Greer absorbed the news with a quiet acceptance. Jesse was devastated. But as neither of them was able to talk to each other with anything other than superficial stoicism, they didn’t know how each of them truly felt.
When Freddie was almost six weeks old, Jesse made his regular nightly trip to his in-laws’ house to see his wife and son.
Freddie was in the arms of his grandmother, drinking greedily from his bottle of formula.
Greer was taking a bath.
In the silence of the beige and cream sitting room, with its sateen sofas and Tiffany lamps, Jesse felt a stranger. Foreign. His presence neither understood nor recognised.
‘How is Greer doing?’ he asked Elizabeth. He wanted to ask his mother-in-law specifically when Greer could come home, but he felt awkward. He didn’t want Elizabeth to accuse him of pushing Greer before she was ready.
Freddie released the teat from his mouth and Elizabeth expertly lifted him upright and forward so that she could rub his back. Freddie obliged with a deep burp.
‘Good boy,’ said his grandmother. ‘Who’s a good boy for Nanny? Want some more? Still hungry?’ She stroked the teat against Freddie’s lips until he took it in his mouth and closed his eyes, sucking sleepily.
Jesse asked again. ‘Is she feeling better?’
Elizabeth didn’t look at him as she answered. ‘She’s still very weak.’
Jesse tried again. ‘You’ve been wonderful. Looking after her and Freddie. I can’t wait to have them home.’
‘Yes, well, Greer will know when she’s well enough.’ Freddie was now asleep. His head lolling in the crook of his grandmother’s elbow. A small stream of creamy dribble was escaping from his lips. ‘Now then, young man. It’s the Moses basket for you,’ said Elizabeth, putting the bottle on the table at her side and preparing to stand up.
Jesse jumped up from his chair, hoping that he might be able to help. He hadn’t had many chances to hold Freddie in the last six weeks. He had not yet been allowed to give him his bottle. ‘Can I hold him?’
Elizabeth hesitated before saying, ‘I think he needs to sleep. He likes it. It’s better that we keep his little routine going.’
Greer came in wearing her old Snoopy dressing gown and with her hair wound into a towelling turban. ‘Hi, Jesse. You’re earlier than usual.’ Her face lit up. ‘Mum, you didn’t tell me Jesse was here.’
‘I didn’t want to disturb you when you were having a nice bath.’
Greer went to Jesse and hugged him. ‘Have you had a cuddle with Freddie?’
Jesse saw his chance. ‘I was just asking your mum.’
‘He’s asleep,’ said Elizabeth, still holding Freddie. ‘I’m just about to put him down.’
‘Mum! Jesse and Freddie haven’t seen each other since yesterday. And Jesse didn’t get a cuddle then because you’d put Freddie down. Hand him over.’
‘It’s important to have a routine,’ Elizabeth protested, but couldn’t stop Greer taking Freddie.
‘I know, Mum, and you’ve done a wonderful job, but hand him over to his daddy.’ Greer turned to her husband, who gave Elizabeth a triumphant smile. ‘Now, Jesse, sit down in that armchair and get comfy.’ Greer took Freddie from her mother’s arms and passed him into her husband’s.
Elizabeth sniffed huffily as she left the room. ‘I’ll be in the kitchen if you need me.’
Jesse took him gently.
‘Hello, Fred. Daddy’s going to bring you and Mummy home soon,’ he said in a comforting soft voice.
‘Let’s take him to my room for a proper cuddle.’
In her room and surrounded by the paraphernalia of babyhood such as boxes of Pampers, sterilising kits and bottles, Jesse sat on the bed holding their son while Greer sat at his feet, resting her chin on his knee. ‘Did you get the cot built?’
‘All done.’
‘And the little mobile up?’
‘Yes.’
‘And the changing table? Is there enough room? It’s such a tiny little room.’
‘It’s perfect. Like an efficient galley. Everything in arm’s reach.’
She sighed happily. ‘I’m looking forward to coming home.’
‘When do you think that’ll be?’
‘Another couple of weeks.’
‘Another two weeks! Freddie’s six weeks now.’
‘I know. Doesn’t time go fast?’
Jesse didn’t think so. ‘I want you home at the weekend.’
Greer stiffened. ‘I don’t think I’m ready.’
‘I want you back home. In our bed. I miss you.’
‘You know what the doctor said.’
‘He said no more children. Not no more sex.’
Greer pulled away from him. ‘I’m just not ready to be on my own with Freddie. I haven’t got the confidence yet.’
‘You never will have if you let your mum do everything for you.’
Greer bit her bottom lip and Jesse could see tears forming. ‘What’s the matter?’ he asked gently. ‘Don’t you want to come home?’
‘It’s not that.’
‘Well, what is it?’
‘I’ll be lonely when you’re working.’
‘Loveday’s just down the road. She can’t wait to see you.’
Greer brightened a little. ‘How is she? How’s Hal?’
‘Mickey says they’re both doing really well.’
‘Have you seen them? Loveday and Hal? I hear he’s huge!’
‘I haven’t actually seen her or the baby since they left hospital, but I’ve seen pictures.’
Jesse hadn’t risked seeing Hal or Loveday. He felt blessed that Freddie had survived and swore to himself that he would never be on his own with Loveday again. Mickey was like a dog with two tails with his new family, and Jesse wasn’t going to jeopardise that happiness.
Greer shifted her weight and stood up, stretching. Jesse admired the slenderness of her figure through her dressing gown and felt the stirrings of desire.
‘You look good, Greer. You don’t look as if you’ve just had a baby.’
She pulled her gown closer. ‘Thanks.’
‘I really miss you.’
‘I miss you too.’
‘I mean I miss making love to you. We haven’t done it for months.’
Greer took the sleeping Freddie from Jesse’s arms. ‘Well, we had this little one to think of, didn’t we?’
Jesse got up and stood by Greer. They both looked at the sleeping Freddie. Jesse put his hand on Greer’s bottom and caressed her buttock. ‘I want to take you home now and have you in our bed.’
She pulled away. ‘Don’t. Mum might hear us.’
‘To hell with her. We’re married, aren’t we?’ He leant in and nuzzled her neck, dropping light kisses on her until he reached her mouth and tried to kiss her deeply. Greer kept her mouth shut tight.
‘What’s the matter, Greer?’ he whispered.
‘We mustn’t have any more babies.’ He could feel the tension in her.
‘I know, darling. That’s what the doctors say now, but medical advances are happening every day. We’re only young. It’s terrible for us both but we can still have sex and be careful.’
‘It’s not that.’
‘What is it then?’
‘I just don’t feel like it.’
‘Well, you will. When I’ve warmed you up.’ He opened the front of her dressing gown and lifted her small breast out. He bent to lick her nipple.
‘Don’t. Please don’t.’ He stopped and she pulled her robe closed.
‘What’s the matter? We need to talk about this properly. I’m in bits. Trying to be strong and all that, but it’s breaking my heart. I want to fill you and the house up with children but, like my mum says, we have got Freddie and we can give him the very best love a boy could ever have.’
Greer looked at Jesse intently and said, ‘It’s not that. I’m glad Freddie will be our only one. I hated being pregnant and I hate what it’s done to my body. I’m fat. I have stretch marks. My breasts aren’t the same. I don’t think I ever want to have sex again.’
Jesse had been told by his mum that women needed a bit of love and patience after they’d had a baby, so he wasn’t surprised or worried by this little speech.
‘You look bloody gorgeous to me. I fancy you like mad. A few days at home and we’ll get back to normal. Don’t worry.’
Greer looked so frail and vulnerable, with her baggy Snoopy gown hanging off her tiny frame, that Jesse was overcome with compassion and passion. ‘You need to come home. I need to have you home. You and Freddie. You’re coming home tomorrow. I’ll pick you up after work. Tell your mother.’
*
The next day Jesse was down on the harbour checking the gear on the boat. Greer’s father, Bryn, was walking, with some purpose, towards him.
‘All right, Jesse,’ he called.
Jesse saw him and knew Bryn was on a mission from Elizabeth.
‘Can I have a word?’ Bryn asked.
‘Sure. You can have a bucketful if you want, but I’ll not be dissuaded from having my wife and son home tonight.’
Bryn stepped onto The Lobster Pot and held his hands up in surrender. ‘Am I that transparent?’
‘You and Elizabeth have been wonderful, looking after Greer and Freddie. But it’s six weeks now and time they came home,’ said Jesse firmly.
‘Well, of course you want your family home. Who wouldn’t?’ Bryn patted Jesse’s shoulder. ‘But it’s a little too soon.’
‘Who says?’
‘We all do,’ said Bryn smoothly. ‘Maybe I should give you some time off. Paid leave. That way you could spend more time at our place.’
Jesse stuck his hands in the pockets of his overall and stood his ground. ‘You’ve given me enough. Pencil Cottage, a say in the new business—’
‘Yes, and you’ve given me a terrific grandson to carry the Clovelly name on in the business.’
‘He’s not a Clovelly. He’s a Behenna.’ Jesse was using a dangerously quiet voice.
‘You know what I mean, son.’ Bryn was smiling at Jesse as if he was the village idiot who needed appeasing. ‘Greer is my first consideration. She needs looking after.’
Jesse had had enough. ‘Bryn, with due respect, you’ve given Greer everything she’s ever wanted. You even made sure you gave her me.’
Bryn sneered. ‘Yes, and God knows why. You were happy to take the money that she came with, weren’t you? The house, the pay rise, the promotion?’
Jesse felt anger burning in his gut. ‘Greer is my wife. Freddie is my son, and they’m coming home tonight. I’ll play the perfect son-in-law and I’ll make this company a success, but you can’t stop me bringing my family home. Oh, and by the way, your friendship with Monica at the golf club is common knowledge. Wouldn’t take long for that to reach Elizabeth’s ears.’ This was a long shot. A piece of gossip that had been circulating for as long as Jesse could remember. He hadn’t been sure it was true until this very moment.
Bryn went scarlet. ‘What the hell are you talking about?’
‘Oh, it’s OK for me to tell Elizabeth about this stupid rumour, is it? If you’re innocent, that’s fine.’
Bryn’s slick eyes were narrowed. ‘You say one word of that filthy lie and I’ll have your balls for shark bait.’
Jesse laughed. ‘Mum’s the word, then. Make sure Greer and Freddie are all packed when I get there.’
*
Jesse helped Greer and Freddie into Pencil Cottage. ‘Welcome home,’ he said, putting the sleeping Freddie and his car seat on the front-room carpet.
Greer looked around her. ‘It looks so cosy.’
‘Mum came round earlier. She’s left flowers on the table for you. Look.’
A big bunch of Jan’s late dahlias was sitting in a vase with a little envelope propped up next to it with Greer’s name scrawled on it.
‘That’s sweet of her.’ Greer hated blowsy dahlias and made a mental note to chuck them out the next day and get some white long-stemmed lilies which would be more in keeping with the house style. Then she sniffed. ‘Can I smell cooking?’
‘Oh, yeah,’ grinned Jesse. ‘She’s popped a chicken pie to warm in the oven and she’s brought some of her frozen runner beans over too. Are you hungry?’
‘Not very.’
On cue a hungry Freddie woke up and started squalling. ‘Shall I make up a bottle?’ asked Jesse.
‘I’ll do it.’ Greer began rummaging in one of the copious baby bags that Freddie seemed to need.
‘Well, I’ll watch how you do it, then I can do the next one,’ Jesse said gently.
‘It might be the middle of the night.’
‘I want to share it with you. I need to learn. I’m used to being up in the night, remember?’
Greer unclipped Freddie from his chair and handed him to Jesse. ‘Bloody hell, he pongs,’ he laughed, pulling a face.
‘Well,’ said Greer on her way to the kitchen, ‘this will be a night of firsts. I’ll teach you how to change a nappy too.’