“You really think that trekking into the middle of the jungle is a good idea?”

Dean looked up from the table strewn with papers. After asking Silun to come visit him, when he got a chance, Dean had busied himself pouring over everything he had. Even with plenty of skilled people coming, he wanted to be absolutely sure his findings were accurate. He had been confident enough that he was right to bring it before Samuel, but he had to have a better plan in mind than the one he’d had when they set off to find the shamans.

“Everything here points to that being the best place to look. Like I told everyone else, those crystals have to go and this is the best place to start to find out how.”

Silun shuddered. “I don’t want to think of what it would be like if someone else was using even one of those crystals. Wouldn’t it require shamans of power, though?”

“Do you think that’s the only way to power up the crystals?” Dean asked, genuinely interested to know Silun’s thoughts on the matter.

Silun chewed his bottom lip as he shook his head. “No. I don’t have any real reason to think it, but anything that evil probably has more than one way to work. Nothing is ever easy for the good guys.”

Dean thought about that for a moment, turning in his chair to face Silun. “When you were around the crystal Damian had, what did you feel from it?”

“Feel? It felt like death, darkness. It was like…I don’t know, like something was eating at me from the inside. I wanted to run away from it, but it was as though being near it made me so cold I couldn’t move. Freakiest thing.”

Dean mulled that over, finding that it about matched his own memory. It was the same feeling he had when he’d sensed the dark power within Nox, or close to it anyway. If he were honest, there had been something different about the crystal’s power. It had felt darker and even more twisted when it had come from Nox. He didn’t know if it was his own perception or Nox altering his memory, but he would swear it was somehow worse coming from Nox. It was no less terrifying when the power came directly from the crystal, but he remembered it feeling almost less…corrupted.

“You’re doing that zoning out thing again.”

“Oh, sorry,” Dean apologized, smiling a little sheepishly.

“It’s all good, it wasn’t the bad kind. You just looked like you were on a whole different planet.”

Dean chuckled. “I do that when I’m thinking hard about something that’s caught my interest. I even did it as a kid.”

Silun shrugged. “I talked a lot. Couldn’t get me to shut up.”

Dean remembered Dante griping about Silun being overly chatty. “Somehow I think that hasn’t really changed much.”

Silun stuck his tongue out, looking more his age than he normally did. “Yeah, yeah. But hey, how are you planning on getting out there?”

“Apollo apparently knows a way to get plane tickets really cheap. He made it sound super cheap, cheaper than you should be able to. Don’t know how he managed that, because he only smirked at me when I asked. Apollo isn’t really the smirking type, so that was a little weird.”

Silun laughed. “It’s kinda cool to see that he’s got a sense of humor. But if it makes you feel better, a lot of packs nowadays have someone who’s good for that sort of thing. Kinda think they trade secrets or something too, because they’re all pretty good at it. Probably means he’s got the whole passport thing taken care of, too.”

Dean straightened at that, glancing down at the spread of notes he had been making. “Oh hell. I completely forgot about passports, including my own.”

“Apollo seems like the kind of guy to ask if he thought he needed to. Probably taking care of yours for you. Don’t know if that makes him really helpful, or if it’s just part of that sneaky thing he does.”

“Bit of both, I think.”

“You and Mikael still not talking to each other?”

Dean squinted at Silun. “What do you mean?”

Silun rolled his eyes. “You guys haven’t made deliberate eye contact since you got those pages from Damian’s journal. I mean it’s pretty obvious you guys aren’t getting along right now.”

“We’re fine,” Dean replied, looking back to the table.

“Not what I asked. I didn’t think you guys were gonna break up or…whatever mates do when they stop being together. I might not have been in a relationship before, but even I know people fight.”

“All wise in the ways of the world?” Dean asked sarcastically.

“Wow, cranky much? Sorry I asked.”

He sighed, immediately regretting his attitude. “Sorry. No, you’re right. We’re not talking very much right now. He’s not happy with me because I’m trying to do this and I’m not happy because he keeps treating me like I might break at any minute. You know, like you insinuated, even my damn neighbors acted like that.”

“Hey, hold on a second. I didn’t mean to give you that impression, dude. It’s not like I think you’re going to crack or something. And I’m betting Mikael doesn’t think that either. We’re just worried about you, Dean. A lot of stuff has happened to you, but it doesn’t make you weak or whatever. Just means you’re a person who’s been through some rough stuff.”

“It’s not like you were having a picnic,” Dean pointed out, his annoyance returning.

“Yeah, thanks for reminding me. But you know what? I’ve been talking about it, trying to get past it. You’ve just been ignoring it and hoping it will go away.”

Dean wanted to argue with him, but even as irritated as he was, he couldn’t bring himself to do much more than glare at Silun. From what he knew, Silun really had been trying to get over everything that happened to him, confiding in Dante of all people. That, and Dean actually hadn’t been doing anything of the sort. Silun had hit the nail on the head about Dean trying to avoid it until it went away, but Dean’s pride refused to allow him to admit it.

“Anyway, my relationship or mental health isn’t why I asked you to come visit.”

Silun looked like he was about to argue before clicking his tongue. “Okay, then why did you ask me to come visit you?”

Dean took a deep breath, shifting the page about a spirit guide into view. “Our little group isn’t complete.”

“What? You need more than the best tracker, scout, and fighter you guys have?”

Dean fidgeted with the page, struck by nerves all of a sudden as he went on to explain. “Damian’s notes…on Nox’s notes, describe how Nox needed a guide to get to the temple. A spirit guide.”

Silun leaned back, eyes tracking all over the room as he spoke. “That’s right. Nox was a shaman, wasn’t he?”

“Yeah, he was. Apparently they could only get so far into the jungle without help. Nox found himself a spirit and used it as a guide. I’m betting any shaman could do it and without having to bully them like I’m sure he did.”

Silun shook his head. “I know what you’re asking, but I’m not a shaman, Dean.”

“You’re not officially a full-fledged shaman, but you can talk to spirits. That’s all that’s needed for this to work.”

Silun looked down at his lap. “I don’t know, Dean.”

“That’s why I’m asking you, instead of telling. I’m not going to try to make or convince you to do this. I might not have said it yet, but I’m not going to sit around and pretend there’s no danger in this trip. We’re going out into the middle of nowhere, in an environment none of us really know anything about. We’re looking for some hidden temple that Nox described as having angry natives nearby. There’s a huge chance of something going wrong and for something really bad to happen.”

Silun looked up, a small smile on his face. “You really know how to sell it, you know that?”

“I’m not trying to sell it. I’m telling you the truth. I think you’re able to make your own decision on this. Which is kind of why I waited till after I pretty much told you everything before I brought it up. I didn’t want you to be weighing everything up in your mind instead of taking everything in.”

“Know me that well, already?”

Dean shrugged. “You take a lot of stuff onto your shoulders really easily. I didn’t want you to listen to every piece of info and think that each one was an argument for why you should or shouldn’t go. You’ve already made your mind up on what you think about what we’re doing, otherwise you would have argued with me. Now I’m asking if you want to be a part of it.”

“No pressure or anything.”

“I’m not going to say there isn’t, because it’s going to feel like a big decision no matter what I say now. But, it’s not going to matter what you say Silun. I’ll respect your decision and none of us are going to think badly of you if you don’t want to do this. You’ve had enough danger in your life. It’s not a bad thing if you don’t want to throw yourself into another situation so easily.”

“None of you, huh?”

Dean eyed him suspiciously. “And don’t go making this decision based on what you think Dante might think or say either.”

“If I do that, I have to go and take responsibility for whatever I choose.”

That made Dean smile. “Welcome to being all grown up.”

Silun picked up a pillow from the couch and threw it at Dean. “Anyone ever told you you’re a brat?”

Dean caught it with a laugh. “More than you think, or maybe not.”

“I’m scared. Not of what could happen, but of what I might do.”

The abrupt change of tone to one of guilt had Dean leaving his chair to move closer to Silun. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Silun looked hopelessly at him. “Oh, come on Dean. When we were in that room, I didn’t do anything when you and Apollo were under attack. I just hid and tried to get the shamans unstrapped. Couldn’t even do that right.”

“That’s exactly where I wanted you to be, out of the fray.”

Silun huffed “So what? It’s okay for you to be in the thick of things, but not me?”

Dean shook his head. “You had spent months locked in a dark cell. If you tried to help, you would have just gotten hurt. But you’re forgetting the part where you forgot all about being weak and tired. You know, the part where you kept up with us as we escaped. Even helping me with Apollo when he was hurt. Then there was the part where you shouted down a certain grumpy werewolf that you’re crushing on.”

Silun blushed at the reminder. “Was kind of hoping you wouldn’t remember that.”

“What? Watching you yell at Dante so he would behave? Never.”

“He still hasn’t let me live that down, you know.”

Dean snorted. “Let’s remember that my first interaction with him resulted in him being scarred for life. I think if he can get over that with good grace, he can get over the fact that you raised your voice at him. Honestly? I don’t think he really respects someone unless they stand up to him.”

“That…sounds like him.”

“But that’s my point Silun. You’re not weak or a coward. You can’t beat yourself up just because you stayed out of harm’s way when everything hit the fan. You’re tougher than you give yourself credit for.”

Silun gave Dean a little smirk. “You sound like Dante now.”

“He give you the same speech?”

“Yeah, just with more swearing. And a lot of hand gestures.”

Dean reached out and squeezed Silun’s arm with a snicker. “Sounds like him.”

Silun patted Dean’s hand, nodding. “It does. But I’ll make you a deal.”

“A deal?”

“If I promise to try and stop coming down too hard on myself, you’ll try to stop pretending like you’re not hurting. You know, actually talk to someone. I’d suggest Mikael, but anyone will do.”

Dean frowned, not liking the sudden boxed-in feeling that Silun’s proposal gave him. If he refused, he would essentially be telling Silun not to help himself. If he agreed and didn’t at least make an attempt, he would be a hypocrite. There was no way around Silun’s deal without both agreeing to and actually making a genuine attempt to follow through. Silun had him nicely pinned and the impish gleam in his eyes told Dean he knew it, too.

“You’re a little cheater, you know that right?”

“Yes sir.”

Dean grunted, his only show of annoyance. “Fine, deal.”

“Sweet!” Silun proclaimed as he stood up and walked to the front door. “So, when are we leaving?”

Dean twisted to look over the back of the couch at Silun, surprise written all over his face. “Wait, you want to go?”

Silun shrugged. “Consider it me trying to do something outside my comfort zone. To prove that I’m not some wimp.”

“Uh, that wasn’t really what I meant when I said all that.”

“Okay, but it’s true. How about I owe you guys something besides what I’ve done here? Or maybe I’m worried about what kind of medical treatment you guys might get if one of you is hurt and I’m not there. I’ve seen what kind of first aid you guys do and it’s not pretty. The idea that I’d like to keep an eye on Dante, even if it is because of a stupid crush? All of those are genuine answers I could give, and they’d all be right. Does it matter why I do it, if I believe that it’s the right thing to do?”

Before Dean could respond, Silun walked out with a little wave. It seemed oddly quiet in the moments after he left. The shaman in training had left him to think long and hard. Not about the next big adventure that Dean had laid out for them, or how to prepare for it. Instead, he sat on the couch, wondering how someone Silun’s age seemed to have more sense and wisdom than he did.