Lauren popped her head round Loveday’s office door, tying up the soft belt of her lilac mac. ‘Boss wants to see you. I’m off up to Tesco to get a sandwich – want anything?’
Loveday was in the middle of collating that month’s wages, and wrote a number down on her pad so that she remembered where she was. She looked up. ‘Now?’
‘Yes.’
Loveday sighed, blowing her cheeks out. ‘OK.’ She put her hands on her desk and stood up, pushing her chair back at the same time. ‘Could you get me a duck wrap and a packet of crisps?’
She knocked on Jesse’s door and looked in. Jesse was at his desk, on the phone. He motioned for her to sit down. She waited while he wound the call up.
He smiled at her. ‘You look nice, Loveday.’
She gave him a small frown and pulled her chin in with suspicion. ‘Uh-oh. What do you want?’
‘Nothing.’ He gave her an appraising look which made her feel a bit uncomfortable.
‘Jesse, if I’ve done something wrong, just say it.’
‘You ain’t done nothing wrong. I thank my lucky stars every day that I got you downstairs sorting out the company. Honest as the day is long, aren’t you?’
‘Yeeees,’ she said, cocking her head to one side questioningly. ‘So Lauren said you wanted to see me?’
‘It’s about Hal’s present.’
Loveday relaxed. ‘Oh, good. Has Greer spoken to you? Only Mickey and I can’t accept …’
He held his hands up to shush her. ‘I understand all your objections, but I can’t accept them. I want to buy Freddie a car for his birthday and I can’t do that without buying Hal one too.’
Loveday was getting fed up. ‘You can and you will. Mickey and I will buy Hal a car. He won’t go wanting.’
Jesse leant back in his chair with an air of one who knew he would win out in the end. ‘No offence, but the car you and Mickey can afford won’t be up to much, will it?’
Loveday had had enough and said so. ‘When did you turn into such a pompous prick? His dad and I will buy Hal a car and he’ll love it because he’s not a spoilt brat.’
Jesse gave a rueful smile. ‘I take it from that that you’re insinuating Freddie is? I don’t think Greer will be too happy to hear her best friend describe her only son like that.’
Loveday stood up, hot with anger. ‘I’m not saying that. You’ve every right to buy your son whatever you want to buy him, but—’
Jesse’s face lost its humour and he looked at Loveday with deadly earnest. ‘Freddie isn’t my only son, is he?’
Loveday’s legs gave way and she sat down again. ‘Jesse, I’ve told you time and again. Hal is Mickey’s son. Not yours.’
‘I don’t believe you. I never have. I went along with your little deception for all these years, but now … well, Hal’s his own person and he has a right to know.’
Loveday’s heart was beating fast and her breathing was uneven. She said as clearly as she could: ‘Hal is not your son. He is Mickey’s.’
Jesse smiled. ‘I don’t want to upset the apple cart by telling everyone the truth. I just want you to let me help him. A car, a boat – mebbe a house when the time is right. Just the same as I’ll do for Freddie. After all, he was conceived before Fred, so Hal is actually my number one son.’
‘Shut up.’ Loveday stood again.
‘I am trying to be reasonable and do the right thing. He deserves what’s rightfully his. Just as Grant did. But it was Grant’s own fault that I got what should have been his.’
‘Shut your mouth. Have you gone mad?’ For a moment, Loveday saw something in his face, something that reminded her of Grant with his bullying and threats.
Jesse twisted his leather chair from side to side. His hands folded on his chest. ‘What shall we do, then? We could get all Jeremy Kyle about it and I could demand a DNA test, or you could just keep things as they are and let me look after my boys equally.’
Loveday could feel the threat of tears stinging her eyes. She looked at him in anguish. ‘Please,’ she whispered, ‘please don’t do this. He’s my son. Mickey’s son.’
There was a knock on the office door and Lauren came in bearing a Tesco bag. ‘There you are – duck wrap and crisps.’ She handed the bag to the white-faced Loveday. ‘Are you feeling all right? You’re awful pale.’
‘Bit of a headache,’ said Loveday, her hands gripping the bag handles with ferocious tension. ‘How much do I owe you?’
‘Don’t worry about that. My treat. I think you should get on home. Don’t you, Mr Behenna?’
*
As Loveday walked home, she had a sense of dread. A feeling that she’d been delivered a fatal wound. One that would go unnoticed for months or maybe years, but that oozed the life force out of her until she became an empty shell. She stopped at a place on the harbour wall where she could lean and look out to the horizon. She wanted to be in a far, faraway place. A town where no one knew her or could judge her. The truth was she didn’t know for sure who Hal’s father was. With all her heart she wanted it to be Mickey, but she didn’t know and she didn’t want to know. Hal was theirs – hers and Mickey’s – and that was all that mattered.
A local woman she knew a little was walking towards her, a small scruffy dog on a lead by her side. Loveday considered turning round and running, but she held her ground. The woman got closer and said, ‘Hello, Loveday. Beautiful day.’
‘Yes,’ Loveday replied.
‘How’s your boy and the twins?’
Please go away. ‘Fine.’
‘I hear your boy’s on the lifeboat.’
‘Yes.’
‘Must be so proud of him.’
‘Hmm.’
‘What are your twins doing now?’
Please go away. Please. ‘They’re doing A levels.’
‘Is it uni after?’
‘Depends on their grades.’
‘What they going to do?’
Oh, please God stop talking at me and go away. ‘Maybe nursing.’
‘Nursing! Well, they need good nurses in the hospitals. My dad had a terrible time when he had his operation. They never fed him nor changed his sheets—’
‘I’m so sorry, I’m not feeling very well. I’m on my way home.’
‘You should have said.’ The woman peered into Loveday’s face. ‘You’m looking peaky.’
‘Yes. Thank you. Well, bye.’
‘Bye then.’
The woman finally walked away with her little dog jingling on its lead.
*
Loveday struggled with the key but finally her front door opened. She shut it behind her, leaning on it in relief. After a few moments she headed to the kitchen, taking off her coat and shoes as she went. The Tesco bag, and its contents, she threw into the bin.
The hot cup of tea gave her comfort, as did the familiar surroundings of her home.
Pilot’s Cottages stood in a terrace of seventeenth-century dwellings. Mickey and she had bought one cottage in a damp and unmodernised state years ago, and the next-door cottage (in much the same state) a few years later. They’d knocked through and created four bedrooms and a bathroom upstairs, and an open-plan lounge and dining room downstairs, with a good-sized kitchen off it. She loved this house and all that she and Mickey had done to it. Her favourite thing was the brick archway connecting the kitchen and the lounge. It was like something out of a magazine.
She began to feel a bit better. There was a pile of ironing on the sofa and, as Mickey and Hal were away at sea for a few days, she decided to tackle it later in front of the television. She looked at her watch. Almost time for the girls to come home. There was a half-eaten cottage pie in the fridge. She’d heat it up and that would do for the three of them. They’d eat it on their laps. Loveday took a deep breath. The sky hadn’t fallen in. Life was as it always had been. Tomorrow she’d put Jesse straight once and for all.
*
The next morning, as she approached the entrance to Behenna and Clovelly, Jesse’s Jaguar slid into its space. He called to her through the open window. ‘Loveday. Just the girl. I’m going over to Newlyn at lunchtime. See what the opposition are up to.’ He laughed as he got out of the car, still talking. ‘I was wondering if you’d come with me. I’d like your professional opinion on their new computer system. See if it would work for us.’
‘I don’t know anything about IT. You should take Steve.’
Jesse reached into the car and grabbed his fisherman’s jumper from the passenger seat. ‘Steve can’t make it, but he said you’d be the best person. After all, it’s you who uses the thing most and knows all the ins and outs.’
‘So does Lauren, and every other person who works for you.’
He locked the doors and came towards her. ‘Yeah, but I don’t owe them an apology, do I?’
‘What are you apologising for?’ she asked warily.
‘Yesterday. I was heavy-handed and put you in an uncomfortable position.’
‘Yes. You did.’
‘So can I give you a day out in Newlyn, with lunch thrown in?’
‘I thought we were going to look at the Newlyn Fish Market, not have a jolly.’
‘Yes. We are. But I can throw lunch in too, can’t I?’
She eyed him cautiously. ‘Promise me you won’t say anything more about getting Hal a car?’
‘Promise.’
*
They left shortly before eleven and the conversation in the car was work-based and relaxed. Loveday began to think she wasn’t going to have to have words with him after all.
The Newlyn operation was interesting, although the computer system wasn’t that different from Behenna and Clovelly’s. The head of accounts, a woman called April, was friendly, taking Loveday through all the systems she had. Most were familiar to Loveday, but there were one or two short cuts that she’d look into for B&C.
While she was with April, Jesse was in the fish market, looking first at the equipment in there, and later meeting his counterparts in the boardroom, where plans for a new fish-processing plant were discussed. It was clear that the Newlyn company wanted to share the facilities, and the cost, with an injection of cash from – and partnership with – Behenna and Clovelly.
It was four o’clock by the time they left.
‘Are you hungry?’ Jesse asked Loveday.
‘Flipping starving.’
‘Sorry about lunch. Fancy an early supper?’
‘Sounds good, but I don’t want to be home late.’
‘Of course not. I know a nice little pub on our way home. We passed it. The Smuggler’s Tree?’
‘Perfect.’
*
The pub was old but clean. Jesse dodged the low beams as he entered.
‘Hello, sir. What can I get you?’ asked an elderly barman with thick spectacles and mutton-chop whiskers.
‘I’ll have a pint of Skinner’s, please, and …’ He turned to Loveday, raising his eyebrows in query.
‘Just a lime and soda, please.’
‘Coming up,’ said the barman. ‘Take a seat. I’ll bring the drinks over. Will you be eating?’
‘Yes, please.’
‘I’ll bring a menu too. I can recommend the steak.’
*
‘That was really nice,’ said Loveday, doing up her jacket as they went out into the cool evening. ‘Thank you, Jesse.’
‘The least I could do.’
They got into the car and Jesse turned on the CD player. Michael Bublé started to sing.
‘Oh, I like him,’ said Loveday, settling down in her seat. ‘I think he’s a nice person too.’
‘He sings all right,’ said Jesse.
The music filled the car and neither Jesse nor Loveday felt the need to talk. Loveday closed her eyes and let the gentle motion of the car and Michael Bublé’s voice flood through her.
*
She had lost sense of time but was aware that the car had stopped. She opened her eyes. They weren’t in Trevay. Outside it was pitch black. She turned to Jesse, who was looking at her carefully.
‘Where are we?’ she asked.
‘On the moor.’
She looked out of the window again and could just make out some hills against the moonlit skyline. ‘Have we run out of petrol? Is there something wrong with the car?’
‘I wanted to talk to you.’
She groaned. ‘No, Jesse. We’ve had this conversation.’
‘That’s not the conversation I’m thinking of.’
She was puzzled. ‘What are you talking about?’
‘I love you, Loveday. Always have and always will.’
She sat upright in her seat and folded her arms across her body. ‘Don’t start this again.’
‘It’s true. I love you.’
‘And Mickey and I love you and Greer as friends.’
‘You broke my heart. You know that?’
Loveday felt a white-hot rush of anger. ‘What the hell are you talking about? I waited for you to come to me on the morning of your wedding. I waited for you, in my bedroom, expecting the knock at the door. Imagining you telling Mr Clovelly that you couldn’t marry Greer. But you didn’t come and you left me feeling a fool, watching you and Greer get married. It was my heart that was broken.’
He smiled a gentle smile and put his hand to her cheek. ‘I knew you still loved me.’
She pulled away from him. ‘I did but I don’t now. I love Mickey. He’s been good and true and he’s not a coward, like you were that day.’
He sat back in his seat. ‘Well, that’s told me, hasn’t it?’
‘I hope so. Now please take me home.’
He looked regretful. ‘I will take you home as soon as we’ve sorted something out.’
‘What?’
‘In return for me not telling Mickey about you, me and Hal … I want you to be nice to me.’
‘Of course. We’re friends.’
‘Yes, we’re friends, but I’d like us to be close friends. I can be your best friend who keeps your deepest, darkest secret in return for, how shall I put this delicately, being my mistress.’
Loveday’s slap came hard and fast and stung his cheek. ‘You are mad,’ she spat. ‘I would have done anything for you. But you didn’t want that. You wanted your boats, your fancy wife, your fancy life, and now you want my son. Well, it’s too late.’
To her horror, Jesse started to cry and began banging his head on the side window. Loveday was filled with disgust. ‘You made all the moves and all the decisions and left me feeling a fool. Now you’ve got the fucking cheek to cry like a baby. Let me tell you, I love my son, I love my husband. My Mickey is worth ten of you.’
Jesse wiped a string of snot from his nose and turned imploring eyes upon her. ‘Please, Loveday. You don’t know how hard it’s been for me, seeing you and Mickey and Hal together. It breaks my heart.’
‘You don’t know the meaning of heartbreak. Now either get me home or I’ll get out and walk.’
He pulled a clean, pressed handkerchief out of his pocket and blew his nose. ‘Please don’t go.’ He grabbed her hand and looked at her in desperation. ‘Please. I feel like I’m going mad.’ His eyes filled again and he leant towards her and buried his face in her lap. She pushed him away.
‘Stop feeling so sorry for yourself and grow up. Like I’ve had to.’
‘But I killed Grant.’
She looked at him in confusion. ‘What?’
‘I killed Grant. I killed him. He should have had what I’ve got but I took it from him.’
Loveday was in no mood for this. ‘This self-pity is disgusting. You didn’t kill Grant. He died because he was an idiot. Like you are being right now.’
He sat up and wiped his eyes. He looked so forlorn that for a moment Loveday pitied him. ‘Come on. Let’s just go home. Do you want me to drive?’
‘No.’ He shook himself and rubbed a hand over his face. ‘Let’s go.’