CHAPTER THIRTY
Hope told her mother the next day. Soon the book club would arrive, and she wanted to be gone by then, because while singly those women were all nice people, together they were a force of nature she wanted no part of. She’d made her mother promise with a threat of death, that she hadn’t put Hope’s name forward for membership, but her mother hadn’t responded.
“And the child is Paul Newman’s?”
Hope nodded. They were sitting outside in the garden, with iced tea in tall glasses, and the sun warming the flowers, sending a lovely aroma into the air.
“I did not want this for you, Hope. This is what happened to me.”
“But I thought you and my father got married and then had Ryan and me.”
“No, I fell pregnant with Ryan, and your father decided we should marry. After you came along, he realized that living here and family life were not for him, and left.”
“I need to tell you something else now, Mom.”
Her mother listened as she talked about the accusations Casey was making against her. Then asked a few questions. She sighed before getting to her feet and walking away. Minutes later she was back, with a card in her hands.
“I’m an environmental lawyer, Hope. Criminal law is not my strength. This is your father’s card. He sent it to me, and asked me to give one to you and Ryan, in case you needed him. I’ve never done so, but I think if this situation escalates he could help you. He’s a very good criminal lawyer.”
“I don’t want anything to do with a man who didn’t want anything to do with us. Besides, it won’t go that far I’m sure. Cubby will find who’s responsible.”
“Not strictly true, Hope. He paid support, and then when he grew up, he tried to reunite, as I said.”
“I don’t want it.”
“That’s up to you, but he’s the best in his field, and it’s fair to say he owes you.”
“I don’t want that bastard’s help.”
“There is no need to cuss, daughter.”
“Sorry,” Hope mumbled. No one could tell you off like a parent.
“Now, you and the baby are welcome here for as long as you like. I will offer no words of censure on that matter, as there is another life now to consider. But I will add one more thing.”
“What?”
“Paul is a very good man. He will make a fine father.”
Her mother walked away again. Hope’s gaze followed her black-clad back until she had disappeared.
She’d come home in the hopes of finding some peace after her world had imploded, and what she’d found was… what? Craziness, uncertainty. Insanity?
“I need to walk,” Hope said out loud. Getting to her feet, she hurried to her room and pulled on her only other pair of shoes, battered trainers.
“I’m going for a walk, Mom. I’ll be back later after book club.”
“Okay. But remember you need to look after yourself now.”
“Right. Got it, thanks.”
Was her mother actually looking forward to a grandchild? Her reaction had not been what Hope expected, it was fair to say.
Leaving the house, she headed right at the end of the drive. Pulling out her phone, she then looked at the white card in her hand. The silver writing said Jacob M.P. Robertson. Criminal lawyer. Hope felt the ridiculous urge to punch the numbers into her phone. Seconds later, she heard it ringing.
She’d been curious about her father. Who wouldn’t be? But she’d put him out of her head, because he’d walked away from them, and not looked back.
How did Newman feel about not knowing the identity of his birth parents? Had it tugged and pulled at him his entire life?
Her mother had said he was a good man. That had been a surprise, because Hope hadn’t thought her mother thought anyone a good man.
“Robertson.”
“I—ah.”
“Hello?”
“Um… my name is Hope Lawrence.”
The silence on the other end made her nerves climb.
“Hello, Hope Lawrence. I wondered if the day would come when I would hear my daughter’s voice.”
“If you’d wanted to hear it, you should have called.”
“Yes, I should. I was young and foolish, and when I came to my senses and realized that, it was too late.”
“This was a mistake,” Hope said, emotions pulling at her. “I shouldn’t have called you, I don’t know why I did. Goodbye.” She cut the call, then turned off her phone and stuffed it down her bra, as she had no pockets.
Newman ran down the trails. He’d been running an hour, and was heading into town to see Buster. His parents had arrived home early and called to surprise him. He’d then told them about Hope, and that his friends now knew he was adopted. His father had been furious.
“How could you, after everything we’ve done for you?”
“Because my birth should not be a dirty secret that no one knows,” Newman had replied as calmly as he could. “It’s my secret, and I wanted to tell my friends. Who, by the way, think no differently of me now.”
His mother had cried, and hugged him. His father had stormed from the house. Newman wasn’t particularly worried if he never saw him again, and now the air was clear, he had to say he felt good. Free. Almost like he’d been wearing armor and someone had removed it. He’d been filled with restless energy when his parents had gone, so he’d decided to run.
He started down the trail, jumping over roots as he went, picking up speed. He saw Hope at the last minute and tried to stop. Instead he managed to catch her and carried her a few paces until he could stop.
“Are you all right?”
“I think so.” She was breathless.
He didn’t let her go. One hand on her waist, the other a bit higher and touching a breast. He couldn’t seem to make himself move.
“I’m sorry, I just didn’t see you.”
“Me either.”
She looked up at him, one of her hands going to his chest. Their eyes held, neither looking away, and then Newman lowered his head and took her mouth.
It was like igniting a spark. In seconds her hands were on his shoulders, gripping him hard.
“I told my parents,” Newman said as he came up for air.
“Me too. This is wrong… right?”
“Doesn’t feel wrong,” Newman said, slipping a hand under her dress to wrap it around her thigh. She felt warm, and silky. “It’s not like you can get pregnant or anything.”
“I can’t believe you said that.”
Hope’s hands slid up and around his neck as she leaned into him.
“Yes, you can. We’ve always been direct with each other.” He kissed her jaw, sinking his teeth into the ridge and then licking the sting away.
“What if someone comes along?”
He lifted his head and looked left and right. Choosing left, he boosted her up his body and walked off the trail. Once he’d gone far enough, he eased her down, and backed her gently into the trunk of a tree.
“You feeling okay?”
“Yes, more than,” she whispered, wriggling against him, which made Newman’s blood pressure spike. “Kiss me.”
He did, because she had a handful of his hair and was yanking on it. It was explosive, just like it had been that day in her room. His body was hard, his head filled with her scent, which he couldn’t define. It was nothing like the high-priced perfume he was used to. No, this was earthy, and sexy, and he was sure he could identify this woman blind in a lineup of twenty others.
The dress she wore was a man’s shirt, which suited him, as it had buttons down the front. He eased the top few open, and bent to lick a breast. The breath hissed in her throat as her hands raked his scalp.
“Like that, do you?”
“More than I should.”
“You being a good girl and all?” Newman dragged her bra aside with his teeth and then grazed them over her nipple, drawing a deep moan from Hope.
“N-no. This, with you, I’ve never felt this need before.”
“Ditto,” Newman said, opening the rest of the buttons. He touched her through the silk of her panties.
Done talking, he slid his fingers inside and cupped her. Moving them between the wet folds, he then stroked her, making her moan again.
“I really need you inside me now, Newman.”
He kissed her, long and deep, then eased his fingers inside, and she shattered around them.
“Oh” was all she could manage.
“Oh, indeed.”
Stripping off her panties, he turned her to face the tree. “Do what you do best, sweetheart.”
“What’s that?”
“Hug trees.” Newman lowered his shorts, and then gripped her hips. Hope braced her hands on the bark, and he thrust into her from behind.
“Christ, you feel good!”
“So good,” she breathed. “Don’t stop.”
“Just about the dumbest thing you’ve ever said,” Newman gritted out. He could feel the pressure building inside him. He wanted to keep the rhythm slow, and make it last, but he couldn’t, the need was too great. He thrust again and again, and was rewarded with Hope spiraling out of control once more. He followed seconds later. Bracing his hands beside her, he drew in several deep breaths. He fixed his shorts, then eased her off the tree, and leaned against it before pulling her back into his arms. She didn’t resist, and it felt right standing here holding her.
“Why did you decide to tell people now about your birth?”
Newman rested his head on the trunk and thought about that.
“I mean, you kept that a secret for so long, why now?”
“Because it felt like the time was right.”
“Do you feel better for doing it?”
“Yes.” And he did. The dark secret he’d always been harboring no longer had the power over him that it once did. He’d spoken about it, and his friends had accepted it and moved on. Branna had called him last night to tell him she thought it just made him even more special.
“If I’m going to be a dad, I shouldn’t be ashamed of my own birth. What happens when our kid asks me about it? I have to be honest, right?”
“Right.” Hope nodded. “I told my mom today about the baby.”
“How was that for you?” Newman ran a hand down her hair, and the line of her back.
“Okay. She was good about it, actually.”
“Not about to lynch me then?”
“Strangely, no. The weird part came when I told her about the accusations from Casey.”
“Hope, we’ll fight those. The truth will come out.”
“I know, and I hope you’re right. But my mom gave me my dad’s business card, because he’s a criminal lawyer.”
“After all these years, she tells you about him now?”
“To be fair, we never really asked. Ryan and I just decided he didn’t want us, so we didn’t want him. When he tried to make contact, we said no.”
She told him about the conversation.
“And you hung up on him?”
“I did, because I didn’t know what to say.”
“Yeah, I’ve often wondered what I’d say to my real mom and dad if I met them.”
“You want to?”
“Not really, but kind of, if that makes sense?”
She lifted her head and looked up at him.
“You getting enough sleep?” She rolled her eyes. “Okay, sorry, I was just concerned.”
“Don’t be. I’m strong.”
“You and the saint filming again today?”
“What is your problem with John? Seriously, the man is a nice guy.”
“Sure he is, and he looks at you like he wants to know you better than he should,” Newman said.
“No, he doesn’t. Besides, him and Ingrid are a thing.”
“Ingrid being?” Newman sifted her hair through his fingers. It was like silk.
“One of the girls who works with him.”
“That is pleasing to hear. Now I won’t have to blacken both his eyes.”
She snuffled into his chest.
“Ethan is flying us to Buchanan land later. John found Redwoods there that he says are magnificent.”
“I’m sure they are.” Newman cupped her cheeks and looked down at her. “Marry me, Hope.”
“What?” She looked shocked. He was too, because while he’d thought about marriage, and having Hope and a child in his house, he’d decided to leave that alone for now. The horror on her face told him it would have been better if he’d followed through with that plan.
“I just think it’s for the best, Hope, surely you can see that?” Newman scrambled to regain the ground he’d just lost.
“No, it’s not!” She pulled out of his arms and away from him. “I can’t believe you asked me. I mean, we don’t even like each other. We couldn’t live in the same house and expect to have a happy environment to raise a child.”
“Sure we could,” Newman said, sounding lame, even to his own ears. “And I like you.”
“Idiot,” she snapped. Then she was walking away from him. He followed at a safe distance, because she was right. He had been an idiot to bring it up then, but now he had, he wasn’t backing down. The subject would be revisited sometime soon.