I hear the door open out front but Beth is already on her way toward the front so I don't have an excuse to make an escape.

The book was actually quite good and a few weeks ago I was dying to get a chance to sit in with the book club ladies so I could give them my thoughts and make the recommendation for their list.

Unfortunately, today is the day the ladies are here, but today is also the day that I realized that I want Nathan back.

Today is also the day that I have to come to terms with the fact that I fucked everything up.

So sitting in the reading room with a cup of tea and a copy of a mystery that I read over a month ago, trying to give a review that's likely to convince them to order 30 copies of a book I can only get new, is not going well today.

Especially trying to do it all while not breaking down in tears.

So I stammer through my review, stopping to sip from my tea cup whenever I feel like I might start crying.

I think the ladies are onto me though.

There was no way I could keep my impending engagement a secret and at the time, I didn't want to. They've been mostly quiet about it since I finally gave Beth permission to let them know I'd called it off.

Right now I can see Letty and Elizabeth exchanging a glance and I'm pretty sure it's about me.

"So anyway, um, it was a good book," I turn the paperback over in my hands and hold it up so everyone can get a look at the cover, "so, um, if you want me to order copies for everyone just, um, let me know, OK? Great!" I finish my speech quickly and jump up, hoping to get out before anyone decides to ask me if I'm OK.

Of course, the women in the room have broken into a series of hushed conversations as I snatch up my tea cup and my paperback and make a mad dash for the door with my eyes firmly on my feet.

Book club ladies are like wild animals, making eye contact only provokes them.

Which is how I run into whoever Bethany went out to greet a moment ago when I heard the bells on the front door jingle.

The shoes are decidedly masculine. Tan, suede work boots that have seen their fair share of real dirt, and worn, blue denim scrunched over the tops of the boots.

"Sorry," I mumble as I bounce off the wall of solid muscle that undoubtedly is associated with the boots.

Only a few of the book club ladies are married, and I rarely see husbands here in the store, but a few do date and I guess it's possible that the deep voice that grunts when I walk into him is here to meet Susan or Connie for lunch after the club meeting.

So I'm taken completely off guard when the grunt and the muscle and the boots include a pair of strong hands that wrap around my upper arms as if they belong there.

And before recognition dawns, I'm aware that the room behind me has gone silent. In the eternity that it takes for me to raise my head and look into the face of the wall I just hit, my only thought is what would make 23 middle-aged women stop talking all at once?

Nathan looks down at me from warm, brown eyes that crinkle a little at the corners as he gives me a cautious smile that says he's happy to see me and worried that I don't feel the same way.

"Why are you here?"

As soon as the words tumble out of my mouth I regret them. I'm so happy to see him, the last thing I want is to do or say something that will make him leave.

"I mean, uh..." Apparently my stammering isn't reserved for book reviews today.

"Raven called me." Nathan's eyes sparkle and the crinkles deepen. He isn't exactly grinning, but it's close.

That's when I notice Helen standing behind him, still on the other side of the doorway that Nathan's large frame is blocking.

I shoot a look at the elderly woman grinning like the Cheshire cat behind Nathan's back. Helen puts up her hands and shakes her head, indicating that she had nothing to do with it.

I have a hard time believing that and I'm about to say so when Bethany clears her throat with a nervous cough, looking incredibly guilty from where she's practically hiding next to the wall beside Helen.

"Raven called me," Nathan starts again, this time his handsome features are full of grin, "because she got a call from someone who said that a certain meddling neighbor of mine had shown up down here."

" 'Someone?' " I crane my neck so I can see past Nathan's shoulder and give Bethany a suspicious glare.

Beth blushes, "I just wanted you to get your happy ending," she says apologetically.

My happy ending. Of course that's what Beth was thinking. She's so sweet. And naive-- thinking it would be as easy as calling the match-maker to relay an overheard conversation.

Just because I realized that I was about to walk away from a good thing doesn't mean my good thing is willing to let me turn around and walk right back into his arms.

Except...maybe?

I look down at the strong hands that have loosened their grip from my upper arms and moved down to a casual hold near my elbows. He's holding me gently, not letting go, still staring at me intensely as if he's waiting for something.

I open my mouth to speak. I want to tell him I'm sorry. I want to explain why I called it off, why I thought I shouldn't go through with marrying him, I want to tell him I changed my mind and I desperately want him to understand.

No sound makes its way out of my mouth. There just aren't words that are powerful enough to undo the level of damage I've inflicted here.

Hoping that Nathan is here to give me another chance is foolish; the sort of naive fantasy that Bethany believes in.

I know better.

This is real life.

I look up at Nathan through eyes that are fogged with threatening tears and prepare for the inevitable good bye that I'm sure is coming along with the speech I deserve about what a bitch I turned out to be.

Nathan's hands drop from my arms and he shoves them in his pockets as he takes a step away from me. Putting space between us that I wished he had closed instead.

The gesture tears my heart into pieces as it forces me to accept my true feelings for the man.

I love him.

I love him and I want to spend the rest of our lives together.

And I'm not going to get that now.

Because I got scared.

The ladies behind me are still silent. Helen and Beth are statue still behind Nathan.

It's all I can do to stand here waiting for whatever he came to tell me but I deserve it. He should have a chance to say whatever he needs to say. We both deserve the closure.

I'm still steeled for an angry tirade when Nathan pulls his hands from his pockets. For an instant, I think he must have dropped something when he's suddenly on his knee at my feet.

23 middle aged women gasp behind me.

1 teenager's hands fly over her face as she watches over Nathan's shoulder.

1 old woman settles back on her hip and crosses her arms with a wry smile.

1 30-something widow stares in disbelief at the ring in the velvet box that's being held up to her.

"Raven said you changed your mind," he tells me.