Chapter Four
Trevor
She’s a vision, a rare treasure who knows not her value. A value which cannot be measured. A value which makes her invaluable.
And I… I am a bastard; a selfish, self-loathing masochist, who cannot help himself.
I do want her to be comfortable, gathering peace as we travel, but the pink silk? That’s for me. A temptation crafted for no other purpose than to torture myself. A beautifully wrapped package I will never be worthy of opening.
“Lily, don’t be afraid, darling girl. Lie down, close your eyes. Rest. No harm will come to you, in any way. I am, if nothing else, able to control myself.”
“I get it,” she snipes, as though offended, “loud and clear. No need to keep reminding me.”
“I don’t—”
“Understand? Same. How’s it feel? Not too good, right?”
Body language speaking loudest, she shrinks into her ensemble: arms crossed in front of chest, shoulders slumped, curled up in a defensive, protective little ball. “Don’t take this the wrong way…” Her wild eyes seek and snare mine. “Or do, I’m gonna say it regardless, since it’s driving me crazy! I am well aware of my shortcomings, Trevor Kincade. But, for your information, I’ve picked up on a few of yours too, mister. So… so…”
I consider myself an intelligent man, which is why I fake my pondering — via rubbing a hand over my mouth and chin, in hope of hiding my grin — while she authentically continues her own. Confirmation of my amused fascination would only work her up even more. And though I do so enjoy it, my goal in helping her relax before her upcoming battle is foremost, and genuine.
“I mean, really, who cruises down the road dressed in lingerie, Trevor? Subtle, very subtle. I put it on anyway though, happily, because it, you… you made me feel… pretty,” she admits. “And, not that it’s an option, ‘cause it’s so not, but, well… why the hell don’t you want it to be an option?”
“Remind me, please,” I manage without laughing, “when, exactly, I said anything of the sort.”
“Please.” She makes an unladylike, but cute nevertheless, sound of sarcastic disbelief. “It’s too late now. The window for patronization has closed. I appreciate the ride, shower, meal. I even appreciate this feels-like-melted-butter nightgown my silly ass has on, but none of that makes you any better than me. Richer? Yes. More… resourceful? Yes to that too. But not better. And, if you thought differently, why even bother?”
She’s had her say; released frustrations, most of which I suspect stem from her fear of the quickly approaching destination, but now it’s my turn. I move too fast for her to cower from, or stop me, sharing half her seat, and all her space. “I’ve not once thought, let alone said, that I think I’m better than you. In fact, had you understood what I told you before, you’d know it’s the exact opposite. And as for wanting you? Lily, you’re not a dumb woman, so don’t speak to the contrary. Of course I want you. How could I not? But, like you said, it isn’t an option. It’d be rather foolish of me to think I can change your mind, and more than rude to try… especially under the circumstances.”
Her head shakes once, sharp and fast, apparently doing the trick to clear it since she looks, rather than glares, into my eyes and merely breathes her realization. “You weren’t backhandedly insulting me. You really are a refined gentleman.”
It wasn’t a question, but I respond anyway, because it also wasn’t correct. “You met me only just today, and technically you’re a married woman. Lily, everything about you screams of the indisputable fact that those two things, among many others, would prevent you from ever allowing yourself to be fucked in the back of a car. And able to hear those screams, I would never try to persuade you otherwise. Which, ironically, answers your other big, repetitive question, why. That. Is. Why.”
The innocent confusion swimming in her doe eyes would undo a worthier man. So sweet, she is… I reach up to caress her cheek. “Any time you spend worrying over your worth or allure is wasted. From the moment you enter anyone’s line of sight, you’ve got them. Intrigued. Longing. Spellbound. Without knowing, or without any effort. I’m flattered, even more so shocked,” I continue, chuckling, “to hear that you’d want me to want you. Which, again, I do. Very much.”
Restraint pushed beyond its limits, I firm my hold on her cheek and cover her lips with mine. Savoring, swallowing her tiny gasp, and taking more. More of her unique flavor, her lazy-but-eager tongue, and shallow breaths. “Lily,” I murmur when I lean away, “that’s all for now, sweetheart. I couldn’t help myself, but now, I really must help myself. Resist. Open your eyes for me.”
A begrudged effort, she slowly complies, showing to me a revived spirit, a hope within her — the romantic she’d forgotten she’s always been suddenly reawakened — and guilt instantly consumes me.
God, but I’m the most selfish of bastards.
“Our journey’s set to end soon, once we’ve made sure you receive justice in court. But, I’ll leave you with all my information… should you ever find yourself in the mood to join me for another adventure.”
“You’d want to see me again?” she asks, before taming the whimsy in her voice, spearing me deeper… a reminder that what I say next must be done so clearly.
“I would love to.” I tuck a soft, golden strand behind her ear. “I could take you away for a weekend, anywhere you want, just the two of us. I’m confident we’d have a very good time.” I smile, pleased with the results — concise, polite clarity.
“Weekend getaways, huh? Kinda like… extended booty calls, when I’m in the mood?”
“Yes” — I laugh — “something along those lines.”
“Such a shame,” she tsks the same phrase I’d used earlier. “Divine, sexy, debonair words, tongue, and aura… all nothing more than a polished disguise for the cold, untouchable cynic underneath. You wax on and on about my virtue, then propose booty calls? Unbelievable. And out of the question.”
“Lily, please don’t be hurt, or internalize it. I didn’t say ‘booty call.’ Not only because I would never use such crude… slang, but because that’s not what I was suggesting. Not exactly. I truly enjoy spending time with you, and thrill in every new thing I learn about you. But yes, due to my schedule, and… predilections… our rendezvous will be only that. Notice, however, that I meant rendezvous in the plural,” I say with a smile. “I’d like to spend many a weekend in your company.”
Her chin juts up, chest out, and eyes take blaze with an oddly smug confidence. “You’re lying.”
“About?”
“All of it. The persona you emit, a fake, that you have to constantly work to achieve. The whole cool-and-uncaring thing when you’re anything but. And certainly, perhaps most of all, the easily obtained detachment. You’re barely able to fool yourself, and not fooling me a damn bit. You. Are. Lying.”
Left to right, I shake my head and offer a smile that I pray reads as kind. “I assure you, I’m not. You’re different, that I freely confess; but not that different. And Lily, please, don’t consider this a challenge. If you do, you’ll only end up feeling hurt, foolish and used when—”
“When what? Another seemingly virtuous, innocent, pliable woman sits down beside you?”
“Oh, but you are full of enticing surprises, aren’t you?” I laugh, taking a moment to absorb every beautiful, genuine, ornery, clever thing about her. “Lily, hear me. I am too old, and of no desire, to change. I am also, however, finding myself more than a bit mesmerized by you. So, if you call, I will answer. Consider that, please, before you do. If you do.”
She pops a shoulder and disarms me with a brilliant, sure smile. “Guess we’ll see.”