Katharina

 

I cleaned up the mess Jace had made in the sink and then sat down in the living room with Kenny, desperate to distract myself. I could tell he was curious about Becky, but, to his credit, he stayed silent the whole time.

 

“I bet you’ve seen a lot of really interesting shit, haven’t you?” I raised my eyebrows to Kenny.

 

“Enough,” he said shortly, glancing away. “I don’t really talk about it, you know?”

 

“I get that secrecy is part of the job,” I replied. “But don’t you get sick of keeping everything to yourself?”

 

Kenny shrugged. “The only guys I talk to are in The Silent Havoc,” he said, sounding like an ad for privacy. “And they all see the same shit I do. It doesn’t matter if something looks whack, it’s probably not that big of a deal. And anyone who hangs around long enough is going to see some dark shit.”

 

I closed my lips and thought about that. I bet I could have probably competed with some of the guys as to who had seen the most fucked up stuff, but I didn’t exactly want to start that kind of competition. After all, Troy had put me through a whole world of horror. But I didn’t exactly think that was the kind of thing Kenny and I would bond over. I was betting all of The Silent Havoc had their own little stories, but maybe Kenny was right: maybe they didn’t like to talk.

 

“I’m going to lie down.”

 

Kenny didn’t say anything as I left the room. I didn’t go into Jace’s room, but rather into the bedroom I’d used a couple of times, the bedroom with the old photos. Frowning, I opened the closet and pulled out the photo albums. Even though I’d tried to disguise the fact that I’d been digging around, I knew Jace would be able to tell almost instantly; there was a ton of dust everywhere and the albums had clearly been disturbed.

 

I pulled down one book with a photo of the vintage Silent Havoc on the cover—my dad and his cronies. A tear came to my eye as I stroked the photograph, suddenly wishing I could go back in time and erase everything bad that had ever happened between my father and me. I wished I could have grown up with a real dad, a dad who loved me, not just the distant relationship that we’d enjoyed.

 

Now that I was an adult, I was starting to see some things from my father’s point of view. Sure, he’d been ridiculous not allowing me to date when I was in high school. But I felt an odd sort of kinship with him when I thought about my young childhood. Before I’d hit puberty, Dad and I had almost been close. We’d talked every day when I came home from school. He’d always asked me what I’d learned, and what I’d liked best about the day I’d had. I know it sounded corny, but losing him really made me appreciate that.

 

Some parents, like Becky’s, never inquired about their child. Even though I felt sorry for her now, at the time I’d been envious. I always thought it had been too awkward to talk to my dad about school, like he was just asking because that was what he thought he had to do. Now I realized it was like when he tucked me in at night. He wasn’t doing it to irritate me; he was just doing it because he wanted me to feel like he’d cared.

 

The thought was almost enough to make me cry again. I looked down at the photo, studying my dad’s expression. The sun was in his face and he was shielding his eyes, looking down and away from the camera. The photo had been taken at dusk, and all the men were standing in front of their bikes, in front of a giant lake. Everyone looked dusty and sore but happy, too, like they’d all reached some kind of inner peace. I closed my eyes and tried to imagine what my father had been thinking about when the photo had been taken. Had he known that someday he’d be murdered and his friends would all suspect his future son-in-law?

 

I shivered. Even though I wanted to believe Jace, I still had some doubts when it came to what had happened when my father died. Jace had only told me the briefest of details: Matthias was working a drug deal, it went badly, he was shot in the head and left to die. I hadn’t wanted to believe the drugs, but Jace said my father hadn’t ever used, just sold. Personally, I thought that was almost worse. Drugs caused so much pain and suffering; I didn’t like that my father had perpetuated that cycle. But now he was dead, and there was nothing I could do about it. The realization hit me like a ton of bricks.

 

I wasn’t sure that in the past months I’d ever really dealt with my father’s death. The fighting with Troy had eclipsed that importance in my life, and suddenly I’d been too concerned with my own survival to worry about whether or not I’d been a good daughter. But now, those feelings came rushing back tenfold. I missed my dad so much that it felt like someone had punched me in the gut.

 

I wanted Jace. I wanted him to come in and hold me and tell me everything was going to be okay. I knew that was unrealistic, and fucked up, but suddenly I was missing him so badly.

 

“Dad, I’m sorry,” I said to the photograph. Dad’s smile didn’t waver, but I felt more separated from him than ever. I decided that even if things didn’t work out with Jace, even if we got divorced, that I’d do my best and try to find out some things about what The Silent Havoc had been like when my dad was a member. Maybe I could even call up some of his old buddies who had left the MC and ask them questions about him. Matthias had been a popular leader; I was hoping they’d be more than willing to share stories with his daughter.

 

“Katie!” I heard a voice yell from the hallway. “Where are you?”

 

It was Jace. Blushing, I got to my knees and tried to stack the albums back in the hallway. Dust flew everywhere and I felt my face break out in a mass of itching. A hard sneeze came over me before I could move, and I started gagging and coughing loudly.

 

The door burst open. Jace was standing there with a pained expression on his face. “Doing some research?”

 

My face turned bright red. “I wanted to see some old pictures of my dad,” I said softly. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make a mess.”

 

Jace opened his mouth, like he was going to reply. Then he looked away and made a funny sound. “It’s fine,” he said. “I mean, this is your house now, too.” He was carrying a few bags. “I brought food,” he said. “If you want to eat, that is.”

 

My stomach rumbled and I nodded. I was still feeling weird—that awkward energy between us hadn’t dissipated—but I was feeling much better than I had earlier in the day. I didn’t know, maybe some of it was just because I’d managed to channel some feelings for my father, and therefore the rest of The Silent Havoc. Maybe it was because seeing Jace always made me feel better, even though I was unsure of how to feel about him right at that exact second.

 

“Yeah,” I said, brushing my hands off on my jeans. I was glad Jace hadn’t caught me snooping in his room again, with Margot’s things. I was dying to ask him who she was, and I decided that, no matter what happened tonight, I’d ask him later.

 

“Come on,” Jace said. He slung an arm around my waist and pulled me close. His touch was unexpectedly erotic but also ticklish, and I burst out laughing. Jace pulled me closer and wrapped his arms around my waist. A trickle of lust went through me and I felt myself shiver as I caught Jace’s delicious, masculine scent.

 

There was a hint of beer on his breath. “Have you been drinking?” I asked softly. We were still standing in the hallway with Jace’s hands all over my body, like we were in the middle of tussling.

 

“Only a little,” Jace said darkly. Before I could respond, he pressed his lips against my mouth and kissed me passionately. As Jace’s tongue slipped between my lips, I felt myself start to grow aroused and wet.

 

Moaning softly into his mouth, I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled his body close to mine. I wasn’t wearing a bra and when my stiff nipples connected with Jace’s strong torso, it felt heavenly. My breasts were swollen and tender but suddenly my level of desire was through the roof.

 

“Come back to bed, Katie,” Jace whispered. He nibbled on my earlobe and I felt my knees go weak. He stroked a finger down my back and slipped it under my top, caressing my bare skin with his nails. I shivered when he made contact with the base of my spine. He leaned in and licked my neck before pressing his teeth into my delicate skin.

 

I cried out and shook as he slowly teased me. My heart started to thud in my chest and I was aware of my breath coming hard. Reaching a hand under his chin, I tilted his face towards mine and leaned in for a delicious kiss. He tasted like beer, but also like strong determination, like power. Jace’s jaw muscles clenched and I could feel his own heart pounding through his chest. I was barely aware of him lifting me into his arms and wrapping my legs around his strong waist. As he walked towards the bedroom, we started kissing so hard that I thought our heads would merge. Desire and lust tangoed in my belly and I could feel my face flushed and hot with the immediate urge to fuck him.

 

“You’re so sexy,” he whispered. He unfastened my jeans and tugged the snap down, exposing the white triangle of my panties. Locking eyes with me, he set me down on the bed and slowly slipped one of his hands down my pants.

 

When I felt his strong thumb stroking my clit over and over, I let out a loud gasp and threw my head back. Jace was grinning when I looked at him again.

 

“That feels so good,” I murmured in a low voice.

 

He gave me a wicked grin. “Keep your legs spread,” he ordered me softly.

 

I shivered; beneath the cuddly exterior that I’d grown to know, Jace was a man of power and strength. I had no doubts that he could tie me up and spend hours making me succumb to his will. The worst part was he wouldn’t even have to. I already knew Jace was better in bed than any other lover I could imagine, and the prospect of spending even one more night as his wife was more thrilling than I could say.

 

Tugging down my jeans and tossing them to the side, I spread my legs. Jace crawled on the bed so he was mere inches away from my pussy. I blushed hotly; I knew from his vantage point that he was capable of smelling my arousal. Every time I moved, the wet crotch of my panties slid against me, causing exquisite friction. As Jace gently blew on my soaked crotch, a bolt of hot pleasure shot up my spine.

 

“I’m going to tease you until you can’t take it anymore,” he said softly. He reached out and gently rubbed my clit in circles with the tip of his finger. The pressure was just enough to make me feel delicious, but it made me want more and before I knew what I was doing, I was crying out and bucking my hips along with Jace’s hand. He grinned and pulled his hand away. When the sensation of his touch disappeared, I cried out in frustration.

 

Jace unbuttoned his shirt and tossed it on the floor before stepping out of his pants. I saw that he was rock hard, that his cock was straining the front of his briefs and I felt the sudden urge to push him over and suck him dry. Before I could move, he got back down on the bed and crawled close. He reached up towards my breasts. Taking one of my nipples in his hand, Jace caressed and pinched it until I was crying out in pleasure. Bolts and sparks of the most delicious feeling were shooting through me, and soon I realized I was grinding my pelvis on the bed, desperate for his touch.

 

Jace reached out with his other hand and began stroking and gently slapping my other breast. It didn’t hurt; rather, the slight pain only intensified the pleasure from my nipples. I was acutely aware that I was so wet.

 

“It looks so good,” Jace murmured, following my gaze.

 

I blushed hard as he pulled one of his hands away from my breasts and started rubbing my crotch through the thin fabric. I shivered and moaned, arching my back and throwing my head back. I could feel the ends of my hair tickling my bare back and I gasped. Every sensation felt raw, amplified. I didn’t know if it was a product of being stressed, but this was already the most intimate and exquisite sexual encounter Jace and I had ever had.

 

He tugged my panties to the side and slid a bare finger down my slit. I shivered at his touch, crying and begging for him to touch my clit. He yanked his hands away immediately and left me swollen and wanting.

 

“You beg me for anything again and I’m not touching you for the rest of the night,” Jace warned. “Sometimes I like it when you beg, but tonight’s not going to be one of those nights. Tonight, you’re mine and I’ll touch whatever part of you I want to touch. Understood?”

 

A little thrill went through me and I made eye contact with Jace, nodding and silently vowing to keep my mouth shut, no matter what. After a few seconds, Jace resumed lightly stroking me with a finger. He used his other hand to alternate between my breasts, pinching and stroking and rolling my nipples between his fingers until they were hard. My whole body was at attention, like every cell inside of me belonged to Jace. Every hair was standing on end, every nerve ending was directed towards him and the pleasure he was giving me. When he reached into his pocket and pulled out a knife, fear hit me square in the gut.

 

Jace looked at me as he whipped out the blade. “Do you trust me, Katie?”

 

I nodded slowly. I did. Even if I didn’t, there was no way I’d be able to escape. Jace could run faster than I could, and I doubted Kenny was still here. I held my breath as I watched Jace lower the knife to my thighs. The cold metal made me jump and shiver but Jace was careful not to cut me. He dragged the dull edge of the knife against my skin. With one hand, he pulled my panties away from my hips until he could look down and see my wet pussy. I shuddered as he slipped the blade of the knife inside the fabric and jerked up. I felt the material rise against my ass, then split in two and tear away.

 

Jace grinned. He slid the knife back into his pocket and pulled my shredded panties to the side, tossing them to the floor. He got down on his hands and knees and slowly crawled towards me, nuzzling the inside of my thigh with his face. The combination of the rough stubble on his chin and his hot breath was enough to set me off, and soon I was moaning and rolling my hips, desperate for him to come closer to my clit.

 

Jace pushed me down so I was lying on my back. He gently slapped the inside of my thighs, getting me to spread even wider, and stuck his tongue inside of my pussy. The feel of something warm and wet fucking me was incredible, and I moaned softly, thrusting my hips against Jace’s face. His nose was bumping my clit and I felt little shocks of heaven every time we made contact.

 

“God, yeah,” Jace moaned. He slipped two fingers inside of me and began to wriggle them around as he fastened his mouth on my swollen clit and began to suck. I gasped—the pleasure was so sharp, so intense, I felt like I was going to come instantly. He kept up a slow, deliberate rhythm. He’d bring me close to the edge until I was squirming and sweating, then slow down and gently lick me like a cat lapping milk. My whole body was on fire, and I knew I was about to explode when he finally pulled away.

 

He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and grinned at me. With one hand, he yanked down his briefs. With the other, he grabbed my ankles and dragged me towards the edge of the bed so my ass was almost hanging off. Before I could respond, he put his hands on my waist and flipped me over onto my belly. My stiff nipples rubbed against the duvet, sending illicit pleasure through my body and I blushed when he spread my legs, knowing he was looking directly at my asshole.

 

“Someday,” Jace said in a low voice as he caressed the back of my thigh with a hand. “Someday, Katie, I’m gonna take you in the ass.”

 

I shivered. Jace stepped closer—I felt the bed vibrate and shake with his movement—and a moment later I felt his hard cock teasing the entrance to my pussy. I squirmed and moaned into the duvet, wriggling my hips and pushing back, desperate to have him inside of me. Jace grabbed a generous handful of my ass. Without warning, he slid all the way inside of me, until his cock was buried to the hilt. I was so wet and I cried out. Jace let out a groan. He placed his hands on my hips and began to pull me back and forth, rubbing me on the bed. The pressure on my nipples felt incredible and I cried out in a hoarse voice as Jace increased the speed. I could feel his hard cock pulsing and throbbing inside of me.

 

As he slammed against me, spasms of pleasure rocketed through my body. I closed my eyes and let out a full-throated moan into the duvet. Jace grabbed a handful of my ass and squeezed hard, thrusting hard and groaning loudly. I could feel that his muscles were tensed and stretched out, but I was unprepared for the gale of force that landed on me. Jace was fucking me harder than I’d ever been fucked, almost raw enough to hurt. He slowed down and gently slipped a hand under my body, rubbing my clit in time with his thrusts. It was just what I needed, and soon I found myself holding my breath and crying out with my eyes screwed closed, grabbing fistfuls of the duvet as I came hard.

 

Jace’s own orgasm was just as rough, and followed a few seconds later. I felt his cum gush into my body and I gasped as the shockwaves of feeling subsided. My legs were shaky and weak and every inch of my skin was covered with a damp sweat.

 

Jace pulled away and flopped down on the bed next to me. “That was great,” he said with a grin. “How about some food?”

 

After we had dinner, we came back into the bedroom and lay down. I was still feeling kind of shaky from the sex, and drowsy, and like I wanted to be closer to Jace. When he flopped down on his back, I snuggled up to his chest. He didn’t put his arm around me, but he didn’t exactly move to push me away either.

 

I could feel that we were at a comfortable silence. Finally, I took a deep breath and worked up my courage.

 

“Jace, who is Margot?”

 

“What?” Jace’s voice was sharp and clear. He sat up, knocking me off his chest. “What did you just ask me?”

 

“I found a brush and a mirror, in your room,” I said, swallowing nervously. “They were engraved with her name. Who is she?”

 

Jace didn’t answer for a moment. The silence had a crisp, full sound to it. The room was so dark that I couldn’t tell whether or not he was looking at me, and the warning bells sounding in my chest were already making my regret asking.

 

“She was my fiancée,” he said slowly. “She died in a car crash years ago.”

 

Oh my god. I couldn’t help it, I gasped. “I’m sorry,” I said. “I had no idea…I…well, I’m actually not sure what I was thinking.”

 

Jace didn’t reply.

 

“Can you tell me more about her?”

 

Jace still didn’t say anything. Finally, I rolled onto my side, so I was facing him.

 

“Jace, please,” I begged. “Please tell me. I really want to know.”

 

“Go to sleep, Katie,” Jace said. “I’m tired, okay? I’m really fucking tired right now.”

 

He rolled over. I felt pinpricks of anger and shame flood my body. How dare he. Just who the hell did he think he was, anyway? A thousand thoughts were storming around in my brain and I knew I wasn’t going to be able to relax. Jace had a fiancée? And that was who Margot was? Suddenly, I felt angry and embarrassed that he’d never mentioned anything about her to me before. I felt like a fool for believing he could have loved me, or really even liked me. Tears of shame pricked my eyes and I had to reach up hastily and wipe them away. I hated myself. I felt like the world’s biggest fool, like a huge moron. I felt so dumb for believing this could work, that it wasn’t just because Jace felt sorry for me.

 

No. It was just like he said; he married me because of the promise he’d made to my father. This wasn’t romance for Jace, this was just repaying a debt, or a favor, or whatever you wanted to call it. I could feel my heart hardening in my chest, like it was icing over. Stupid Katie, I cursed myself in my head. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

 

I scowled. Something told me that no matter how many pills I took tonight, I wouldn’t be able to sleep.