Chapter 24
Mendon let Percy in with a smile on his face. He bowed and thanked Percy for Lady Louisa’s good health.
Percy nodded and asked if the ladies were available. Mendon asked him to wait.
The parlour was the first room when one came through the front door. Very little happened in the parlour that could not be heard at the door.
“The Duke of Gordon to see Your Grace and Lady Haddington.”
“Send him away, Mendon,” Percy heard Louisa say.
“Show him in, Mendon,” Amelia said.
‘Well, that’s going to make this a pleasant visit,’ Percy thought.
Percy entered the parlour and bowed. Louisa rose and curtsied.
“Hello, Percy. It’s nice to see you. Please sit,” Amelia said. “I want to thank you for saving Louisa last night. Frederick and I are grateful for your help. I hate to think what would have happened without you.”
Percy nodded. “Thank you. I was happy I was in a position to help. I would not have forgiven myself if those men took Louisa.”
Amelia sat straighter. “Those men?”
“Yes, the two men on the patio waiting to take Louisa when Barton took her out there. Cecil and Kent fought them after I brought down Barton.”
Percy turned to Louisa. “Are you hurt from being forced to the floor when I tackled Barton?”
Louisa didn’t look up from her lap when she answered him. “No, I’m quite alright. And I want to thank you. What you did saved me from an unknown but certainly difficult future.”
“I was happy to be of help. I would never wish any harm to come to you,” Percy said in a low voice.
Louisa cleared her throat, “This past day has been stressful. I have a pounding headache. Would you excuse me?”
Percy rose and bowed as Louisa swiftly left the room. Even though he could understand why she would have a headache, he found her behavior odd.
Amelia asked Percy to stay even though Louisa had left the room.
“Of course,” he said.
Amelia turned to face Percy head on. She opened her mouth then closed it. No one broke the silence in the room. Percy waited.
Finally, Amelia spoke. “Percy, I know Louisa hurt you deeply when she turned down your marriage proposal. I’m not sure if you considered all the reasons why she turned you down, or if your male pride got in the way so you didn’t care why she turned you down, but I know she hurt you.
“Frederick told me he warned you that the timing of your proposal was not ideal. Personally, I think you need to step outside of yourself and look at both sides of that event, putting aside your pride.
“We all love you, Percy, including Louisa. Because I feel so close to you, I can be frank with you. What I see as an observer to this debacle is you, trying your hardest to punish Louisa for hurting you. I don’t think you do it consciously. In fact, I know you don’t do it consciously. You’re too kind a person. You couldn’t possibly be cruel on purpose.
“I want a truce. Louisa has a way to go before she’s ready to meet you in the middle, and I know that. But I want a truce.
“You, Percy have got to stop this need to hurt her back. It isn’t the real you, and it adds to the problem. It has to stop now. The scales are balanced. You both hurt each other. Now, you both need to accept that and let it go.
“Do you understand what I’m saying?”
“I do. My friends Cecil and Kent gave me the same lecture just days ago. It shocked me how much I have done to make matters worse. But you are right when you say I haven’t done anything consciously. If I knew what I was doing, it would have stopped right away.
“I don’t know what to do, Duchess. I thought I knew Louisa so well, yet I have come up with ideas in my head to help fix the problem, and I have rejected them all. Do you have any ideas?”
Amelia gave Percy a small smile. “Be careful to build up instead of tear down, and have patience.”
“That’s hard to do if she won’t even see me.”
“You’ll find a way.
*****
Tea dragged on. Percy wanted to stay until after Harold left so he could talk to Louisa alone. Harold kept hanging in there obviously wanting the same thing. Finally, Percy rose and bowed to both Louisa and Harold.
Louisa rose also. She found the day long and wanted to rest. Harold bowed, and the two men were on the steps going down to the pavement together.
“Well, I’ll see you tonight for dinner, Harold?”
“If I get back to my townhouse and don’t find anything pressing, I’ll be there.”
They descended the stairs and went in separate directions.
*****
Percy walked home exhausted. His adrenaline was still flowing from Barton’s attempt to abduct Louisa. In fact, every time he thought of it – and he thought of it often – he could feel it pump through his veins again.
He stood in his entrance hall and stared straight ahead at nothing. After the third enquiry from his butler, Percy answered.
“Yes. Have a tub brought to my bedchamber with a light dinner. I don’t want to be disturbed. Send anyone who calls away. Keep any correspondence until I’m ready to read it.”
Percy climbed the stairs as if each stair was a foot deep of soft mud. He lay on his back when he collided with his bed, feet still on the ground, arms spread wide. He must have slept because the footmen carrying the tub woke him.
They put his dinner tray on his side table and lit a fire. He declined every other offer for help.
When he had his bedchamber to himself, he sat in front of the fire drinking wine and eating an assortment of meats and cheeses.
Taking off his boots seemed like a monumental chore. He left a trail of discarded clothes to the tub.
The hot tub water and cool wine helped relieve the adrenaline in his veins. He would sleep tonight.
Percy woke. A look at the clock on the mantle showed he slept until 1:30 in the afternoon. He turned over and groaned. God, he needed that. Had he ever slept so late? No.
He rose, dressed, and went downstairs for something to eat. Cook made him a lovely brunch menu that included Eggs Benedict, fresh fruit, and bread and cheese. Rested and fed, he went to the library and set about finding something to read.
It always took longer than expected when he tried to find a book. He didn’t know how much time had passed until he found four and took them upstairs to his bedchamber.
He took off all his clothes, put a candle and flint on his side table and put the books on the pillow next to his.
He lay in bed for a moment, not moving, savouring the decadent feeling he had of doing nothing in the middle of the afternoon. Maybe he would take a nap.
He sat up, stuffing extra pillows behind him, supporting his back. He brought his books to his lap. Coleridge, Goethe, Shakespeare, Paine. He put them aside again, slid down the bed into a prone position, moved all but one pillow away and thought.
It was, after all, the real reason he was going through this exercise. ‘You hurt her, you’re not yourself, the scales are balanced, you were warned about the timing, send him away.’
He looked up at the fabric draping the wood slats of his bed. ‘You were feeling sorry for yourself. You are feeling sorry for yourself. How bad have I been that they don’t want to eat dinner with me at White’s?’
Percy turned to his side and pulled his knees up. He looked at the wallpaper that had been on the wall as long as Percy could remember. Louisa could redecorate the whole townhouse for him. It would look so much better. He had lived here alone for so long that he didn’t notice those things. He didn’t entertain except for Cecil and Kent. They didn’t count. They were as blind to home décor as he was.
If he married Louisa, they could entertain Cecil and Emma and Kent and Gertie. Imagine hearing laughter and conversation here? It would be a first.
He drifted off to sleep. When he woke, it was dark outside. He would have to go for a run. Burn off some energy, or he would never sleep tonight.
He put on his rugby shoes and shirt. He went downstairs and headed for the kitchen.
“I’m going for a run. Do you think I could get something to eat in about two hours?”
Cook furrowed her brow. “You want to eat dinner here?”
“Yes. I don’t care what you serve me. Bread and butter would be fine. Just put it in front of me in about two hours?”
She nodded and sighed.
He left the kitchen and headed for the front door. “I’ll be gone an hour or maybe a little longer.”
He left the townhouse for St James’s Park. He smiled. His servants must think him bonkers. They knew he was a creature of habit.
Percy ran around the park six times. He found in St James’s Park hard to tally his miles. By the time he looped it back to the starting point, he couldn’t remember if it was the third or fourth time around.
Six miles, most of them in the state where euphoria kicks in. Percy loved that feeling. It felt magical and made him feel so at peace.
*****
Cook ended up making a tasty stew that, as she said, could be heated again if he decided to eat dinner at home another time.
Percy called for another bath and headed upstairs, but not without taking a wine bottle first. He had a puzzle to conquer, and wine might help him conquer it.
He lowered himself into the hot bathtub with a full wine glass in hand. The bottle was within arm’s length. He leaned back. ‘So,’ he began in his head, ‘I strike back when she hurts me. That is well established. How do I change my bad habits so that I don’t do that anymore?’
Percy soaped his body. He ducked under the water to wet his hair then soap that too. With a clean body, he reached for his wine glass and saw it was half full. If he were going to solve this problem, he would have to do better than that. He gulped down the wine and filled the glass to the top.
‘The scales are balanced. I like that. There’s a visual there I can conjure up when needed. How about I don’t open my mouth until I have visualized balanced scales? I like it.’
Percy left the tub, dried off, and took himself and his bottle of wine to bed. He picked up the Shakespeare tome to see if the sonnets were in it. Finding they were, he leaned back against the pillows, picked up his wine, and began to read.
He sighed contentedly and put the book aside. ‘Now what to do about Harold. Do I go to tea every day and stand next to her every night even if he does the same? Would Louisa ask me to leave? Would Harold give up? Would Louisa get mad at me if Harold gave up?
‘Amelia told me to have patience. Does that mean out-waiting him? Harold might not be scared off that easily. I can’t worry about Harold; I need to worry about me.
‘I’ve got to get Cecil and Kent to give me specifics about the negative changes in my behaviour. That’s got to change.’
Percy threw the extra pillow to the other side of the bed and slid down until he was on his back looking up at the fabric of the canopy.
Three days of soul searching went by where Percy faced his flaws and fears. He went over his actions repeatedly. Instead of coming to a solution and brushing aside the problem as if it had been fixed, he reviewed his actions and possible fixes over and over again. He emerged only when he thought himself ready to face the world again.