Chapter Two
Emery
I’m not a complete liar—I did take a hot bath, and need a breather—I just couldn’t breathe in my house. Suffocating; the walls closing in… I had to get some fresh air to help me think straight.
The guys would be furious if they knew I was here right now; alone, at night. But this spot, our spot, under the big oak tree on the creek’s edge is where I’ve always felt the most at peace… and done my best soul-searching.
Exactly what I need to do, desperately—search to the deepest depths of my soul—and come to absolute certainty with my decision. Examine things from every angle, talk it through out loud, where only the man in the moon and stars can hear me. And just maybe… give me some advice.
I scoop up a handful of pebbles, tossing one into the water with each thought; kinda like I’m making wishes for wisdom. “If I stay, I’m no worse off. I’ll still have the two best friends a girl could ever hope for, a job I love, and my house, that I adore and finally have paid off,” I reason aloud. “But,” it comes out croaked, the result of a suppressed sob, “I’ll never have anything more than that. And eventually, I won’t just be watching them date, hookup, here and there anymore; I’ll be at their weddings—alone—dying inside.”
I listen hard, straining to hear any guidance from Mister Moon, a higher being, hell, even the crickets’ input would help… nothing.
“Yeah, I don’t know the answer either.” My laugh’s sharp and facetious, betraying my lie. I do know, I… I just can’t imagine how I’ll possibly survive if I go through with it. “Sure, I’ll have at least one friend there, Tracy, and chances are, I’ll be able to find a job and apartment pretty easily; maybe even meet a man who’s actually available. But he won’t be them, and I’ll never love him as much. Never.”
A noise startles me and I whirl my head around to investigate. Why, I don’t know; it’s pitch black out here but for the moonlight. Seeing nothing obvious, I dismiss it as a raccoon or the likes, scavenging for food, and continue my one-woman debate. “Staying here though, pining away for not one, but two men I can’t have,” I sigh, tears pricking at the backs of my eyes, “isn’t healthy. I want to be loved, made love to, have kids, a family. I’m so tired of feeling hollow inside, falling asleep and waking up next to a cold, empty spot in my bed; pretending I don’t see, and ache, when a couple passes by, holding hands.”
I wipe my tears on my sleeve, then stand, tossing a pebble in the water with my final wish of the night. “I hope time will help me move on, forward, to build a life worth living. Please, watch over my guys for me, Moon Man. They deserve nothing short of pure happiness. And I’ll be praying that they forgive me someday, come to understand why I had to… go. My mind’s made up; I’m leaving.”
After one long, last look at the spot I’ll always hold dear, I turn to take the first step toward my new future… and scream bloody, scared-shitless murder, all but falling square on my ass.
“The hell you are,” Cabot, standing behind me for who knows how long, snarls, anger radiating off him.
“H-how, um, long have y-you guys been standing there,” I stammer, true to the embarrassed fool I feel. Raccoon, Emery? Really? You know they always find you!
“Longafuckinnough.” It’s Cole’s turn to growl at me, teeth bared and gleaming white in the moonlight. “Over my, our, dead fucking bodies are you going a goddamn place, other than home with us, Emery Elizabeth McCall. Where you belong. Where you’ve always belonged!”
“What?” I blurt out—all I got—no clue what he actually means by that; as opposed to what I dare not hope he might.
“What the hell do you-”
“I got this,” Cabot cuts his twin off mid-sentence, and Cole easily concedes, shaking his head and pinching the bridge of his nose before throwing both hands in the air with a yelled, “Have at it, ‘cause I… can’t with her right now!”
Cabot slowly approaches, reminiscent of a lion closing in on his prey, and I counter each of his steps with one of my own… backward. He smirks, clearly devilish and cunning, despite the darkness. “Couple more and you’ll be in the water. Go ahead and give up now, Minnow. Save yourself from getting all wet and cold, ‘cause you know I’ll just come in after ya there too.”
And he will, so I stop moving, being wet and cold sounding miserable... and yes, pointless. “Okay, I’m standing still, Bossy. Now will you at least tell me how much you heard, what you’re most upset about, something, anything, and quit coming at me all scary-like?” He says nothing, a dark rumble rising from deep in his chest and echoing off the trees the only sound, so I quickly switch tactics. “Cole,” I call out for him in shaky desperation, wherever he is, my eyes staying trained on Cabot. “Will you please come help me reason with your Neanderthal brother? I would’ve told you guys before I left! We can discuss things now if you want; calmly. Cole? Cole, answer me!”
“Right here,” he rasps in my ear, having popped out of nowhere, imprinting his rigid, sturdy frame on my back while gripping my hips. “Like how I snuck up on ya?” I shake my head, yet a shiver of yes runs through me, my body responding without permission. “Yeah, not a huge fan of things sneaking up on me either. Say, for instance, when I have to cat-burglar my ass through the woods to ‘A’, see if you’re here, versus kidnapped, and ‘B’, find out via your conversation with whoever the hell you were talking to, damn sure wasn’t us, that the woman I’ve been in love with for as long as I can remember loves me too! So much so, that she’s planning on running from me! Not. Happy. Em,” he grates, albeit a delicious kind of angry, nipping my earlobe for panty-melting emphasis.
Wait… pause on the panty melting… rewind. What’d he just say?
Heart palpitations of realization aside, I whirl around to face him, adrenaline supplying me the strength to power past his hold on my hips. “Cole?” The quivering therein louder than my scared whisper itself—worried beyond measure that I heard him wrong, misunderstood, or am currently dreaming. “Did you say-”
“That I love you?” He reaches up to cup my cheek, his thumb stroking soft caresses on my skin. “Yes. Hell, yes. Finally. And now that I really have your attention, I’ll tell you again. I. Love. You, Emery. I’ve loved you every minute of every day since the one I met you. I never told you because, turns out, just like you… I was afraid you didn’t feel the same, and I couldn’t risk scaring you off, losing you altogether. But,” his voice flips from sincere to incensed, “unlike you, I’ve never considered running, living a single damn day without you in my life in whatever way I could have you. Some fucked up shit, Em.” His eyes narrow as he shakes his head.
Instant, hot tears free fall, flowing down my cheeks—some in elation, most though, in debilitating fear. I’m terrified to turn around, to see Cabot’s face, finish this lose-lose battle once and for all. While Cole’s half of my heart is soaring, the other half, that has and will forever belong to Cabot, is painfully, palpably, breaking.
This. This is why I’ve loved in silent secrecy all these years. Because I won’t accept, or openly return, Cole’s love. I can’t. Not when I love Cabot just as much. Thus, the first “lose.” And if, when I turn, Cabot congratulates us, confirming that he doesn’t “love” me too… there’s the other “lose.” But now that Cole’s put it out there, currently hanging over us with unbearable weight, I have to face his brother.
I take my time pivoting, and even longer to meet Cabot’s intense stare; my knees weak, a new batch of tears threatening to spill over and my stomach violently churning. Cole bands his arms around my waist from behind, resting his chin on my shoulder —somehow managing to give comfort while simultaneously compounding the awkwardness—but I allow it, severely in need of the former.
“Minnow?” Cabot asks me… something… his tone, hooded eyes, and slightly curled lip all unreadable. At a loss how to answer that which I don’t understand, I opt for silence. “Come ‘ere.” That voice I recognize, just as easily as the crook of his finger and wink, beckoning me to where I’m already headed.
Cole releases me and I float to Cabot. Staring up at him, thick swallows get caught in my throat, my bottom lip trembles, and there’s a strong chance I’m about to faint. “Hey now,” he soothes, tugging me into the solace of his arms. “Why you getting all worked up, worrying? I’m the one who should be nervous,” he dimly chuckles.
My eyes search his, a wicked beauty I’ve never seen before flickering in them. “Why would you be nervous?” I ask.
“Because, I’m about to tell our sweet, pure, precious girl the things of mine and Cole’s wildest dreams. If I spook ya, I’ll kick my own ass.”
“Tell me,” I beg in breathless hope.
“First, gotta question, and don’t you dare spew some bullshit lie out of pity. You hear me?” I nod, a little fearful, a lot curious. “Do you love me, Minnow? Like a woman loves a man? No ‘friend’ shit; do you really love me, the same way, just as much, as you love Cole? Do you long to feel me deep inside you, my body on top of yours, my babies growing in your belly? My kiss on your mouth every morning, night, and any other time I need a taste of you?”
Yes, no, yes... and God yes to all the rest.
Tradition is called such for a reason though, and I’m suddenly a masochistic glutton who has to hear his answer, just once, before walking away from them both, for good. So, I measure my every pant until it’s a normal breath, refuse the fire blazing inside me so it won’t announce itself when I speak, and lock stoic eyes on his ravenous pair. “Do you love me like that?”
His ‘yes’ is wordless yet unmistakable, said, rather—and better than a speech written for him by a linguistics expert—with the crashing of his mouth over mine. I’m whisked up and off my feet, his two, sturdy handfuls of my ass used to hold me hostage against him as he devours my mouth.
For a moment, I’m so lost in blissful delirium, that I still half-fear might be a dream, that I can only accept, allow, the long-overdue ravaging. Then all at once, a punch of potent desire awakens me… and every part of my body… my mind insistent that I jump in and participate.
Starved hunger at last fed, I don’t just kiss him back—I attack—vying for control. Taking fast, but craving sweet and slow. Delving deep while yearning for shallow teases and nips. I grab his cheeks and tilt his head to work the angle, needing more, deeper… swallowing his strained chuckle. He indulges me, for much longer than I expected, before finally losing his grip on restraint. Now, our tongues duel, a battle of wills… and willpower. A loud, swift slap on my ass shatters the haze and I jolt back and yelp.
“Did you… did you just spank me?” I gasp in spurts. He nods, half-lidded eyes dancing with smug superiority. “Um, why?”
“If I tell you to kiss me, then You. Kiss. Me, Minnow. Lay it on me, woman, best ya’ got. Until then? I. Kiss. You. Any time, place, or way I want. And you take it. I love your spunk, that sassy lil’ mouth of yours, but not when I’m fuckin’ it with mine. Understood?”
Yes, control freak. “No.”
Strike two—another sharp, arousing swat to my ass—that he delivers while smirking. “Liar,” he fucks my ear in a husky timbre of sin.
My lip curls in frisky taunt, suddenly bowing to a frown as cognition hits me.
Cole.
Cabot.
Love. Lust. Give. Take.
And impossible.
I push off Cabot’s chest, my feet blindly finding the ground as hot tears build fast behind my eyelids. Turning to run away… away from all I want and nothing I can have… I’m stopped dead in my tracks by a large wall of man.
Cole.
A feral, enraged Cole. Unbridled domination exuding off him as he captures me in a merciless hold. “For fuck’s sake, Emery, what’s with all the damn running? Don’t know when or why you picked up this new little habit, but I will break you of it. And just where’d ya think you were headed anyway?”
“And why haven’t you answered my question?” Cabot’s body heat on my back joins his gruff voice.
Trapped, literally, in between the Keller twins. Trapped, mentally, between Heaven and Hell, unsure whether to surrender to the lustful ideas flooding my mind or shudder in panic.
“Say something, Em,” Cole prompts, gliding a hand up my arm.
“Now,” Cabot commands, the trace of his fingertip across my stomach much gentler than his voice.
“You, this, it isn’t fair,” I ramble, a high-pitched squeak of nerves. “I was headed… anywhere but here! And no, Cabot, I don’t love you the same as Cole. Not possible; you’re two different people! But, yes, I love you every bit as much. That’s the problem! Don’t you see? There’s no good answer, no happy ending, for any of us!” I thrash violently to escape their confines, a wasted effort. “Let me go. For good! I won’t choose. I can’t!”
What’s crazy, besides me, is that, with my outburst… comes unexpected relief. Years of caged worry, want, pain, jealousy, and love finally set free, no longer my hidden burden to carry alone. But now, left behind, is a huge empty space, crater, inside me… that rapidly fills with numbness.
Void of sensation, of any sort.
Which is probably why—for the first time ever—I couldn’t answer if asked, which of them says it… rich, throaty, and slathered in depravity. “What if you didn’t have to?”