Chapter 5

I didn’t think it was possible to cry from sheer exhaustion. 

It was.

Alarming four other people who gawked at me in the elevator as I started sniffling in the corner, I got out a few floors short and walked up the emergency stairs. 

Bag hanging from one hand, I emerged on my floor, dabbing at my swollen eyes with a damp napkin.

Someone stood by my room. 

It was Julian. 

Ignoring the pang of disappointment that it wasn’t Nobuki, I paused, unsure of my next move. 

Julian hadn’t seen me. His head was down, and he was leaning against the wall, hands in his pockets. 

I didn’t want him to see me like this. 

I didn’t want his pity, didn’t want his consolation. 

I just wanted to be alone and maybe even cry myself to sleep. 

I hadn’t wept like this since I was in grade school. Surely I was way overdue for a good cry. 

But I couldn’t do it if Julian was around. 

Slowly, I attempted to sidle back to the elevators. 

Julian chose that moment to look up and his gaze focused on me. 

“Hey.” He smiled. 

It was soft, gentle, the kind of smile Prince Charming would give to his beloved princess. 

Why can’t Nobuki ever look at me like that?

“Hi,” I hiccupped.

He pushed off the wall, hands still in his pockets. “Sorry if I just showed up. I was worried about you.”

I was glad for the relatively dim lighting in the hallway. If he saw my swollen eyes and started being even nicer, I didn’t think I could stand it. “You’re a nice person, Julian.”

Why can’t Nobuki be more like you?

But I couldn’t bring myself to ask that. 

“How do you feel?”

“Tired,” I replied. “But I’m sure you know that already.”

“No way. You look as fresh as a spring daisy,” he said with a straight face.

I felt a smile tug at my lips. “I should get cleaned up. I look like hell.”

He stared at the tissue clenched in my hand and then his gaze swiveled to my face. 

To my eyes. 

“You’ve been crying.”

It wasn’t a question. 

“I think it’s just the stress.” The smile wobbled on my lips. “I don’t think I’ve ever worked this hard.”

He tsked under his breath. “Anyone ever tell you that you suck at lying?”

I looked away, unable to meet his earnest gaze anymore. “I’m…”

“Hey.”

His hand was on my chin, tilting my face up so he could look down at me. 

“I’m okay,” I whispered, unable to call up the will to pull away from him. 

This close to him, to the warmth emanating from him in waves, I felt the nigh-irresistible urge to bask in that heat. 

After dealing with the avalanche otherwise known as Nobuki Miyano, all I wanted was to sit next to Julian’s fire and let him warm me from the inside out. 

“You’re not okay.” His gaze searched my face. “Christ, look at your face. What happened?”

Heat rose in the back of my nose. “Nothing. I’m okay.”

His lips pressed into a thin line. “I saw you with Nobu. You looked upset.” He made a small sound in the back of his throat. “He’s such an asshole. How could he treat you like this? You’re crying because of him, aren’t you?”

I sniffed. Crap. 

“The longer we talk about this, the worse I feel. Can we please just talk about something else?” I managed to whisper, moisture coming back to my eyes, no matter how badly I wished the tears away. 

Julian made a sound low in his throat. “Rika, don’t.”

I sniffled again and my vision blurred. 

Uh-oh. 

No going back. 

“I wish he could be more like you,” I choked out as tears spilled down my cheeks. “Why is he so cold? I wish…I wish I didn’t feel…”

I thought I couldn’t cry like this anymore. 

God, this was painful. 

Julian brushed his thumbs across my cheeks, pushing the tears away. “Don’t cry. Don’t cry like that.”

His words made the tears come faster, harder. 

“I’m sorry. I don’t want you to see me like this.” I put my hands on his chest, trying to get some space between us. 

His kindness, his gentleness was pulling at the strings around my heart, making me feel things I shouldn’t even be thinking about. 

One large hand circled the back of my head, and he put his other arm around my shoulder, pressing me against him. 

And I couldn’t fight it. 

No. 

I didn’t want to fight it. 

Without even thinking about it, I put my arms under his, fingers clenched deep into his shirt, and cried. 

I cried because I was tired. 

Tired of everything. 

My tears wet his shoulder in seconds, and I was babbling uncontrollably. 

“He hates me,” I muttered, nails digging into Julian’s shirt. “He thinks I’m an idiot and doesn’t respect me. And yet…”

“Hush,” said Julian, smoothing down my hair. “It’ll be okay.” His voice rumbled through me. “He doesn’t hate you. Didn’t I tell you before? If he hated you, he wouldn’t have said anything to you. In his own way, he does care for you.” He paused. “I’m a little jealous of him.”

“And I still think you’re being too nice,” I muttered against his warm chest. 

“Nothing wrong with that, is there?”

Being so close to Julian didn’t feel strange. I was warm, comforted. I hadn’t felt like this since…I couldn’t even remember when. 

So when I had the chance to step back, regain my composure, I didn’t. 

I liked being held. 

“I think I’m okay now,” I said, face still pressed against his shirt.

“Really?” He sighed heavily. “Well, that was over fast. I was enjoying this.”

Embarrassed, I tried to break free, but his arms kept me firmly in place. 

He grinned. “Just kidding.”

“That isn’t funny.” I frowned. 

“No?” He winked and I relaxed just a bit. “But guess what, Rika?”

“What?” I said, still peeved. 

His smile widened. “You’re not crying anymore.”

He was right.

I sniffed and swiped at my nose. “I’m a little embarrassed now.”

He nodded in a satisfied air. “Embarrassment isn’t so bad. We’re human, after all.”

He let me go. 

I ignored the pang of regret as his warmth slowly seeped away from my body. “Crying is such a waste of energy and moisture.”

“Agreed,” said Julian. “Don’t waste your tears on Nobu. Be indignant he doesn’t treat you with the respect you deserve. But no tears. Don’t cry over that bastard.”

He said that in a strangely intense voice that made my heart skip a beat. 

Once again, I was plagued by the same thought that had gone through my head constantly in the last fifteen minutes. 

Why couldn’t Nobuki be like Julian?

More importantly, why didn’t I burn for Julian?

Maybe it was true that women had a fondness for bad boys, in hopes they could change the man into their dream lover. 

But Nobuki wasn’t a bad boy, per se, just a cold-hearted bastard. 

“Have you eaten?” I asked.

He shook his head. “Not yet. I was going to grab something quick before tonight but you look pretty done in. Maybe we should reschedule.”

No way. Maybe this was just the thing to take the blues away. “No. Tonight is good. I can make it. How about I meet you in the lobby at six thirty?”

He eyed me uncertainly. “You sure?” 

I smiled. “I’m sure.”

The corners of his blue eyes crinkled as he made a small salute. “Okay. Hey, Rika?” 

I turned at my door, card already in the slot. “Yes?”

His eyes narrowed. “He’s not worth it.”

My throat tightened. “I know.”

He nodded once. “Good.”

My smile faded as I let myself in and closed the door on Julian’s grim visage. 

He’s not worth it. 

I know. 

I knew it all along. 

Nobuki was an ass, and compared to Julian, he seemed even worse. 

And now Julian, the nicest guy I had met in a while, was interested in me. 

I’d give him a try. 

I’d definitely give him a try. 

After all, what did I have to lose?