removed a light and some sort of silver tool.
I couldn’t even cry. I didn’t know what emotions were transpiring as I lay there, trembling.
“NOW!” he demanded.
I hadn’t even realized my eyes had left the page, now staring past pink, painted toes, blankly, seeing—
Paxton?
I looked a lot younger, but so did Paxton. He had a thin, short beard, outlining his jaw, well-groomed, and sort of sexy. I felt the smile spread across my face, until I saw the look in his eyes, until I heard the tone in his voice. We were here, right where I laid in a daze with my tablet and the deep blue sea.
Even my voice sounded weaker and young. “Well, I mean. I feel like we should go slower. I don’t want to jump into marriage with you. I don’t even know you.” One step and he was directly in my face and his hand was in the back of my hair, fisting it and jerking my head to look at him. I saw the scared girl, the one barely eighteen, fear covering her face and eyes. “You didn’t seem too worried about that while you were spreading your legs for me and half the neighborhood. Did you, slut? I’m good enough to fuck you and let you suck my dick, but not good enough to be your husband. This isn’t even up for debate, sweetheart. You trapped me and now you’re going to marry me, or you’ll never see this baby. I promise you that. You got that, slut?”
My body jerked when he screamed and pulled harder on my hair.
“Answer me!”
The ocean’s view replaced the anger in Paxton’s voice, and the words came into focus on the page in front of me. Once again, I felt sick, and once again, I didn’t understand why. I guess feeling the emotions were a lot different than learning about them. Before it was like it happened to someone else. Now it felt real, like it happened to me. Afraid of what it would do to our family, I wanted them to stop. I didn’t want to remember.
I closed the book that caused the trigger and went about my day, starting with the laundry first. That was a never ending job. Having three kids was a lot of work, and Rowan went through enough clothes for three little girls. Her pile was always three times bigger than Vander and Phis’. Thoughts from the night Paxton proposed to me flooded my mind, and hurt my heart. Even though I didn’t get the whole story, I got enough. It was really stupid, I mean, I knew it. I knew how we had nothing more than a tradeoff. I’ll let you raise my children, clean my house, cook for me, and let you suck my dick, in exchange for my name.
“Yeah, give me that ultimatum now,” I audibly spoke as I stepped out the door to the patio with the broom. Stupid pine needles. A few short months ago I would have given anything to remember, and now I would give my right arm to keep from it.
By the time I did my wifely duties around the house, it was time to meet Mi for gyros and Hawaiian punch. I don’t know why the freaky combination. Sure she had a good reason, I avoided asking.
Mi was already seated at a little bistro table, waiting for me when I arrived, arm waving me her way while a bright white smile planted across her face. God, I loved that girl.
“Hey, I already ordered for us, you look amazing. Are you using new makeup or something? Ugh. I hate girls like you,” Mi complained as I sat across from her, wearing my own smile.
I sipped refreshing punch from a styrofoam cup while frowning her way. “You’re a dork. I’ve been cleaning house all day. I’m not even wearing makeup.” I wasn’t. I didn’t even change clothes.
“Hmm,” she hummed like she was amazed or something. Weird.
“Hey, before I forget, Rowan drew this for you. I was supposed to give it to you Saturday.”
Mi took the picture and turned it in all directions, head tilting to the side, and eyes narrowed as she tried like hell to figure it out.
I did the same thing when she gave it to me, only I’d learned a long time ago how to fake it, pretend like I knew what it was. I laughed, confessing the exact same reaction. “I couldn’t figure it out either.”
Mi laid the sheet of art paper on the table and looked from me to the paper. “No, I get it. It’s amazing. She’s only six, right? Did she learn this somewhere? I mean the abstracts and colors, the way she blended the sun into the water without a trace. I mean, there isn’t even a beginning and end. It’s like the sun is the sea, and the sea is the sun.”
I swallowed another drink, half choking on it with a frown. We both moved our arms for our order and nodded to the waiter. “What the hell are you talking about?”
“Gabby, turn around. Hurry.”
My eyes narrowed and I turned to see our young waiter’s ass bent over, two tables down. I looked, shaking my head at her maturity, but agreed. Those jeans looked really, really good on him. “You’re horrible.”
Mi bit into her gyro before talking, speaking around the food in her mouth. “No, seriously. This kid has talent. You should see if she’s interested in pursuing it.”
“You really think so? I mean it’s not crazy to me at all. Rowan is effortlessly good at everything. She loves ballet and she’s so, I don’t even know what word to use to describe her. Like elegant, graceful,” I said as I recalled how she closed her little eyes and focused on the music, moving delicately, like a feather. And then I laughed. “Ophelia on the other hand, she barely made it through the three-day trial. She is way too clumsy for ballet, but she dribbles the basketball for hours. She’s definitely my little tomboy.”
Mi and I talked about the kids for a little while longer and then I told her about Tricia and Brant’s house.
“I would love that, but we’re not staying here. Nick’s uncle just opened up a new office close to his family. He wants to buy there. Connecticut.”
I choked down the bite that had lodged in my throat, beating myself in the chest with bug eyes. “You’re not leaving here. No way. I refuse. Nick will just have to go without you.”
“You can come and visit. Nick’s grandpa breeds racing horses. The kids would love it there. And Christmas. Oh, my God, Gabby. These people do Christmas.”
That news devastated me. What in the world would I do without Mi? “Fuck Christmas. You’re not going.”
Mi smiled, tilting her head to the side. “I can still talk to you every day.”
“No. Ugh, Mi. This sucks. What about your job?”
“They have babies in Connecticut, too.”
“I hate you. When?”
“Nick wants to be there by Christmas, but we’ll see.”
“Three months?”
“Closer to four.”
“This isn’t funny. I can’t survive without you. I need you in my life.”
“I’ll still be in your life.”
“But I won’t be meeting you for Hawaiian punch and gyros.”
Mi was the one to change the subject, and move onto more emotions I didn’t want to have. “How are things with you and Paxton?”
I snorted, biting into a potato chip. “Weird.”
“What do you mean?”
We both ate our lunch while I explained what had been going on, the strange visions, and the unwanted emotions. Mi was my person, the one who I knew I could tell anything to, and I did.
“I don’t know, Mi. It’s hard to explain. I mean, I love the man like crazy stupid, but lately, I feel things. Like it’s not just being told to me anymore. I feel how that Gabriella felt, and it’s making things, I don’t know, difficult.”
“When was your last period?”
I kept an unwanted tear from sliding down my cheek with the back of my hand and frowned. Here I was, explaining the devastating wedding proposal, and she wanted to be my doctor. “What?”
“You’re so emotional lately, and that glow. I get it now. You’re pregnant.”
I shook my head from side to side, conveying my scrunched up expression. “You’re an idiot. I’m one hundred percent sure that I’m not pregnant.”
“Last period?”
“That doesn’t work with me. I have never been regular. Well, since my accident anyway. I’ve only had two periods since my wreck.”
“Let’s go.”
Again my head went from side to side, watching Mi gather our trash while ordering me around. I stood because she pulled me up by my hand. “Go where, Mi?”
“To my office.”
I stopped, causing her hand to slip out of mine. “Mi, stop. I don’t need to do that. I can’t have kids. I’m not pregnant.”
Mi pulled back, and I walked with her, exhaling a heavy sigh. “What do you mean, you can’t have kids? You had Phi. And we’ve already talked about that, I know everything. Remember?”
“Okay, fine. Paxton can’t have kids.”
Mi stopped and turned to me. “It only takes one little swimmer. I’ve seen a thousand or more pregnant women, and I am more in tune with my intuition than most people are. Will you just appease me and let me do this? All you have to do is pee in a cup.” Mi started walking again, totally blowing me off.
I tried to stop her, following close behind to no avail. “Mi!”
“What if you have twins? You already have the gene, and your age. Did you know the older you get, the more likely you are to have twins? Yeah, older woman produce more follicle stimulating hormone than younger women. I mean, you’re still a youngin, just not nineteen like when you had Ophelia. It would be nice to have another boy. You know, for Vander. That could be why you’re remembering things. Pregnancy hormones are amazing at healing the body. They’re designed to get your body up to code. It takes a lot to house a little person for forty weeks.”
I followed my obstinate friend without a choice. I didn’t have time for this. I had things to do. I needed to get to the grocery store. I was busy. Too busy for this nonsense.