Chapter 20
Louisa sat in the parlour in shock. “This week? We’re going this week? No more balls or musicales or plays or Vauxhall?”
Frederick looked at her and understood her feeling. He was pulling the rug out from under her. But he was convinced he was doing the right thing. She couldn’t sit around in the house any longer. Amelia told her last week that either she needed to get back into ton activities or they would leave London. She made her choice.
“You had your chance. You didn’t take it. Your mother and I are in London for the sole purpose of giving you a season. Since you don’t want one, we are leaving.”
“Oh,” Louisa said.
“We’ll be in Rutland for the rest of the spring and through the summer. We may return to London for one month in the fall. When we come back, you can decide then if you want a second season. Your mother is convinced you should have another one, so I defer to her.”
Frederick looked over at Amelia and smiled.
“Yes, Louisa, I think it’s important, but we can discuss it in the fall. So, you know our schedule for the next eight months. Do you have any questions?”
“May I have visitors? If Emma doesn’t find someone, that is.”
“Yes. You may.” Frederick stood. “Now, you and your mother can hammer out the details. I will leave it to you.”
Frederick left the parlour, and Amelia turned to Louisa. “Last chance, Louisa. Do you want to start going to ton events or do you want to go to Haddington Hall?”
Louisa didn’t see Percy at tea over the next three days. She wondered if he knew she was leaving and wanted to see him before she went. He probably didn’t know she was leaving. He might want to say goodbye. She decided to write him.
He read the letter a number of times before he put it down on his desk. What was he supposed to do with this information? She wanted to see him before she left.
Hobart told him not to go. Percy agreed that was the best thing to do, but he wasn’t sure he could stop himself. He probably wouldn’t see her for months.
A voice in his head whispered ‘don’t go’, but the whisper was so soft he could barely hear it. If the voice were stronger, would he listen to it more?
Percy began to pace. He needed to go to Gentleman Jim’s. He’d go a few rounds in the boxing ring. That’s what he would do.
*****
Percy, Cecil, and Kent went to every ton event offered. Cecil showed an interest in Emma, and Emma was beginning to show an interest back. Now that Louisa was gone, Emma spent more time with her friends Gertie and Inez.
The three gentlemen and the three ladies danced and socialized at every ball. It was great fun for them. Over time, Kent and Gertie began to become more than friends.
Percy told Inez that he wasn’t ready for a relationship at the time, and if she wanted one, he recommended she looked elsewhere. He even volunteered to introduce her around so she could meet as many gentlemen as possible.
At first, she declined, but as the season wore on, she took him up on his offer. Percy introduced her to any gentleman in the ballroom she wanted to meet.
He was certain that she would find a match somewhere in the ballroom. What with her beauty and winning personality, it was just a matter of time.
Percy had to admit that it was fun to get out and laugh with friends and ladies whose company he enjoyed. It wasn’t the same as being with Louisa, and he still missed her all the time, but it was far better than staying home alone.
Emma wrote to Louisa regularly. Percy had no idea what women wrote to each other about, but if he had to guess, she mentioned Cecil on a regular basis. Percy hoped she mentioned him and how the six of them had bonded over time.
He was sure Louisa would be happy to know Percy wasn’t staying home alone. After all, Percy hoped Louisa was enjoying her time at Haddington Hall. What a beautiful time of year to be in the country. New buds everywhere.
When Percy, Cecil, and Kent were seated for their dinner at White’s, Percy couldn’t help but ask, “Kent, you seem to be spending your time dancing with Gertie. What’s happening?”
Kent seemed a little flustered. “I’m getting to know her better, and I like her more the more time I spend with her.”
“Ah,” Percy said, “So I wasn’t imagining it.”
Cecil jumped in, “No. You weren’t. Can’t you tell when you watch them?”
“I have noticed there’s something there. Good for you.” Percy turned to Cecil. “What about you?”
Cecil shrugged. “You know me. I don’t rush into anything. I like her. But I want to take it slow.”
Percy asked, “Is there anyone else?”
Cecil shook his head, “No. I’m just taking it slow.”
Kent asked, “You and Inez are just friends, aren’t you.”
“Yes. I told her not to expect anything from me. She knows. I’ve been introducing her around to other gentlemen at the balls. I hope she finds someone she likes.”
Cecil nodded. “As long as you’re honest.”
“There is no question in her mind.”
*****
The weather in Rutland was improving every day. Louisa took a long walk through the garden, finding some new bud that opened up since the day before.
She took naps and read. She and her two bodyguards would ride to the village, talk to the villagers, and find out what they needed.
Since she arrived, an additional well was dug, two roofs were repaired, and more wool was delivered to the cloth maker. Louisa was proud of herself that she was able to help.
Sometimes, they rode to the river and to the edge of the woods to dig up the plants useful in healing. The healer showed her how to dry out the plants in the rafters of the storeroom. The cool, dry room was perfect for preparing the plants.
Louisa would occasionally receive a letter from Emma. She would always reply as soon as she was able. The letters, however, left her melancholy. Emma and Cecil were becoming close. Louisa would have loved to see that unfold.
And Percy never missed a ball. He hadn’t found anyone yet, but Louisa knew the ladies found him attractive. He was handsome, personable, kind, and wealthy. It was only a matter of time.
Louisa missed Percy more than she thought possible. He had been at tea every day, and he had been at ton events every night. She had seen him often.
Now tea with her mother was quiet. There wasn’t much new, so there wasn’t much to say. Her father sometimes joined them. That was even worse. He and her mother would talk of things Louisa didn’t know of or didn’t care about.
Louisa fidgeted in her seat. She picked at loose threads on her day gown. When tea was over, she napped, read a book in bed. She fidgeted some more.
When she received a letter from Emma, she would walk quickly to the bench in the garden. Her letters were Louisa’s only lifeline to her friends in London. And Percy.
Percy. She missed him so much. And more every day. She thought her longing would soften over time, but it didn’t. She wanted to know what he did now that he didn’t visit her for tea. She wanted to know if he was beginning to develop a fondness for a woman.
She wanted to know if he ever thought of her. She wanted to know if he never wanted to see her again because she told him she wouldn’t marry him.
She hadn’t seen him since that night. She wondered if she would ever see him again. If she had to do it over again, she would have said yes.
Emma’s letter was longer than usual. Louisa smiled. She enjoyed everything Emma had to tell her.
Cecil and I continue to get closer. I was nervous that it wasn’t progressing, but Percy must have noticed because he told me Cecil likes to take things slow.
He told me to be patient. He saw the signs in Cecil. Percy was so sweet to encourage me that way.
Louisa put the letter on her lap, tears in her eyes. Percy was so sweet and caring. She picked up the letter again.
Kent and Gertie both have stars in their eyes when they look at each other. I predict they will marry before Cecil and I do.
It’s so obvious they are in love. Percy and Cecil tease Kent mercilessly. Kent just shrugs. He doesn’t care. Gertie’s eyes sparkle all the time. You’ll have to come to London for the wedding.
Louisa didn’t know why this would bother her. Emma and Gertie were good friends, and they sounded so happy. Was she jealous that her friends were happy, and she was not? Louisa thought she would be the first one to marry. First, with Jack who showed all the signs of proposing then with Stafford who was not quite as ardent as Jack but had possibilities.
Of course, she could have married by now if she said ‘yes’ to Percy. Stop it, Louisa. You made a mistake. You have to live with it.
She looked down at her letter and smiled. There was much more to read.
Louisa, I wanted to tell you first so you don’t hear it from someone else. I’m so sorry, and Gertie and I are not happy with the turn of events.
Nora and Harrison, the gentleman who courted her when she broke it off with Percy, have gone their separate ways.
It didn’t work out for them. She says she has seen the error of her ways, and she made a mistake when she left Percy.
Nora has been spending a lot of her time in our circle. Cecil and Kent grumble about it, but Percy seems to like the attention she gives him. He’s not moping around as much.
Louisa was frozen in place. ‘How can that be? She is giving him attention, and he’s lapping it up. He’s not moping around.’
She didn’t want him to mope, but she didn’t want him to fall for Nora’s attentions. Men.
Louisa reluctantly looked down at the letter. She didn’t know if she could take much more news from Emma.
She skimmed it. Emma talked about Harriet’s ridiculous gowns and the new fashion in dancing slippers with buttons on the side. Men’s shirts continued to have more and more lace flopping around their wrists.
Louisa put the letter down. She wasn’t interested in the fashions. She needed to get back to London
*****
“Father, I would like to go back to London. Tomorrow,” Louisa said when she entered her father’s study without knocking.
He looked up from a pile of parchments in front of him.
“Knock and wait for my answer, Louisa. Do not walk in here unbidden.”
She stood in front of his desk. “I’m sorry, Father. I needed to talk with you, and it couldn’t wait.
“I would like to go back to London as soon as possible. Tomorrow, actually. If you aren’t able to go, I could go on ahead, and you and Mother could join me when you are available.”
“What’s this all about? You have been riding, napping, reading, relaxing. I haven’t heard a word out of you about going to London. Then, now, you want to take off tomorrow?” he said, shaking his head.
“Yes. I miss my friends, and I don’t want to stay here in the country when so much is going on in the city.
“I need to be back there. Right now, while the season is still on,” Louisa said, her knees flexing with her words making it look like one of those marionette puppets on stage in the park.
Frederick leaned back in his chair and looked at her, hoping to find something in her face that would give her away and tell him what was really going on. If he had to guess, it had something to do with Percy.
She rattled around the estate in a daze. Nothing excited her or upset her. Her emotions were nonexistent. She ate her meals as if her food was tasteless. She rode her horse without even a smile.
He was happy she wanted to go back and be with her friends. But something was up, and he needed to know what it was.
“Why?”
“Why?”
“Yes. Why? Why do you want to go? Why today?”
“I told you. I miss my friends. I want to go back and be with them.”
“Do you plan on participating in the season?” he asked.
“Yes. As soon as I’ve returned.”
Frederick waved his hand in dismissal. “Discuss it with your mother.”
He looked down at his parchments in front of him, but his eyes rolled up to watch her leave the room in search of Amelia. He shook his head.
Louisa went to the parlour and sat down. “Louisa, how nice to see you. Have some tea.”
“No, thank you, Mother. I just spoke to Father. He told me to see you. I want to go back to London. Tomorrow. If you can’t leave that soon, send me along ahead of you and join me when you can.”
“What has brought on this need to get to London? Is something wrong with one of your friends? Is Percy ill?”
“No, Mother, nothing like that. I need to go.”
Amelia put down her teacup and moved her book aside, “What’s this all about? You will go nowhere unless I know why you want to return to London.”
Louisa knew this wasn’t going to be quick. She thought her parents would be thrilled she wanted to go back and become social again. She was going to have to be honest.
She breathed in, and her shoulders drooped when she breathed out. “I miss Percy. I don’t want to be without him. He’s at all the balls, and he is handsome and fun and wealthy. He’s going to find someone else.”
“Louisa, you turned down his marriage proposal. Of course he’s going to find someone else. Has this just occurred to you?”
“Well, yes. I mean, I guess I didn’t think I’d never see him again, but now I think it might be a possibility. I need to go back and see him.
“Please, Mother. This is important to me. If I go back, and he doesn’t want me, I’ll find a way to deal with it. But if I don’t go back, and he ends up with someone else, I don’t think I’ll ever forgive myself.”
Louisa looked down and traced the pattern of the rug with her shoe. She tried to show restraint but was having trouble. Her mother’s head was tilted, and she was staring at Louisa.
“What happened? And be honest with me, Louisa. I’m not going to London with a half-hearted explanation. Everything, Louisa.”
“Percy is courting Nora.”
“Oh. I see. For how long has this been going on?”
“I’m not sure. Emma says he’s not moping as much, and he enjoys her attention. He was going to propose to her at the end of the season last time he courted her. I wouldn’t be surprised if that were his plan now. Cecil and Emma are courting, and although the pace is slow, they are doing well. And Emma says Kent and Gertie will be betrothed soon.
“That leaves Percy. If Cecil and Kent find wives, there won’t be nightly dinners at White’s. No tea with me in the afternoons and no dinners out. He’ll propose to Nora, or he’ll be all alone.”
Amelia looked at Louisa without saying anything. She went to speak then stopped. She tried again. “What is your plan? Are you going to want to be his best friend again, or do you want to be his wife? Are you going to propose to him? What if he’s not happy to see you?”
Louisa stood and started pacing. “I don’t know. I can’t sit by and do nothing. I miss him. Every day I’m here, I think about him, and I miss him.
“If he marries Nora, I’ll never see him. My friends will all be couples, and I will only have infrequent visits from Emma and Gertie for tea. Then they will start having children, and I won’t see them at all.”
Amelia sighed. “When do you want to leave for London?”
Louisa ran to Amelia and hugged her hard. “Oh Mother, thank you. I knew you would understand. I’ll go start to pack now.”
Louisa turned to leave the parlour. Amelia said, “Hold it.”
Louisa came back in the parlour jumping, her feet dancing beneath her.
Amelia pulled the Bell. “Mendon. Could you please ask Frederick if he is available to meet with Louisa and me?”
Mendon bowed, “Your Grace.”
Five minutes later, Frederick walked into the parlour. “Does this have anything to do with taking a trip to London?”
Amelia patted the seat next to her. “Please sit, Frederick. It does.”