Ten
Green Willies
“And then I told him, 'Handsome, if I wanted to get married, I would have done it when Eddie Van Halen asked.'"
“No shit?” Lucy asked, eyes wide in wonder.
“My lips are sealed,” Aunt Jess, laughed.
My current location, again, was Last Call with Lucy, Frank and now my Aunt Jessica or Jess as I call her. She’s my mother’s younger sister and the black sheep of our family. To me, she’s just Jess, the coolest aunt a girl could have had when growing up.
Here’s the thing about Auntie Jess, no one, and I do mean no one would ever put her in the category of, say, elder aunt. At forty-five, she looked middle thirties. She has long, dark auburn hair, big green eyes, and a complexion like a baby's butt, smooth and soft.
Jess has never been married and never had kids, has the figure of a twenty-year-old and the boobs of a woman who’s had plastic surgery. Dressed in faded jeans, western boots, and a tight fitting concert tee from some reunion show in Sturgis. In addition, she’d topped that off with a jeans jacket and trendy scarf. She looked great as always and the men in the bar couldn’t take their eyes off her. Typical Jess—and I loved her dearly.
Jess is a bit of a nomad, she travels around the country with her roadie friends, hanging backstage with aging musicians still trying to hang on to their youth.
My mom, ten years Jess’s senior, was never close with her sister. They’re as opposite as night and day. Mom, being much older, grew up in a time when women wore dresses while doing housework and had dinner waiting when their husband’s arrived home. Aunt Jess grew up during Woodstock and watched my grandmother burn her bra as she demanded equality.
Basically, they had two different mothers who occupied the same body. The result of Gram’s own personal growth and rebellion, was prim and proper Judy Roberts, girlie girl, perfect wife and mother, and Jessica Franklin, women’s libber and eternal hippie. She dressed like she was twenty, partied like she was twenty, and for an awkward girl who preferred books to sports having an aunt who was seriously cool kicked-ass. However, it drove my mother insane. Between my mother’s influence and my aunt, I turned into a girlie girl who loved music and dressed down most of the time. I preferred my jeans and collection of quirky T-shirts to grownup clothes thanks to Jess, and got my work ethic and all things girlie from my mother. My clothes drove my mother nuts, and my dedication to work drove Jess nuts. (She’s tried to get me to go on the road with her for years.)
That being said, I was shocked when Jess showed up at Max’s house. She’d called a week ago and I’d told her I was headed to Alaska to conduct the triannual field study. So, Jess being Jess, she decided she’d pay me a surprise visit. When she arrived in town and asked how to find me, residents of Trails End, of course, pointed her in Maxine’s direction. Upon hearing of my arrest, she’d laughed and then asked Maxine to take her to my location.
When she arrived at Max’s, like a force of nature, she’d taken one look at Thor and proceeded to flirt with him. Then she high-fived me for kneeing Stetson and insisted we go out for drinks to celebrate my incarceration.
Max had been laid back about the whole leaving thing considering where we’d been headed. He’d put the steaks away, said they’d keep for another night and to go spend time with my aunt, right before he’d kissed me goodbye so deeply I’d had second thoughts about leaving.
That brings us to now . . . shots and Aunt Jess.
“What gives with you and the gladiator?” Jess asked as she nudged my shoulder.
“Who Max?” I stalled.
“Spill, pipsqueak.”
“Just a guy who lives here,” I lied again. I wasn’t sure what Max was other than a constant thought in my head.
“Oh, come on, that clinch you were in says otherwise,” Jess laughed.
“Clinch? D.E.T.A.I.L.S woman and hold nothing back,” Lucy demanded.
“That’s my cue to play a game of pool,” Frank sighed.
Some local got up on the stage to sing so we all turned around to watch. I kept sipping my beer hoping Jess would drop the twenty questions. Unfortunately, when the song ended and the applause died down, she slung her arm around me and said, “Time’s up, tell Auntie Jess all about it.”
Per usual, whenever I was around my beloved crazy aunt, I couldn’t help myself, so I spilled to her and Lucy. About the bears, singing drunk, Max carrying me home and flirting with me. Then I told her about Donald, being chased by the killer and falling into the river. Of course, I wasn’t done there, so I told her more about Max, being a decoy for crazy Maxine, kneeing Stetson (just not why), being suspended, the whole pain in my ass or someone more, probably being set up as the killer and the best damn kisses I’d ever had.
“And you’ve been here how many days?
“This makes day four,” Lucy replied.
“Jesus, Mia Bear, I couldn’t be prouder if you were my own daughter.”
As I said, Aunt Jess was crazy.
Lifting my bottle, the three of us clinked them together in a female salute to “being bad when you can and living life to the fullest,” (Jess’s motto, not mine.)
I liked to have fun and I’m no wallflower, but my idea of having a good time didn’t include being arrested for defacing public property or stealing cars to get to a concert.
“You may be proud, but when Mom and Dad get back from their tour of India, I’m sure I’ll get an earful.”
“Then don’t tell them. They don’t need to know every detail of your life, just concentrate on your job,” she advised with a wave of her hand.
“What job? I was suspended, remember? Now I’m stuck here spinning my wheels wondering who has it out for me.”
“Uh, your job to sleep with that gorgeous man and keep him occupied. Forget about the rest. It’ll all work out in the end. Then you can go back home and forget all about this place.”
“Jesus, Jess—” I got out before a loud crash had me looking over my shoulder. Annie was walking away from a recycling bin when I turned around.
I turned back to tell Jess I wasn’t going to sleep with Max as a decoy. That if it happened, and my ability to control myself around him said it was possible, it would be because I wanted him, not to keep him out of Maxine’s hair. When I looked over at Jess to tell her just that, I found her pulling a pen, paper and a pair of glasses out of her purse.
“You finally gave in and bought readers?”
“Yeah, I may not like it, but father time, unfortunately, is catching up with me. Now, if someone is out to get you as you say, let’s make a list of who you know and might have pissed off.”
“Considering our association with Donald that would be the whole town,” Lucy jumped in.
“Ok, that won’t work. Who knew you threw that axe?”
“Um, I don’t know, maybe seventy-five people.”
“So, the killer had to have been in the crowd, then got pissed off when he heard what Donald said and decided to frame you, right?”
“Yeah, that sounds plausible,” I agreed.
“Do you know what evidence they found at the scene? Did you see anything?”
“I told you, the killer came up behind me and I took off, I didn’t see anything other than Donald’s body.”
“Why do we assume it’s a man?” Lucy asked.
“Has to be, a woman wouldn’t have the strength to fight either man,” I told her.
“Yet, the police think it’s you?”
“Stetson thinks it’s me because the killings started when we came to town and the fact they haven’t had a murder in thirty years. Since I found Curly too, he decided it’s me.”
“Then we need to find out what they found at the scene,” Jess responded.
I tried to picture the scene in my head. Was there anything other than Donald’s body and the axe? Then I thought about my escape and subsequent fall into the river and it hit me.
“Wait a minute. Stetson never had me show him where I fell off the ridge.”
“So there could be evidence there?”
“Maybe, I better call him in the morning.”
Frank walked up talking on his phone as we spoke and when he hung up, he smiled and announced, “SIOZ got their lawyers involved and we’ve been cleared to go back to work, Lucy.”
“Thank God, at least we won’t lose five years of research to this mess,” Lucy replied.
“Mia, just a thought,” Jess broke in. “If Stetson has a hard-on for you and there is evidence on the ridge, you need to know what that is. I say we take a look and see what’s what before you call him.”
“I’m not allowed up there, Stetson’s orders, he’d know if I went up with Frank and Lucy.”
“Then we go in under the cover of darkness, say, right now.”
“I’m in,” Lucy immediately responded.
“I’m in too. What are we talking about by the way?” Frank asked.
“I don’t know, Jess. Me, in the dark, climbing the ridge?”
“Loosen up kid have I ever steered you wrong, you’ll be fine.”
“My junior prom dress?”
“You looked hot.”
“That perm?”
“Okay, not my best idea.”
“Nude modeling?”
“Jeez, get over it already. I didn’t know they would use you, I figured hot guys laying on the couch.”
“You modeled in the nude?” Frank whispered a little huskily.
“I’ve blocked it out,” I sighed.
“I’ve just blocked it in,” he grinned.
“Keep it up and I’ll tell your wife you had a dick in your mouth.”
“Really? Do tell.” Jess perked up.
“It was chocolate,” Frank chuckled.
“Mmm, even better, chocolate covered co—”
“Jess!”
“Sorry, sorry. Ok, focus children. I say we grab a flashlight and climb tonight, who’s with me?”
“I’m in,” we all replied because, per usual, when Jess said jump, everyone said how high.
“That was nice of Stetson,” Lucy mumbled as Frank shined the flashlight on the crime scene.
Armed with bear repellent and a flashlight, the climb so far had been uneventful. I’d tripped a few times and we’d made enough noise to keep any animals at bay. Now, having arrived at the crime scene, an eerie quiet settled over the four of us. They may have opened Grizzly Pointe, but they hadn’t taken down the crime scene yet. And seeing the yellow tape coupled with the ghostly quiet, sent shivers down my spine.
“Where did you go from here?” Frank asked as we stared at the blood on the ground.
“I went that direction, straight forward,” I pointed. “Maybe fifty yards or so is the ridge, so be careful,” I explained as we all headed west.
The full moon cast a decent amount of light the closer we moved to the edge and I could hear the water rushing below. I thought back to the moment I broke through the bush and lost my footing, falling, thankfully, into Max’s waiting arms. That, of course, had me thinking back to the “clinch” that we’d been in before Jess arrived. Then I thought about his mouth, his hands, and the way his tongue fought for dominance and won. Everything about him was powerful, dominant, from his body to his personality. I had no experience with men like Max. Most men I knew were pacifists, activists. Compared to them, he was a knuckle-dragging Neanderthal hell bent on ordering me around. The feminist in me should have been offended, but I was attracted to it for some reason. He may be the opposite of every man I’d ever dated, but my Cavewoman seemed to like his bossy ways.
“Does any of this look familiar?” Frank asked, shining the flashlight back and forth.
I tuned back in, and surveyed my surroundings, noting the tree limb I’d gone under in my escape.
“There, I ducked under that limb. In fact, it’s what saved me ‘cause it slowed him down. He had to duck down lower than I did to get under it, giving me time to fall off the edge.”
“If he’s trying to set you up why would he chase you?” Jess asked.
“Maybe he thought I saw him and panicked?”
“You sure you didn’t turn around, maybe catch a peek?” Lucy inquired.
“Positive, on a good day I can’t walk upright. No way was I taking my eyes off the ground when my life depended on being surefooted.”
We moved towards the branch and Frank swept the ground for footprints, looking for anything the killer might have dropped. Say, like a business card that said, “My name is so and so and I killed Donald.”
There was nothing.
The pine needles on the ground covered any tracks he might have left behind so we moved past the limb and stopped in front of the bush I’d pushed through before falling off the ridge. Jess went to move past it and I grabbed her arm.
“You’ll fall if you go any further,” I told her.
Jess turned back to Frank and stuck out her hand for the flashlight. He handed it to her and she pushed back the side of the bush and shined the light on the edge.
“Mia Bear, how did you manage to fall?”
At her question, I looked over her shoulder and found that the edge of the ridge was not a foot or two from the bush but more like ten feet. Shit, that’s what I get for keeping my eyes to the ground.
I’d run straight off the edge.
“Ha, for once my vertical challenges saved my life.”
After scanning the rocky edge for any evidence, we all turned back the way we’d come. It was clear it had been a waste of time coming up here, but I suppose there were worse ways to spend an evening, like in jail for instance. I’ll admit I’d had a small glimmer of hope that we’d find something to put it on someone besides me. So, with each step we took I became more pissed off at my situation. With my job on the line yet I couldn’t leave to smooth things over, I’d never been this off balance in my life. No wonder a man like Max was getting to me. I was floating in a sea of failure and his strong shoulders were holding me up.
“Wait, shine a light on that limb again,” Lucy shouted.
Jess moved the light back and started at the end. She made her way down, until sure enough, the color red appeared.
“Is that blood?” I asked hopefully.
“I don’t think so,” Frank replied walking forward.
Jess kept the light trained on the branch as Frank reached out and pulled the object o.
“What is it?” Lucy asked.
“Guys, I think we’ve got something,” Frank announced. He raised his hand and was holding what appeared to be a small scrap of red and black checked flannel.
“Is that from a flannel shirt?” Jess asked excited.
‘Yep,” Frank answered.
I snatched the cloth from him, saw it was red and black checked flannel, and then lost it.
“This is great,” I laughed, “You’re telling me the only clue to the killer and my freedom is a red and black flannel shirt, in a lumberjack town, with possibly fifteen hundred men? This is great, now all we have to do is figure out is which one wears,” and I held up the scrap “black and red flannel. Oh, my God, I’m so screwed.”
Pushing past, needing to have a good old fashioned meltdown, I ducked under the limb hell bent on leaving. I don’t know what I thought I would find up here, but the hilarity of my life at this moment had me on edge. I was so on edge that if the killer walked out of the shadows right now I’d knee him in the nuts and ask questions later.
The beam from the flashlight jumped around casting the forest with light as Jess, Frank, and Lucy followed me. Quietly, I might add. They kept their distance, giving me space to calm down, as I mumbled and cursed down that path. Soon the light dimmed a bit so I stopped and looked back at Frank.
“Is the flashlight running out of juice?”
“Yeah, let me change out the batteries,” he answered, pulling his pack off his back. While he dug around for the batteries, Jess opened her purse and produced a can of beer.
“You got another?” I asked, not giving a shit if drinking while hiking down the path was a good idea.
Handing me her unopened can I popped the top taking a deep pull. As I handed it back I heard Frank whisper, “Shit, I pulled the batteries out of my pack.”
“Um, we can’t see to get back down without a flashlight,” I pointed out so Lucy pulled her pack from her back and started digging.
“I, uh, found a light source,” she chuckled.
“Pull it out we need to get moving,” Frank replied.
When she started laughing, I thought it was odd until the light emanated from her pack and I heard the distinct sound of vibration.
“Green Willie,” I shouted and dropped my own pack.
When Maxine had given them to us our packs, which serve as a purse as well, were in the living room and we’d thrown them inside to finish decorating. I had mine in a side pocket so I pulled it out and turned it on.
Lucy and I both held them up and they surprisingly put out enough light so we could see.
“Mia Bear, you’ve surprised me at every turn tonight,” Jess laughed as we turned and hiked down the ridge.
“You act as if I’ve never done anything wild.”
“Staying out past your curfew in high school does not count as wild.”
“Can I just say that I’m feeling a little emasculated right about now,” Frank complained, “there’s just something wrong about green glowing dicks lighting the way.”
“Ha, best use I’ve had for one my whole life,” I shouted over my shoulder.
Then, not paying attention, I slammed head first into a very large, very firm body as Jess laughed, “Look out.”
I took a step back, saw a large chest, dressed in flannel, and then my eyes traveled up until I saw green eyes looking down on me. He looked pissed so I stuttered, “Fancy meeting you out here.”
Max grabbed my wrist holding the Green Willie, looked at it, and then sighed.
“You wanna explain what the hell you’re doing out here in the middle of the night?”
No, no I did not, so I bit my lip.
When I didn’t answer, he looked at Lucy and she just smiled. Then Frank cleared his throat so Max looked to Jess.
“I wanted to see where the body was found,” she lied rather convincingly.
She’d always had a gift with fibs, could make anyone believe her and that sucked because I couldn’t lie to save my life. Until now, that is . . . he didn’t buy her lie.
Max narrowed his eyes and then looked back at me and asked, “Did Maxine send you up here to do her dirty work?”
“No, we were—”
“There’s a killer runnin’ loose and you and your friends are out in the middle of the fuckin’ night playin’ detective,” he bit out. Then, for some odd reason, growled, “I should tan your hide.”
“Oh, I like this one, Mia Bear.”
“Excuse me?” I hissed.
“I don’t know what she’s got you doin’ but this ends now, you hear me? No more runnin’ around the woods in the fuckin’ dark. No more runnin’ around lookin’ for a fuckin’ killer at all, are we clear?”
“Oh, we’re crystal clear, Thor. You man, me frail woman. Beat your chest as much as you want bucko, but don’t you ever tell me what I can and can’t do,” I spit out and then moved around him with my green dick held high.
This man has a serious bossy complex!
One second I was marching downhill, the next I was up and over his shoulder.
“Pain in my fuckin’ ass,” he announced as he kept trudging down the trail.
“Put me down,” I ordered.
“Nope, that little stunt just moved you straight from questionable to possible, now we’re gonna find out how possible.”
“Possible what?”
“Possible long term pain in my ass.”
“I don’t wanna be a possible anything with you,” I cried out, because honestly, this was beyond the pale. Hauling me around the forest in the middle of the night, ordering me around as if I were a child, a few days ago, he’d been flirty, now he’s just bossy, no thank you!
“Considerin’ you’re in the forest in the middle of the night, using a green cock, no less, to light your way. I’m thinkin’ you don’t have enough sense to know what you want.”
That made sense and it pissed me off, but I don’t care. As of right now I’m done being ordered around by Stetson, SIOZ, and most certainly Thor, God of Thunder!
“Fine, you want to talk so you can see we’re incompatible, then we’ll talk, at your mother's, not your house,” I snapped.
“Oh, there’ll be talkin’ all right and fair bit of you screamin’ my fuckin’ name.”
“Oh, no . . . no, no, no, NO! I’ll never get Naked Max out of my head, Wet Max was bad enough.”
“Wet Max? What the fuck are you talkin’ about?”
“You, wet, splashing water at the lake, I’ve had that in my head for three days. I’ll never get Naked Max out of my head, put me down,” I shouted and pounded his back.
“Well, “Mad Max” doesn’t give a fuck,” he growled, “no fuckin’ way am I lettin’ you wander around the forest with a killer on the loose. And no fuckin’ way am I lettin’ you leave until we know for sure.”
“I can already answer that Max we’d drive each other nuts. You’ll order me around and I won’t listen.”
He stopped then, put me on my feet with a jarring thud, and leaned in. The glow from the Green Willie made his green eyes more vivid, angrier somehow. Then his eyes softened as he looked at me and he cupped my face with both hands.
“Thirty–three years I’ve lived on this mountain and not once in that time has woman pissed me off or turned me on more. When you asked Stetson if you could go home, the first thought in my head had been “No fuckin’ way.” I knew then I was just like my dad. You’re not gonna push me away because you’re scared of whatever the fuck it is you think about me, do you hear me? While you’re here, we're gonna ride this until we fall off battered and bruised or hold on tight ‘cause it’s what we both want,” he ordered.
He had me at “turned me on more.” Therefore, I grabbed his neck, pulled him down so my lips were on his and whispered, “Anyway I can see Wet Max and Naked Max at the same time?”
“Christ, you drive me mad,” he whispered back and then kissed me—thoroughly, I might add.
Then, up I went, over his shoulder, and down the ridge he climbed. All while I made room for Naked Max in my mind. He wanted to see if we were compatible, fine. I suppose I could muddle through sex with him one time to find out. Sometimes a girl just has to sacrifice for the greater good! The greater good being, proving to Max we wouldn’t work. Yes, I know I should stand my ground, but I think I’ve mentioned more than once that he’s Thor, God of Thunder. What woman in their right mind wouldn’t be tempted?