Chapter 3
Grayce
I did not want to talk to Mommy Dearest. She wasn’t dearest in any way, but I had called her that since she had married husband number two, Leo, a pretentious ass. Money and mistresses. Turned out he’d needed to marry to get his trust fund when he turned forty. He was a regular at Mom’s hair salon. He married her and within two weeks, he was carousing, out on the town once his money came in.
Husband number three was Doug. They met when a friend introduced them. He was an interesting guy, with his cardigans and pipe, but he had always been kind to my mom and it was what she needed. I was glad for her sake that he was still around.
I walked out to my car, getting my keys out of my purse and balancing the phone on my shoulder. Carter had been a shoulder for her to cry on when it went belly up with Leo and he was able to get her a good divorce attorney, which had left my mom a wealthy woman. Now she loved, loved, loved my ex. Dad’s probably doing flips in his grave, I thought.
“Kiss, kiss, sweetie,” Mom said.
“Hi, Mom,” I replied.
“What is this I hear from Carter that you’re not returning his calls?” she asked.
“That’s right.” The phone call started to go through the speakers as I started the car.
“Are you driving?” she asked.
“Yes, I’m going to look at an apartment in Astoria.”
“It’s not very hip.” My mother had decided she was an authority on all things cool, apparently.
“Mom, you live in Stony Brook, with Doug.”
He was really a nice guy, a computer professor who worked at Stony Brook University. He made her happy. He was similar to Dad and he really loved my mom but let her know where he stood when it came to money. Stony Brook was a nice, family-oriented area with many computer companies nearby. Mom fit right in with them and had my sister’s and brother’s kids to keep her company. It didn’t stop her from asking, on a regular basis, when Carter and I would have kids.
“You should move back in with Carter. It’s just a passing phase for him. Just wait, he’ll come back. He’s a wonderful husband and he’ll be a great father someday,” she implored.
“No, Mom, he wasn’t a great husband, hence the fact we are divorced.”
I didn’t bring up the fact that Carter had every excuse in the book as to why he didn’t want kids. I’d never told anyone but Ella that Carter really didn’t like children.
“You shouldn’t have moved out,” Mom said.
“I came home to him fucking our legal assistant…in our bed. This isn’t news to you. And he told me to leave.”
I heard her sigh on the phone. “He’s just finding himself, dear. Give him some time.”
Un-fucking-believable.
I thought of the guy from the gym who had tried to dry me off. I wondered if he was trying to find himself as well. I shook the thought out of my head as I squirmed in the car seat, a little turned on as I remembered his hands on me, aside from the hot coffee.
“No, I’m looking at an apartment in a few minutes. I gave him six years of my life that I can’t get back. Our marriage actually lasted less than a Botox treatment.”
“Men cheat, sweetie, that’s how it is.” She said it authoritatively, as though it were fact.
“No, they don’t. Dad didn’t cheat, Doug’s not a cheater. Most men are decent. Carter and Leo are not.”
She sucked in her breath. “Don’t speak that vile man’s name to me.” I knew she meant Leo and not Dad.
That headache was making its way back. “Sorry, Mom.”
Dad had seen through Carter. Before I stormed out of that fateful Thanksgiving dinner six years before, he’d taken me to the side, concerned for me. But back then, I could only see the wrapping on the present.
“Baby, I don’t care how good-looking he is, who he knows, or how much money he makes—he’s not good people,” my father had said.
I had grabbed my sweater and coat and dragged Carter out of there.
Dad had been right, though. Blinded by the life Carter lived, a world I knew nothing about, I was distracted by the sparkles, the shiny life he presented, and the disgusting amounts of money he threw at me, even before the first time we slept together. I was a small-town Jersey girl with big dreams to be a corporate lawyer. With scholarships, I had made my way through law school and up through the ranks and into one of the most prestigious law firms in New York, Thomas and Thomas.
When our relationship fell apart, Carter had confessed that he married me because it made his family happy. It wasn’t for love or for the sex, which for the record had been fine, but not awe-inspiring. My mom wouldn’t even let me live with her when I first left Carter, because she wanted us to work things out.
“Listen, I’m almost at the apartment so I’ll give you a call later, okay?” I asked.
“Fine, but don’t sign it just to spite me. Make sure you can afford it. Consider going back to Carter, dear. It would make me happy to see you happy.”
Nothing like pressure.
“Yes, Mom, love you, Mom, pulling up now.”
“Remember we’re having brunch this Sunday at Del Fresco’s.”
“I know. Bye.” I hit the button on the dashboard as soon as I heard her take another breath to say something else.
I parallel parked like a pro and got out. I looked up at the townhouse. Dad was a bricklayer. He would have said this building had good bones. The building had a cute park across the street full of stay-at-home moms swinging their kids. Just looking at this place calmed me down. Spring was beginning to peek through the dreary earth, and there was a little greenery just perking up. I was reminded of all the times I would go with my dad as a kid to watch him work – spring was when business began picking up for him.
The outside of the building was gorgeous and for the first time, I started to doubt that I was worth something so pretty. Pretty was an odd word for a building, but pretty was how it felt.
I had money left from my job and great things going on with my new office, thanks to Mr. Jensen. Maybe I could swing this.
I saw a woman in a pink suit which screamed “leasing agent” on the porch. I walked over to her and she said in a high voice that should only belong to a cartoon character that her name was Jacqueline and she was here to show me the townhouse. She immediately shoved her paperwork at me.
She took me up in the elevator to the third floor and walked to the third door over and unlocked it. It was as beautiful inside as out. Light beige outer walls with cream interior, two bedrooms, a home office. The bathrooms had been redone with a Jacuzzi bathtub in one room and a shower with a bench in the other. Sweet!
The leasing agent took me outside to a nice little hangout area for tenants. The kicker, and the agent knew it as she smiled sideways at me, was a tranquil garden being tended by what I assumed were some of the residents.
As I walked around the rooftop terrace, I felt the stress of the day leave me. Sure, you could never get away from the sound of New York; it was part of the ambiance. Here, though, you could feel a moment to yourself regardless of the bustling of the world around you.
As we walked down to the apartment, I asked about the price, which was a tad bit higher than what I’d seen in the ad.
“The other one was rented this morning shortly after you called. This one is furnished, and these apartments used to be corporate short-term leases, but the company who owned them went a different route and it’s now up for rent.” She tapped her pen on her clipboard and checked her watch. “I do have someone coming in just a few minutes, so I need an answer.”
The best part about having this place was no Noah and Ella, though a part of me hated saying that. It was time to move out. Ella was right. I needed to be on my own and get back that part of me that I’d lost during the six years Carter and I were together. I felt discarded, unwanted, and I hated that feeling and wanted it gone.
The old me spoke up in my head. This was a place I could grow into. I’m a strong and confident lawyer, just like Carter. I can do this on my own.
“Let me take one more walk around.”
I can do it on my own, I said again to my unconfident self. I walked through the apartment and knew it was exactly what I needed to help me start my new life. I wandered through the second bedroom and remembered all the art projects I had loved doing. This would be a nice place to start. I’d abandoned art when I went to law school and it was always more of a hobby than anything else, but it would be a great pastime to help me relax. Maybe a reading room for those suspense stories I love, I mused. I thought of all the things that I could do, activities which didn’t include anybody but me. No men, no roommates, no babysitting. Just me.
I finished walking through the apartment and back to the agent.
“I'll take it,” I said, and sat down to fill out the application. The hefty check almost didn’t leave my hand, it felt so heavy. It could have sustained my spanking new law practice for six months on what I had doled out.
The leasing agent gave me the keys and let herself out.
I went to the windows and threw open the curtains. The windows looked out over the park outside. Nothing was going to ruin this day. For the first time in six months, I felt in control.